by Leah Cook
“Wait…Scott.” As we moved to the ground I knew then that I was lost to him, but this isn’t how I wanted my first time to be. Not here and not after everything that had happened today. But my body was betraying me and responding to him as fast as he seemed to be to me. He leaned over me, his hand gently caressing my knee, my thigh. I was almost breathless, completely lost in the sensation that was taking control of my body, my soul, my core.
“Scott…please…I…” I drew in a sharp breath as his fingers teased ever so slowly over my damp underwear. I tore my mouth away from his and pushed him up. “I can’t, we need to stop, I’m….”
“You’re a virgin.” he said. It wasn’t a question, it was statement.
I sat up pulling away from him and drew my knees up to my chest, protecting myself, my heart still pounding. I could still feel his touch lingering on my aroused skin.
“Yes.” I answered truthfully. “I just can’t tonight, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you go so far. I should have told you.”
“I enjoyed what we did tonight Ruby. I don’t need any more until you are completely ready for that. I’m sorry I didn’t realise, you just take over my senses when I touch you. It’s like you can enter my skin, setting off all the nerves.”
“It’s the same for me too, I’ve never felt anything like it.”
He drew me into a cuddle, cradling my head to his shoulder. “I’ll wait, as long as you need, I’ll wait. Just tell me when to stop, and we’ll stop.”
I needed to know what we were. What we were doing together. We barely knew each other and I was thinking about sex with him.
“Scott, what are we?”
“We’re special, that’s what we are. He gently tilted my head up so he could look at me in the eyes. “I want to be with you, I want nobody else. I want you to be mine.”
“Right when I’m ready to run away from you, you go and say something like that.” I felt absolute love for him, despite the short length of our relationship.
To his credit he didn’t say anything back. Smiling down at me and gave me a soft kiss that barely touched my lips. Despite its faintness I felt it right down into my core, like he was touching my soul and not just my lips. When I finally opened my eyes and looked into his, they looked blue, a brilliant summer sky blue. He broke the contact and stood up.
I pulled away from him taking a step back. As I did I tripped on a branch that I hadn’t noticed and fell to the ground, ripping my dress completely up one side to my hip.
“Are you okay?” Scott asked.
“Your eyes!” I pointed at him my hand shaking as I scurried to my feet, not caring that he could most likely see my underwear.
“What about them? Did you hit your head or something? Why the hell are you looking at me like I’ve suddenly grown an extra head?”
“Your eyes! Dammit Scott they were just blue! Bright blue!” I stood my ground as he reached for me, the branch that I had fallen over lying between us.
Scott held out his phone, the screen illuminated and casting a blue light between us. “It was just the light from the phone, Ruby.” He sighed heavily and ran his hand threw his hair. “I think you were right, I should have let you stay home tonight. This was just too much. Come on, it’s getting late, we better head back.” Scott held his hand for me to take. I hesitated as I let my mind process what he had said. Of course it was the phone. That at least made more sense than me thinking…well whatever I was thinking! I stepped over the branch and we silently made our way back to the bonfire. Thankfully it was clumsy free.
It was much quieter when we got back, most people had paired off or into smaller groups. Most were lying on the ground, some were lying on top of each other, either not aware that others could see their making out, or simply didn’t care. I never understood public displays of affection to that extent. Kissing was one thing, but to be that far gone, that aroused, that into it? That was a private thing, a moment that nobody else needed to share. I noticed two couples whose clothes were the only thing preventing them from having sex.
I felt myself blushing and looked away from the erotic scene in front of me.
“Let’s just go, Rubes.” Scott said as he gently pulled me towards the car. “It’s nearly time for you to be home anyway and I certainly don’t want to be responsible for getting on your mother’s bad side, or your father’s either for that matter, he definitely scares me more.”
“I’m not sure why, but she adores you.” I realised immediately how rude that comment had sounded and quickly tried to cover up by speed talking. “Not that there’s nothing to adore! It’s just that she has never approved of my boy friends before. Let alone a boyfriend. And just for the record, my father will hate any boy I like.”
“I’m sure I’ll win him over,” he said confidently as he opened my door for me giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek as I got in and whispered how much he liked the new changes to my dress. Looking down I realised my entire leg including my thigh had been exposed when I sat down in the car. My Mini Mouse underwear had even made an appearance. Immediately I blushed mortified that he had seen my very childish panties.
“I’m starting to think that you’re making me blush on purpose you know.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The cheeky little grin on his face telling me otherwise. “Oh and I suddenly have a craving to watch the Mickey Mouse and Friends show.” He laughed as I playfully smacked him on the arm and we drove down the pot hole filled road both smiling to ourselves.
CHAPTER 7
I spent Saturday finishing an assignment and doing some study. Maths was definitely not my strongest subject so I needed to spend extra time on it than some of my easier subjects. My English assignment was already done. I’d already studied the book at my old school and I was able to recycle the assignment I had written. I’d tidied it up and added some more points, but it hadn’t been too time consuming. I’d spent hours putting it together last year and had received a good grade for it, so I wasn’t worried about turning it in for a second time.
By early afternoon I’d had enough of being cooped up inside and Phoenix had been whining at me to play, when he wasn’t asleep on my feet. I scooped him up, grabbed my phone and headed outside. Surprised to find not just my mother, but my father tending to the growing veggie patch, and chatting easily together. Surprised, because my father never gardened, ever, it just wasn’t his thing, and also because he was supposed to be away for work. My not so green thumb had apparently been inherited from him, my mother’s extremely green thumb had kept us in home grown fruit and vegetables since I was little. She enjoyed the time pottering and tending to them, and loved cooking with her own produce. We often had an abundance of extra vegetables so she would box it all up and take it down to St Vinnie’s or the Salvo’s to go to people who in need of it. I think her garden was the hardest thing for her to leave when we left the city, but she hasn’t wasted any time in making use of the larger space she had to work with here. New fruit trees had been planted sometime during the week. They would take a couple of years to establish themselves but she would tend to them and give them everything they needed to supply us with a substantial haul in their first seasons of fruiting.
“Hey”. I said as I sat down next to the raised beds and played with Phoenix.
“Taking a break honey?” My mother sat back on her heels to study me.
“I thought you were working until Monday?” I asked my father as he too sat up and looked at me.
“I got six hours into the flight and the client cancelled and rescheduled, apparently completely forgetting that we were coming.” His gaze grew more intense. “It’s okay to have fun too you know, Ruby. Sometimes I wonder if you hide yourself in your books instead of going out and enjoying yourself.” My father’s words sounded nothing like what normally came out of his mouth. I floundered trying to find something to say in response but came up with nothing. I was relieved when he sensed my hesitation. “Your mother tells me she’s be
en letting you go out a bit more. I know I have been a little…well protective of you Ruby, but you know I mean well.”
“Yeah, I know.” I avoided his eyes and roughed up Phoenix who was pulling on the bottom of my jeans.
“But you’re not a child anymore, and your mother was right to give you some room to go out with your friends.” He came and sat down next to me and gave Phoenix a little pat on the head, a huge thing for someone that’s always hated dogs. “I don’t want you to come to a small town and not be able to make friends. There’s not that much here for teenagers and we’re here for the long haul. So I’d better get used to the fact that you’re not my little girl anymore.”
“You’re not going to cry are you Dad?” I gently nudged him jokingly trying to put some humour into the conversation. I looked up to meet his gaze, I noticed that his eyes were in fact a little damp.
“I haven’t been the best father to you Ruby, or the best husband to your mother. This move was not just about work. It’s also so that I don’t lose you or your mother to my job. It’s just not that important anymore.” Gently he put his arm around my shoulders. “I promise to not freak out when you want to see your friends, particularly boys. Although, that idea still scares the shit out of me by the way.”
“Dad!” I rarely heard him swear. He laughed at my reaction and so did my mother, her gentle smile lighting up her face. I wasn’t sure if that was because my father was talking to me about how he felt or because of him swearing.
“Well, your mum told me about that boy Scott, that’s been coming around. She approves of him and said that he’s a nice boy with nice manners. Apparently he even helped her in the garden! Considering she never liked Jake, I guess that’s good enough for me.” He stood up and went back to my mother’s side in the dirt, she placed her hand in his and gently squeezed, her own eyes a little watery.
“He is nice and I really like him,” I answered truthfully. “I don’t have many friends here yet and I’d like the time to get to know the ones I do have.” Standing up, I brushed off the dirt. “I’m on top of my school work, don’t worry.”
“Ruby, you’ve been a fantastic student all your life. That’s one thing I’m so proud of you for. We have never had to bug you about school, you accept that as your own responsibility.” He picked up a small shovel and begun digging in the dirt to signal that the conversation was over.
“I’m going to take Phoenix for a walk. I’ll try not to have anyone die on me today.”
They both looked at me, what looked like confusion on their faces, unsure whether to laugh to tell me off. “I’ll see you later.”
I walked to the lake with Phoenix pulling on his lead for most of the walk, I realised that I hadn’t taken him for a couple of days. Pulling him back into line we continued to walk further around the lake instead of stopping at our usual place. A few other people were out walking; families with young children on bikes and people running and walking.
I mulled over the conversation I’d just had with my parents. Unsure of what had changed so significantly to make them this easy going about my freedom, particularly my father. It was true though I’d never given them much cause for concern before, except for Jake, but that never really went anywhere anyway. I wondered what would have happened had we stayed in the city. After all Jake had only broken up with me because I was moving. I shuddered at the thought of giving myself to him instead of Scott. I imagined the sex with him would have been stagnant and all about him. However, when I imaged sex with Scott, well it wasn’t PG rated that’s for sure. I couldn’t believe I was even thinking of doing something like that with Scott after the short time we’d known each other. Everything in my body told me that I was ready to be with him, I just needed to convince my brain that I was ready. Was I ready? When I was with Scott I felt more than ready, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was rushing it because of the intensity of our physical connection. I sighed and plonked down on a bench for a rest, Phoenix gladly sitting on my feet.
I looked over the lake and remembered Krystal’s face as she died in front of me. Her funeral was on Tuesday and I had full intentions of going. Her parents had already asked if I would go after speaking to my mother that morning. I wasn’t sure why they wanted me there, but I couldn’t deny Krystal’s grieving parents their request. I couldn’t believe they had already organised the funeral, it seemed so fast.
I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I realised that it might help me let go of the confusion I felt over her death. I still didn’t know why she had died. Nobody was be able to give me any answers. Everyone simply calling it tragic and immensely sad.
After walking the entire lake perimeter we headed home. Phoenix went straight for his water bowl, noisily slurping up mouthfuls of water. Then collapsed on his outdoor bed with an exhausted sigh.
I smiled watching my parents still working in the garden. They didn’t even notice I was there, too engrossed in whatever they were talking about. I went inside for a much needed drink and decided to make a start on dinner and surprise my parents.
I cracked a can of Coke Zero, my favourite soft drink and guilty pleasure. I pulled my phone out of my pocket as it dinged a message notification. I really needed to get some decent ringtones having never changed it from the stock standard ones that it had come pre-set with. The message was from Claire asking why I hadn’t returned any of her calls. That’s probably because I never got any calls from her since we’d last spoke. Guiltily I realised that I’d forgotten about her this week, and although it had been a long one, she was still my best friend. I wondered what was holding me back from confiding in her about Scott.
I messaged her back telling her I’d never received a missed call from her, I went through my phone and there were no incoming calls from her at all. After a minute I received a message that read, unable to send. I tried a few more times before I gave up and went upstairs to email her.
I typed in a long winded email about everything that had happened and told her I would call this week. Hitting send, I headed back to the kitchen and started chopping vegetables for dinner. I was bopping along to Bruno Mars’ Marry You when my mobile rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey Ruby, its Scott.” Damn it, even his voice made me blush. “Stop blushing, I haven’t even said anything except hi yet.”
“I’d love to know how you even know I’m blushing.” I stopped cutting the vegetables for the casserole unable to concentrate with Scott on the phone.
“I know how I make you feel, you do the same thing to me remember?”
“You don’t blush at all.” I replied.
“No, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same way.” He sounded so relaxed, even though this was a pretty comfortable conversation. “I was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie later?”
“Um, I’ll have to ask.” My father walked in halfway into my reply. “Dad, can I go over to Scott’s later and watch a movie?”
Without even hesitating he gave me permission telling me to be home by eleven the same as the previous night’s curfew given by my mother.
“Wow that was easy. Can I have your address? I’ll come by after dinner.” I picked up a pen, noticing my hand was trembling slightly at the thought of more time together, and the prospect of meeting his parents.
“I’ll come and get you at six thirty and I’ll even have you home on time.” He laughed.
I hung up my smiling so hard it almost hurt my cheeks. I closed my eyes for a second and tried to get my body to listen to my head instead of my hormones. It didn’t work.
“What are you smiling about? Wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain blue eyed young man would it?” My mother gave me a knowing smile of her own. “I remember feeling that way whenever I got ready to see your father. I still feel that way if he’s been away for a while.”
Blushing harder I gratefully handed over the dinner preparations and went upstairs to my room. Checking my emails to see if Claire had replied I
noticed a message that read unable to deliver email, unknown address. Had she changed email addresses? I jumped onto Facebook as a last resort, I didn’t really use the social networking side much but I knew she was contactable on there. Or so I thought. I couldn’t find her in my friends list or even when I did a search. Picking up my phone I dialled her number. “This number is not available. Please check the number before trying again.” came the automated response. I dialled a second time and then a final third, each time I got the same message.
What the hell was going on? I couldn’t reach Claire at all. I felt sick at the thought of her ‘unfriending’ me on Facebook and blocking me completely over a few missed calls. But going as far as deleting her email account and changing her mobile number? That just hurt.
I heard my email ping and quickly opened the program thinking it would be Claire. I looked at the sender and it looked like it had come from a mobile number. The subject line simply read “I thought you would like to see this.”
I clicked open the email and gasped at the images contained in the email, a mixture of shock and hate building up within me. There was Jake and Claire, holding hands at school, kissing down the street and out the front of her house. I scrolled further through the email, not wanting to look but unable to look away either. There were more intimate shots; them at the park with Claire sitting on top of his lap as he fondled her breasts. The final image I knew would be burned into my memory forever. It had been taken through a window. Jake and Claire were in her bedroom, having sex. I would recognise her bedroom anywhere. She had this Tweety Bird doona cover that she’d had since she was ten and a framed P!nk poster from a concert we’d both been to.
Jake had her bent over the side of her bed and was taking her from behind, her hair wrapped tightly around his fist pulling her head back. Their faces had been captured with absolute lust and arousal. I looked next to her bed noticing the photograph of us together from Christmas was face down on her bedside table. Well at least she felt guilty enough to not have me in the room I thought.