by Robin Hobb
From the corner of my eye, I saw Burrich shift, open his mouth to speak, then close it again. Cold dread uncoiled in me. He had seen the bodies of the Forged ones, seen the tracks. He knew I hadn't fought alone against them. It was the only thing that could have made the day worse. I felt as if my heart were suddenly caught in a cold stillness. That Burrich had not spoken of it yet, that he was reserving his accusations for a private time only made it worse.
"FitzChivalry?" Verity called my attention back to him.
I started. "I beg your pardon, my prince."
He laughed, almost, a brief snort. "Enough of `my prince.' Rest assured that I do not expect it of you just now, and neither does Burrich. He and I know each other well enough; he did not `my prince' my brother at moments like this. Recall that he was king's man to my brother. Chivalry drew on his strength, and oftentimes not gently. I am sure Burrich knows that I have used you likewise. And knows also that I rode with your eyes today, at least as far as the top of that ridge. "
I looked to Burrich, who nodded slowly. Neither of us was certain why he was being included here.
"I lost touch with you when you went into a battle frenzy. If I am to use you as I wish, that cannot happen." Verity drummed his fingers lightly on his thighs for a moment, in thought. "The only way I can see for you to learn this thing is to practice it. Burrich. Chivalry once told me that in a tight spot, you were better with an ax than a sword."
Burrich looked startled. Plainly he had not expected Verity to know this about him. He nodded again, slowly. "He used to mock me about it. Said it was a brawler's tool, not a gentleman's weapon."
Verity permitted himself a tight smile. "Appropriate for Fitz's style, then. You will teach him to use one. I don't believe it's something Hod teaches as a general rule. Though no doubt she could if I asked her. But I'd rather it was you. Because I want Fitz to practice keeping me with him while he learns it. If we can tie the two lessons together, perhaps he can master them both at once. And if you are teaching him, then he'll not be too distracted about keeping my presence a secret. Can you do it?"
Burrich could not completely disguise the dismay that crept over him. "I can, my prince."
"Then do so, please. Beginning tomorrow. Earlier is better for me. I know you have other duties as well, and few enough hours to yourself. Don't hesitate to pass some of your duties on to Hands while you are busy with this. He seems a very capable man."
"He is," Burrich agreed. Guardedly. Another tidbit of information that Verity had at his fingertips.
"Fine, then." Verity leaned back in his chair. He surveyed us both as if he were briefing a whole roomful of men. "Does anyone have any difficulties with any of this?"
I saw the question as a polite closing.
"Sir?" Burrich asked. His deep voice had gone very soft and uncertain, "If I may ... I have ... I do not intend to question my prince's judgment, but ..."
I held my breath. Here it came. The Wit.
"Speak it out, Burrich. I thought I had made it clear that the `my princing' was to be suspended here. What worries you?"
Burrich stood up straight, and met the King-in-Waiting's eyes. "Is this ... fitting? Bastard or no, he is Chivalry's son. What I saw up there, today ..." Once started, the words spilled out of Burrich. He was fighting to keep anger from his voice. "You sent him ... He went into a slaughterhouse situation, alone. Most any other boy of his age would be dead now. I ... try not to pry into what is not my area. I know there are many ways to serve my king, and that some are not as pretty as others. But up in the Mountains ... and then what I saw today. Could not you find someone besides your brother's child for this?"
I glanced back to Verity. For the first time in my life I saw full anger on his face. Not expressed in a sneer or a frown, but simply as two hot sparks deep in his dark eyes. The line of his lips was flat. But he spoke evenly. "Look again, Burrich. That's no child sitting there. And think again. I did not send him alone. I went with him, into a situation that we expected to be a stalk and a hunt, not a direct confrontation. It didn't turn out that way. But he survived it. As he has survived similar things before. And likely will again." Verity stood suddenly. The whole air of the room was abruptly charged to my senses, boiling with emotion. Even Burrich seemed to feel it, for he gave me a glance, then forced himself to stand still, like a soldier at attention while Verity stalked about the room.
"No. This isn't what I would choose for him. This isn't what I would choose for myself. Would that he had been born in better times! Would that he had been born in a marriage bed, and my brother still upon the throne! But I was not given that situation, nor was he. Nor you! And so he serves, as I do. Damn me, but Kettricken has had it right all along. The King is the sacrifice of the people. And so is his nephew. That was carnage up there today. I know of what you speak; I saw Blade go aside to puke after he saw that body, I saw him walk well clear of Fitz. I know not how the boy ... this man survived it. By doing whatever he had to, I suppose. So what can I do, man? What can I do? I need him. I need him for this ugly, secret battling, for he is the only one equipped and trained to do it. Just as my father sets me in that tower, and bids me burn my mind out with sneaking, filthy killing. Whatever Fitz must do, whatever skills he must call upon-"
(My heart stood still, my breath was ice in my lungs.)
"--then let him use. Because that is what we are about now. Survival. Because-"
"They are my people." I did not realize I had spoken until they both swung to stare at me. Sudden silence in the room. I took a breath. "A long time ago an old man told me that I would someday understand something. He said that the Six Duchies people were my people, that it was in my blood to care about them, to feel their hurts as my own." I blinked my eyes, to clear Chade and that day at Forge from my vision. "He was right," I managed to say after a moment. "They killed my child today, Burrich. And my smith, and two other men. Not the Forged ones. The Red-Ship Raiders. And I must have their blood in return, I must drive them from my coast. It is as simple now as eating or breathing. It is a thing I must do."
Their eyes met over my head. "Blood will tell," Verity observed quietly. But there was a fierceness in his voice, and a pride that stilled the daylong trembling of my body. A deep calm rose in me. I had done the right thing today. I suddenly knew it as a physical fact. Ugly, demeaning work, but it was mine, and I had done it well. For my people. I turned to Burrich, and he was looking at me with that considering gaze usually reserved for when the runt of a litter showed unusual promise.
"I'll teach him," he promised Verity. "What few tricks I know with an ax. And a few other things. Shall we begin tomorrow, before first light?"
"Fine," Verity agreed before I could object. "Now let us eat."
I was suddenly famished. I rose to go to the table, but Burrich was suddenly beside me. "Wash your face and hands, Fitz," he reminded me gently.
The scented water in Verity's basin was dark with the smith's blood when I was through.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Winterfest
WINTERFEST IS AS much a celebration of the darkest part of the year as a festival of the returning light. For the first three days of Winterfest, we pay homage to the darkness. The tales told and puppet shows presented are those that tell of resting times and happy endings. The foods are salt fish and smoked flesh, harvested roots and fruit from last summer. Then, on the midday of the festival, there is a hunt. New blood is shed to celebrate the breaking point of the year, and new meat is brought fresh to the table, to be eaten with grain harvested from the year before. The next three days are days that look toward the coming summer. The looms are threaded with gayer thread, and the weavers take over an end of the Great Hall to vie among themselves for the brightest patterns and lightest weave. The tales told are ones that tell of beginnings of things, and of how things came to be.
I tried to see the King that afternoon. Despite all that had transpired, I had not forgotten my promise to myself. Wallace turned me away, saying
that King Shrewd felt poorly and was seeing no one. I longed to hammer on the door and shout for the Fool to make Wallace admit me. But I did not. I was not so sure of the Fool's friendship as I had once been. We'd had no contact since that last mocking song of his. Thinking of him put me in mind of his words, and when I went back to my room, I once more rooted through Verity's manuscripts.
Reading made me sleepy. Even the diluted valerian had been a strong dose. Lethargy took over my limbs. I pushed the scrolls aside, no wiser than when I had begun. I pondered other avenues. Perhaps a public trumpeting at Winterfest that those trained in the Skill, no matter how old or how weak, were being sought? Would that make targets of any who responded? I thought again of the obvious candidates. Those who had trained alongside me. None of them had any fondness for me, but that did not mean they were not still faithful to Verity. Tainted perhaps by Galen's attitudes, but could not that be cured? I ruled August out immediately. His final experience of the Skill at Jhaampe had burned his abilities out of him. He had retired quietly to some town on the Vin River, old before his time, it was said. But there had been others. Eight of us had survived the training. Seven of us had come back from the testing. I had failed it, August had been burned clean of it. That left five.
Not much of a coterie. I wondered if they all hated me as much as Serene did. She blamed me for Galen's death and made no secret of it to me. Were the others as knowledgeable as to what had happened? I tried to recall them all. Justin. Very taken with himself and too proud of his Skilling. Carrod. He had once been a sleepy, likable boy. The few times I had seen him since he had become a coterie member, his eyes had seemed almost empty. As if nothing was left of who he had been. Burl had let his physical strength run to fat once he could Skill instead of carpenter for a living. Will had always been unremarkable. Skilling had not improved him. Still, they were all proven to have Skill ability. Could not Verity retrain them? Perhaps. But when? When did he have time for such an undertaking?
Someone comes.
I came awake. I was sprawled facedown on my bed, scrolls tumbled around me. I hadn't meant to sleep, and seldom slept so deeply. Had Nighteyes not been using my own senses to watch over me, I would have been taken completely unaware. I watched the door of my room ease open. The fire had burned low and there was little other light in the room. I had not latched the door; I had, not expected to sleep. I lay very quiet, wondering who came so softly, hoping to take me unawares. Or was it someone hoping to find my room empty, someone after the scrolls perhaps? I eased my hand to my belt knife, gathered my muscles for a spring. A figure came slipping around the door, pushed it quietly shut. I eased the knife out of its sheath.
It's your female. Somewhere, Nighteyes yawned and stretched. His tail gave a lazy wag. I found myself taking a deep breath through my nose. Molly, I confirmed to myself with satisfaction as I took in her sweet scent, and then felt an amazing physical quickening. I lay still, eyes closed, and let her come to the bed. I heard her softly chiding exclamation, and then the rustling as she gathered up the scattered scrolls and set them safely atop the table. Hesitantly, she touched my cheek. "Newboy?"
I could not resist the temptation to feign sleep. She sat beside me and the bed gave sweetly with her warm weight. She leaned over me, and as I lay perfectly motionless she set her soft mouth atop mine. I reached out and drew her to me, marveling. Yesterday, I had been a man seldom touched: the clap of a friend on my shoulder, or the casual jostling of a crowd, or too often lately, hands seeking to throttle me. That had been the extent of my personal contact. Then, last night, and now this. She finished the kiss and then lay beside me, gently arranging herself against me. I took a deep breath of her scent and kept still, savoring the places where her body touched mine and made warmth. The sensation was like a soap bubble floating on the wind; I feared even to breathe lest it vanish.
Nice, agreed Nighteyes. Not so much aloneness here. More like pack.
I stiffened and pulled slightly away from Molly.
"Newboy? What's wrong?"
Mine. This is mine, and not a thing to share with you. Do you understand?
Selfish. This is not a thing like meat, made more or less by sharing.
"Just a moment, Molly. I've cramped a muscle."
Which one? Smirking.
No, it is not like meat. Meat I would always share with you, and shelter, and always I will come to fight beside you if you need me. Always I will let you join me in the hunt, and always I will help you hunt. But this, with my ... female. This I must have to myself. Alone.
Nighteyes snorted, scratched at a flea. You are always marking off lines that do not exist. The meat, the hunt, the defending of territory, and females ... these are all pack. When she bears cubs, shall l not hunt to feed them? Shall I not defend them?
Nighteyes ... I cannot explain this to you just now. I should have spoken with you earlier. For now, will you withdraw? I promise we shall discuss it. Later.
I waited. Nothing. No sense of him at all. One down, one to go.
"Newboy? Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. I just ... need a moment." I think it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Molly was beside me, suddenly hesitant, on the point of pulling away from me. I had to concentrate on finding my boundaries, on placing my mind in the middle of myself and setting limits to my thoughts. I took the breaths and let them out evenly. Adjusting harness. That was what it always reminded me of, and the image I always used. Not loose enough to slip, not tight enough to bind. Confining myself to my own body, lest I startle Verity awake.
"I heard the rumors," Molly began, then stopped. "I'm sorry. I should not have come. I thought perhaps you might need ... but maybe what you need is to be alone."
"No, Molly, please, Molly, come back, come back," and I flung myself across the bed after her and managed to catch the hem of her skirt as she stood.
She turned back to me, still full of uncertainty.
"You are always exactly what I need. Always."
A smile ghosted across her lips and she sat on the edge of the bed. "You seemed so distant."
"I was. Sometimes I just need to clear my mind." I stopped, uncertain of what else I could say without lying to her.
I was determined to do that no longer. I reached and took her hand into mine.
"Oh," she said after a moment. There was an awkward little pause as I offered no further explanation. "Are you all right?" she asked carefully after a few more moments had slipped by.
"I'm fine. I didn't get in to see the King today. I tried, but he wasn't feeling well, and-"
"Your face is bruised. And scratched. There were rumors ...."
I took a silent breath. "Rumors?" Verity had enjoined the men to silence. Burrich wouldn't have spoken, nor Blade. Perhaps none of them had spoken to anyone who hadn't been there. But men will always discuss what they have witnessed together, and it wouldn't take much for anyone to overhear them.
"Don't play cat and mouse with me. If you don't want to tell me, then say so."
"The King-in-Waiting asked us not to speak of it. That isn't the same as not wanting to tell you about it."
Molly considered a moment. "I suppose not. And I shouldn't listen to gossip, I know. But the rumors were so strange ... and they brought bodies back to the Keep, for burning. And there was a strange woman, weeping and weeping in the kitchen today. She said that Forged ones had stolen and killed her child. And someone said you had fought them to try and get the baby back, and another said, no, that you'd come upon them just as a bear attacked them. Or something. The rumors were so confusing. Someone said you had killed them all, and then someone who had helped burn the bodies said that at least two of them had been mauled by an animal of some kind." She fell silent and looked at me. I didn't want to think about any of it. I didn't want to lie to her, nor even to tell her the truth. I couldn't tell anyone the complete truth. So I just looked into her eyes and wished that things were simpler for us.
"FitzChivalry?"
; I would never get used to hearing that name from her. I sighed. "The King asked us not to speak of it. But ... yes, a child was killed by Forged ones. And I was there, too late. It was the ugliest, saddest thing I have ever witnessed."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It's just so hard, not knowing."
"I know.." I reached out to touch her hair. She leaned her head against my hand. "I told you once that I had dreamed of you, at Siltbay. I journeyed from the Mountain Kingdom, all the way back to Buckkeep, not knowing if you had survived. Sometimes I thought the burning house had fallen on the cellar; other times, I thought the woman with the sword had finished you ...."
Molly looked at me levelly. "When the house fell, a great wind of sparks and smoke whooshed toward us. It blinded her, but my back was to it. I ... I killed her with the ax." She suddenly started to tremble. "I told no one of it. No one. How did you know?"
"I dreamed it." I pulled gently at her hand and she came down on the bed beside me. I put my arms around her, and felt her trembling still. "I have true dreams, sometimes. Not often," I told her quietly.
She drew back a little from me. Her eyes searched my face. "You would not lie to me about this, Newboy?"
The question hurt, but I deserved it. "No. This is not a lie. I promise you that. And I promise that I shall never lie-"
Her fingers stopped my lips. "I hope to spend the rest of my life with you. Make me no promises that you cannot keep for the rest of your days." Her other hand went to the lacing of my shirt. It was my turn to tremble.
I kissed her fingers. And then her mouth. At some time Molly got up and latched and barred my door. I remember sending up a fervent prayer that this would not be the night that Chade finally returned from his journeying. It was not. Instead I journeyed afar that night, into a place that was becoming ever more familiar, but no less wondrous to me.
She left me in the deep of the night, shaking me awake to insist that I latch and bar the door after her. I wanted to dress and walk her back to her room, but she refused me indignantly, saying she was perfectly capable of going up some stairs, and that the less we were seen together, the better. I reluctantly conceded her logic. The sleep I fell into then was deeper than any the valerian had induced.