by K. J. Dahlen
Jax had touched a shy part of me that desperately longed for both him and his world…the world of a biker. I cannot for the life of me see why a sane person would want such a hellish existence. But my father had sought it out, and it seemed I was next…For some reason I needed it. My heart needed it, despite the fact that everybody rightfully feared their dark world, even those chained inside of it.
I wished mom would support me in my decision and give me advice from her experience. All I got was warnings. Since I would never have her blessing, she would never know that when Jax touched me lately, I felt a mix of spine tingling desire and fear for what I have gotten myself into. I desperately wanted her advice. Still, I was sure I would never regret Jax and having done something about the long held attraction between us.
Mom didn’t know this, but many years ago, I had made a promise to myself that I would never surrender to my desire for Jaxson. Yet, in the past ten days, I had suppressed the terrified voice in my mind that fought to be listened to. The voice that told me I was a fool to trust a biker. The more intelligent part of my brain knew there were lots of reasons for me to distrust Jax and the world he came from. Outlaw bikers could and did, destroy lives. So some might understand why I crossed the border between my world and Jaxs’ with a certain sense of disquiet. I could understand my mother’s reservations too. But in my heart, I had always craved his love and protection.
Ten days ago, a series of events, and perhaps foolish choices, caused me to break that promise. After Roy had attacked me, I had planned to get Jaxs’ help and leave Coronado for good, like my mother had wanted me to. Now things were different. It was impossible to imagine my life without Jax. He was as necessary to me now as the air that I breathe. I’d asked myself often over the past week at Dino’s place, what I would do if I ever needed to leave Jax—if my life depended on it. I concluded, over and over and over, that it would be a decision I was sure I would rue forever. There was a simple reason for this, as I had discovered. Living outside of this world would feel like I wasn’t living at all. It had no thrill. No surprises. No Jaxson.
“Anyway, right now, Jax, Dino and I have real problems that we’re working on together…your debt, my kidnapper who is on the loose, and the fate of Jax’s club,” I said, bluntly.
“I know, Chloe. I do appreciate what Jax is doing to keep me safe,” she said, still frustrated and disappointed by how I felt. Mom sat back in her seat in resignation.
I could tell we were never going to agree on this one. I took a breath to give myself a second to soften my voice. Changing the subject, I asked, “How are you holding up since Roy passed?”
Mom shook her head. “It was shocking at the time. But I’m more concerned about the debts he’s left me with. Roy used to have a way of making me feel like I would never cope without him. Now that he’s gone, I realize he was causing more problems in my life than he solved. He was male company. That was all.” Mom shrugged, looking rightfully embittered for what Roy had done to her.
I posed the question I’d been dying to know the answer to for years, “Did you ever really love Roy?” Mom had never given me her motive for hooking up with him. It seemed clear to me that she hated being alone after she lost my father, and she wanted financial help to raise me. I didn’t have to be a genius or even grown up at the time to figure out she was struggling with being alone.
Looking decidedly uncomfortable with my question, Mom reached for her mug of coffee beside the monitor and cupped both hands around it. “Roy seemed a steady enough guy. We liked each other.”
“Something tells me there’s more to this,” I said, narrowing my eyes at her.
After a short pause, mom gave me an honest answer, “The truth is I never got over Jesse. Your dad was the love of my life. I still love him today if that is possible. No matter what was going on at his MC, we didn’t spend a single night apart. Not ever. Slept in the same bed for the twelve years we were together. Anytime he had worked at night, I would wait up for him until he got home. Then, one night he didn’t come home! Some things you never get over.”
“It still doesn’t make sense to me why you shacked up with the first guy that showed you notice. You could have found a better guy.” I was sure of this.
“Well, when we met it was at my work, at Mandy’s like I told you years ago. I never lied to you. But, how it happened…it’s silly really.”
I knew instantly mom was about to tell me something I didn’t want to hear. My gut churned with a deeply ominous feeling.
Mom wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Oh? What do you mean by that?” I asked, nonchalantly.
“When he came onto me. It was a bit unexpected, that’s all.” She gave a shrug that said, ‘I’m afraid to tell you the truth.’
I pursed my lips tightly and suppressed my fury, so she could talk. Had Roy done to my mother what he’d almost done to me?
Mom explained, “When we met he came into the diner one day for food. I was alone because it was just past closing time. It was my day to lock up for the night. Rebecca was watching you during my shift…” Mom took a breath then she summarized it, “I didn’t see him come in because I had left the front counter for a minute to take the receipts from that day out of till and into the back office. Anyway, I stapled them to the correct accounting sheet, put it in the drawer and as I glanced up and took a step to walk out, Roy appeared in the doorway.”
I could feel anger coiling inside of me as she spoke. I already knew that my prediction was correct. I’d always had an aversion to Roy. He’d always struck me as a real jerk but what I was hearing was something else.
Mom shook her head rapidly as though it pained her to think of the incident. “I was so ashamed of what happened—what he’d done to me—in that back room, I never told anybody. I hoped I’d never see him again. But he came back a few times to eat in the place. He apologized. He sent me flowers every morning for two weeks. He told me he wanted to make my life better, make your life better. I had thought he was doing well financially with his automotive repair shop.”
My instant and intuitive response was, “Mom! What were you thinking?”
“I don’t know! Ok? It was two years after Jesse passed and I was still dreaming of him every night. I thought if I moved in with Roy, I would be able to get on with my life. I thought he would give you a good upbringing with the money his repair shop was bringing in,” she said, her voice raised in a mild panic.
Her reasoning seemed absolutely absurd to me. “Even still! Mom—”
“I thought I could change him,” she interrupted. “Things were good for about the first year, and then he got violent. He told me if I ever left him that it would be much worse. He said that he would hunt us both down…you and me… and make us both pay if I walked out on him. Finally, when you were away at college, I told him I’d had it. I was going to leave him, Chloe, I swear. Roy had escalated into a raging alcoholic, a sex addict who openly cheated on me and as I have recently learned, also a compulsive gambler.”
How could he do that and get away with it for so long?
I figured mom must have been wearing blinkers when it came to Roy. But for him to have managed to keep it a secret from me made me simmer with rage at Roy for what he’d done and at myself for not noticing.
“I’d been threatening to leave him for about a month before. I packed my bags, and he knew this time I meant it. Then, he proposed and told me things would be different. He started to cry. Told me he would be lost without me. I wasn’t falling for it. He threw out all the alcohol from the house and joined Alcoholics Anonymous. Roy’s rages were inextricably connected to his alcoholism. I thought the violence would stop. So, I started to question myself, then he brings out a document, he signed over his entire business to me and told me that if I walked away from him I could be a rich woman, or so I thought at the time, I thought he did it to prove how much he loved me. If I’d wanted to, I could have sold the business and left him penniless. I thought he really did love
me. That was when I called you at college to tell you I was engaged.”
“He signed his entire business over to you!” I exclaimed with disbelief. Sitting back in my chair, I looked blankly at her, a tad surprised, a tad confused. Why would Roy have done that if he’d wanted to use mom for money?
I couldn’t believe it.
“Yes. It was only later I found out he took out loans of well over $250,000 against his business for his gambling addiction. The big problem was, he had lied to the crooked loans people about what his business was earning. It’d been in the red for nearly two years. Now, Roy’s debt is my debt. The repair shop is burned to the ground, and I don’t even think he had insurance. “
“What a bastard! He forced himself on you and saddled you with the debt his business was in!”
“He used me. All this time he was using me and our relationship was a sham.”
“Mom, you should have told me.”
“Chloe, I can’t talk about this anymore. Roy is gone now. What matters is that we both stay safe.” She sounded just a breath away from tears. “I need to go ok? I need to lie down.”
“Alright. I won’t ask you about Roy anymore. I don’t want to upset you,” I conceded. “Just one more important thing before I go...Jax asked me to find out whether anyone from the police tried to contact you regarding his murder? Between you and me, I’m still damn sure Jax is going to get the blame for this.”
“Not since we last spoke. The last I heard, the investigation is still ongoing. Oh, but another officer is apparently reviewing the case.”
I considered this. “Reviewing? Wouldn’t that suggest there is new evidence?”
“I don’t know?” She shrugged, wearily.
“Alright, well I’ll let you go then. I’ll talk to you later—”
“It’s just…” Mom cut in as I was readying myself to hang up.
“What is it?” I demanded. I didn’t like the look on her face one bit. Call it intuition, but something had been off about mom for the whole call it gave me an uncomfortable feeling. She seemed more hopeless than I’d picked up from her voice over the phone the past seven days.
Mom sat back in her chair and gave a weighty pause. “I’m tired of running,” she said, shakily.
I stared at her grim expression with wide, concerned eyes. It was the last thing I wanted to hear. “What?” I asked, startled.
Her lips started to tremble. Before I could get anything else out of her, she hung up and went offline.
“Bye,” I muttered softly. I wondered whether I had upset her a great deal by talking about Roy, or whether something else was going on with her.
In a word, that last admission terrified me.
Only later, did I ask myself, had I just ignored or dismissed something more serious? I tried to call back later that day, but there was no answer over Skype or from her phone. I didn’t in my heart, believe she could be trusted to be left alone.
Chapter Two
Jaxson
For the first month of my role as president I was required to report to Bruno at the bar once a week. I had ridden straight here to meet Bruno for our Friday meeting at noon. Bruno’s Harley was already in the parking lot when I arrived. I pulled open the antique door to the building to a near silent room.
My gaze swept the room and landed on Bruno De Luca. Punctual as ever, he was already at our table at the back of the bikers bar. He glanced up from his whiskey glass and shot me a welcoming grin.
I crossed the floor toward Bruno.
Antoinette, a club barmaid, was already giggling and flirting with Bruno – no doubt looking for a tip. But I had no issues with the girl. Unlike most people in this town, Ann didn’t quail at us bikers. In fact, she spent more time in the bikers bar working for us than she did outside of it.
Unzipping my jacket, I then tossed it onto the back of my chair before I sat down opposite him. Usually, I would keep my jacket on, but this one was a spare. Antonio and the cock sucking Bloods had taken mine when they ambushed the whiskey shipment at the docks. Not having my own leather was a bitter reminder of what those bastards had done. Every day since then, I’d told myself I’d get Jumper for what he did to my Chloe. Darkness surged through every cell in my body in a hellish desire for vengeance.
Protecting Chloe was my number one priority. I’d found myself holding my breath every time I left the apartment. I hated to leave Chloe alone for more than a few hours these days so I had told Dino to go home and check on her after our morning at the club. Dino was the only other man I would ever trust with Chloe. The man had honor.
Any other man would try to bury himself deep inside of Chloe if he got half a chance. Ten days ago, Roy Harris had almost succeeded. There was no fucking way I was about to take any chances with her safety now. I didn’t want her to go through any more suffering than she’d already had to endure. Mental or physical. The only thing worse than the thought of her suffering, was the thought of what would happen if Jumper got to her before I could destroy him. I had trackers on his trail, but so far, he was proving illusive. But I wasn’t about to let my girl become a lifeless corpse. I’d get him.
While Bruno finished up his conversation with Ann, I fixed my eyes on the only two other customers in the place. Two hard ass hang arounds in their mid-twenties sat on barstools at the far end of the bar. Bruno and I shot them a look and the pair quickly gathered themselves and made a beeline for the exit. The exterior door swung shut behind them.
Ann crossed the room toward the double doors, flipped over sign in the window to read ‘closed’ from the outside, and bolted the door lock with a sharp slam. Her cheerful feminine voice chirped at us from the door, “I’m shutting the place down for you two. I’ll fetch you some drinks. Ok?” She turned to our table and flashed us a smile.
It made a change for the bar to be free from loud, rowdy voices and phlegmy laughter. And thank fuck, the usual live band wasn’t playing at this hour so we would be able to hear ourselves talk and think. It always pissed me off that I could never have a quiet drink after work ‒ in my own goddamn MC’s bar.
Bruno and I hadn’t had the chance to sit down like this, one to one, since Antonio was shot dead. I knew for a fact that we both had a lot on our minds ….Had Jumper declared war on me, or worse… my whole club, the night of the vote? And, where the fuck was Bruno’s two hundred grand’s worth of whiskey?
Ann returned with two whiskeys in her left hand and two bottles of beer in her right. “Congrats on the promotion, Jax,” she said, her voice was low and flirtatious. She stared straight into my eyes, holding my gaze until I broke it.
Bruno looked at her – incredulous ‒ as though to say, ‘What the fuck? I just tipped you $20 thinking we had something going here!’
Over our drinks of beer and whiskey, we discussed a few minor club issues from the past week. Not a word had been said about Antonio. Neither I, Bruno, nor my brothers had brought up Antonio’s death since the vote. It remained a subtle but uncomfortable tension between us all. And it was getting on my last nerve.
I needed to clear the air. I was sure I’d make Bruno mad as hell for trying to discuss his son but there were things that needed to be said. I understood that Bruno lived for defending and building his club while Antonio had double crossed him, but even still, I was surprised how well Bruno was holding up since shooting his own son.
I could have shot and killed Antonio without guilt. But could I shoot my own blood? That, I could hardly imagine. Bruno had tossed his own son out in the trash for betraying him, our club, and me. Hard as nails, Bruno proved to me that night he was far tougher than I’d ever supposed.
I glanced over at Ann, polishing glasses behind the bar. Leaning toward Bruno, in a confidential voice I asked, “You know what happened to the body?”
Bruno gave me a cold look, instantly.
I’d been itching to know the answer; to know whether the body had been disposed of properly so it would never be found. As the club’s new president, it was my
responsibility to keep the Black Devils safe. If it had been my decision, I would’ve burned Antonio’s corpse down to ash just to be sure that bastard, and any evidence of his existence, was gone – forever.
Bruno’s eyes leveled with mine. He spoke in a flat, emotionless, monotone, “Like I said, I don’t care where, or what they did with it as long as the body is never recovered.”
Bruno’s words washed over me and gave me an unexpected sense of peace. At least, the cocksucker was gone.
My eyes dropped from Bruno’s face, down to the site where Jumpers bullet had hit chest. His shirt was raised at least an inch over the area where a thick dressing covered his wound. He’d got the bullet taken out and had himself stitched up by the family’s mob doctor. I hated those doctors. I’d been knifed real bad several times before, and they always did a piss-poor job of fixing me up. “How’s your shoulder?” I asked, unnecessarily. I knew what his response would be.
“Don’t feel a thing,” Bruno responded with a shrug.
It wouldn’t have surprised me if that were true. Bruno didn’t feel pain unless it was for a loss of money or a loss related to the Black Devils MC.
“Are you sure you don’t need some downtime? I don’t wanna sound like a freaking pussy here, but I’m going to ask you once and I won’t ask again if you don’t want me to…Are you ok, Bruno?” I asked, firmly and solemnly.
“Never better.” Bruno laughed, hissing through his teeth. His chest heaved up and down as he chuckled.
I supposed he thought my implication was that he’d gone soft, or gotten too old to cope…maybe both? But I knew I was doing the right thing, Bruno was more than a brother, more than a boss, more than a mentor. Bruno had been like a father to me. He was family.
I spoke over his laughter, “Listen Bruno, take some time off. I’ve got you covered. I haven’t known you to ever go on vacation. Let me send you away for a couple of weeks. As a thank you for…you know…catching the bullet that was meant for me during the vote,” I offered.