“He must have fallen all the way down.” I didn’t answer. For some reason I couldn’t explain, I would have felt more comfortable, if somebody other than Dagger, had found the body.
After that incident, nothing happened for a long time. Flakers hardly showed his face, and there was no more speculation about possible affairs between various residents. Eileen visited me often, and we got along well together. Our relationship was neighborly, but we weren’t close friends. Perhaps she thought that I didn’t approve of her lifestyle, but that was never the case. Sometimes Tanya Benton visited us, and the three of us drank tea and ate cake together.
Tanya became more and more withdrawn. She loved visiting me, but she only answered my questions evasively, or not at all. I asked myself whether it was due to her handicap, or whether there was another reason I knew nothing about.
Angelica’s husband remained invisible and I only saw Maria occasionally, when she was on her way to kindergarten, but she was always with Angelica. Angelica greeted me when we bumped into one another in the stairwell, but she treated me like a distant neighbor who had nothing to do with her. After I while, I asked myself how I could ever have considered her to be my friend.
Claire Dagger also withdrew from society, so to speak. She often spent extended periods in hospital. She seemed to be seriously ill and when I saw her outside, I noticed that she could hardly walk anymore.
Nobody moved out of the building, and nobody moved in. Morton Gould kept on practicing the cello, without any noticeable signs of improvement, and after all the parties and deaths, there was finally peace in the building. The second year after the Klines and the Daggers had moved in, passed by, and it was as uneventful as the first year had been eventful.
Chapter 37
One night at 2am, our doorbell rang. There is no other sound in this world that can wake you from a deep sleep as brutally as a telephone or a doorbell ringing in the middle of the night. Simon and I sat up in bed simultaneously. The doorbell rang again. Someone was standing by our door, ringing repeatedly.
Simon turned on the light and put his dressing gown on. I stayed in bed as he went to the door. At first, I couldn’t hear what they were saying. Who was there in the middle of the night? Then Simon came back into the room.
“Please come,” he said.
“Who is it?” I asked, as I put on a pair of socks and a sweater.
“It’s Angelica.”
I was surprised. She was the last person I’d expected. I went into the kitchen, and saw that she had Maria with her. As soon as Angelica saw me, she rushed to me and put her arms around my neck.
“Hanna, I need your help. Something terrible has happened.”
She pleaded with me. Her eyes were red and she appeared desperate. At first, I returned her hug unenthusiastically.
“Can Maria sleep here tonight?” Angelica asked.
“Of course,” I said, taking the little girl by the hand, and leading her to the living room. She looked from one person to the other, quite bewildered. She clearly understood that the situation was very serious indeed.
We settled her on the living room sofa, and covered her with a warm blanket.
“Go to sleep, Honey,” Angelica said, and kissed her on the forehead. “Mommy will be back soon.”
“Why can’t we go home?” Maria asked. Her little body was shaking.
“There isn’t any time. Mommy is going to stay here with you. You’re safe here.”
I didn’t have a clue what was going on. I knew that little problems always seemed much bigger in the middle of the night, but it was clear to me that Angelica and her daughter were in serious trouble.
As soon as Maria had fallen asleep, we went back into the kitchen, where Simon had made a pot of coffee. Angelica sat down.
“What has happened?” I asked carefully. Angelica stared at the tabletop, and I noticed that she was crying.
“I have to tell you,” she began at last. “You’ll hate me for it, but I have to speak to you about it. I’m afraid that I might die this very day.”
“Good gracious! What’s wrong with you?” I interrupted her, shocked to the core.
“I’m not going to kill myself,” she said reassuringly. “But somebody else might.” And she began to tell us the whole story.
“I’m not a bad person,” she said. “I didn’t want to hurt anybody, but that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve made such a big mistake, and, in the process, I’ve destroyed every chance of reversing it. And now, there’s no way out anymore.”
Angelica sat with her head in her hands, sobbing. I was very tired, but that was by the way. Simon stood there awkwardly, leaning against the kitchen cabinet.
“I really tried not to get into this situation,” Angelica continued, “but it’s happened, nevertheless. On the one hand, I’m overjoyed, and the other hand, I wish I was light-years away from here, because people whom I love are now going to have to suffer for my mistakes. I’ve fallen in love with Kyle Benton.” Angelica looked up briefly, but I didn’t say a word, because what I had already suspected, deep down inside, had just been confirmed.
Part Four
Chapter 38
I met Kyle Benton when we moved into the building. I realized very soon that he was exactly my type: alert, sporty, self-confident. Someone who didn’t annoy others with pseudo-intellectual statements. To begin with, it didn’t look as though anything would develop between us. But that was mainly because I was actively resisting it. Our very first meeting, the day we moved in, was thought-provoking. I realized immediately, that he wanted me to like him. He smiled at me every time we met and he always backed me up when anybody accused me of anything, but at the same time, he never missed an opportunity to tease me, so that he could placate me afterwards. I must also tell you that Kyle and Tanya Benton played an important role in our – my – moving into this building in the first place. But, I’ll come back to that later.
The second time I saw Kyle after we moved in was purely coincidental. It was early in the morning, and I was on my way to work. We literally bumped into one another in the hallway.
“I’m sorry,” he said, holding me by the arm. I was so distracted that I hadn’t seen him, and I almost stumbled.”
“Oh! It’s you,” I said, and for some strange reason, I was relieved.
“Who were you expecting? I’m Kyle Benton. I don’t think we’ve met formally.”
“Angelica Kline,” I replied, holding out my hand in greeting. “You live on the top floor, not so?” I asked.
“Yes, together with my sister. Please call me Kyle.”
We shook hands and I noticed, rather anxiously, that I liked his smile. We walked the rest of the way down the stairs together and he opened the main door for me, guiding me outside with a warm hand in the small of my back.
We ran into one another again, just a few days later. It was quite late, and we were both on our way home from work.
“Long day?” he asked. I realized that he was happy to see me.
“Yes.” I was very tired and yawned widely. Then the hall light went out, and we were standing side by side in complete darkness.
“Shouldn’t we switch the light on again?” I asked.
“No, I can see you well enough!” I didn’t argue. I could sense the tension between us.
“Would you like to have a drink with me?” he asked, taking my hand in his. I felt a throbbing sensation between my legs.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” I answered, although I would have loved to have gone with him. I switched the light back on.
“Some other time perhaps.”
I certainly didn’t give him any reason to believe that he had a chance with me. After all, he knew that I was married, but that didn’t seem to deter him in the least. But, I have to admit that I didn’t attempt to make it clear to him, from the very beginning, that there could never be anything between us. And it was quite clear that he was very interested in me.
After
several coincidental meetings, all of which were quite similar, the day came, when I finally gave in. There is nothing more wonderful, and at the same time more awful, than the moment when you finally admit: “Yes, I am in love with him, but there can never be anything between us. And I had to make sure that Kyle didn’t ever get to realize how I felt.
I looked forward to our next meeting like a besotted teenager. I couldn’t wait for the barbecue, and desperately hoped that he would be there. But he didn’t come! I was very disappointed, but at the same time, I was relieved.
Then, he came to visit me. Just a few days after the barbecue, he stood on my doorstep, unannounced.
“I thought I’d just pop by,” he said cheerfully.
I was torn between joy and desperation. On the one hand, I knew he couldn’t stay there because it would have been very confusing for Maria, but on the other hand, I was very happy to see him again.
“Welcome,” I said, “nice to see you.” Maria was sitting on the sofa watching television.
“Have you met Maria?” I asked.
Kyle approached her: “What are you watching?” he asked
“The Ice Queen,” she replied.
“This is our neighbor Kyle Benton,” I said. She looked at him briefly, then turned her attention back to the television.
“I live upstairs,” Kyle said. He stoked her hair gently, then we sat down together at the table.
“I can’t stay long,” he said slowly. “I just wanted to make sure that everything’s okay.” I rocked nervously on the chair. The tension between us was intolerable.
“Would you like a glass of water,” I asked innocuously.
“Yes, please,” he replied.
I took two glasses from the cupboard and filled them from the faucet. I drank all of mine at once, but my eyes were fixed on Kyle the whole time.
I wasn’t going to make the first move under any circumstances. But, what if he was thinking the same way? Then, we would still be sitting there, looking into one another’s eyes in a couple of hours! And I couldn’t allow that to happen. Someone could disturb us at any moment. Suddenly, I was afraid and wanted nothing more than for Kyle to leave my apartment.
“Well, I’d better be on my way,” he said at last, standing up. I followed him to the door.
“Are we going to have a drink together some time?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I replied.
“I want to make love to you!” he said, stroking first my hand, then my throat and finally my breasts. I desperately wanted him to kiss me, but he didn’t. He simply gazed at me.
“Would you like that?” he asked. I mustered up all my strength and said: “I think you’d better go now.” I wanted him so badly, and I knew that he was aware of it.
I was surprised at the look of slight disappointment on his face when he left the apartment.
“Yes, I would!” I whispered, after I’d been standing in the hallway for several minutes.
Chapter 39
I went into the kitchen to finish washing the dishes. After half an hour, however, I realized that I had only washed one plate, and the water had gone cold. I decided to do the dishes later, and went absent-mindedly into the living room and flopped into an armchair. Suddenly, Maria was standing in front of me.
“Mommy! What’s wrong?” she asked anxiously. Only then did I realize that my face was wet with tears.
“Oh, Maria,” I sighed, lifting her onto my lat. “Don’t worry! I’m fine.” I laid my head on her back and wept quietly. “Mommy’s fine!” Maria turned around and put her arms around my neck.
“But, why are you crying?” Now, there were tears in her eyes too.
“You’re too small to understand,” I said, hoping that it would be a long, long time before she did.
“But, I want to understand! You must explain it to me.” Through my tears, I saw that her little hands were clenched into fists, but somehow, she seemed to understand that she was asking the impossible of me. I smiled, and she calmed down a bit. “Are you happy again, Mommy?”
I wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my sweater. Maria seemed satisfied and went back to watching television.
Meanwhile, I’d come to a decision, and I wanted to implement it as soon as possible.
Chapter 40
It was almost half past eleven in the night when I rang Kyle’s doorbell. He opened almost immediately, and suddenly, he was standing directly before me.
“Let’s play a game,” I said, without greeting him. “I’ll ask you a question, and you must answer it honestly, okay?”
He nodded.
“If a woman, whom you have asked out, and you no longer know whether you want to have dinner with her or sleep with her, rings your doorbell, do you let her in, or do you cancel the appointment?”
“I let her in,” he said without hesitation, with the hint of a smile. I entered the apartment. It was in complete darkness, except for a small lamp in the living room. I looked around carefully. Was Tanja there somewhere, or had she already gone to bed? I didn’t see her, so I presumed that the latter was the case.
“Should I turn some more lights on?” Kyle asked.
“No, please don’t. It’s so cozy in here,” I said. I sat down on the couch, and he sat down beside me.
“Would you like a glass of wine?”
“Yes please,” I answered nervously.
He took two glasses from the cupboard and opened a bottle of red wine. Then he filled the glasses.
“To you!” he said, and clinked my glass. I took one sip, and then another, and I began to relax slowly. The muscles in my shoulders were no longer as tense as they had been before, and my breathing was more even.
“I thought about it for a long time before I decided to come and visit you,” I said, twirling the stem of the wineglass between my fingers.
“Ah,” he said, darting an enquiring look in my direction.
“That’s not true! Actually, I knew right away, that I would come, but I wanted to delay the moment for as long as possible.”
“And now you’re here!”
“Yes, I’m here.”
I wanted to take another careful drink from my glass, but Kyle took it out of my hand and kissed me. There was no turning back. That first kiss was hesitant and brief, perhaps because I was completely unprepared for it. But the second kiss was pure sex. He ran his fingers passionately though my hair, and I knew immediately that he was uncontrollably aroused. We kissed for several minutes, our tongues intertwined, and I could hardly imagine that this ecstasy could be surpassed.
Then Kyle led me into his bedroom, where he undressed me slowly, sensuously, as if he’d done it a thousand times before, or at least had been planning to do so for a long time. He peeled off my clothes and my underwear and then got undressed himself. Finally, he was inside me, and all of my thoughts and emotions melted into a single sensation, that spread out in every direction, from the center of my body. For a moment, it took complete control of me.
I fell asleep, with my head on his chest, and only woke up when Kyle sat up abruptly and pulled the covers, that had fallen onto the floor, over us.
“What do you think you’re doing, bursting in here like that?” he yelled. And then I saw her. Tanja stood in the doorway, staring at us uncomprehendingly.
“But…” she began to justify herself.
“Get lost!” he shouted, and she closed the door hastily. She was obviously frightened. He lay down again and put his arm around me. Suddenly, I was terribly nauseous. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, slammed the door behind me and threw up.
Then I collapsed on the bathmat. I was shocked and confused, because I had desperately wanted to prevent something like that from happing. That girl wasn’t just a girl! She was my daughter, and she’d caught me in an intimate embrace with her adoptive father.
Chapter 41
Tanya is the reason why I moved into this building. She is my daughter, just like Maria is. She was born thirteen years ag
o, but I gave her up for adoption. And even after all that time, I regretted that decision desperately. I missed her so much, that I decided to move here, so that I could be close to her.
Shortly after the adoption, I thought I would be able to tolerate the fact that she was being raised by strangers. I thought it would be okay not knowing how she was doing. But eventually, it got the better of me, and I couldn’t take it any longer. I started researching her whereabouts, based on all the information I had, and finally tracked her down here.
We were lucky enough to find two apartments in this building, so Sebastian, Maria and I moved in here. Sebastian doesn’t know anything about Tanya, and neither does Maria, of course.
When I saw Tanya again after all those years, I was shocked. She was a complete stranger to me. I realized immediately, that I couldn’t just walk up to her and make contact. The first step would have to be through her legal father, Kyle Benton. And that led me, first to his side, and then into his bed, and into a deep emotional dependence. I loved them both – Kyle and Tanya.
“Is everything all right?” Kyle asked when I went back into the bedroom.
“Yes, I’m fine. I was just a little nauseous.” I lay back down beside him.
I knew that I should tell him the truth immediately, but that might have meant the end of our relationship, and I didn’t want that. Perhaps that would have been the best solution! And it didn’t end there either. That deed was not the last time that I did my daughter wrong.
I still can’t understand how my love for Kyle could have made me treat Tanya so heartlessly, and why I didn’t even feel guilty about it. I think the main reason was because she was constantly in the way when Kyle and I wanted to spend some time together. The closer we became, the more willing I was to accept his cruelty – and later on my own cruelty – towards Tanya. I loved her! She was my daughter! How could I do that to her?
Every morning, I told myself that would be the day on which I would begin building up a relationship with Tanya. But, by the end of the day, nothing had changed. Meanwhile, Kyle had confided in me, that Tanya was his adoptive daughter, and not his sister. I didn’t understand why he had invented that lie in the first place, so I simply accepted his confession with silent tolerance. I should have told him the truth right away, but once again, I kept it to myself.
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