by Carré White
“He’s smitten.”
That was utterly ridiculous. “No, he’s not. With me?”
“I do believe so, unless there was a ghost standing behind you.”
“He was only…being polite.”
“Ha! I think he’s sweet on you. He didn’t say one word during lunch. He was too busy staring at you.”
“Oh, stop that.” As I went to the door, I couldn’t help wondering if what she had said were true, but none of it mattered in the end, as I was already spoken for. My beau was in the mountains for a spell, and, when he returned, he would ask for my hand.
Charlie’s nap was lengthy enough to allow Hannah and I a bit of a respite, chatting while drinking tea for an hour, and then dinner preparations needed to be attended to. Before I left to retrieve my siblings from town, I folded the laundry on the line, glancing into the field often to observe the men digging trenches, which I assumed were for irrigation purposes.
“I’m off,” I said, approaching Hannah, who stood on the front porch.
“That was fast.” She hugged me, while Charlie ran after a chicken. “I don’t think he’ll catch it.”
“Did it get loose?”
“Yes,” she laughed. “Now we’ll spend the rest of the day going after the darn thing. But it’s wonderful exercise for him. He’ll be plum tuckered out by supper.” The little boy stumbled after the animal, shrieking with happiness, but the bird was faster, easily escaping his clutches.
“I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Enjoy the ride. It’s beautiful.” She scanned the horizon. “We really could use some rain, though.”
The horse was already yoked to the wagon, which Nathan had been kind enough to attend to. I grasped the reins. “Bye, Charlie!”
Letty had come out to the porch. “You can’t leave yet! We didn’t have story time.”
“I’m sorry, pumpkin. We’ll do it tomorrow, I promise.”
Her lower lip protruded. “Oh, fine.”
“Go on, Sally Anne,” I called to the horse. “Go, girl.” I waved to Hannah, glancing over my shoulder, as she stood in the yard with her children. Today had been productive, but there would be more work tomorrow. It never ended.
Later that day, while Mary and Susanna helped make dinner, I had some time alone. Finding solitude in the bedchamber, I sat in the corner and read poetry, John Keats being one of my favorites. I adored “Bright Star”, and I couldn’t help wondering whom he had written it for. His wild romanticism appealed to me at the moment, as I yearned for the feelings it evoked. But my solitude didn’t last long, as I had to put the book away, having been called to dinner.
In the morning, the house was alive with a chorus of noises, the sound of feet stomping and boyish laughter. After I had shepherded my siblings outside and into the wagon, Fanny appeared to bid us farewell. She held Thomas in her arms.
“How I wish you could stay.”
“You need a maid, Fanny. Someone like Hannah has.”
“I know, but it’s not so bad when you’re here. What a long week, and it’s only Tuesday.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No need. I’m just spoiled having you help me.”
Jack had been kind enough to prepare the wagon for us. He was on his way to the barn. “Have a safe trip! I have a list of chores for everyone, for later,” he called. This announcement was met with groans and unhappy rumblings.
“I’ll see how much I can get done today,” said Fanny. “It might not be all that bad. Thomas can play while I do the mending. Then I can change the bedding when he’s asleep.” She waved to me. “You go now. You don’t want to be late.”
“I’ll see you later, then.” I grasped the reins, calling to Sally Anne, “Yah! Go on.”
After I had taken my siblings to town, I returned to the Weaver farm, feeling surprisingly energized for another day of work. After escorting Sally Anne into the paddock, I entered the house, finding Hannah in the kitchen. There were dishes in piles leftover from breakfast.
“I woke up too late,” she said, looking slightly frazzled.
“What do you need me to do?”
“Go get water, and we’ll clean these.”
I took a bucket from beneath the sink. “I’ll be back.”
“Thank you, Jane. By golly, what a mess.”
The rest of the morning we cleaned and baked, preparing for lunch, which would be fried chicken with broiled potatoes and greens from the garden. When the ranch hands arrived, they were startled to find such an offering, enjoying the taste of the chicken and reaching for seconds. My mother had a wonderful recipe for fried chicken, which I had committed to memory.
“This is the best chicken you’ve done yet, Hannah,” said Nathan, grinning while chewing.
“Jane’s responsible for the chicken. I made the collard greens and potatoes.”
“Thank you, Jane. This is delicious.”
“You’re welcome.”
I adored praise, and I particularly enjoyed pleasing Hannah and her husband, feeling that I had been useful. Ryan Hartsock continued to be quiet, but he was easy to read in that moment. He chewed heartily, devouring the food, while eyeing me. The meal met with his approval. I sat across from him, while Hannah was to my left.
“She’s going to make Wesley a fine wife, I’d say,” said Nathan.
I hadn’t been expecting that, and I flushed, feeling embarrassed. I’d hardly thought about Wesley at all these last two days, but now everyone, including Ryan Hartsock, would know that I was intended for him.
“Well, he hasn’t asked her to marry him yet.” Hannah reached for the butter. “I wouldn’t put the cart before the horse, honey. Life has a funny way of offering up lots of surprises.”
He considered her statement, eyeing the men at the table. “Well, I thought that was a done deal.”
This was mortifying! They were discussing my love life in the open. I got up quickly, nearly knocking the chair backwards. “Uh, I’ve…excuse me for a moment. I’ll be right back.”
As I dashed for the kitchen door, I heard Hannah giggle, “Was it something we said?”
Chapter Five
At half past two, Charlie went missing. Letty was the first to inform me. “He’s gone again, Jane.” She stood with her hands on her hips, appearing far older than her age. “He’s awfully quick when he escapes too. Just as fast as those pigs.”
“You didn’t happen to see what direction he went, did you?”
“No, ma’am.”
Hannah was in the backyard, beating the dust out of several carpets. “I’ll go see where he went.”
“I’ll help you.”
“Thank you, Letty.”
“Baby brothers are hard work.”
We were on the porch, as I scanned the yard. “They sure are.”
There was a bunkhouse across the way, but, because all the beds were taken, Ryan had erected a tipi, which sat across an empty field on its own. Mr. Hartsock was not only a quiet, shy sort of man, but he seemed to prefer to be by himself. I set out with Letty, wandering in the direction of the tipi, thinking that this would be of interest to a little boy.
“He might be in here.” I opened the flap in the buffalo skin and got the shock of my life. Instead of finding Charlie, Mr. Hartsock stood before me in all his glory, having taken that moment to change his clothing. “Oh!” He turned to see who had invaded his privacy, and, upon apprehending me, he’d frozen. I’d gotten more than an eyeful of his person, everything from toned arms, to a lean torso, and firm thighs. I’d never seen a man naked before, and the shock of the situation left me reeling with embarrassment, mortification, and shame. “He’s not in there.” I dropped the flap, as if I’d been burned, taking Letty’s hand. She had not seen what I had. “Oh, golly gosh. How awful. What a pickle.”
“What’s awful, Jane?”
“N-nothing.”
Images, unbidden and unwanted, drifted through my mind. I would never be able to erase what I had seen. What was worse was tha
t I hadn’t a clue that men were so…so lean. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on him, and his…backside had looked…oh, gracious. I couldn’t even let myself think on this topic for another moment, but my mind had other ideas.
We found Charlie a short while later in Nathan’s arms. The boy had escaped into the field to find his father. I resumed mopping the floors, but images of Ryan continued to torment me. Feelings of embarrassment were acute, yet mixed with curiosity, as I had been given a glimpse of a mystery that had yet to be unraveled.
When it was time for me to leave, I bid Hannah goodbye. She sat with Letty and Charlie in the parlor, as we had been reading to them. “I’ll go now.” I tied the sash of the bonnet beneath my chin.
“Thank you so much, Hannah. Tomorrow should be better. I’m all caught up with the housework, and Nathan gave the ranch hands part of the day off. I need to go to town. Maybe we could go together, especially if I can get Nathan to watch the children.”
“That sounds nice.”
“Have a safe journey.”
I was nearly to the door. “I will. See you tomorrow.”
“Goodbye.”
In the yard, I went to the paddock to retrieve Sally Anne; the horse has been grazing for the better part of the day. I led her from the enclosure, mindful not to step in anything foul, and, nearing the gate, a man stood before me. It was Mr. Hartsock. Stifling a gasp, I could hardly meet his gaze, staring at the ground beneath my feet.
“You scared me.”
“I can do this for you.” He began to bridle the horse, gently encouraging Sally Anne to lower her head to accept the bit in her mouth.
“Thank you, sir.”
He said nothing, as he worked, attaching the breast strap and tightening the girth. After the breeching had been placed over her back, he brought up the wagon. Sally Anne was affixed within moments, Ryan re-checking the straps and buckles for proper fitting.
He turned to face me; his eyes were shaded beneath the brim of a wide hat. “Here.”
“You didn’t have to do that. I could’ve managed.”
“It was no trouble.”
I felt compelled to say something, anything about what had happened earlier. “I-I’m sorry I invaded your privacy. I didn’t know you were…um…in the tipi. We were looking for Charlie. I’m dreadfully sorry…about everything.”
A hint of a smile appeared, his eyes lingering on me. “You’re more than welcome to visit any time you like.”
The tone in his voice left me with little doubt that he wasn’t the least bit bothered by the fact that I had seen him naked, quite the opposite, actually. Shocked and flustered, I stepped onto the wagon, but he had anticipated this move, placing a hand under my elbow.
“I don’t believe I will, sir. That would be improper.” Now he smirked, which stoked a growing sense of indignation. “Good day,” I said crisply. He stepped back from the wagon, as I urged Sally Anne forward. As I began to trundle to the road, I couldn’t resist glancing over my shoulder, where I saw him standing in the yard, gazing after me. Then I chastised myself for looking, forcing my head forward, while my backbone pricked with awareness.
After I had retrieved everyone from town, the conversation was lively on the way to Fanny’s house, with my siblings all wanting to speak at once.
“Emma deserved her punishment,” said Peter. “That’s what happens when you cheat.”
“You fancy the girl, that’s why you’re treating her this way,” said Mary.
“I do not!” His face betrayed annoyance. “I don’t care one wit about that horse-mouthed girl. Not one!”
“I’ve arithmetic to do, Jane,” said Susanna. “I haven’t a clue how to work these problems.”
“You flirt with her as often as you can.” Mary had turned around to face her brother, who sat in the bed of the wagon. “I’ve seen you plenty, Peter. You can try to deny it, but everyone knows the truth.”
“You’re a pig-headed mule, Mary. Ain’t she, Connor?”
“I’m not gonna get dragged into this argument.”
“You’ll help me, won’t you, Jane?” asked Susanna.
I was hardly cognizant of the discussion, which was rapidly deteriorating, my mind pleasurably occupied with other…things.
“Boys who chase girls around do so because they fancy them. There’s nothing wrong with Emma’s mouth. Her teeth are perfectly fine. You secretly want to be her beau so you can kiss her.”
“Why, just shut up about that now, Mary!”
Peter’s shouting finally broke through. “What? Settle down, for Pity’s sakes.”
“You’ve not been listening at all, have you Jane?” accused Susanna.
“Of course I have.”
“Then what did I say?” She stared at me with naked accusation.
“You…were having some trouble.”
“I thought so. Something’s sure got your mind occupied. I need help with math problems.”
“Did you bring your notes home?”
“Yes, I did.”
“We’ll look at them after you’ve done your chores.”
The mention of chores brought forth many displeased responses. We were nearly at the house, and the day, which had been filled with surprises, would soon be over. Everyone scrambled from the wagon, after I had stopped in the yard, Fanny appearing on the steps with Thomas in her arms.
“Things were so quiet today. I dare say; I missed you noisy rascals.” Did you have a good day, Jane? You look a little peaked.”
I began to free Sally Anne from the harness. “I’m fine. Perfectly fine.”
“How’s Hannah?”
“Well, her carpets are clean now.” I led the horse to the barn.
“When you’re done with hers, you should come do mine. There’s six weeks worth of dust in them.”
There was never an opportunity for privacy in a house filled with so many people, and this was especially true with bathing. Once a week, whether we needed it or not, everyone took a bath, although the boys were the most difficult. Water was heated in the kitchen and a large tub brought in, although it was never filled to capacity. The girls would take turns scrubbing and rinsing hair, while the boys waited. Old water would be thrown into the garden by the bucketful and new water brought in. It was an exhausting process, but I was determined to do it.
That night, we sat in the parlor with a book, although we had already read it before. Thomas played on the floor with blocks, and Fanny knitted. I sat behind a small desk, writing a letter to an old friend from Missouri.
Jack reclined on the sofa next to Susanna. When it was his turn to read, he murmured, “Just think. A few years ago, I was in my humble little apartment over the bakery reading and working on papers in peace and solitude. Now here I am with a passel of children.” He grinned, hiding his face in the book.
“What was that?” asked Fanny, who fought a smile.
“Just commenting on life, my dear.”
Fanny hadn’t wanted the responsibility of five children, and my uncle, Jason, had misled her on this topic. It had been a shock when she had first found out, and she hadn’t been all that happy, blaming everyone, including Jack. But now, three years later, things had settled nicely, and we were indeed a large and unruly family.
Later, when we were getting ready for bed, I headed out to the privy, holding the lantern to guide the way. When I had finished my business, I stopped to stare at the moon, finding it incredibly large and nearly orange in color. It gave off enough light to illuminate the yard, but the fields remained in shadow. It was chilly, the heat of summer was yet upon us, but I could sense the change.
My beau, Wesley, was far away now, over the mountains, and I hadn’t thought of him at all today, until now. I hadn’t seen him for weeks, but when he was in town, he worked as well, doing the odd job here and there. What sort of a life would he provide for me once we were married? Where would we live? Leaning against a fence, I stared at the sky, wishing I could find the answers to all my questions, but not
hing came. It was at this time of night that I always felt most alone. I stared at the stars, wondering just how many there were, but I would never be able to count them. Then I returned to the house, locking the door behind me.
I was one of the first awake the next morning, wanting to make myself presentable. I planned on wearing a nicer dress. A hooped petticoat helped the flounced skirt to fan out prettily. Hannah and I would be in town today, and I looked forward to the post office and sending my letters. I’d written to Wesley, detailing my week at the Weavers, although I had failed to mention seeing Mr. Hartsock…naked. That was a secret I would take to the grave.
We’d gotten a bit of late frost this morning; the air was nippy. Everyone was bundled in sack coats and shawls, I wearing a cape that matched the color of my bonnet. After my charges had been dropped off, I hurried to the Weaver farm, feeling a sense of jubilation, but there was no reason that I could think of for this pleasantness of mind. I left Sally Anne in the yard, tying her to the hitching post, while hurrying for the front porch. I found Hannah in the kitchen, washing dishes.
“Good morning, Jane.”
“Good morning.”
She eyed me. “Don’t you look lovely. What a pretty dress. Now I feel inclined to wear something nicer.”
“It’s not often I go to town, well, other than taking everyone to school. I hope we’re able to wander around a bit. I’d love to stop at the mercantile.”
“Of course.” She dried her hands on a small towel. “Nathan has promised to watch over Letty and Charles. We are free to do as we wish, but we might have to make lunch still.”
“I suppose there’s no such thing as a free day,” I laughed.
“No. Not on a farm. I’ve already milked the cow. The boys were tending to the cattle earlier, and they’ve only just come back.” She pointed to the table. “Have a seat. I’ll just change, and then we can be on our way.”
“Fine.” When she returned, she wore a cream-colored morning dress with a royal blue shawl. “I’ll need my handbag, and then we can go.” I followed her to the door. Sally Anne waited patiently, finding long blades of grass on the other side of the post to eat. “Mr. Hartsock!” she called. “We’re ready now!”