Tabitha handed the stuffed animal to Beth and broke away from her embrace, walking across the yard. Everyone fell silent as the boys walked back to the porch to allow her time alone with Heath, to say her own good bye.
She walked to the tree and leaned on it, laying her head on the bark. The roughness proved to her that she was still alive, and could feel. Tabitha looked down at the bundle lying at her feet; she slid down the tree resting, on her heels, as the tears continued to fall. Resting her elbows on her knees Tabitha rubbed the heel of hands in her eyes; she just wanted to stop crying.
Barely above a whisper, she started talking to Heath, “Why…” She had so many whys in her head that she didn’t have any idea how to articulate just one. She reached out and touched the blanket. “You left me… you told me you wouldn’t… but you did. How could you do that to me?… I let you in, I trusted you, I needed…No… I need you!”
Part of Tabitha wanted to lash out, to hit someone or something, a bigger part of her wanted to just give up. She knew that she couldn’t do that. “I don’t understand why you had to go down there, Alden would have saved them! Ceara chose to follow her damn dog; it wasn’t your job to fix it!”
All her life she had built a wall to protect herself, had been able to be mad and block out the people. In the past few months that wall had come down. She let all of them close to her, she had let her guard down and this is how she was paid back.
Tabitha glanced over to the group, the Indians had left, and she didn’t even hear them go. Beth stood with Colt with her head on his shoulder; Alden was kneeling down petting Tonto and drinking a bottle of something. Charlie was looking around for Red. Tabitha looked for Red too, wondering where the kid went. That feeling left quickly, she remembered everyone had someone but her now, and it was because of Red’s dog, therefore it was Red’s fault.
In truth, she knew she wasn’t being fair, but she didn’t care, fair was not on the top of her list right now. Tabitha stood to begin the long walk to join the others. Thoughts continued to bombard her. Did she want to join them anymore; was she still part of the group? How could she stay and have this happen to any of the others? She didn’t know if she could survive this one, much less if it happen to anyone else.
As she walked passed Alden, she held out her hand, he gave her the bottle that was still half full. She walked past everyone into the house. Tabitha sat on the couch, taking the first of many drinks of the bottle.
Colt stepped off the porch to join Alden, “I don’t know what you want to do, but I’ll go get the shovel and start digging, just standing here is driving me nuts. I just need to do something; this is bringing back way too many memories for me.”
Alden nodded, “Take Charlie with you, I need to do something on my own for a bit. Just wait for me before anyone speaks of the actual burial.” Alden stood to walk away then turned back, “Colt, dig over there in the open, I plan on following a request.” Without any further explanation he turned and walked away.
Colt waved to Charlie, “Come on, we got things to do.”
Charlie shrugged to Beth and stepped off the porch to join Colt. When they got around the corner, Colt looked over at him, “We are on grave detail…but I don’t want the girls being around when we do it. It’s hard enough for us.”
Charlie was looking around the yard, “Ceara’s hiding in the barn, she did that last time she was upset too. I’ll go get her later, you’re right; they don’t need to be around for the set up… hell I don’t want to be around for it.”
Both walked to the barn to grab the shovels, Charlie looked for Ceara, but he just thought she was sitting in Spirit’s stall. By the time they had got back around front, Beth had gone inside, and Alden had gone wherever he was going. Colt and Charlie set to work under the afternoon sun.
Alden had gone inside and to his room. Opening up a small duffle bag he laid his hand on a set clothes that were special to him. Alden set them on the bed, reaching in the bag once more, he pulled out a medium size leather bag, adorned with light brown, leather fringe, and multicolored Indian beads. Carefully rolling both the clothes and bag, he tugged them under his arm and slipped out the back door, heading off into the desert.
An hour had passed as he came walking back with the sun to his back. At first, Charlie thought one of the Indians had returned, then noticed Alden familiar stride.
As he walked up to Colt and Charlie they looked at him confused.
Alden was wearing a white set of buckskins ornately adorned with beads. Across the chest were turquoise and coral stones. On his head was a leather band that held three Eagle feathers. Below each eye was a black mark in the shape of a tear.
Alden looked at the hole the two men had been working on. They had been able to get it about seven feet long three feet wide but only about three feet deep. Charlie looked at Alden then the hole, “Sorry Boss, it’s the best we could do so far. This stuff is like digging through concrete.”
Alden put his hand on Charlie and Colts shoulders, “This will do just fine. Now, go behind the barn and gather up some of the old wooden beams to build a Funeral Pyre. Heath had told me once that if he passed, he did not want to be buried he wanted to be cremated; so we will honor his final request in the native tradition.”
Colt and Charlie looked at each then turned to go gather the materials Alden wanted. As they got to the pile of beams, Colt looked to Charlie, “I understand that Alden wants to honor Heaths wishes, problem is… I don’t know how Tabitha will take this.”
Charlie threw some beams in a wheelbarrow, then glanced at Colt, “I really don’t think she’d mind, as long as Alden explains it to her. If she does…. well it’s going to be the way Alden wants it, she’ll have to accept it anyway.”
The two returned and laid the beams out on the ground. Alden reached into the leather bag and pulled out a roll of leather lace. “We’ll use this to lash the board together.”
Alden laid the boards out, kneeling down he began to weave the leather in and out till he got to the end. He cut it, and then tied it off. He went to the other end a repeated the process.
He stood up, and looked at the Colt and Charlie, “I want you two to do that four more times across the middle, while I lay out the support legs.”
It took the three men less than an hour to get the frame ready and load Heaths body onto it. Raising each end slowly to keep it level, Alden stopped the process only once to secure Heath’s body to it. Soon the frame was in place. Turning to the young men Alden looked grim, “Now comes the hard part, we need a lot of wood for a hot fire. Use the old scrap lumber, plus a few logs.”
Charlie looked over to Colt as they returned to the barn, “There’s some old fence lumber behind the barn; we can grab that first.”
Ceara rode for a while just trying to block out the world, she just wanted to forget anything and everything. Once she was out of sight of the house, Ceara kicked Spirit into a full run. She let him have the lead for several minutes dropping her head back, spreading her arms wide, and letting the wind whip through her hair.
After several minutes, Ceara pulled the reins up slowing Spirit to a stop. They had circled the lake and found a dock with a ramp that the locals must have used when the world was normal. As soon as Spirit stopped, she slid out of the saddle looking around to make sure there were no Wanderers around. Part of her wanted there to be some, but the sane part knew she was better off not finding them.
Ceara walked Spirit to a small group of trees, underneath was a patch of grass. She walked down the dock and sat on the end just watching the lake, fish were jumping every few minutes and several ducks were floating on the shimmering water. Ceara sat, swinging her feet off the end, wondering how long before she lost more and more. Her thoughts went to Maximus, his little face, his excitement, his training, and everything they had been through. She just never thought he would die, not before her. She knew that was what she had really thought, that she would be dead long before any of the others, including the dogs. No
w not only was Maximus gone but so was Heath.
“Oh shit, Heath!” She looked to the sky, “Thank you… wherever you are.. thank you for trying to help. I’m so sorry, I didn’t want any of this happen. I just wanted my dog to be safe! Please – Please.. you have to know that!”
Ceara lowered her head as her tears splashed onto her pant legs. She didn’t bother to wipe the tears away; she knew new ones would replace them, if she even tried. She wondered how she would face any of the others ever again, Ceara knew Tabitha probably hated her, she was probably wishing it was Ceara that was dead. She didn’t blame her, if it was Charlie and something Tabitha did caused his death Ceara knew she would never forgive Tabitha.
Ceara began watching the water just waiting for fish to jump, if she did go back, she would bring Charlie back here to go fishing. That brought back the memories of the river at Elephant Rock Park, where she, Charlie, and Tabitha had their fishing contest, that Charlie won. A small smile played on her lips when she thought about the Wanderers that attacked, and how she had thrown a fish at it. Tabitha had yelled at her for it, before she killed the one coming at her. Ceara hated the thought of Tabitha in pain and worse that she was the cause of it.
She lay back on the dock looking at the sky, watching clouds drift by….
A while later Ceara got up dusting off her jeans, slowly walking back to Spirit, she climbed in the saddle and kicked him into a trot, “Time to face the music, I may just sleep in the barn with you.”
Ceara rode up just as Charlie and Colt came around the barn, Charlie stopped dead in his tracks, “Where the hell have you been?”
Ceara pulled Spirit to a stop and slid out of the saddle, “I went for a ride.”
“A ride?!” Charlie’s voice was rising, “Alone?!”
Ceara shrugged and led Spirit to the front of the barn, with Charlie right on her heels, “What would possess you to go off alone? Haven’t we lost enough today?”
Ceara knew he would be mad, but she wasn’t in the mood to deal with it yet, “Charlie let it go! You don’t need to save me all the time; I can go where I want, when I want.”
Before she had a chance to even take Spirits bridle off, Charlie jerked her around holding her against the stall rail. “Is that what you think, I want to save you, that I want to control what you do. God, are you that stupid? I thought we loved each other, but maybe you aren’t so sure anymore.”
Ceara got a look of total confusion, “What does me loving you have to do with me doing what I want too?”
Charlie rolled his eyes, “We lost Max, we lost Heath, and you don’t think I might have major issues if I had come in here and saw you gone? What the hell do you think that would have done to me? Not to mention if Alden had been the one to figure out you left!”
“Charlie, go get the wood for the fire.”
Charlie and Ceara both jumped, Charlie looked to Ceara, in barely over a whisper, “I didn’t know he was coming.” He didn’t want her thinking he did this on purpose. He turned walking back out of the barn, leaving Ceara to face Alden alone.
Alden stepped into the stall petting Spirit. His voice was low but firm, “Did you take a weapon?”
“Yes”
“Did you go far?”
“No”
“Why did you leave, were you thinking of running away?”
Ceara looked off to the house, “I just needed away from everyone….. I didn’t know if anyone would even want me here anymore.”
Alden joined her at the stall gate, “It’s time for you to grow up Ceara, I’m not your dad, and I’m not your babysitter. You either face what happen, or hide, that is a choice you need to make. Not tomorrow, not next week, now!”
He turned her to face him, “We work as a unit, you found out today what happens when the unit fails. It is an extremely hard lesson to learn, but those are the ones that never leave us.”
Ceara was crying again, “How am I going to face Tabitha?
Alden wrapped her into a hug, “However you need to, but you can do this.”
Ceara cried on his chest for several minutes before he set her away from him, “No more running?”
She shook her head as she wiped her nose on her shirttail, “No, I’ll face it…” Ceara started out of the barn then turned back to Alden. “Are we having a service for Heath?”
“Yes, in about an hour, Running Buffalo brought him back, that was why they came.”
Ceara nodded, “Did they bring…?” Alden shook his head, “We will go get him, I won’t leave him out there.”
Ceara nodded again and headed to the house.
She walked in the back door and stood in the kitchen wondering if she was ready to face Tabitha. Ceara turned to go back out the door when Beth walked in the kitchen, “Where are you going?”
Ceara stopped with her hand on the screen door, “Oh I was just going to see if the guys needed any help.”
“Didn’t you just come inside?”
“Umm yeah well I forgot to ask so I was going to go back out and…. well ask.”
Beth had a knowing smile, “She isn’t armed, if that’s what has you all nervous. Seriously though Ceara, you need to go see her, she is mad… I won’t lie to you, but better to face things head on instead of letting it build up to something bigger than it is.”
Ceara gave Beth a look of both anger and confusion, “You don’t think this is a big deal?”
Beth waved her hand, “Oh don’t misunderstand me, what happened is a very big deal! Since we have all been together, we have not had to deal with a loss. I believe that we all had it in our heads, that as long as we stuck together, all the loss was behind us. To be honest, this should have been expected… not easy, not wanted, and certainly not needed, but expected…yes.”
Ceara flopped down into one of the kitchen chairs, “You may have expected it but I didn’t!”
Beth joined her at the table, “I didn’t say I expected it, I didn’t. What I said was, we should have, and maybe we would have been a little more prepared.”
Ceara shook her head no, “I don’t think so, and I don’t like how it is now. Now we are all just like we were when we were all alone, we’re scared again. I hate it!”
Beth leaned on the table, looking Ceara right in the eyes, “Honey, I am not trying to be hateful or tell you that your loss is less than it is, but Tabitha lost a man she was falling in love with. Now you think about her life, and just think what walls she dropped to allow that to even begin, only to have the love ripped from her.”
Ceara looked shocked, “She admitted that to you?
Beth had a sad smile play across her lips, “No, she would never admit that, but I am trained to read people.”
Ceara laid her hands on the table playing with salt shaker. When she spoke it was barely over a whisper, “Does she blame me? Does she hate me?”
“Why not just ask me?” Tabitha had walked into the kitchen doorway without Ceara or Beth hearing her.
Ceara looked up quickly, but just as quick dropped her eyes, “Do you blame me?”
Tabitha walked to the sink setting the now empty bottle of Jim Beam down, then turned back to face Ceara, “Well, let’s do the math…. it was your dog, you didn’t take the time to train him but expected Alden to do it for you. When he did run off, you didn’t think about the rest of us at all, you just took off after him. THEN you got stuck, putting you and Charlie at risk. Did you think then Red? Did your brain kick in by then, or were you still just worried about your damn dog?”
Ceara sat in silence and Tabitha slammed her hand on the counter screaming, “God Damn it! You own me an explanation! Did you… or did you not grow a brain out there?”
Ceara had tears in her eyes when she finally looked back at Tabitha, “I didn’t mean for that to happen!”
“Don’t you dare start with the tears with me, Red!”
“I’m not starting anything with you, forgive me for having feelings!”
Beth was glad that Ceara was standing up for her
self, but she didn’t want this getting out of control, “We all suffered today, we all lost.” She looked to Tabitha, “Some lost more than others, but we all still lost. We have a choice here. We can turn on each other, or we can band together tighter than before to make sure this doesn’t happen again. I’m hoping you two can see the right thing to do. You both need to work through this.” She stood and left the kitchen.
Ceara looked at Tabitha, “To answer your question, no I wasn’t thinking… actually I was thinking. I was thinking that the dog I LOVED, the dog that protected me when I had no one, was about to get mauled by about a hundred Wanderers. I couldn’t just sit there and watch it. Yes, I did leave the training to Alden! You want to know why? No, not because I was lazy, but because Alden needed him to be like Tonto, and obey the same commands. Was I supposed to undermine that? So I made a poor choice out there, but I can’t honestly say I would not do it again if I had a do over. You loved Heath, well guess what…. I loved Maximus!”
Ceara got up and stormed to the back door, “Tabitha, I care about you, but if you can’t forgive me, I will accept that and stay away from you. I will give you some time.” Ceara walked out the back door to leave Tabitha alone.
Alden had saddled his horse and placed an extra blanket roll on it as Ceara headed to the house. He rode off to where the battle had been. Arriving at the scene, he stopped and looked over the carnage below. A few of the Wanderers were still moving, but had been injured so bad they were unable to walk anymore. Working his horse slowly down the side ridge and to the area he knew was looking for. He picked his way through the bodies carefully until he came to what remained of Maximus.
Dismounting he took the blanket roll off the back and laid it next to the dog. Alden worked slowly, trying to keep the body as intact as much as he could. Maximus had suffered horrible wounds from the ripping and tearing by the Wanderers, but he had gone down fighting.
Surviving Day By Day (Book 2): Fears, Flames, and Future Page 56