As I stood there and watched the three tiny, brand new lives squirm and sleep inside those clear rolling baskets, I couldn’t conjure up any of the anger that usually was so quick to come.
I should be frothing at the mouth right now for a piece of Blanchard, for what he’d done.
But all I could see were those three tiny babies and hear that one terrifying word on repeat: Maybe.
I was terrified she was pregnant. I was terrified she wasn’t.
I didn’t want a baby. That baby is part of Ivy. Part of me.
How the hell did this happen? How long has she known? Why didn’t she tell me?
Maybe.
One of the babies, bundled up in blue, somehow got his hand free of the tightly wrapped blanket (for real, though, he looked like a burrito) and his miniature fist started waving around like he had no control over the thing whatsoever.
I stared at him, totally entranced as his fist shook and he began to fuss.
Babies were loud.
They needed lots of stuff.
Somehow he managed to stuff part of his hand into his mouth. His fussing quieted as he sucked at his fingers.
He was kinda cute.
Abruptly, I spun away from the glass and leaned my back against it instead, kicking out one of my legs and crossing my arms over my chest. The white tile floors were shiny underfoot, and people bustled around up the hall.
But for some unspoken reason, no one came down the hall where I stood. They left me here in peace to drown in thoughts and misery.
I don’t know how much time passed. It likely wasn’t long. Just long enough for me to freak out away from prying eyes.
A body settled next to mine, taking up almost the same stance against the glass. I didn’t have to look to know who it was. There was only one person it could be.
“Figured you’d be here,” Romeo said.
“I needed a minute, just some time to… ah, think.”
“Ivy?” he asked.
I shook my head once. “Don’t know. Kicked me out of the room for an exam.” I rubbed a hand over my face and groaned.
God, she was a wreck. She couldn’t stop crying, and the way she kept hunching in on herself, around our child… protecting the piece of us that was growing inside her.
She needed an anchor right now, but I felt like a boat with a hole in it.
I was taking on water, filling up slowly, and I was beginning to sink. I felt as helpless right now as I had the night I watched Zach’s BMW flip over three times.
“So we’re waiting…” Romeo surmised.
“Yeah.” I leaned my head back against the glass, looking up at the ceiling.
We stood there in silence together for a few minutes. He didn’t say anything. He was just there.
Like a brother.
“Where is everyone?” I asked.
“In the waiting room.”
“Drew still gonna beat my ass?”
“He’ll have to go through me.”
“I don’t need you to fight my battles, Rome.”
“I know.”
We lapsed into silence again.
“I don’t know anything about being a father,” I whispered.
“I don’t think anyone knows anything about being a father,” he whispered back.
“Mine sure as hell didn’t. Fucked me up good.”
“What’s the one thing you always wanted from your father that you never got?”
“For him to not hit my mother?” I quipped.
Romeo gave me a look.
I sighed. “For him to love me. For him to fucking care.”
“And look at you,” Rome said, pushing off the wall and turning to look through the glass. “You’re not even sure you want this kid yet, but you already care a whole fucking a lot.”
“I want him,” I said, my voice hoarse.
“What’s that?” Rome looked at me.
I looked up, caught his eye. I knew he heard me. He just wanted me to say it again. “I want him.”
Romeo smiled. “I know.”
“How’d you know?” I pushed off the wall and turned so we were both staring through the glass.
“Because if that was Rim, I’d feel the same way.”
“What if she lost it?” I hated saying it out loud. I hated the way it made me feel. Like I’d spent four days doing nothing but throwing up and my insides were empty and aching.
I’d known about this for all of five minutes—most of which I’d spent going out of my mind and practically pissing myself. But even while I was doing all of that, deep down I was petrified there would be no baby at all.
Romeo pulled in a breath like he also would be broken. “We’ll deal with it. As a family.”
I glanced over at him, grateful as hell he was here. His arms were crossed over his chest, and I could see part of his right hand. It was red with a few raw-looking cuts.
“What happened to your hand?”
He looked down at it, flexed his fingers against his folded arm, and grunted. “That was my nephew and sister he knocked around.”
Surprise rippled through me. “You went after Blanchard?”
“Didn’t have to go after him. He stayed right there for his beating.”
I grunted. “So I can’t ruin my career, but you can ruin yours?”
“Pretty much.” He smirked.
“I’d give you the finger, but there are babies present.” I motioned toward the windows.
“Already thinking like a dad,” he mused.
The statement punched me in the gut. I didn’t even know if I was going to be a dad.
“I really appreciate you being here, Rome. For being my family.”
“I’ll always be your family, man. No matter what.” His voice was sincere.
I hugged him.
Right there in front of the babies. Gave the little guys a show.
He hugged me back, and for once, I wasn’t worried about who might see. “I love you, Rome,” I admitted.
“I love you too, B.”
We pulled apart then.
“Dude, that baby in there kinda looks like a wrinkled grandpa,” Romeo cracked.
I laughed. “You say that shit about my kid and I’ll pound ya.”
“Hopefully, he’ll look like Ivy.” He turned to me and smirked.
“You think it’s a boy?” Earlier, he’d call him a nephew.
He shrugged one shoulder. “Sounds good to me.”
It did sound good.
“Braeden,” a familiar voice carried down the hall. My entire body tensed, and I jerked around.
“Mom. Ivy—” I rushed out, my inner panic skyrocketing.
“She’s fine, honey. They’re going to do an ultrasound, to check everything out. I told her I’d find you, see if you wanted to be in the room.”
I rushed down the hall, not even glancing back at Romeo.
“Let us know.” He called after me.
I lifted a hand in response. I wasn’t able to find my voice to answer.
This was it.
I was about to find out my future.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ivy
He wouldn’t let me walk to the bathroom.
The second I changed into the dreadful gown.
(Seriously, though, why can’t these gowns be attractive? Isn’t it bad enough that patients have to be in here for some dreadful reason, but then to be handed a gown that’s seriously depressing is just wrong. Wrong, I tell ya.)
Anyway, the second I was wearing the aforementioned heinous gown, I moved to get down off the bed. and Braeden growled.
He growled.
At me.
I never would have let him get away with that if I wasn’t still shaking like a leaf and so scared. A few nurses and patients looked our way when he carried me down the small hallway toward the bathroom. When he walked into the small room and stood there like he expected me to check for bleeding while he was standing there, I shook my head.
“I need
a minute.”
His face darkened, and my eyes yet again filled with tears. “Please. I’ll be fine. Just wait outside the door.”
Gingerly, I was placed on my feet, and the door closed behind me.
I stared at myself in the tiny mirror beneath the god-awful lighting. I told myself that was the reason I looked so bad. It was a lie I didn’t believe. I knew the truth. I looked terrible because I felt terrible.
He’d yet to say much about the baby.
I had no idea how he was feeling other than being extremely worried.
I lifted the gown, bunched it around my waist, and reached for my panties. I had a pretty good idea if I was bleeding or not, but I couldn’t be sure. I felt so freaked but also out of it that I couldn’t really rely on what I thought.
My feelings were all over the place. I’d never felt so wild with emotion. Not even the night I remembered that Zach raped me.
My back was aching. That couldn’t be a good sign. What if I hit the ground so hard it was going to cause a miscarriage?
What if the pains in my back were the beginning of the end?
A sob broke free from my throat, and I bit down on my lip, hard, so no one outside would hear.
I’d been walking around in sort of a panic about this pregnancy since I found out. It was amazing how fast any doubts and fears I had disappeared when I was faced with not being pregnant anymore.
Taking a deep breath, I looked.
Then I used the facilities and checked again.
The sound of the flushing toilet covered up the first sob that ripped from my throat. And I managed to hold the rest in while I washed my hands.
The second I shut the water off, I caught my reflection in the mirror again, and the dam opened up again.
I gripped the sides of the white porcelain sink and cried. It didn’t matter how many times I told myself to get it together, there was no way I could.
The door burst open, and Braeden filled the doorway. I glanced behind me at his stricken eyes, and it made me cry worse.
“Oh, baby,” he murmured and picked me up again. I buried my face in his neck on the way back to our little cubicle.
He sat on the bed with me in his arms. I climbed closer into his lap and breathed in his scent. The tie he’d been wearing had long since been ripped away, and the buttons of the white dress shirt were undone at his neck. As I cried, my tears slid down his neck and disappeared beneath the collar of his shirt.
“Ivy.” He tried to pull me back, but I clung to him. I didn’t want to see the look in his eyes. “Ivy, I need to know. Was there… was there blood?”
“No.” I wailed. My shoulders shook.
His whole body seemed to sag. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“My back hurts.” I wailed again. “I don’t feel good.”
“Okay,” he soothed, rubbing a warm palm up my back. He had big hands, and it made me feel a little more secure.
My sobs turned into hiccups and my eyes slid closed.
The sound of the curtain being pulled back made me stiffen, but I didn’t pull away.
“Mom,” Braeden said, relief in his voice.
“One of the girls on the floor called me, then Romeo did, too, but no one would say what was wrong. What in the world happened?”
I lifted my head and tried to smile. “Hi, Ms. Walker.”
“Ivy, honey.” Worry marred her beautiful face, and she was still dressed in the navy gown she’d worn to the party earlier. “What’s happened?”
I swallowed and looked at Braeden. I couldn’t say it.
“Ivy’s pregnant. After we went outside at the hotel… she fell, and now she’s worried—we’re worried—about the baby.”
He said he was worried about the baby.
I buried my face in his neck again.
Behind me, she gasped. “A baby?”
I felt B nod. “It was a surprise.”
He didn’t even act like he’d only just found out. He made it sound like we were totally in this together.
“That’s wonderful!” she burst out.
I started crying more.
Braeden must have glared at her because she came rushing over. “Oh, honey. I didn’t mean to upset you. What have the doctors said?”
“We’re still waiting,” B said shortly.
“That’s not acceptable. I’ll go pull some strings.”
“Thank you.” The gratitude in his voice was overwhelming.
I felt a tentative touch on my arm, and I glanced up. “We’re gonna know something really soon, okay. Try to calm down.”
I nodded.
His mom left, but I heard her out in the hall, barking orders. I’d never heard her sound that way, so authoritative and bossy.
“Oh shit,” said B. “Mom’s on the warpath.”
“Braeden.” I sat back and met his eyes. The warm chocolate color was so welcome to my cold and trembling insides.
He stroked the side of my head. “We’ll talk after we hear something, okay, baby?”
I nodded and snuggled back into his chest.
Within seconds, his mother had rounded up a doctor and nurse and a lot of results.
“Braeden,” she said briskly, pulling back the curtain. “We need some space in here. Ivy’s going to be examined. Then I’ll come find you.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered.
He left me then to the prodding yet capable hands of the doctor and nurse. I asked Braeden’s mom to stay. I liked her, and it made me feel better to have someone nearby that I trusted.
She stood up by my head while I was examined and poked and prodded. I answered a hundred questions, and the entire time, the doctor nodded and the nurse wrote down notes.
When the exam was done, he straightened and looked at me. My hands rung in the crappy paper sheet they placed over my lower half.
“I see no signs of miscarriage.”
I sniffled loudly and sagged against the mattress.
“Everything appears to be as it should. Because you didn’t fall from something high, the risk of really harming the fetus is slim. Your body is very prepared to protect a developing child, especially since it’s still so small.”
I nodded, relieved but still nervous.
He smiled. “Your first pregnancy?” He glanced at Caroline, then back at me. “An unexpected surprise?”
I felt my hackles rise. “Unexpected, yes, but that in no way means I care any less about this baby.”
He smiled. “Good to know. New mothers tend to panic more quickly, so it’s understandable why you were so worried. You did the right thing coming in immediately.”
“Why does my back hurt?”
“Probably because you fell on it.”
I know he wasn’t trying to make me feel dumb, but I did. “The baby…” I murmured.
“We’ll do an ultrasound just to be on the safe side and for your peace of mind.” Beside me, Caroline was nodding her approval. “But as of now, I honestly see no cause for concern. There is no reason why you won’t continue on with a healthy pregnancy.”
I wiped away the stray tears on my cheeks.
“I’m just going to get the ultrasound machine. I’ll be right back.” The doctor and nurse left.
I pressed my hands to my face. Then I jerked them away. “Braeden.”
“I’ll go get him,” his mother said and ran from the room.
By the time he pulled open the curtain and stuck his head in, the doctor and nurse were back and prepping me for the ultrasound.
“This the father?” the doctor asked.
“Yes,” I said, and he slipped into the room and came to my side.
“Okay, Blondie?” he murmured and kissed my forehead.
“So far so good,” I replied.
“Who’s ready to see their baby?” the doctor announced.
The nurse squirted this really cold, clear gel on my lower abdomen, and the doctor pressed a wand-looking thing attached to the machine by the bed onto the area and spread i
t around.
“There we go,” he said a few minutes later and pointed to the screen.
Braeden and I both stared over at the small black and white screen with a bunch of moving shapes and blobs.
I couldn’t tell what anything was, and it honestly didn’t make me feel any better.
The doctor started pointing out various parts inside me, and I wanted to scream I only cared about the baby, but I held it in. Maybe he needed to look at everything surrounding the fetus, too.
“Ahh.” A minute later he smiled. “There he is.”
“Where?” I asked anxiously.
“This shape right here.” He outlined the area with his finger. “Everything looks great.”
He glanced away from the screen at us. “Baby is happy and healthy in there.”
Braeden was leaning on the side of the bed, intent on the screen. Upon hearing the news, I grabbed his arm and started crying.
“Are you sure?” Braeden asked, still staring at the screen and rubbing at his hair with his free hand. It was wild-looking already from the way he’d been raking his hands through it all night.
I blinked through my waterworks and watched him. His eyes never left the little shape that made up our child. He stared at it intently, this look of awe on his face.
“I’m sure. Everything looks as it should be.” He smiled. “You said you were twelve weeks along?”
I nodded. “That’s what they calculated when I went in for a pregnancy test.”
“I’d put you not quite that far along,” he said and clicked a few more buttons like he was double-checking a few things.
Through it all, Braeden watched the screen.
“Estimated due date is September twentieth.”
I nodded. That was later than I was originally told, but it was fine with me. We were going to need all the time we could to be ready for this.
The doctor pulled away the wand and replaced it on the machine. The nurse handed me a tissue to clean off the gel on my stomach, and I started wiping it away.
Braeden’s hand caught mine and he took over, gently cleaning up my stomach.
“You said him,” B said.
“Figure of speech,” the doctor said. “It’s too early to tell what the sex of the baby is. You’ll be able to find that out when she’s further along.”
“Thank you,” I said, finally feeling like I could breathe.
My baby was okay.
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