The rune spell stuck to his bones went up in a flash. He hiccuped again, louder this time. A third hiccup erupted with such force that his jaw slipped from its right hinge and wagged halfway off his skull. He shoved it back into place. "Oh now this is vexing."
Dan's bones rattled with every convulsing spasm. He clutched his abdomen, which he didn't technically have, and it helped to quiet his hiccups a little. "Don't think this'll stop ol' Dan. *Hic* Not for more than a minute. *Hic* Not for more than a—" He ground his teeth, fighting off the next wave. Ten seconds later, without uttering another peep, he stood straight. "There we go. Good as, good as, as . . ."
He unleashed a discordant blast, the kind of hiccup reserved for a drunken god after a millennium of debauchery. Dan fell to pieces.
"I don't like being vexed," he grumbled. "Sours my sunny disposition, it does."
The collection of bones rapidly pulled themselves together. Speed was more important than anatomy, and Dan lurched awkwardly on his hands as his skull swayed on the end of a femur. Another hiccup caused one of his limbs to fall apart, and he hopped around to maintain his balance.
"One second, Nessy. *Hic* Dan'll be right with you. *Hic*"
"You should run away, Nessy, while you can," suggested Echo. "We don't know how long the spell will last."
Nessy was growing tired of running from her problems, but she couldn't see any alternative. Even with his accursed hiccups, Dan was a great danger now that he had his body back. He was vulnerable, and the nurgax could easily devour his mad skull, but she didn't know the effect that might have on Mister Bones, who she still wanted to save if she could.
"Find someplace safe," she told the others. "And stay away from Tiama."
"We're just trying to help," said Echo.
"I know, but Tiama is reluctant to kill me. I don't think she'll hesitate with anyone else."
"I didn't want to do this anyway," griped Gnick. "Technically, I'm not supposed to leave the armory."
Sir Thedeus climbed on Nessy's shoulder. "We better leave, lass. The skeleton looks to be adjusting to the spell."
Dan glowered, having reassembled into an awkward configuration, resembling a centipede with various bones for legs. His pelvis perched atop his skull like a big white bow. Hiccups shook loose odds and ends.
Gnick and Dodger went off in one direction, while Nessy, Sir Thedeus on her shoulder, the nurgax by her side, and Echo hovering somewhere by her ear, headed in another.
"Ol' Dan will find you, sweet Nessy!" the skeleton shouted. "I'll find you!" A hiccup echoed along with the clatter of bones. "And I'll be in a most unpleasant humor when I do!"
They walked a while in silence.
"So what do we do now, Nessy?" asked Sir Thedeus.
"I'm not sure."
"But ye always have a plan, lass."
"Not this time." She stopped, and Sir Thedeus, shocked, tumbled from her shoulder.
"Ye canna give up. We need ye."
"He's right," said Echo. "We're not good for much ourselves."
Nessy frowned. "That's nonsense."
" 'Tis true, Nessy." Sir Thedeus scaled her leg to return to his perch. "None of us are the heroes we once were."
"Ridiculous." She plucked him from her shoulder and held him in cupped hands. "Your curses define you only so much as you allow. I don't know why I should have to keep reminding you of that."
"Aye, but we still have to accept our limitations."
She put him back in place. "Acceptance is one thing. Allowing yourself to be defined by them is quite another."
"I suppose," said Echo. "But it's hard not to sometimes."
"We will break your curses. After we deal with these difficulties."
"But how can you be certain?" asked Echo. "It's so much to overcome."
"Because I choose to be certain." Nessy smiled. "Because I'll take hope over hopelessness any day."
"But it's not always easy, lass."
"It's all well and good to set reasonable goals, but when unreasonable goals are your only choice, you should always strive for them. Because it's not really a choice at all."
"I'd never thought of it like that," said Sir Thedeus. "So do ye truly think we have a chance?"
"There's always a chance."
They turned a corner. Tiama the Scarred stood before them. A faint smile hinted upon her lips. "There are no more chances."
Nessy backed away.
"Oh please don't tell me you're going to run now. What would be the point?"
While Nessy agreed, she still turned and bolted down the corridor.
TWENTY
Tiama's laugh was as cold and lifeless as the wizardess herself. It chased Nessy through the halls. Nessy had a finetuned ear when it came to echoes, but she couldn't pinpoint exactly where it came from. One moment, it was behind her. The next, ahead of her. And sometimes, it seemed like every direction at once.
She ran because she couldn't think of anything else to do. She truly was out of ideas. It was an unusual occurrence. Nessy rarely found herself without a plan, even if it was only a vague outline of one. But she could see no course of action left except running and hoping that a solution of some sort would present itself. If kobolds had a god, she might even have prayed to him.
She paused at an intersection. That infernal laugh poured from the shadows to confuse her.
"The witch is everywhere," whispered Sir Thedeus.
"She can't be everywhere," said Echo.
Silence.
"Did we lose her?" asked Echo.
A new chuckle filled the air. Madly jovial, broken by hiccups.
"Dan." Sir Thedeus's large ears pivoted to find the source.
The skeleton was even more dangerous than Tiama, thought Nessy. The wizardess was hesitant to kill Nessy, but he wouldn't be.
"Neeesssyyyyy." He sang out her name again and again. "Neeeesssyyyyy. *Hic*"
"He's over there," said Echo, although she couldn't clarify her direction with any sort of gesture, so the remark was useless.
A door flew open and Dan came charging out. He had a strange run, legs spread wide, arms flailing in the air. And that peculiar hiccuping cackle.
Nessy dashed away. She didn't look back, but slowly, the click of his bones against stone faded. She stopped to catch her breath.
Tiama appeared. Whether she'd actually sneaked up on them or just appeared, Nessy couldn't say. She soared forward. Her entire body was aflame, rippling with black fire, and she howled like a specter.
Nessy ran again, and soon enough, the wizardess was lost somewhere in the chase until only the threatening silence remained. Over and over, the ritual repeated itself. Tiama or Dan would chase Nessy a short while, only to fade into the shadows and reappear once again.
The nurgax whined.
"Why don't they get it over with?" asked Sir Thedeus.
Nessy knew why. Kobolds weren't strangers to the art of harrying, of chasing down prey until it was so exhausted and disoriented that it might blunder into a vulnerable position. They were trying to confuse her.
But though her body ached and she was a bit tired, she knew her castle. She was now in the pillar chamber, large and lined with thick marble columns. There were two doors out of it.
She opened one. Dan stood on the other side. He lunged at her, and though he should've caught her easily, she managed to slip from his strangling embrace. She threw open the second door, back the way she'd come. Tiama stood, somber-faced and eyes aflame, in the doorway. There was no escape now.
Tiama and Dan stood side by side. They were working together, and Nessy wondered what purpose could bring them together.
"Nessy, look," said Echo. "There's an exit behind us."
Nessy chided herself for making such an obvious mistake. She should've known her castle better. She dashed to it. Tiama and Dan strolled after her, as if they had all the time in the world.
The door was barred, and Nessy struggled to lift the wooden plank. It seemed as heavy as iron.
>
"Hurry, lass," urged Sir Thedeus.
She stopped.
"What are ye doing?"
She stepped back. "This door doesn't belong here."
He glanced back at their pursuers, drawing steadily closer. "Now isn't the time to be questioning any bit of good fortune that comes our way, lass."
It seemed the perfect time to Nessy. This was exactly what Tiama and Dan had worked so very hard to do, and they had almost succeeded.
"I know what you are," she said.
The Door growled as it cast away its illusion.
Nessy turned her back to it and faced the wizardess and the skeleton. "I'm not opening it." Her exhaustion fell aside, replaced by a quiet resolve. "I'm never opening it."
Dan chuckled. "I told you she wouldn't be tricked so easily."
The Door moaned.
"She's got a good head on her shoulders. Best thing to do in ol' Dan's opinion is to squeeze that little neck until it pops off."
Tiama held up a hand to keep him back. "Your defiance grows tiresome, Nessy."
"And I'm growing tired of this endless discussion." Nessy made a show of yawning. "You keep threatening to destroy me if I don't open that Door. I keep refusing. And yet, here I am, not destroyed."
The fire in Tiama's eyes surged, and smoke poured from her sockets. "Very well. The time for reasonable discussion is over. You're quite right. I have no intention of killing you. Dead, you would be worthless to me. I was merely hoping to do this in a civilized manner. But I see now you've forced my hand. You've no one to blame but yourself. You'd be surprised the pain you might endure without dying. In truth, the most terrible pain is rarely fatal. It's a lesson you shall learn most intimately. Every stubbornness has its limits. We shall find yours. You shall beg for death's mercy, but I shall not grant it. Not until you open that Door. Only then will I give you that gift. Perhaps. If I'm feeling charitable." She grinned. "Although, to be perfectly honest, charity is not my strongest suit. Seize her, Dan."
The nurgax leapt upon the skeleton, clamping its mouth around one arm. Dan growled with annoyance. With his free hand, he grabbed the nurgax by the horn and threw it down to the floor. He punched it once across the jaw, knocking loose several long, white fangs that clattered against the stone. The creature tumbled over, on the verge of unconsciousness.
He chuckled. "I said ol' Dan was strong, didn't I? Now let's have no more of this silliness." He wrapped his painful grip onto Nessy's shoulder. "Be reasonable. I don't like torture. *Hic* I may be mad, but I'd rather just kill you. *Hic* The suffering never appealed much to me. Ol' Dan just likes the pretty pretty death rattle."
But he saw that Nessy wasn't about to change her mind and sighed.
"Have it your way then. *Hic*"
A steel gauntlet wrapped around the skeleton's own neck suddenly. The Blue Paladin hoisted Dan high in the air. Though his every move was a rattle of armor, somehow he'd sneaked up on them. The Paladin raised his other hand and with a single finger, flicked the skull from Dan's shoulders. The skull bounced to the far end of the pillar chamber.
"No fair! No fair!" he cried.
The Paladin backhanded Tiama, hurling the wizardess away. She lay on the floor, a broken heap. The Paladin brushed the kobold gently aside. Behind him, the army of empty armors stood ready. The strange new tendency of things to suddenly appear no longer surprised Nessy.
"I was wondering when you'd find me." Tiama rose, much to no one's surprise. "Do you really think you can stop me?"
The Paladin held high his massive battle-ax. Tiama laughed, and this time, somewhere under it all, there was a trace of honest amusement. Then the Blue Paladin lowered his ax, and the armors charged forth. There were no war cries, no bloodthirsty whoops, but they clanged and banged, rattled and clattered. The dragon armor's steps thundered loudest of all. With its wide strides, it reached Tiama first. It reared up and brought all its weight down upon her, crushing her beneath its two unforgiving gauntlets. The brick floor buckled, threatening to give way. The dragon raised its helmet as if unleashing a victory call.
The army circled around.
"She isn't dead, is she?" asked Nessy.
The Blue Paladin shook his helmet.
"Can she die?"
He shrugged.
The chamber trembled.
The Paladin motioned for Nessy to step back. He clutched his battle-ax. His army readied their spears and swords. The stone armor of the rock brute pounded its granite fists together.
"Should we leave them to their business?" asked Sir Thedeus.
Echo said, "If they don't stop her, I don't think we'll be in any less danger anywhere else. Not in the long run."
"Easy for ye to say, lass. Ye haven't a body to get hurt."
The rumbling grew louder. Cracks rolled up the pillars, shedding chips of marble. The dragon armor struggled to hold Tiama down.
"You can't tell me you're willing to miss this," said Echo.
Sir Thedeus grinned. "Aye. But it might be wise to step back a bit."
Nessy grabbed the stunned nurgax by the tail and attempted to pull it to a safer distance. Mister Bones came to her aid. He wasn't as strong without Dan atop his neck, but they managed to drag the creature behind a pillar.
She thanked him, and Decapitated Dan, clutched under Mister Bones's arm, scowled. "Already back to your goody goodness. Ol' Dan's disappointed in you, body of mine."
The tremors ceased, and all was quiet. The dragon armor lowered its helmet and carefully opened its gauntlets. Even the armors seemed to wait with bated breath for what would happen next. A ball of red flame shot straight into the dragon's helmet. Though it had no eyes, it clawed and beat at the fire. Its panicked sways sent its tail sweeping across the room. Several armors were batted aside, breaking into pieces.
Tiama waved her hands about, casting bolts of green and purple in every direction. Those armors struck fell apart on the floor. Several suits got close enough to stab her with their swords without much effect. She stood unaffected by the blades running through her flesh.
The rock brute smashed Tiama beneath its relentless fists. The first blow staggered her. The second brought her to her knees. The third and fourth dropped her prostrate. Again and again, the brute struck until its enemy ceased to move, until her skin burst at the seams. There was no blood. Tiama had been filled with only red sand and white flames.
The Blue Paladin stepped forward and raised his mighty ax to deliver the deathblow. The brute held her down that the Paladin might finish the job with a clean beheading. He swung with every ounce of his considerable might. Tiama, looking very much like a doll without stuffing, swiveled and caught the blade's edge in her hand. Her eyes flashed, and both the Paladin and the rock brute were hurled away by invisible force. The Paladin struck a pillar with such power it collapsed, burying him. The rock brute crashed so hard against the ceiling that the stone armor shattered into a rain of dust and gravel and a few odd stones.
Several spears were thrown. They skewered Tiama impotently as she inflated again. The pixie leathers whirled about, lacerating her skin with a thousand cuts of their tiny daggers. The wizardess clapped her hands, and they burned away to ash.
Fire and magma dripped from her wounds. But Tiama kept smiling.
And the armors hesitated. For they had learned fear.
The dragon armor, having regained its senses, raised its long neck. Its helmet spewed forth a tremendous silver-and-gold gout. Tiama crossed her arms, and the fire splintered into a dozen smaller flames. They ricocheted through the chamber, blasting armors. In seconds, nothing was left of the army but mounds of broken, blackened steel.
The dragon, the last standing warrior, rattled its wings. The silver-and-gold flame collected into a ball above Tiama's head. She stopped smiling, shook her head as if no longer amused, and turned her back on the final suit.
It took one step forward. Her fireball launched itself into the dragon's face. Its helmet flew off its neck, and the dragon stood still f
or a very long moment.
Tiama sighed. "Somehow, I was expecting more."
The dragon armor fell apart, one piece at a time. Its neck brace collapsed. Then its wing sheaths. Then its arms and body and tail. Finally, its legs. The noise was almost musical. Like orcish war gongs, beautiful in a way but never a sound one was eager to hear.
The rubble shifted, and the Blue Paladin rose. His helmet swept the remains of his troops.
Tiama spoke, once again a lifeless creature. "I know you had to try, but this will come to pass. And in the end, you'll thank me for it."
The Paladin snatched up a nearby spear and rushed at her.
"Very well." Tiama's hair shimmered with fire. "I grow weary of this distraction. Let's finish it."
He knocked her aside with a blow of his elbow and hurled the weapon across the chamber. Nessy fell to her knees, lanced through her chest.
Sir Thedeus gasped, struggling for words.
"Oh no," said Echo. "Oh please no."
"Well, I didn't see that coming." Decapitated Dan frowned. "Though I enjoy a good surprise as much as the next gent, this is a turn not to ol' Dan's liking."
Tiama screamed, and the castle itself screamed with her. "What did you do? What did you do?" A pyre of black fire devoured her, and she disappeared. "What did you do?" her voice echoed from one end of the castle to the other.
"Nessy, lass. Hang on. Ye have to hang on." Sir Thedeus pleaded with teary eyes. "We need ye."
She drew in one last pained breath, and then she was still. Blood ran down the blade, dripping into a red pool.
"She's gone," said Echo.
"She canna be." Sir Thedeus whispered gently in her ear. "Come on, lass. Ye were always a stubborn one. Yer not going to let a little thing like this keep ye down, are ye?"
Mister Bones knelt down and closed her eyes.
"No need for all that gloom." Decapitated Dan chuckled. "She's just gone off to have a chat with ol' Margle, she has. He'll have some words for her, I'm sure."
"Shut up," said Echo. "Show some respect, you lunatic."
"Ol' Dan's got nothing but respect for the dead. Why do you think he's sent so many to their grave?" He stifled a giggle and clicked his teeth and said nothing else.
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