Although technically, I wasn’t supposed to be there with him, neither one of us ever mentioned that fact. When I came downstairs, my mom and Nike were in the living room watching Oprah.
“You know Kiesha been calling here for you,” my mom said.
“Really? Did you talk to her?”
“Yeah, she’s still in jail.”
“I tried to tell you she was in jail the last time I was here, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“Shit, I never expected nothing like that from Kiesha, she’s nothing like you.”
“Did she tell you anything?”
“All I know is that she’s in jail for murder, and she’s facing twenty years in prison. She wouldn’t go into any details, because she said all the calls were recorded. But she wanted you to know that she forgives you, and she just wants you to get your life together for your son.”
“So has she gone to trial yet?”
“Her trial starts next month. She said your name is on her visiting list if you wanna go see her.”
I bowed my head in shame. As bad as I wanted to go see Kiesha, I didn’t know if I could look her in the eyes after letting her down so many times. I wasn’t sure she had really forgiven me. Maybe she just wanted to get me there and black my eye again.
“You gonna go see her?” I heard my mom say.
“Yeah,” I responded, but I really wasn’t sure.
I wished I’d never gone with Bam that night and maybe none of this would’ve ever happened. As Nike dozed off, my mom went to lay him down, then she grabbed her purse.
“Now let me tell you something,” she started, as she pulled out two, crispy, hundred-dollar bills. “If you gonna get a job, you will need a cell phone and some good clothes for an interview. I don’t mind giving you this, because I’m still getting child support checks for the money your dad was supposed to give me ten fucking years ago.”
Just the mention of my dad turned my mood sour. Such a poor excuse for a man, I thought. “Now, if you don’t come in this house with some new clothes and a cell phone, you might as well not even come back.”
She shoved the money in my hand.
“Well, you don’t have to be so mean about it.”
“Whatever,” she replied, before she took off to her bedroom. “There’s some lamb chops with rice and gravy in the kitchen,” she called out.
“Oh goody!” I celebrated.
****
The next day, I begged my mom to let me borrow her car to go shopping. I had spent the whole day with Nike and I think she realized I was really trying to stay clean and change my ways. She gave me the keys to her Corsica and I drove to Franklin Park and did a little shopping. I was never big on expensive clothes, so I got a lot of bang for my bucks. I got a couple blouses, some skirts and some peep-toe heels. I also bought a sundress that had nothing to do with job hunting, but I liked it.
I decided to change into the dress right there in the dressing room and wear it for the day, since it was nice and warm outside. I remembered seeing a cell phone shop near my house, so I decided I’d stop by there on my way back. Driving on the freeway, I thought about all the shit I had been through over the past couple years. It was almost September and my goal was to find a job and get out of my mom’s house by New Year’s. When I pulled into the parking lot of the cell phone shop, I could see that it was crowded inside. Four girls walked out altogether, making the inside appear a lot more spacious. When I walked in, I could see both men behind the counter taking me in as my new dress clung to my curves.
I remembered how the book I read said always dress to impress, and I thought about how much money I used to make on the stroll when I put some thought into my attire. I saw a man with his back turned and my eyes bucked when he turned around, and I realized it was Snake from Detroit. He immediately recognized me and I became uncomfortable.
“What’s up, Roxanne? You a long way from home, ain’t you?” he said.
“I am home. I’m from Toledo,” I replied.
“Oh okay. That’s why yo’ ass just popped up one day and disappeared the next, huh?”
He began to smile as he approached me even though I’m sure my demeanor screamed, beat it, asshole. “This my home now too,” he said, staring me up and down.
It was obvious he’d noticed the change in me. I wasn’t the desperate little white girl lost and far away from home.
“Really? Well, I don’t fuck around anymore,” I informed him.
“Oh okay. I see you looking good too.”
The Chaldean dude behind the counter interrupted us, giving me the perfect escape.
“Can I help you with something, young lady?”
“Yes,” I said, as I approached the counter. “I just need a new cell phone, nothing fancy.”
As I negotiated with the salesperson, I couldn’t help but notice his well-groomed hair, his smooth olive skin, and sexy beard that gave his face some maturity. But for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why Snake was still behind me, standing there as if he was waiting on me. He was obviously done with whatever business he had here, so why wouldn’t he leave? We had nothing else to discuss.
“Can you throw me in a car charger with that?” I ventured, batting my eyes flirtatiously.
The Chaldean picked up on it.
“I’ll tell you what, baby. I’ll throw in a car charger if you promise me a date.”
He looked to be at least five years older than me. He was cute, plus he had a job, so it was a no-brainer for me.
“That’s a deal.”
I peeked over my shoulder, anticipating that Snake would say something to blow my cover. All this guy knew about me was that I was a pretty young thing in the cell phone shop, trying to purchase a cell phone. I pulled the last hundred dollars I had from my bra and paid him. “So, I guess you can take my number down, seeing as how you’ll know it before I will,” I said.
“I’m way ahead of you, baby, way ahead of you.”
I turned to see if Snake had left yet, but he was still in the background lurking like a cobra who’d just spotted dinner.
“So what’s your name?” I asked.
“Amir,” he responded.
“So when you gonna take me out, Amir?”
“I’ll call you when I get out of here, Roxanne. We’ll set something up,” he said, handing me my cell phone.
“Okay, bye.”
I gave him a finger wave and strolled away, blushing like I was fifteen. That was, until Snake’s bitch ass brought me back to reality.
“Ain’t you gon’ give me the number so I can call you too?”
“Call me for what, Snake?”
He looked like he was doing pretty well for himself. I figured Snake was probably hiding out in Toledo because of something he’d done back home.
“I wanna show you where I’m at, in case you change your mind,” he replied.
“I won’t,” I assured him, as I tried to push past him.
He grabbed my arm with a tight grip. “Why are you grabbing on me?”
“Take my number, that’s all I’m asking.”
By then, Amir had noticed my displeasure.
“Aye, my man. Not in my store, you hear me?” Amir said.
Snake gave Amir the ice grill.
“Man, I know her. I’m just talking to the girl, okay?”
“Okay, but don’t grab on her like that, not in here.”
Before the two of them went any further, I decided to just take Snake’s number so he’d leave me alone.
“What’s your number, Snake?”
He gave me the number, but still followed me outside to the parking lot. I thought about all the money I spent when I was hanging out in Cass Corridor. It was easy to see why he was so persistent, when I stopped and thought about it. He continued to give me directions on exactly where his drug house was, and then he bragged about the quality and quantity of the product. I kinda viewed this as my first test, knowing there’d be plenty more down the road.
“Okay, Snake, I’ll keep you in mind,” I lied.
Snake hopped in a brand-new, black Lincoln Navigator and pulled off. I wondered to myself if the truck was purchased with drug money or blood money. With all I knew about Snake, there was just no telling.
Chapter 17
Amir didn’t call me that day, but I was glad he didn’t. It gave me time to create a whole new life to tell him about when we talked. No way I was gonna tell him I was fresh out of rehab, and had been hoeing and smoking crack the last two and half years. I was really looking forward to his call. I’d never been on a normal date before, not even with Terry. Two more days passed and still no call. I pretended to have a problem with my service and went into the shop one day looking for him, but he wasn’t there.
After being home a week, I had yet to go on any job interviews so when my cell phone rang, I knew it had to be Amir. Who else would be calling me? I thought.
“Hello?” I answered.
“How you doing, sexy?” Amir said.
“Who is this?” I fronted.
“It’s Amir, baby. You forgot about me already?”
“Oh, no, I didn’t forget. I thought you forgot about me,” I replied.
“Not at all. I wanna take you out tonight, you got plans?”
“You don’t waste any time,” I giggled.
“I already wasted too much,” he countered. “You hanging with me tonight or what?”
“Sure, why not? No, I’m joking…I’d love to,” I said.
“Ha-ha. It’s like that, huh? I’ll call you for directions around seven, is that cool?”
“Yeah, that’s cool.”
“Okay, later, baby.”
“Okay.”
****
I was shocked to see Amir pull up to my house in a Mercedes Benz 430; it threw my equilibrium for a loop. I’d tricked with dozens of guys who drove really nice cars, I’d just never dated anyone that drove one before. I totally loss my cool thinking I would screw this up somehow. I was dressed in my interview clothes, since they were all I had that looked presentable. My mom had given me a temporary key so that I could come and go as I please. But she constantly threatened to take it back and put me out in three weeks, if I hadn’t found a job.
I picked Nike up out of his bed and kissed him three times before I left. My mom gave me some wicked stare down as I was leaving. She’d seen the Benz outside and I knew she thought I was up to no good, but I reminded her about the guy I’d met days before.
“Hey,” I greeted as I hopped in, smiling hard and closed the door.
He was eyeballing me like a steak, so I guess I looked nice. My purple blouse was cut low enough to expose my nice rack, and my matching skirt rose slightly up my thigh when I sat down, showing off my creamy legs.
“You look better every time I see you,” Amir said.
I just had to take a second to thank God for rehab. My life seemed to be immediately changing for the better.
“Thank you,” I replied, trying to keep my cool.
We talked a little as we rode to our destination, but I almost died when we pulled up in J Alexander’s parking lot. It was one of the finest restaurants Toledo had to offer. I didn’t know if I should act like I was used to this type of stuff or not. Then I remembered that I had made up this whole fake life and J Alexander’s didn’t fit into that story.
“I’ve never been here before,” I informed him.
“Good, that means I’m your first,” he said, with a devilish grin.
If only he knew the irony of his statement. The expensive gold watch, pricey pinky ring and the car told me that he wasn’t just an employee at the cell phone shop. I soon came to realize, without him telling me, that Amir was the owner. There was a small wait before we were shown to a table in the middle of the room. I tried to recall if I’d ever in my life, eaten anywhere that was considered upscale. Nothing rang a bell.
“So tell me about yourself, Roxanne,” Amir said.
The words put a small lump in my throat. I wasn’t used to lying to men. Never really had a reason to.
“Well, I just recently broke up with my boyfriend, who I was with for a little over two years. My boyfriend being crack, I thought. He’s in jail now because he started to become really abusive, beating on me and cutting up all my clothes and shit. He was really crazy and I didn’t find out until we’d already had a kid together.”
“You got a kid, huh?”
“Yeah, he’s almost six months.”
“That’s cool,” he responded, before he began to scan the menu.
He didn’t seem moved one way or the other by my kid or the crazy ex. I had to throw in the part about him cutting up all my clothes, knowing at some point, he might realize my wardrobe was very limited.
“So do you have a girlfriend at home, Amir?”
“Would that change the course of our friendship if I did?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. I had zero experience in dating since high school, so I tried to think about what Keisha would say, but that didn’t help either.
“I guess that would depend on how you treated me,” I finally responded.
“You don’t have anything to worry about. I wouldn’t have you out in public if there was something to worry about.”
He was smooth, sexy and had money, but the icing on the cake was the fact that I could tell he really liked me. It didn’t matter if he had a girlfriend or not, because I could tell he was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Amir raised my self-esteem through the roof in a very short time frame. That night, he tried to have sex but I refused, only because I was afraid if I fucked him on the first night, I’d never see him again.
We went out on two more dates before I gave in, and before I knew it, we were together all the time. He took me out somewhere twice a week and even took me to his little brother’s football games. He gave me money whenever I asked for it, and I used it to buy some more clothes so I’d look my best every time he saw me. When I wasn’t with him, I was at home with Nike and my mom. She let me borrow her car whenever I wanted because she could tell I was staying clean, and she didn’t like taking Nike outside if she didn’t have to. I still hadn’t seen Carrie and truthfully, I didn’t want to. As much as I loved Carrie, I couldn’t let her lifestyle and decisions influence mine at this point.
As time passed, I noticed that some of the crowd Amir kept around, seemed like more of my type of crowd than what I’d come to expect of him. I knew he’d probably met a lot of people owning a cell phone shop, but some of his closest associates looked like they were fresh out of prison.
On my twenty-second birthday, I spent the morning playing with Nike and talking to Amir about our big plans for the night. That afternoon, I finally decided to go and visit Keisha, who was still in the Lucas County jail. Besides Amir, there was no one else I wanted to see on my birthday. I had butterflies in my stomach as I rode up the elevator to the visiting room, but not because of the elevator.
I was filled with mixed emotions; happy to finally get to see her, but sad that she was still in this place. I was also concerned that she’d still be upset about her truck. Hopefully, seeing me clean and sober would brighten her day, and move her more in the direction of forgiveness. My hair was all healthy and bouncy and my eyeballs were white as snow. I was dressed in a Sean John velour jumpsuit and Bathing Ape shoes, courtesy of Amir. When Keisha came out, she was wearing the county brown jumpsuit and her hair was scattered wildly over her head.
Her eyes lit up at the sight of me, but we could only smile at each other through the Plexiglass. I knew right then by the smile on her face that she had truly forgiven me for my actions.
“Happy birthday, bitch! You look amazing,” Keisha stated, looking on proudly. “I was just thinking to myself if this girl comes up here high, I might try and jump through this Plexiglass and choke the shit out of her,” she finished.
We both laughed long and hard. Keisha had lost some weight and she looked stressed out, but
I could tell she was trying not to show it. Once our laughter stopped, I got serious.
“Can you ever forgive me?”
“I forgive you, Roxanne,” she responded.
“No, I’m serious, Keisha, don’t just say it to make me feel good on my birthday. You’ve been there for me all my fucking life and I’ve done nothing but let you down.”
“Listen, in here, I’m learning a whole lot about forgiveness. You’re not the only one that has let me down since I’ve been in here. If I didn’t start forgiving people, I’d go crazy.”
“Well, as you can see, I’m clean and sober. And I want you to know you’re a big part of the reason I did this. And you’re a big part of the reason I’ll continue to do this. I’m never going back, Keisha.”
“I believe you. I always knew you could do it,” Keisha said, with honest eyes.
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“I got Nike,” I said.
“Oh my God! I wanna see him.”
“Well, my mom got him, but I’m living with her right now.”
“I’m so happy for you, Roxanne,” Keisha squealed.
I started to tear up a little. Keisha knew I really wanted my son in my life.
“You know you’re his godmother, so you gotta get out of here. And when you do, he’s all yours anytime you want him,” I said. There was a long pause. “Tell me what happened that night, Keisha?”
Keisha took a deep breath.
“When I left the club, I stopped by the gas station to get some blunts. I told the dude from the club to follow me because we was gon’, you know, smoke before we parted ways.”
“Un-huh.”
“I came out of the gas station with my blunts in one hand and my car keys in the other. This dude come from out of nowhere with a gun pointed at me, trying to take my truck. I gave him my keys, but as soon as he tried to get in the truck…”
She just shrugged and let me figure out the rest.
Roxanne: From Addict to Hustler Page 14