Church Camp Chaos

by Annie Tipton

  “Take care of Macy this week, EJ,” Mrs. Russell said as she walked toward the door. “You girls have a week full of memories!”

  “We will, Mrs. Russell,” EJ called after her. Our first and last time at camp, EJ thought miserably.

  In a matter of minutes, the remaining bunks in the room were claimed, and soon the last parents and siblings cleared out of the room after saying final good-byes. Sleeping bags and pillows of all colors topped each mattress, and girls were chattering and giggling and bouncing on beds while getting to know each other before camp officially started. EJ and Macy sat next to each other on Macy’s top bunk, their legs dangling over the side while they read through the camp booklet that explained the week.

  They oohed and aahed as they read about swimming, jet skiing, horseback riding, canoeing, bumper boats, a candy store and soda fountain called the Snack Shack, archery, and the high ropes course and zip line. EJ wondered how they’d be able to fit so much awesomeness in one short week!

  Just then, the bong-bong-bong of a bell sounded in the distance.

  “There’s the bell, girls!” Susan said, checking her watch. “Head out to the hillside for the camp picture, and after that supper in the dining hall. Camp has officially started!”

  “You boys in the front row—stop that tomfoolery!” the lanky, redheaded camp counselor named Gene yelled through a megaphone.

  “Who is Tom Foolery, and how do we stop him?” The words coming out of Cory Liden’s mouth may have sounded like he was sassing the camp counselor, but EJ was actually wondering the same thing.

  Gene, dressed in an orange Camp Christian T-shirt, khaki cargo shorts, white tube socks, tennis shoes, and a floppy fisherman’s hat, stood behind a camera on a tripod, glaring at the boys in the front row. The entire camp—about two hundred campers and counselors—stood on the hillside to get a group shot to commemorate the week. (Dad still had the photos from every week of church camp he attended. EJ loved looking at the faces in the crowd and making up stories about the particularly interesting-looking ones.) Gene had been trying to take the camp picture for the past ten minutes, but a group of boys in the front row—mostly boys from EJ’s church—kept ruining the picture by posing ridiculously at the exact moment Gene snapped each shot. For the first picture, they turned around so their backs were toward the camera. Then they all saluted, crossed their eyes, and stuck their tongues out. After that they jumped and pumped their fists in the air. Next they played air guitars. For the last shot they picked up a camper named Michael Draper and sat him on their shoulders.

  The rest of the campers, who were amused by the boys’ antics at first, were quickly losing interest under the hot sun. Plus, supper in the dining hall smelled exceptionally delicious. (EJ thought that at least half of the camp could probably hear her stomach growling.)

  “Gene, they’re fifth graders—not senior citizens,” Susan said to Gene as she walked toward him. “You’ve got to speak their language.” Then she turned around and addressed the boys.

  “Tom Foolery was a camper who didn’t know when to stop messing around, and because he didn’t listen to his camp counselors, he lost swimming privileges,” Susan said matter-of-factly. “So if you want to swim tomorrow, boys, I suggest you learn a lesson from Tom and let Gene take this picture so we can get to dinner.”

  “Go, Susan,” EJ whispered to Macy, grinning.

  The boys looked wide-eyed at each other and appeared to silently agree to straighten up. Susan nodded at the boys and took her place in the crowd.

  “Okay, everyone—one last shot,” Gene called through the megaphone. “Here we go … ten, nine, eight—“ Gene pressed the camera’s timer button and ran to join the rest of the group as everyone counted down.

  “Ready for the best week ever?” EJ asked Macy

  “Ready!”

  The girls each put an arm around the other’s shoulder and grinned with the rest of the campers as the camera clicked.

  “Everybody head over to the dining hall—but NO running!” Gene ordered through the megaphone. Then for added emphasis, he turned on the megaphone’s siren for a few seconds. A few campers plugged their ears with their fingers and gave the gangly counselor annoyed looks. Gene didn’t seem to notice.

  If EJ thought Gene was a little strange, he had nothing on the crazy camp cooks, she decided. In the supper serving line, each lady was dressed up as a different US president.

  “Oh yeah, I am so used to their costumes, sometimes I forget they’re dressed up,” Susan said, chuckling. “They’ll wear different outfits at every meal.”

  Abraham Lincoln served grilled cheese sandwiches (“We’ve made four score and seven of these sandwiches, so please eat hearty, campers!”), George Washington served the green beans (“I cannot tell a lie. Green beans are my favorite vegetable.”), Teddy Roosevelt served fresh fruit cups (“Bully for you!” Roosevelt said. “I’m not a bully,” EJ replied, confused. “No, bully doesn’t mean ‘bully’ to Roosevelt,” the cook said. “He used that word the same way you could say ‘cool’ or ‘awesome.’ ” “Oh, cool—er—bully!” EJ said, grinning.)

  EJ had to ask the cook serving cookies which president she was supposed to be.

  “I’m James K. Polk—this great nation’s eleventh president,” the cook said. “I’m probably the least-known president of all of them, so instead of quoting him, I will just tell you that you have a choice between a chocolate chip or an oatmeal raisin cookie.”

  “Chocolate chip, definitely!” EJ held her tray out to James K. Polk. Then she added, “Please.”

  “Good choice,” James K. Polk said, winking.

  After supper, everyone went to the rec field to play organized games—mostly a mish-mash of relay races and activities that were intended to wear out the campers so they’d go to sleep that night, despite the fact they were super excited for the week. EJ’s favorite game was one they called “earth ball,” which was like soccer, except with an eight-foot-tall inflated ball that reminded her of the boulder that chases Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Instead of kicking the ball, campers would basically body slam the ball to move it down the field. The boys especially were going crazy during this game, and the camp nurse watched from the sidelines, just waiting for the first injury. EJ was sure she saw the nurse breathe a sigh of relief when they put the giant ball away and Gene announced that campfire would start in ten minutes.

  The stars were just starting to twinkle in the night sky as Susan played a ukulele while she and a couple other counselors led the campers in singing silly camp songs, many with ridiculous hand motions, dances, and yelling parts. Then Susan switched instruments to an acoustic guitar and led a few praise songs. There was something extra-special about worship at camp, EJ thought. The songs were mostly the same ones they sang at church, but maybe since they were singing outside, it felt like their praises were going straight up to the heavens and not blocked by things like church roofs. EJ pushed air out of her lungs as she sang as loud as she could.

  “So, you guys, our first night of camp is almost over,” Susan said as she passed her guitar to another counselor. The campers all gave a disappointed groan. “But we still have the whole week ahead of us!”

  Everyone cheered.

  “I haven’t gotten to know all of you yet,” Susan said, “but one thing I do know is that for some of you, this week of camp might be your escape. Maybe this is a week for you to get away from a brother or sister who drives you completely crazy—”

  Yep, EJ thought, smiling to herself.

  “Maybe you’re getting away from parents you don’t get along with. Or maybe your parents don’t get along with each other. Maybe this is a week away from that neighborhood kid who picks on you—or even beats you up. Or you’re getting away from the pressure to be athletic enough or pretty enough or smart enough.”

  EJ looked around at the faces of her fellow campers and saw recognition in some of their eyes. A few even nodded their heads.

  “Or maybe
there’s something scary going on at home. It could be anything, but it’s something you don’t have any control over. And you’re just hoping there will be enough fun stuff at camp to distract you so you don’t worry about it all week.”

  EJ’s eyes widened, and she gaped at Susan. How did she know?

  “The truth is, no matter who we are, no matter how young or old we are, we all have things in our lives that worry us and distract us,” Susan said, pulling a small Bible out of her back pocket and flipping through it. “Camp is a place to hear the truth and hope God has for you. Like here, in Deuteronomy 31:8, where it says, ‘The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.’ ”

  The campfire cracked and popped, sending a shower of sparks up into the air as Susan made a lap around the fire ring and looked into the faces of the campers.

  “Don’t let his week go by without finding out what God has to say to you,” she said. “His voice is always easier for me to hear at camp—as long as I’m listening.”

  I’m listening, EJ thought. As long as He’s not saying Macy or I have to move.

  Chapter 10

  REPTILE SURPRISE

  July 22

  Dear Diary,

  It’s Tuesday morning at camp, and all the girls in my dorm room (me included) were up and ready to go well before the wake-up bell rang at 7:30. I think we’re all just so excited to start the day that we couldn’t sleep anymore!

  Susan didn’t seem quite so thrilled with the early morning. It might’ve been because we just couldn’t quiet down last night after lights out. (But really, who could blame us? We’re at CAMP!) Between flashlight tag and whispering and laughing across bunk beds, Susan finally pulled out the big guns and threatened to take away jet ski time if we didn’t be quiet and go to sleep. After that, the room was so silent that you could’ve heard a pin drop … until Coralee started snoring a few minutes later. (That gave me the giggles so bad that I had to get up and walk down the hallway to get a drink from the fountain to keep from waking up the whole dorm. There was NO WAY I was going to lose jet ski time because of CoraLee.)

  Note to self: Remember that Coralee snores in case you need to use it against her someday.

  There are a ton of fun things planned for today. Rumor has it that an exotic animal wrangler is bringing some animals to camp this morning, and we’ll get to see them and even play with some of them. I hope they’re extra exotic and dangerous so I can show everyone how I’m a natural with animals.

  EJ

  EJ “the Alligator Hunter” Payne slogs through the marshy shoreline, her eyes darting back and forth under the brim of her khaki-colored pith helmet, keen on spotting any reptile movement.

  “Speak to me, you magnificent beauties,” she whispers.

  Although many people are afraid of alligators, this famous conservationist has made it her life’s goal to show people that these water dwellers are simply misunderstood. “Alligators are a lot like teddy bears,” EJ was quoted as saying in a magazine article. “Razor-sharp-toothed, reptilian teddy bears who just want to be loved.”

  EJ is distracted by a sound she can’t quite place. She cocks her head and listens intently, when, out of the corner of her eye, she sees movement in the water. The Alligator Hunter takes a flying leap into the shallow. After a moment of struggle, she stands triumphantly with a small reptile stretched high over her head in a victory stance.

  “EJ, sit down!” Macy’s sharp whisper cut through EJ’s daydream, and she felt a tug on the hem of her shorts.

  Confused, EJ glanced down to see Macy staring up at her from her seat on the ground. Macy pointed, and EJ looked up to see that Chelsea, the lead animal handler from Creative Creation Interactive Animals, was still in the middle of her presentation. And there was EJ, standing with her arms outstretched over her head, in the middle of a sea of campers who had been listening attentively but were now staring at her with looks of confusion and mild amusement.

  “Yay, animals,” EJ said weakly as she shook her fists over her head in a pathetic cheer. She lowered her arms and quickly sat down, trying to act like she knew what she was doing.

  “Animal trainer?” Macy whispered.

  “Close,” EJ whispered back. “Alligator hunter.”

  “Nice one.” Macy turned her attention back to Chelsea.

  “So, as you can see by the creatures we’re sharing with you today, God’s creation is wild and varied,” Chelsea said as she wrapped up. “And God’s imagination is limitless!”

  The campers applauded for Chelsea and her two assistants, but EJ knew all the campers spent most of the presentation eyeballing the animal they wanted to get their hands on. In a matter of seconds, a massive stampede of bodies rushed toward the animals.

  A loud crackle and squawk of feedback came from the edge of the crowd.

  “Every camper who wants to hold the animals will get a chance,” Gene barked through his megaphone. “Form orderly lines, please.”

  The campers close to Gene’s megaphone took their fingers out of their ears only when they were sure he was done with his announcement. EJ wondered if Gene liked being in charge so much that he didn’t even notice how everyone seemed annoyed by his overuse of the megaphone. Well, everyone but Susan. EJ saw her staring dreamily at the male counselor with the same look in her eyes that Bert got when EJ had a bacon-flavored dog treat in her hand.

  “Uh, Susan?” EJ said. Susan continued to watch Gene with a goofy grin on her face as he adjusted the knobs on the megaphone.

  “Susan can’t hear you,” Macy whispered to EJ. “The love song playing in her head is drowning out any other sounds.” EJ made a disgusted face and stuck her tongue out in a silent blech.

  Macy cleared her throat with a pointed “ahem” to try to get Susan’s attention.

  “What? Oh, sorry, Macy,” Susan said, flustered. “Did you need something?”

  “Are you in the reptile line?” Macy asked, pointing at the line that had formed near Susan.

  “Ew, no!” Susan jumped away from the line as if it were a snake. “You girls are braver than me if you want to touch those things.”

  EJ and Macy got in line as they watched Susan make her way over to Gene, who was polishing the bell of his megaphone with the hem of his shirt. “Girl likes boy,” EJ said. “Boy loves megaphone.” Macy laughed.

  EJ turned her attention to the reptile line and counted sixteen people ahead of them. There were three other lines as well, all kids waiting to hold less sinister animals. The cuddliest animals included a rabbit and a chinchilla. (Yawn, EJ thought.) Slightly more interesting were the hedgehog and armadillo (the hedgehog might’ve been the cutest thing EJ had ever seen). Next on the danger scale was the porcupine and opossum (Dad said that he never trusted opossums because of their crazy red eyes). Finally, the truly thrilling animals—the ones that almost every camper wanted to see up close and why the line was going so slowly—included an eight-foot python named Pokey and a two-foot baby alligator named Spike.

  A few minutes later, it was CoraLee’s turn at the front of the reptile line, and EJ saw her point at Pokey.

  “No way CoraLee’s going to hold that snake,” EJ said so only Macy could hear. “Miss Priss McCallister is probably afraid Pokey will get his snake slime on her pretty pink skirt.”

  Chelsea had CoraLee turn to face the campers in line behind her. The snake handler draped the impressive snake over CoraLee’s shoulders and outstretched arms. CoraLee’s eyes widened as the weight of the animal settled on her shoulders. EJ thought for sure CoraLee was a second away from shrieking in disgust and ordering Chelsea to take Pokey off. But instead, the handler leaned down and whispered something in CoraLee’s ear. CoraLee gave Chelsea a questioning look, and she nodded at her. CoraLee took a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled out her mouth.

  Here it comes, EJ thought. Once she has this meltdown, I can go up there and show everybody that there are girls to
ugh enough to take on snakes.

  What happened next was something that EJ couldn’t have guessed would happen in a quadrillion years.

  With the back of her right hand, CoraLee slowly guided the head of the snake until she was face-to-face with the reptile.

  “Whoa!” The boy in front of EJ sounded truly in awe. “Check out CoraLee!”

  EJ rubbed her eyes with her fists, sure that she must be having a bizarre daydream. But it was real life. The crowd murmured in amazement and pressed toward CoraLee to get a better look.

  Then, without warning, CoraLee glanced up from the snake-staring contest and looked directly at EJ with a little smirk that said, “Watch this, P-A-I-N.” And then, without warning, she planted a kiss right on top of the python’s head!

  The crowd of campers gave a collective gasp of horror that quickly turned into awe before roaring in applause and excited yelling. The boys, especially, were hooting and hollering in amazement at what had just happened.

  “That might have been the single coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” Michael Draper said to no one in particular. “CoraLee is awesome!” Then he started chanting “Cor-A-Lee! Cor-A-Lee!” and to EJ’s dismay, other campers started joining in until the entire crowd was shouting her name!

  EJ couldn’t believe what she was seeing and hearing. Of all the campers, the last person she thought would steal the spotlight by kissing a snake was CoraLee. Two can play this game, she thought, pushing through the crowd in front of her.

  “EJ, where are you going?” Macy called behind her. “We have to wait in line!”

  EJ ignored her best friend and stomped up to the alligator handler, who held the reptile with two hands—one just behind the neck and the other at the tail.

  “Hey there, Spike—little Spikey-kins,” she cooed at the reptile, getting face-to-face with the creature the same way CoraLee had done with the snake. “May I hold you, little guy?”