by Cat Schield
Relaxing her grip on the gaily wrapped packages containing china dolls, Olivia forced herself to keep climbing. As beautiful as the dolls were, giving toddlers such delicate toys was probably a recipe for disaster. But Olivia wanted to share with the girls something special. The dolls were just like the one her mother had bought for her and not lived to present the gift.
In her heart Olivia knew it was selfish of her to want them to remember her. First their mother had died and now they faced the loss of someone else they relied on. It was too much change for ones so young. At least they would still have their father. Olivia was comforted by how much Gabriel loved his daughters.
In two days the twins turned two. The party Olivia had spent weeks planning had stirred the palace into new heights of frantic activity. As much as Olivia wanted to go, attending was out of the question. Even though she knew the twins would want her there, they were undoubtedly the only members of the royal family who would.
Who could blame them? Olivia knew the end of her engagement to Gabriel had driven the media into a frenzy of speculation about whom he might choose for his next bride. Social networks had blown up with news about the top two candidates. As long as Olivia remained in the picture, the news outlets would stir the pot. It was better if she disappeared from Sherdana. But she couldn’t go without saying goodbye to Bethany and Karina.
Her slow rise to the second floor gave Olivia lots of time to remember how golden her future had seemed the first time she’d ascended these stairs and to brood about the handsome prince who’d never be hers.
Coming to the palace was a risk. She might run into Gabriel and lose the modicum of peace she’d made with her situation. At the same time, she was foolishly excited at the thought of running into Gabriel again. Even knowing they could never be together didn’t stop her from longing to see him one last time.
It was irrational, but she’d been hurt that he’d heeded her desire for no further contact after her surgery. She’d broken things off. While part of her was relieved that he’d honored her wishes, her less rational side had resented Gabriel for taking her at her word.
But what truly upset her was, after everything that had happened, she continued to crave his company. She woke from dreams where he held her close and whispered she was his life, his dearest love, and discovered she was alone. And all along, her heart hung heavy in her chest. Emptiness lingered below the stinging incision in her abdomen. Depression coiled about her thoughts, threatening to smother her. A dozen get-well bouquets brightened her hotel suite but couldn’t pierce the fog surrounding her emotions.
Olivia paused at the top step and leaned on the banister to catch her breath before proceeding down the hall to the nursery. She knew the twins would be finishing up lunch and had chosen this time to visit because it limited how long she would stay.
When she got to the nursery, she stopped just inside the doorway, but didn’t see the twins. Instead, Gabriel occupied the space. Her heart gave a giddy leap. He sat on Bethany’s bed, a silver frame in his hands, fingertips tenderly resting on the face of the woman in the photo. Marissa.
His expression held such sorrow, his mouth drooping in regret as she’d never seen before. Her heart wept for his obvious grief, but the tears that sprang to her eyes weren’t for Gabriel; they were for herself. She’d believed him when he claimed to be over Marissa, but three years later he continued to grieve for what could never be. Was that how she looked in those unguarded moments when she thought about all she’d lost? Was this what it looked like when a heart shattered?
Suddenly this errand didn’t seem like a good idea. She should have let Libby bring Bethany and Karina to the hotel instead of returning to the palace. But the media had camped out in front of the hotel in the hope that she’d comment on her broken engagement. During the short walk from lobby door to car, Olivia had worn dark glasses and a wide brimmed hat to prevent the photographers from catching a newsworthy photo of her. Olivia couldn’t put the girls in the middle of the chaos.
“Olivia!”
Gabriel’s head snapped up at the enthusiastic cries coming from behind her. His gaze crashed into hers. She wobbled beneath the triple impact of the twins wrapping their arms around her hips and the raw emotion in Gabriel’s eyes.
The twins’ demands for attention offered her no chance to react to what she’d seen, but she was glad. Remaining upright as they pressed against her became that much harder thanks to the bulky, delicate bundles she carried.
Gabriel stepped forward and took the packages from her. “Girls, be gentle with Olivia. She’s been sick and is very fragile.”
The glow in his eyes warmed her head to toe as he extricated her from the twins’ enthusiastic embrace. She had a hard time looking away.
“Don’t like sick,” Bethany proclaimed, her lower lip slipping forward.
Karina gave her head a vigorous shake.
“I’m much better now, but still a little sore. Like when you skin your knee how it takes a while to stop hurting.”
Karina bent down to touch Olivia’s unblemished knees. “Hurt?”
Olivia laughed. “No, angel. My knees are okay. My hurt is here.” She pointed to her stomach.
“Can we see?” Bethany demanded.
Olivia gestured toward the packages Gabriel had set on their beds. “Why don’t you open your birthday presents instead.”
“Birthday.”
Olivia smiled past her sadness at having to go home to England and never see these girls again. “They are very special. I hope you like them.”
While the girls tore into the wrapping, Olivia watched them, but her attention was captured by the tall man who stood so close beside her. It seemed the worst sort of torture not to lean into his strength and forget about the past week. But the twinges in her abdomen kept her grounded in reality.
“That was a lovely gift,” Gabriel said as the girls fell to exclaiming over the dolls’ hair and wardrobe.
“Something for them to remember me by.” Emotion seized her by the throat. “I didn’t realize leaving them was going to be so hard.”
“You could stay longer.”
Olivia flinched at how her heart leaped with hope. “I can’t, and it’s not fair of you to ask.”
Why would he even want her to stay? He knew as well as she did that having her around would create problems for him both in the media and in his search for a bride.
“A lot of things haven’t been fair lately.” He brushed her hair off one shoulder, grazing her skin in the process.
To Olivia’s immense shock, desire sparked. How was it possible after all she’d been through? She looked up to see if Gabriel had noticed her reaction and to her dismay, he had.
“Olivia.” His deep voice rumbled in his chest, creating a matching vibration in her. “We need to talk.” He found her hand with his.
The slide of his fingers against hers made her heart race. “I think we’ve said everything there is to say.”
“Maybe you have, but I have a few things you need to hear.”
Olivia’s gaze shot toward the twins. To her relief, they were oblivious to the charged undercurrents passing between her and Gabriel. The girls had been through enough and didn’t deserve to witness them arguing. She turned her back to them and pitched her voice to carry no farther than the foot that separated her from Gabriel.
“Don’t do this. There’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear. What I need is to leave this country and forget all about you.”
“Can you do that?” he murmured, his free hand cupping the side of her face, his tender touch bringing tears to her eyes. “Can you forget me? Forget how it was between us?”
Harsh emotions sandblasted her nerves raw. “Would you want me to do otherwise?”
“Yes. Stay and fight—”
“Fight?” The word g
usted out of her on a bitter laugh. “I have nothing left to fight with. It’s gone, Gabriel. My ability to bear children. My chance to be a mother. I’m nothing more than a shell.” An empty shell without him. “I just want to go home and forget.”
Forget how his smile transformed her.
Forget how it felt to fall asleep in his arms.
Forget how much she loved him.
“Can you?” He cupped the back of her neck and pulled her gently against his powerful, muscular body. “Can you forget me?”
Her pulse danced with erotic longing. She tore her gaze away from the sensual light in his eyes that drew her like a candle in the darkness. How was it possible she could want him with such intensity when the parts that made her a whole woman were gone?
He lowered his voice to a husky murmur. “Because I will never be able to forget you.”
It wasn’t fair of him to tell her that. To tantalize her with longing for what could never be.
Contact with him seared her from breast to thigh. Her incision burned the way it had during those first few days, reminding her that she’d have a permanent mark on her body that would never let her forget.
“Maybe not forget,” she told him, keeping her voice soft to hide its unsteadiness. “But you’ll move on and be happy.”
Before he could respond, they were struck from two sides by the twins. Sandwiched between them, Olivia had no way to escape Gabriel. He saw her predicament and a predatory smile curved his lips before they descended to hers.
Sweet sunshine washed through her body as she surrendered to the delicious drag of his mouth against hers. This was where she belonged. To this man. And these girls. The family she craved.
Her whole world contracted to Gabriel’s kiss and the twins’ hugs. A great rushing sound filled her ears, drowning out her inner voice and all the reasons why this couldn’t be her future. Loving Gabriel had never seemed so easy. Outside pressure didn’t exist. She was free to express herself, to tell him what was truly in her heart.
I love you.
But she never uttered the words because the girls clamored for their own share of Olivia’s attention as the kiss fell apart. Her lips tingled in the aftermath as Gabriel held her close a moment longer before letting her step back.
“Tea party. Tea party,” Bethany called.
Karina seized her and pulled.
It took her a couple seconds to realize that the girls were referring to the small table set up near the window. She shook her head. “It’s your nap time.”
“Girls, Olivia is right. Hattie will read to you after you lie down.”
While it hurt to kneel and give hugs and kisses to each of the toddlers, Olivia braved the pain for one last goodbye. By the time they had been persuaded to let her go, Olivia’s sorrow had rendered her mute.
Gabriel seemed to understand her distress because he waited until they’d descended to the grand hall before speaking. “When are you leaving?”
“My final doctor’s appointment is later this week. I expect to be able to travel after that.”
“You really should come to the twins’ birthday party. You planned everything. It’s only right that you be there.”
Temptation trembled through her. It would be so easy to agree, to prolong the final parting for another day. But what good would that do? She’d have one more memory to keep her awake at night.
“I think it’s better that we said our goodbyes now.”
“I don’t agree.” He took her hand and stopped her from leaving. His gold eyes were somber as he met her gaze. “Bethany and Karina will be sad if you don’t come.”
His touch made her want to turn back the clock. If she’d not been so rash as to stop taking the pill against her doctor’s order, she would be marrying Gabriel in a week. Then again, the burden of producing an heir to the kingdom would still be weighing heavily on her.
“And I’m not ready to say goodbye,” he said, interrupting her thoughts.
She delighted at his words, until she recalled how he’d looked at that photo of Marissa. Three years ago he’d turned his back on her and chosen his country instead. Olivia had seen the way he’d been tortured by that choice every time he looked at his daughters. Was he hoping that putting his country’s needs second this time would somehow redeem him for failing Marissa?
She eased her hand free. “You already have. The second the story of my fertility issues made it to prime time any chance of us getting married was gone.” She touched his arm in sympathy. “People in our positions don’t belong to themselves.”
“That’s true,” he murmured, seizing her chin and forcing her to look at him. “You belong to me.”
She jerked away and took a step back. “I don’t.” But her blood sang another tune. She was his, heart and soul. There would be no other.
“Deny it all you want, but I was the first man who made love to you. The first man you loved. That sort of bond may stretch but it will not break.”
Her pulse rocked at his use of the word love. Did he know the depth of her feelings for him? She’d not been particularly careful to guard her emotions during those long hours in his arms. Had he figured out the truth or was he simply referring to the physical act of loving?
“Why are you saying these things? Do you think leaving is easy for me?” She spied the front door and knew her reprieve was mere steps away, but she had a few hard truths to deliver first. “I was planning on making my life here with you. It hurts more than I can say that I can’t marry you. Asking me to stay is completely—”
“Selfish,” he interrupted, lifting her palm to his lips. “You’re right. I am selfish.”
When he released her hand, Olivia clenched her fingers around the kiss. His blunt admission had dimmed her frustration. This impossible situation was of her making. If only she’d told him of her fertility issues. He never would have proposed. She never would have fallen in love with him.
“You have a right to be selfish sometimes.” Her smile wobbled, and then steadied. “You are a prince, after all.”
“And yet it’s not gaining me any ground with you, is it?”
She shook her head. “I’ll come to the twins’ birthday party.”
It wasn’t what she’d intended to say, but her heart had a mind of its own. Knowing she would never be able to take it back, Olivia remained silent as Gabriel escorted her to the waiting car and handed her into the backseat.
As the car rolled down the driveway, Olivia knew she’d been a fool to come here today. Obviously she hadn’t learned anything these past few weeks. Gabriel held a power over her that was nothing short of dangerous. Thank goodness he would never know how unhappy she was without him because she had a feeling he might do something incredibly foolish.
Twelve
For the next two days leading up to his daughters’ birthday party, Gabriel worked tirelessly to bring Christian up to speed on all the things that might come up in the next two weeks. After his last encounter with Olivia, he’d decided to take himself off the grid for a short time. Olivia’s stubborn refusal to continue their relationship had forced Gabriel into a difficult position. Sherdana needed a royal heir. He needed Olivia. The opposing forces were tearing him apart.
On the morning of Bethany and Karina’s birthday, Gabriel put his signature on the last report requiring his approval and went to have breakfast with his daughters. As usual they were full of energy and he smiled as he listened to their excited conversation.
It pleased him that Karina spoke more often now. Maybe she’d never be as talkative as her sibling, but as her confidence grew, she demonstrated a bright mind and a sly sense of humor. He had Olivia to thank for the transformation. She’d coaxed the younger twin out of her shell with patience and love. As attached as the trio had become, Gabriel was worried that Olivia’s leaving would
give rise to the girls’ feelings of abandonment.
Scooping Karina onto his lap, he tickled her until she whooped with laughter. Could he make Olivia understand that there was more at stake than an heir for Sherdana? Perhaps today’s party would be the perfect opportunity to impress upon her how much she was needed and loved.
The festivities began at three. A large tent had been erected on the expansive lawn just east of the palace. A band played children’s songs nearby and a dozen children jumped and twirled to the music in the open space between the stage and the linen-clad tables. Beyond that was a balloon bouncer shaped like a castle. The structure swayed as children burned off energy. On the opposite side of the lawn, their parents enjoyed more sedate entertainment in the form of an overflowing buffet of delicacies and free-flowing alcohol.
The crowd was a mix of wealthy nobility and leading businessmen. Gabriel stayed close to Bethany and Karina as they ate cake and played with the other children, keeping an eye out for Olivia as the afternoon progressed. She didn’t arrive until almost five.
Looking pale and very beautiful in a light pink dress with short fluttery sleeves, she moved through the crowd, smiling politely when she encountered someone familiar, but otherwise avoiding eye contact with the guests.
Gabriel snagged a pair of wineglasses off the tray of a passing waiter. It was a chardonnay from one of Sherdana’s finest wineries and he remembered how Olivia had wanted to tour the wine country. He added that to the list of things he’d promised and never delivered.
She caught sight of him when she was thirty feet away and very much looked as if she’d like to run away. Besieged by the memory of the kiss they’d shared in the nursery and the longing he’d tasted on her lips, Gabriel knew the only way to circumvent her stubbornness was to demonstrate the power of their passion for each other.