by Caroline Day
‘Don't you dare.’
Whew! Well, at least I've got the right door.
‘You are a good swimmer.’
The flooring creaks beneath his feet. He’s approaching me slowly. I feel him touching my cheek. A gentle, barely perceptible touch, but it burns my skin. A silk blindfold that has become customary covers my eyes.
‘Have you ever thought about doing professional sports?’
‘You're exaggerating my skills,’ I say calmly.
‘Rather! Besides, you are keen on caressing.’
He’s stroking me, his fingers are leaving traces on my skin, while I'm still trying to listen to his voice. I want to stick in my memory the hoarse low notes, the pitch and pace of his speech. I continue to compare the voice with the voices I know, even though I promised myself not to do it again. I should stop it. But...
‘Are you spying on me?’ I suddenly blurt out.
‘I don't want my toy to get in trouble.’
A toy? I am a toy for him! That’s it. This word creeps into my head and gets stuck there. It keeps running through my head when the man sits down next to me and touches my hand.
A toy...
Insensitive, silly doll that eagerly caters to his whims
A toy...
The only one who gives a sense of purpose to all the tasks he concocts and money he spends.
A toy...
A dollie that desperately tries to raze from her mind juicy lips of a professor and scent of a young doctor.
‘I’ll always keep an eye on you, Donatella.’ His fingers move higher, to my forearm, but I am focused on our talk.
‘Is that because I am your crush?’
‘Because you have feelings for me, and you’ll never give me up.’
‘Are you sure?’
What? Isn't he overconfident? We’ll see who’ll never give up! I still can control my feelings, I don't go crazy, I don't dream about him at night. Or maybe...
‘Let me put your mouth to better use.’
He sharply pulls me aside. I lose my balance and instantly find myself in the man's arms, laying on his knees. His breathing is on my lips, giving me a sensation of mint sweetness. Now, his lips are crushing mine with a hard kiss.
His hands fix my head and body. I can neither escape nor push him away, nor control his brute force. But I make no attempt to oppose him. I enjoy it. I enjoy his brutality that takes me away to the unknown pleasures. I enjoy the sensations, emotions that cudgel all the notions I’ve got out of my head.
I've only kissed one guy. Well, I kissed Andrew too but that doesn't count. And all my life I thought I knew everything about kisses. Everything about techniques, and sensation on the lips during and after kissing. But I never knew that my painfully crushed lips can bring me unforgettable pleasure. I want more. It takes me a while to realize that this is my first kiss with the stranger. I let myself put my hands on his firm shoulders. Squeeze them. Feel the heat of his skin, the drops of sweat. Fondle him. Enjoy roughness of his shoulders; touch every spot of his body I can reach, including the big mole on his left shoulder.
The mint is getting deeper into me. This man takes the effort to dig into my gums, lips, tongue. His breath leaves a pleasant coolness amidst the fire of passion that is blazing all around.
His fingers touch the sensitive spots that I’ve never known about. My body responds to roughness of his palms. To his presence. His hand that rested on my waist is going lower, to my butt. It violently squeezes the wet skin. I bet it will be bruised again. But I don't care.
‘Miss me.’
This is not a question, but rather a statement, judging by the tone of his voice. And he backs up his words with deeds, with things he is doing to me.
The heat is almost unbearable. That's what I thought when I entered the steam room, when I felt the faintest hint of perspiration on my skin. But now there's a fire between us. We are blinded by the flames of hell, blazing inferno! With the flames, the man touches the strings of my arousal, charms me, forces me to obey. He makes me act in harmony with him.
‘Stand up.’
I do what he says. I haven't been close enough to realize if he still has his boxers on or not. Now, I feel that he is naked. We touch each other, skin to skin. Our breaths mix into one, creating an odd contrast, and our bodies merge into one, moving to the same rhythm. Rusty rhythm that instantly pushes the air out of my lungs.
‘Give us pleasure,’ he whispers and lifts my hips. I follow his movements, lean on his strong shoulders and reach forward, trying to catch his lips, but to no avail. ‘Scream,’ he whispers and then digs his lips into my breast. He pulls my gently flesh with his teeth, beats it with his tongue, sucks it into his vicious mouth.
The man moves towards my butt, forces me to submit to his will without even realizing it. Before my mind could catch on to what's going on. My body instantly responds to his caresses.
The jolts become faster, his caress is getting more insistent, and my head is about to scatter into a million fragments that will be never brought together. It's coming. It’s close.
‘Yes! I yell loud, drowning out everything around. If the center employees come in a minute and kick us out, I won’t blame them. Heck! What if other people heard us? Never mind.
The man lifts me up, and something sticky is flowing out of me. That’s what really matters now.
‘I put the extra pill into your locker. The sooner you take it the better you’ll be. You can take off the blindfold in a five minutes,’ he gives me a chaste kiss, and then I hear his footsteps moving away to the door...
‘Wait...’ I blurt out before my inebriated brain figures out what I should say. ‘Please, tell me your name.’
‘Why?’ His voice sounds more serious, but still has some hoarse notes.
‘I want to know...’
‘Are you afraid of me?’
He’s very close to me now. His breath touches my face like a gentle breeze. He starts breathing faster, as if he is horny and going to love me again. Here and now.
‘You scared me at first,’ I say honestly.
‘What do you feel now?’
I want to say a definitive ‘No,’ but my tongue seems to be stuck to the roof of my mouth. I want to say a hesitating ‘Yes,’ but still can’t say a word. I am not sure about my feelings. Common sense doesn't let me reply him since I have no idea what I feel.
The silence hanging between us has been finally broken by his soft voice:
‘Remember, no matter what happens to you, I will always be there for you. You shouldn’t be afraid. I’ll never hurt you,’ his lips caress my temple. Then he’s finally leaving the steam room, letting in the cold air gust from the hallway.
I've heard those words before, in a hazy past that has been erased from my mind over the years.
It takes me a while to come to my senses. At first I thought that it's because of the temperature difference and staying in the steam room for too long, but then I feel better. I am so exhausted that even putting on the swimsuit and wrapping myself into towel is a hard task. I open the locker and see the pill and a bottle of water. He is so caring. That is very nice of him. I take the pill, grab my phone to check the time, and stand dumb with astonishment. No, it's not because I’ve spent about an hour and a half here, but due to the incoming message I see.
A message from Alice.
Chapter 17.
Alice: ‘Hi there! U called me?’
I am so relaxed that it’s takes me a while to understand what’s the message is about, but in the inmost of my heart, I feel joy and relief. Alice is fine, she hasn't disappeared, she hasn't been killed and dismembered by a psycho, as Andrew predicted. She even asked me why I called her.
I immediately dial her number to hear her ringing voice, and ensure that my ex classmate is all right. There are so many questions I have to ask! Where was she? Why didn't she respond to my phone calls and messages in social networks? Why did she move?
But she rejects the call, and the
n I get another message.
Alice: ‘I can’t talk. Let’s meet at my place in an hour.’
Another question pops up in my mind: what place is she talking about? The spacious apartment where we drank campaign is not hers anymore. But the next incoming message with Alice's new address dispels my doubts. It's not in the center of the city, as before, but in the outskirts.
It's not the best part of the city. It considers to be deprived. They once found a dead body of a drug addict in a trash can here. It’s clearly not an image you wish to cherish. What is Alice doing here?
There are only six apartments in a low building, and a strange deep voice responds through the intercom. Have I mistaken the dwelling? However, they let me in, and I see my ex classmate in the doorway. Well, she might have a decent reason to move here.
Alice looks... seedy. She is standing in front of me, a pale reflection of her former self in shabby shorts, Santa slippers, and a gray blanket draped over her shoulders. Her thin fingers are nervously clasping the cigarette. But it’s her messy hair, tightened lips, dark circles around the eyes, and rage blazing in her pupils that really catch my eye.
‘Hello...’
‘Come in,’ she blurts out and heads deeper into the apartment. She leads me to the tiny kitchen where the owner of that deep voice from the intercom is sitting. The plump woman looks at me with a silent question in the eyes, then shifts her gaze to Alice, snorts, and gets out of the room, leaving us alone.
Compared to her previous apartment in the city center, this residence looks like a horse stable. It’s neither luxurious nor spacious. Just typical lower class dwelling. Well, at least it doesn’t stink of rotten stuff and mildew in here.
‘What do you want?’ she asks me straightly. ‘Sit down, don't be shy,’ she says, pointing to a chair.
But I become numb and just freeze, staring at her. All the words suddenly slip out of my mind and vanish like a fart in the wind.
‘So?’
‘You know, I just...’ I am gathering my thoughts, extracting from the mind all the misunderstandings and questions that arose before she texted me. ‘You didn't answer my calls, you never texted me back. I got worried...’
‘There no need to lie, ok? Are you looking for someone who will give you a non-refundable loan? A shoulder you can cry on? What’s happened? He raped you, didn't pay you, told the cops... What’s wrong?’ she raps out the words, glaring at me fiercely.
‘None of it.’
‘What do you want then? I found you a job, I gave you the opportunity to save life of your lousy brother, and the rest is not my problem. Got it?’
‘I just wanted to make sure that you were fine...’
‘That's not your business!’ her voice rises to a shriek. It's like a strong blast of wind that hits me in the face. The cold, frosty wind, the one that penetrates through the clothes and bites your skin. I desperately want to roll myself up into a ball, wrap myself into a blanket, and forget about everything.
This isn't the time or place, and it won't help to settle the issues. I can't just get it out of my mind. They will catch you unawares sooner or later, even if you wrap yourself in several blankets like a burrito. Ignoring the problems is never a good idea. I tried it once when my parents passed away, when loneliness became my best friend.
It looks like the same nasty feeling has descended upon Alice.
‘Did you break up?’
One simple question completely changes her. The anger disappears from the eyes, the lips are not so tightened, and tiny transparent tears flow down her chiseled cheekbones, revealing her emotions. I know she sees me as a stranger, but for me she is a dearest friend who offered a helping hand when I needed it so much. Of course, we were not the best friends at school, and her help was a bit odd, but the fact remains that she helped me.
‘It's even worse,’ the girl sobs, looking at the snow falling outside the window. ‘’He left me. He threw me away like a broken toy,’ she whispers, sniffing and wiping away her tears.
‘Why?’
‘I'm pregnant,’ she says, takes a last drag on her cigarette and tosses it into the sink. The cigarette butt hisses nastily and then goes quiet.
But I don't pay attention to this. The rest of the world is far away from us, somewhere in a parallel universe, and Alice is looking at me with her eyes full of tears, as if I am her only salvation.
‘After our meeting, I went on a cruise with William. These were supposed to be the best days of our lives. You know... I loved him.’ She is gasping for air, but it sounds like sniffing due to her tears. ‘I loved him with all my heart. I thought he would be pleased at hearing the news, and we would live happily ever after.’
‘What did he say?’
‘I told him about my pregnancy on the third day of our cruise. He seemed to be happy, smiled, made plans. He even promised to leave his wife for me,’ Alice smiled through her tears. But when we got back, William took me to this shit hole and gave me money for an abortion.’
To be honest, I don't particularly remember the appearance of her man and don't know how deep their relationship was, but this news is really shocking. A girl ended up at a low point in life because of a decision of a man she loved. He left her without a livelihood, without a future and support.
Every girl can find herself in a situation like that.
‘What about your apartment?’ I ask her in bewilderment.
‘He lodged another bitch there. William threw me out and asked me to forget our relationship. Can you imagine this?’
Alice's sobbing fills the whole kitchen again. She wraps the blanket almost over her head, but I don't let her hide her face. I jump up from my seat and hug my friend, feeling the wet tears on my shoulder and her shivering body in my arms. Yes, I guess I can consider her a friend. At least that's what we look like from the outside. But in fact...
‘So... Have you already had an abortion?’
‘No,’ Alice whispers, wiping tears again. ‘I can't kill the baby. ‘I tried to go to the clinic, made an appointment for an abortion a few times, but then I canceled them. I can't do it.’
I give a sigh of relief and ask her again:
‘What are you going to do?’
‘I have no idea. But there is no choice. I have to get rid of the baby.’
‘Listen,’ I turn her face to me and explain gently: ‘Nothing dreadful will happen if you give birth to a baby. This child is your own flesh and blood. If there are complications after the abortion you will never be able to start a family. You can make enough money to support a child.’
‘Are you kidding?’ Alice frowns and tightens her lips again. ‘Where else can you make as much money as by escorting?’
That is a rhetorical question. There is no other job that brings a girl that much money. The option with selling a kidney is not suitable for a pregnant girl, either.
‘You may sue for alimony. William is a father of your child,’ I suggest the first thing that comes to mind.
‘Then they'll send me to jail for prostitution. He'll turn everything against me, you know? William doesn't care about the baby and me, and I can’t continue escorting with my belly up. But who cares?’
She starts crying again, and I suddenly feel a pang in my chest. It's a pang induced by pity and a strong desire to solve the problems of a loved one I have the same feeling about Adam, Andrew. Now it’s Alice's turn.
‘Well, let’s see what we can do about it. I’ll try to help you, okay?’ I blurt out, looking into her tearful gray eyes.
‘Really?’
‘Of course, no kidding,’ I smile at her kindly.
‘But... Why do you help me?’
That’s another rhetorical question, but now I know what to say.
‘Once you saved my brother, and I’ll save your baby.’
Once again, streams of tears run down her cheeks. She tries to escape into her blanket again but I don’t let her do it. We end up sitting together, drinking tea, with her blanket draped ove
r our shoulders. I made the tea by myself since Alice needs to take time to calm down before she can think clearly. I wanted to call the plump woman but she was sleeping curled up in a small bed, so I looked around, found two cups and leaf tea in the pantry.
After taking a few sips of tea, Alice calms down. She stops sobbing, the squeaking disappears from her voice, and only the swollen upturned nose and red circles under her eyes still remind me of anguish of her mind.
‘I'm sorry for being rude,’ says Alice, her eyes darted guiltily to the floor ‘How is he?’
‘He’s much better. ‘They promised to let him go home after the rehabilitation course.’ Thoughts about my brother make me smile.
‘Does he know about…’
My smile fades away as soon as I remember how I managed to get the money for his surgery. She doesn't have to ask – the answer is obvious. Alice doesn't bother to finish the question.
‘You know, Lo, you should stop escorting,’ she advises, looking at the fluttering snowflakes outside the window.
‘Why?’
‘Because if you get stuck on one person, you’ll never be able to push him out of your head. His image will always come back to haunt you, even if you break up.’
‘But I don't...’
‘You mean you don't love him?’ the blondie interrupts me, tucking a strand of fair hair behind her ear. ‘You think you don't. You may never notice it when you are together, but then you’ll start missing him. First you think about him occasionally, then you dream about him all the time, start making plans. You'll fall in love before you know it.’
I suddenly get a nasty, uneasy feeling that Alice saw me with a stranger, and she knows how and what we are doing. She read the contract and saw him transferring the money. But my common sense finally gains an upper hand. That's nonsense, a sort of mind game. I just need to sort everything out. That’s it. I have to set it up.
‘You’ll paid for the surgery, right?’ she continues. ‘There is no need to keep escorting. Go back to your life, get a job at the restaurant again, and don't repeat my mistakes. It could end badly.’
Finished with her continuous monologue, she drains her cup. There are just a few tea leaves, while my cup is completely empty. But it doesn't matter since my friend’s words hit much harder/