by T. J. Kline
“Sydney.”
“Goodbye, Scott.” She looked down at him and a tear slipped down her cheek. “I love you, whether you believe in it or not.”
SCOTT WATCHED AS Sydney kicked the mare into a gallop and rode away. He wanted to follow her, to make her see that he couldn’t lose her, but his pride held him fast. He had given her all he could. He had searched her out, tried to explain, but she had chosen to walk out of his life. Scott looked at Noble tied to the side of the horse trailer and led him into the barn, tossing him alfalfa before grabbing his clothes from the truck.
He’d barely arrived home when he’d received a call from Mike that they couldn’t find Sydney. He wasn’t sure why he’d thought to look down the path; perhaps it was wishful thinking. But he hated that he was the one causing her pain. He tossed his bag onto the couch and headed for the cool beer he knew was waiting in the refrigerator, momentarily craving something stronger. He twisted off the bottle cap and tossed it into the sink, watching it slip down the drain.
“Just like everything else,” he muttered, reaching into the disposal to retrieve the metal.
How was he going to work with her on a daily basis? How was he going to spend weeks on end with her, watching her working with the rest of the crew, watching rodeo contestants flirting with her? He tipped back the beer and drained the bottle. This was why he hadn’t wanted Mike to hire her in the first place, he reminded himself as he reached for another. He took the beer with him, downing half of it as he turned on the shower, searching for a towel.
Tonight I am going to get rip-roaring drunk and not think about her.
Scott knew he was lying to himself but hoped the alcohol could induce amnesia, if only for one night. He polished off the second beer and stepped into the shower, the hot spray coursing over his head and shoulders. He had no idea how long he stood there, trying to let the water wash away the last few months, when he heard his cell phone ring.
He sighed and shut off the water, reaching for the towel and wrapping it around his hips. He reached the phone just as it went to voicemail. He pushed the button to redial his sister when it rang again in his hand.
“Yeah.” He didn’t feel like talking to anyone. The whiskey bottle in the cupboard was calling his name. Only liquor could dull the memories of Sydney’s body against his better than the beer or hot water had.
“Why is Sydney packing?”
“Ask her, Jen.” He pulled the phone from his ear, prepared to hang up.
“Don’t you dare hang up on me, Scott,” she warned.
“Look, I tried to get her to stay.” He pushed the button to transfer her to the speaker on the phone while he dressed in loose jeans.
Down the hall, someone pounded on his front door.
“What the hell?” He carried the phone into the living room with him and saw his brother through the glass in the door. “I explained what happened and she left me.” Scott rolled his eyes and opened the door. “What do you want?”
“What did you say to Sydney?”
“Why don’t the two of you just butt out and let me deal with this?”
“Jen?” Derek asked, jerking his chin at the phone. Scott nodded. “Jen, I’ve got this.”
“Right.” Jen’s sarcasm transferred through the phone. “The same way you always do. I don’t think a fist fight will help anyone right now.”
“Does it matter that I don’t feel like fighting with either of you?”
“I’m not here to fight at all,” Derek said. “I came to talk some sense into you. Sydney loves you. Do you have any idea what you’re walking away from?”
Scott narrowed his eyes at his brother. “Yes, I do. And I didn’t do the walking away. She did.”
“Did you tell her?” Derek noticed that Jen had grown quiet on the phone but hadn’t left the conversation.
“Tell her what?”
“Don’t play dumb, Scott,” Jen piped in. “You have never told her that you love her, have you?”
“She knows.”
Derek shoved Scott backwards, knocking him off guard, and he hit the kitchen counter. “She doesn’t know, you idiot. If she did, she wouldn’t be packing to leave now.”
Scott glared at his brother and reached into the cabinet, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. He didn’t care that the liquor was hot; he poured two fingers worth into the glass, downing it before pouring more. “You guys are ridiculous. I’m glad you and Clay have each other, Jen, but there is no such thing as love. It’s hunger, lust, desire . . . whatever you want to call it and nothing more. Love is for suckers and teenagers.”
“Sydney isn’t Liz, Scott.” Derek looked at his brother with disgust. “The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be.”
“None of this is any of your business.” Scott stood toe-to-toe with his brother, daring him to make a move.
Derek shrugged. “By all means, throw away your chance with her. I’d love to pick up the pieces. I won’t let my stubborn pride get in the way. I’d be thrilled to marry her.”
Scott knew his brother was trying to bait him, but he wasn’t about to take the bait. “She doesn’t love you.”
“And she wouldn’t want you to raise your brother’s child.” Jen’s words were directed at Derek but the blow knocked the wind out of Scott.
“What did you say?” Scott backed into the kitchen counter.
“What?” Derek looked at the phone as if it had grown horns.
“Scott,” Jen pressed. “Go talk to her. Tell her that you love her. We all see it whenever you’re with her, why can’t you? I know you’re afraid to feel vulnerable again, everyone is, but you can’t let her go. Not like this.”
“A baby?” Scott looked to Derek to confirm what Jen said, but he simply shrugged. “Are you sure?”
“No, I’m going to drop that bomb on a hunch. You really are stupid sometimes, Scott.” Jen severed the connection, leaving both brothers staring at one another.
“Mind if I have one of those?” Derek motioned to the drink in Scott’s hand. Scott held the bottle out to him. “Well.” Derek held his glass out toward Scott. “Congrats, bro. I guess I didn’t stand a chance.”
“I can’t talk to her tonight, not like this.” Scott put the glass on the counter. The alcohol was hitting his brain, causing his thinking to become muddled. He made his way to the couch, holding on to the counter for balance before sinking into the warm leather.
“Maybe you should,” Derek suggested. “You might tell her the truth for a change.”
Chapter Twenty
* * *
“MIKE, SEND ME somewhere this weekend.” Sydney knew she couldn’t stay on the ranch with Scott nearby. “I don’t care where.”
Mike was on the porch, playing with an unlit cigarette, watching the sun melt behind the hills. “I can’t. I don’t have anywhere for you to go.” Mike shrugged his broad shoulders. “Scott is heading to Flat Rock, and that’s all we have booked right now. Unless you think you’re ready to talk with him.”
Sydney shook her head. She needed to get away, put some distance between her and Scott without everyone in her ear. “Would you mind if I take this weekend off? Maybe go visit my family.”
Mike squeezed her arm. “I think that’s a great idea.”
She hugged the older man. “Thanks, Mike,” she whispered before hurrying into the house to pack her clothing.
She hadn’t been home since she’d left and the thought of spending some time with her family lifted her spirits. Her heart skipped nervously as she thought about telling her mother and father about their coming grandchild, but she knew deep down that they would be supportive. She grabbed her cell phone and dialed their house number, hoping to catch her mom inside.
“Hello?” Her brother’s voice sounded almost as deep as their father’s, and it took her a second to realize it was Chris.
“Hey! What’s up, baby bro?” She tried to force the cheerfulness into her voice.
“Hey, Syd, whatcha up to?
We just got in from feeding.” She could hear him opening and shutting cupboards and assumed that he was searching for food, as always.
“Mom is gonna kill you if you fill up on junk before dinner.”
Chris laughed. “Naw, I have two hollow legs. You know that,” he teased. “You want to talk with Mom?”
“Actually, I do.” She heard him yell for their mother, and a faint answer in the background.
“She said to hang on a sec. She’s taking off her muddy boots.”
“Okay.” Sydney pressed the button to switch him to speakerphone and tossed the phone onto the bed as she began reaching for clothing, throwing them into her bag. “What’s the latest news on everyone?”
“Well, Chris and his brother have pretty well clinched the number one position for team roping again.”
Sydney smiled. “No surprise there.”
“I know. Did Mom tell you that I finally got my pro-card? I’ll be competing this weekend.”
Sydney’s heart dropped into her stomach and the shirt she was packing slipped onto the bed. “What? Where?”
Please, anywhere but Flat Rock.
“Flat Rock.”
West Hills was the closest rodeo to her parent’s ranch, but Flat Rock wasn’t much farther. It made sense that they would have planned on attending. Why hadn’t she thought of that? Of course they would expect her to go and support her brother, and she would want to, but she would definitely be risking an encounter with Scott. On the other hand, it might give her a chance to just watch him, to be near him, without any expectation. It wouldn’t be easy, but it might be worth it.
“Hellooo? You still there, Syd?”
“What? Yeah, sorry.”
“I asked if you were going to be there, since Findley Brothers is the stock contractor.”
“I was actually taking the weekend off to come visit you guys, but I think Scott is working the rodeo.” She tried to sound nonchalant.
“Cool. Oh, here’s Mom.” She heard him passing the phone. “She says she’s coming home this weekend.”
“You’re coming home?” She heard the surprise in her mother’s voice. “How did you manage to get a weekend off?” She heard something brush the phone and her mother’s voice grow muffled. “Go put some fresh sheets on Sydney’s bed.”
“Ugh, she can make her own bed,” she heard her brother complain in the background. The normal family squabbles made her smile. Going home was definitely what she needed.
SCOTT AND DEREK met Mike in the kitchen as Silvie placed breakfast on the table. The scrambled eggs, sausage, and pancakes drew groans from both men.
“Silvie, I’d love a glass of water and a couple Tylenol,” Derek said sweetly.
“Hard night?” Mike asked, arching a brow at each of the brothers in turn.
Scott held up a hand. It had been a long time since Mike had scolded either of them for drinking. In reality, Scott couldn’t remember a time that Mike had ever scolded him for it. He was fully regretting allowing Derek to stay, since they had polished off the bottle of whiskey. Scott couldn’t remember much of the night other than visions of Sydney playing through his mind.
“Don’t wave your hand at me.” Mike warned. “You are both heading to Flat Rock after breakfast. And they want the new opening. Clay loaded up all the costumes and gear.”
“Crap,” Derek muttered, and Scott wanted to agree. He’d forgotten about the rodeo this weekend. He needed to get himself under control. He’d never been so distracted by a woman that it affected his ability to do his job.
“I need to talk with Sydney.”
Mike shrugged. “You can’t. She’s not here. She left early this morning and won’t be back until Sunday evening.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Could it have something to do with why you are in this condition this morning?”
“Where’d she go, Mike?” Scott glared at Mike as he just shrugged.
“Cut him some slack, Mike. It’s not every day he finds out he’s going to be a dad.” Clay took the water and aspirin from Silvie and tossed them into his mouth, taking a swallow of water.
“She told you?”
Derek choked on the water and it flew from his mouth. He coughed and sputtered, trying to breath.
“You knew?” Scott asked. “And you didn’t tell me? Did everyone know but me?”
“I made a promise to her.”
“No,” Derek managed between coughs. “Jen told him.”
Mike leaned forward and adjusted his sweat-stained cowboy hat on his head. “And what do you intend to do about it now that you know?”
Scott met his gaze, even though the pounding of his head made him want to wince. “I don’t know.”
“Well,” Mike said as he leaned back into the chair again. “I guess you’d better figure it out this weekend.”
Scott glanced at Derek, who simply shrugged. His family had already offered him their advice, but he hadn’t taken it. Now Sydney had left, Mike wasn’t telling him where she’d gone, and he had no clue where to find the answers he needed.
SYDNEY PULLED INTO the driveway before mid-morning. As she pulled Mike’s truck to a stop in front of the house, she could hear the welcoming whinnies of the horses in the front pasture. She stepped out and warm nostalgia washed over her. She watched the geldings prancing to greet her at the fence and she could almost visualize Valentino as a colt doing the same.
Sydney reached into the truck and grabbed her bag. With her arms full, she pushed the pickup door shut with her hip. “I’m fine, Mom.” As she entered the front door, she was greeted by a yellow ball of fur as it slid to a stop at her feet, tripping over itself, barking happily. A little pink tongue lolled out before the puppy yipped again. Sydney headed down the hallway to drop her bag at the foot of her bed before making her way to the kitchen, the puppy following her the entire way, occasionally growling playfully and nipping at the bottom of her pant leg.
“Who’s this little ball of trouble?” she asked, picking up the animal and allowing him to bathe her chin with his tongue.
“That’s Cooper.” Her mother rolled her eyes. “Chris’s girlfriend got him for your brother for an early birthday gift.”
“His birthday isn’t for another two months.” Sydney laughed as the puppy batted a huge paw at her cheek before laying his head on her shoulder. She scratched at his ears.
“Yeah, well, you know young love. It may be over before he even has his birthday.” Her mother finished drying the last bowl and putting it away. “So what’s new? How’s the job going?”
“I love it.” She rubbed her cheek against the puppy’s fuzzy coat, avoiding her mom’s stare.
“Really? Then what are you doing here when Findley Brothers has someone else working the rodeo this weekend in Flat Rock?”
The puppy yawned, giving Sydney a quick whiff of his musky breath, and she smiled. It reminded her of the main reason she had come home: to tell her parents about the baby. She put the puppy into his crate in the kitchen nook and sat down at one of the barstools across from her mother.
“I still love the job, but things have become complicated.”
“You mean Valentino?” Her mother reached over and took her hand. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
A lump formed in her throat, but she was able to press on. “Not just that. You remember Scott Chandler? You met him at the roundup?”
Her mother smiled and arched a brow at her. “How could I forget him? I remember the two of you at the dance too.”
Sydney nodded. “Yeah, well, things sort of progressed from there.”
“But you don’t sound happy about it?” Her mother leaned on the bar and folded her hands.
“I was. I mean . . . I don’t know.” Sydney dropped her forehead into her palms. “I thought he cared about me. He says he does, but it’s just not enough, Mom.”
“You’re in love with him?” Her mother’s voice was soft and sympathetic. Sydney nodded as a tear slipped down her cheek. “And it’s not returne
d?” Sydney shook her head. “Aw, honey.” Her mother came around the bar and surrounded her with her arms, smoothing her hair as her tears fell.
“There’s more.” She pulled away from her mother’s embrace. “Mama, I’m going to have a baby.”
Sydney saw the surprise register in her mother’s eyes, but to her credit, she hid the disappointment Sydney had expected to see. “A baby?” She glanced at Sydney’s stomach. “I’m going to be a grandma? When?”
“I’m only about two months along. But now you see why things are complicated? I haven’t even told Scott yet.”
Her mother cocked her head at her. “Sydney, you have to tell him,” she scolded.
“I know, Mama, and I’m going to. But the last time we talked . . . it just wasn’t the right time.” She shrugged. “I have to go back and quit. I’ll tell him then. I just can’t work side by side with him.”
“Because you still love him, even if he doesn’t reciprocate it.” Her mother finished her thought. Sydney nodded. “But what if he doesn’t want to let you go?”
THE CREW ARRIVED at Flat Rock as the sun was reaching its highest peak. It was blazing hot for early June, and Scott glanced longingly at the river below as he crossed the bridge just before they reached the rodeo grounds. The image of Sydney, wet hair cascading around her in his pool, leaped into his thoughts before he could stop it. God, how he missed her. He’d never realized how often he thought of her until she had left the ranch. Mike still hadn’t given him any indication of what time she would be returning. He kept glancing around, hoping that she would miraculously appear.
So far he’d spent the last twenty-four hours going through the motions, preparing for a spectacular rodeo that he really didn’t care about in the least. The fact that work couldn’t take his mind off of her frustrated him even more. But there was nowhere he could go that wouldn’t remind him of Sydney. Just the thought of her name caused his heart to lurch. He could just picture her the last time he’d seen her beside the pool.
As beautiful as she was, her eyes had lost their fire and he was to blame. How could he have let her leave? She had laid out her heart for him and he’d thrown it back at her. She’d told him that she loved him and he’d rejected her, just as she’d feared. He didn’t understand why he hadn’t just told her he loved her.