by Caroline Day
Heck, I am arching my back like a whore! But I am not sure why though. Am I trying to get further away from the mint flavor of his breath, or expose myself to the movements of his skillful fingers that make every cell of my body burn with mysterious heat?
It’s getting hot. I am short of breath. I’m desperately gasping for air. But I can’t stop him. I have no right to do it. I repeat it to myself every time I feel an urge to stop it. I feel ashamed
and pleased at the same time. I enjoy it... Until the puff of cold air washes my sensitive skin again.
‘Move closer to the edge, bend your back,’ I get a new order. I instantly obey without thinking twice. It will be over soon. Hold on, Lo. Stick out a bit longer.
‘Do you like it?’ he finally asks me.
‘No.’
‘You are lying.’ A slap burns my right buttock, but it's not as hard as before. Fortunately, there was only one slap this time. ‘You are dripping, Donatella.’
It’s not true. I am not dripping. I don’t feel horny! Why am I wet then?
However, the man’s tongue instantly takes my mind off the doubts and concerns. He barely touches my flesh, then makes a wet path upward, still not touching the erogenous zones.
Involuntary moaning bursts out of my chest. Against my will. Not because of surprise. My nails dig into the black leather. Involuntarily. The tip of his tongue touches the most sensitive spot of my body.
All my senses seemed to become more acute as he sinks his tongue and lips between my thighs. His gentle touches suddenly become harsh and tough, knocking out guilty moans from my chest. I no longer understand what is happening, why I am here and why the fast movements of the man don't fill me with disgust. Why don’t I hate this man? On the contrary, I don't want him to stop.
My body is vibrating all over in overwhelming pleasure.
‘Good girl,’ he whispers into my ear as I almost slide down the couch because of the biggest, most powerful, most incredible orgasm I have ever had in my life.
Washed away by the wave of pleasure, I can barely hear the clinking of the iron buckle, and a sound of tearing foil behind me. Then he suddenly pushes his dick in me. The man takes hold of my hips and goes in and out softly but firmly. I am getting on my fours, and another wave of sexual excitement is washing over me.
His wavy breathing burns my skin. His hands unzip my dress on the chest, but not completely. Up to my waist. He doesn’t take off my bra, but lowers the cups and starts squeezing my exposed breasts.
‘You are so sensitive,’ he whispers in a hoarse voice, pinching my nipples hard, I give a moan of vicious pleasure.
A pleasure that forces you to forget about everything. Makes you forget yourself. I don’t know my name, age, hair and eye color. All the problems I faced do not exist anymore. It’s him and I, and my moans. Nothing else exists for me. He is not fat. I would feel his belly otherwise. Instead, sharp buttons dig into my back. He’s probably wearing a shirt today. Or business suit.
Echoes of consciousness try to reach my mind, but it makes no sense. Because I feel good. For the first time, I don't think about anything and would do anything to submit to this man without any objections.
Then, I cum... Again. My orgasm is so hard that it makes me shout loud and shudder, and then I’m dangling limply on the back of the sofa.
The stranger goes down in me a few seconds later. Fortunately, he has a condom on. At least one of us uses methods of contraception. Holy cow, why do I think about it now?
‘Good girl,’ he says, kissing me on the temple with innocent gentleness. ‘You will find a pair of stockings and napkins in the bag. You can remove the blindfold ten seconds after I leave. Leave the signed contract on the sofa. See you, Donatella.’
He finally goes away. Mercilessly leaves me alone in the chillness tainted with sex. I’m supposed to feel hot, though. And it’s true, I’m feeling hot inside. This sensation will fade away soon. When my breathing and heartbeat return to normal, and my mind begins to realize what’s happened.
I enjoyed it.
I enjoy his touches, commands, whispering into my ear. His dick, pulsating inside me. It's big and thick. I obeyed his every order. I relaxed and enjoyed it. Why should I worry? The customer is happy, and I’ve got my piece of pleasure.
But devils from the hell are eating me alive, and they are not going to comfort or cheer me up.
Fuck!
I clean myself up, put on a pair of silk stockings, leave the signed copy of the contract on the sofa, and go downstairs. I need a drink. Sex on the beach, double. Preferably with a drop of tequila. Andrew will do me a favor. Haven't drunk in a while? Who cares? That's all I was doing an hour ago.
‘Did you have fun?’ Andrew asks cheerfully, but to me it sounds like he’s reproaching me for what I have done. For my weakness. For things that I let them do to my body.
For a huge amount of pleasure I had.
‘Pour me a tequila shot.’
‘Is it that bad?’
‘I don't know...’
‘I told you to stay away from this!’
That's it. He reproaches me, even though his rebukes are disguised. He can smile at me, support me, but there is no hope for understanding… For some reason, I thought he could do it too. Just like always. I suddenly realize that I am alone in the crowd.
There is only one person can help me overcome the emptiness I feel in my chest…
Chapter 10.
‘The subscriber is temporarily unavailable. Please, call back later,’ the mail voice of the answering service informs me. No messages, no respond. Where is she?
I click on the red icon and sit on the windowsill. If it weren't for the important classes at University and the midterm test before Christmas, I would never get off my ass and go somewhere. I would have stayed in my room, hidden from everyone under the warm blanket that my mother had made for my admission to the university. I remember her smile when she gave it to me.
Unfortunately, she passed away before my admission, before I moved to the dorm, and she never knew what happened to our house...
l suppose that's for the best, though. I’m glad that parents don’t see us now. They don't see their son suffering from terrible disease. They don't see their daughter doing nasty things. Things that are breaking me, tearing me apart. Eating me alive. Things that I had to do to save Adam's life.
I guess I was depressed, but my body reacted too late. It's not autumn long ago. It starts snowing. Large snowflakes are dancing in the wind. Just like me. I am skipping from side to side, my mind is jumping from one thought to another, turning from one feeling to another.
From hatred to lust...
What’s happened to me in the club?
An eternal question, the answer to which I am desperately pursuing for all the next day. Long hours of reflection, analysis, sweet memories that make my body shudder again and again.
No! I won't cry. Neither joy nor grief makes my tears flow. Never. For a goddamn month, I have to meet him, and do whatever is required of me. And enjoy it. My body seems to be excited with the idea – my lower abdomen immediately tenses when I think of the skilled tongue of the stranger.
I wonder who he is. Who is this mysterious man? Why does he hide his real personality? Does he think I'll turn him in to the police? Or share in social networks that he bought my body for money?
Maybe he is ugly.
Just think about it, a car accident, a fire, anything could have disfigured his face and body. He is scared. He feels shy. Although... No, this man doesn't seem shy.
Why didn't he introduce a non-disclosure clause then?
The questions remain open when a phone call interrupts my thoughts.
‘Good morning, Dolores,’ Dr. Connor says cheerfully. ‘Your brother has been moved to a separate intensive care unit. You can visit him.’
Good lord… My whole body feels the tension that enveloped me when the phone rang fall to the floor with a distinctive sound. It’s not as loud as one mi
ght expect, but I can hear it. I can hear it in my mind.
They almost never allowed me to see Adam. I saw him only once, and he was sleeping when I came. The surgery was hard, and the rehabilitation is going to be hard too. I was ready for that. But I am not sure about Adam. After all the troubles we went through, things might finally become easier for us.
‘Good news, doc. Can I come up now?’
There is silence broken only by the rustling of papers on the other end of the line. Then I finally hear:
‘I'll settle it. They will let you in before visiting hours.’
‘Thank you, Dr. Connor! I’m on my way.”
He's saying something else, but I hardly listen to him. I quickly put on a sweatshirt and jeans, grab my keys from the table, and rush out of the Dorm. I’ll rushing to the guy on whose behalf I agreed to take part in the escort escapade and sold my body for a whole month.
I pay no attention to the happy crowd full of Christmas spirit around me at the decorated streets of London. Even the snow that is falling on my head is annoying. I am running to my brother. My only loved one. The only person who can distract me from the sad thoughts. From memories that should be wiped away.
I want to stop by the store on the way to buy our favorite cookies, but then realize that Dr. Connor will probably take them away. So, walking at a good pace, I go down the corridor, but not to the familiar room, but a little further – to the intensive care unit.
‘Hi there, my bravest patient!’
Adam is lying in his bed, barely able to speak. His head is bandaged, and his face is as pale as it was when I saw him the last time, but there's a little bit of joy in his eyes that I haven't seen in months.
‘Hi, nursie!’
Well, his signature sarcasm is still there. How could I forget about it? I ignore the stupid nickname. It doesn't matter now.
‘Dr. Connor says you feel better,’ I sit down by my brother in the chair, watching the endless transparent wires of the intravenous line that are running from his wrists.
‘I am still alive, as I can see.’
‘Stop talking nonsense! I got nervous, by the way. Everybody asked me about you.’
‘Who exactly?’
I shouldn’t say it. That’s not the best topic for discussion. His fellow students never ask me about him. They don’t care about Andrew since he was taken to the hospital in a serious condition.
‘Mrs. Thompson inquired about your health,’ I say as my last conversation with the Dean suddenly comes to my mind. I do my best to smile naturally, but it is not easy when eyes of your loved one are boring a hole in you, trying to detect any traces of lie.
‘That’s nice. Give my best regards to her. You know that you are a poor liar, don't you?’
‘Sorry...’
‘Forget it,’ he says, brushing aside with his hand free from the connectors. ‘You'd better tell me where you got the money.’
‘I told you the bank approved the loan.’
‘Really? You’d already tried to get the loan but it never worked out. Where did you get the money for my surgery?’
Cold fingers of fear grip me and send a shiver down my spine. I feel it with every cell, every muscle of my body. It's in the air. Fear is hovering around me, and Adam can see it in my eyes, no matter how much I’m begging Lord to protect me. I don't want Adam to know what I have done in order to save him. At least not yet.
‘Well...’
‘Miss Brown, you’re already here! Nice to see you.’
Whew! Thank you, Dr. Connor! If you only knew that you came right in time! I guess so.
‘Good morning!’ I try to make my voice sound cheerful. After all, he saved my brother's life. This time, he saved me. ‘I came to see Adam.’
‘Great. Your brother still has rehabilitation, another chemotherapy course, and continuous supervision ahead.’
The doctor smiles kindly, as always, to dissipate the tension. He knows what we're going through. No wonder – he is a doctor. But I don't think he would have ended up like me, when I had to get over myself so that my brother would look at me sternly and try to find out the source of the sudden money.
‘Dolores, I need you to sign some papers. Come with me,’ he breaks the silence in the room.
‘Of course,’ I make a move to follow the doctor, but immediately feel a weak grip on my wrist.
‘She'll be there in a minute. We need to talk.’
Dr. Connor smiles at me and leaves the room. His barely audible footsteps recede down the hall, and I suddenly realize that my last hope to avoid talking to my brother has faded away. Damn it!
‘Will you answer?’
What should I say, Adam? That I mortgaged the house? That I sold everything of value to pay for medical treatment and pay off the debt? That I was ready to trade my kidney for your health, but at that moment a stranger got in my way and I slept with him in a VIP room for money? And I am going to do it again. What explanation would you prefer?
‘I took a loan,’ I keep standing my ground.
‘Don't lie, I'll find out the truth. What are you getting into?’
‘I am not getting into anything! Got it? The loan is approved, and I am paying it off. Stop being nervous!’
Adam peeps at me for a while, then finally relaxes and says:
‘Go to the doctor. We’ll talk later.’
As soon as I get out of the room, the air comes out of my lungs with a sigh of relief, but instead sudden bitterness arises in my chest. Caused by the pain I feel. By frustration. Sorry, Adam, but I am not going to tell you anything.
I knock on the door, enter Dr. Connor’s office and sit in front of him. The man is sitting at the table and looking through some papers. I bet he barely notices me. After a few minutes, he finally breaks the silence:
‘Well, Dolores, sign here and here,’ he hands me the hospital contract. One more contract in my life. This one is for rehabilitation services.
‘Thank you, Dr. Connor,’ I say, trying to sound sincere.
‘Don't thank me yet. We’ve done most of the work, but there are still many obstacles ahead.’
‘But the worst is over, isn't it?’ I look at the doctor, my eyes wide open.
‘Sure.’
I let out a sigh of relief and sign on the bottom line. I get up and go to the door when he suddenly asks me:
‘Are you okay?’ he asks me suddenly.
‘Why do you ask?’
‘You look tired.’
Really? Does he want me to be happy and cheerful when my brother has a serious disease? To my opinion, it would be odd.
‘Don't worry, I am fine,’ my voice sounds kind, in spite of my thoughts.
Dr. Connor comes around the table and stands in front of me. I smile at him. ‘You need to have a good sleep. Have a good rest for a couple of days, and then come to visit your brother. I don't think Adam likes seeing his sister like this.’
If you only knew how much I long for good sleep. I dream of moving back to my parents' house and watching Adam play snowballs with friends. I also want to see Andrew among the guys, as if he and my brother never quarreled. And I don't want the mark of a whore who will do anything for a decent fee to hang over my head.
But wanting is not enough. You need something else to make your dreams come true.
‘Thanks for your concern.’
‘That’s my job,’ he says, lifting the corners of his slightly full lips. ‘Good bye, Dolores.’
I come out of the room. I walk along familiar corridors, go through the front door, and slowly walk along the streets overtaken with the Christmas spirit, as the holiday is coming. I breathe the fresh air in and out, wrap myself in a scarf when the wind gusts become stronger. The thoughts are swirling through my head.
I think of the mint that I smelled when coming out of Dr. Connor's office...
Chapter 11
Outside the window, snowflakes are dancing in low gusts of cold winter wind. Bright Christmas lights illuminate them, creating a
fantastic atmosphere. They are everywhere, all over the street. All the decorations, as well the Christmas tree in the middle of the street, were arranged by people of our neighborhood. We did it all together as it should be on Christmas Eve.
Stop staring out the window! You can burn the turkey. Our home Christmas tree still needs to be dressed up. I put its tiny copy that Adam and I made together as a school project in my bedroom. We got an A and kept for ourselves the iridescent Christmas tree.
‘Hey, petty, Adam tugs at my shoulder, ‘What are you thinking about?’
‘I'm just enjoying the Christmas spirit.’
‘It's Christmas Eve today,’ he says, clutches an armful of candy canes that Mom bought at the supermarket, and goes away.
‘Adam! The treats are for Santa! Put them back!’ I come up to him and try to snatch at least one candy. Do you think I've succeeded? No, never. He is much stronger than me even though we are twins. It's no wonder, since I am a girl and he is a well-built guy.
‘No way! I take a few for guys. Andrew will be glad to get some.’
‘Sure! And Nancy too,’ I snort, remembering my brother's new girlfriend, the red-haired bitch who always tries to keep him away from our company. Cheeky monkey! Phew!
‘Where are our parents? Haven't they come back yet?’
‘No. Mom said they were going to pick up a gift for us.’
‘They chose the worst day! They’d be lucky to come home by midnight.’
The similar thought came to my mind when as I pulled the Turkey out of the oven. My mother marinated it, and I just had to arrange the poultry nicely in a tin and bake it. My first Turkey on my first adult Christmas. I always loved this holiday and looked forward to it every year. Parents, close friends gathered at the table. On Christmas, I always felt like we were united, you know, one for all and all for one. We forgot about problems at work, school, all the issues that bothered us in life.
It doesn't matter as long as we're together.
A sudden knock on the door makes me shudder.