by Caroline Day
‘Oh, don't remind me! I remember your scare stories very well!’ I wave my friend off, trying to shake the images of dismembered bodies out of my head. It sucks!
‘You'd be sleeping with some pervert, not with your father's friend!’
‘Isn't he a pervert?’
‘He may be a pervert, but compared to the rest of these people, it's the thin end of the wedge.’
‘Are you on my side or not?’ I finally lose my temper. Alex glances at us, but doesn't interfere. ‘You talk like you know a couple of similar cases.’
Andrew falls silent for a moment, but I see hesitation in his eyes.
‘A girl from Russia almost went crazy from such relationship,’ my friend becomes serious. ‘Do you know what makes you different from her?’
‘What?’
‘She volunteered for relationship like that and knew what she was doing, while you had no idea what that was about. Unlike you, she knew her lover by sight. She also knew nothing about him, she was scared, but they got to know each other over the time, and now they live happily, raise a child.’ *(author’s note: Andrew’s talking about the main character of dilogy ‘The Sinful Games’).
‘What you're getting at?’
‘It wouldn't hurt you to get to know him better. It might help you figure out what to do next.’
Andrew smiles so kindly and affectionately, as if he’s trying to calm me down and switch the flow of my thoughts to the proper channel. But he doesn't succeed.
I can't make sense of what my friend is saying. I can't do it, that's it. What's a girl from Russia got to do with it? Why should I cooperate with Grand? He didn't even bother to explain why he was so mean to me. He didn't give any excuses, just insisted that I needed him.
That was the only truth that passed his slightly plump lips...
‘How am I supposed to know him better?’
‘Dear me!’ he snorts and grabs the phone. Why? That's why.
He opens Google.com and types ‘Sebastian Grand’ in the search box. It's a strange combination, actually, but the thought disappears when I see photos of the man and dozens of links. He even has an Instagram account filled with official photos without a hint of personal life. There are pictures from business meetings, daily routine, and that’s all.
The articles contain the information on his activities. He owned the magazine where dad worked, but it was closed after the editor-in-chief and his wife died in traffic accident. Grand started new projects and increased his capital. Unmarried, no children, no women in the last three years… For some reason, this warms my heart and makes me smile, and then...
Stop it! I have no reason to feel joy! Nobody wants to deal with the pervert! That’s why he has neither children nor wife!
‘What do you think?’ my friend looks at me expectantly.
‘I don't want to!’
‘Listen, I'm not asking you to throw yourself into his arms. Don't focus on his misdeeds. Check all the aspects of his personality. Actually, it was your decision, he just happened to be in the right place at the right time.
Hm... That's what Grand said. In any other situation, I would have thought that my best friend and Sebastian were in cahoots. I don't believe this. But Andrew would never blindside me like that!
While he and Alex are cooking hot chocolate, I keep thinking of my friend's theory. What a crazy, meaningless idea! What does he want from me? Does he want me to talk to this pervert? Am I supposed to understand and forgive me? As he said, ‘weigh all aspects of his personality.’
Well, let's see.
The first position: Sebastian tracked me down, found my account on the escort service website, offered me money, and fucked me in all possible ways under all circumstances. And more importantly, he hid his identity and played with me that stupid hide-and-seek game!
The second position: Sebastian saved me from perverts, paid for my brother's surgery in a peculiar way, made me sexually experienced, and gave me pleasure that still makes my tummy pleasantly heavy. He made me fall in love.
Here they are, two sides of the same coin, two inequalities that I have to solve and choose one of them.
Andrew is probably right. Should I look on the bright side? No, never. No way! I’ll never be able to look at Sebastian the way I used to when I was blindfolded. From that moment on, I will always see him as someone who personally knew my parents and tried to keep me out of trouble.
Or...
What if he set it up? What if he arranged things the way he wanted to take advantage of me at the most difficult moment? He sent Alice to the restaurant, made me create an account on the escort site, so that he could ‘help’ at the right time. Heck! Why didn't I think about it before?
‘I'll be right back!’ I shout to the guys and go to the bathroom, calling the person who definitely knows the truth.
‘Lo! Good to hear from you!’ Alice's cheerful voice rings in my ear, making me smile, despite the heaviness in my chest and dozens of questions in my head.
‘I’m glad to hear you, too. How’s the baby?’
‘He’s fine. The baby hasn’t moved yet, my tummy has not grown yet, and my tests are fine.’
I imagine Alice stroking her belly, and an occasional smile appears on my lips. Who would believe that she wanted to have an abortion a month ago?
Wait a minute... Come on, Lo, get your shit together!
‘Hey, do you remember our first meeting at the restaurant?’ I start at the far end.
‘Of course, I remember. You were devastated, and your mascara was running but you didn't care.’
‘Precisely. How did you get there?’
There is a silence on the other end, but then the cheerful voice of my friend breaks it:
‘William took me there. He said that your chef cooked gorgeous medium rare steak. Why do you ask?’ she asks suspiciously.
‘So you didn't know I worked there?’ I ask, trying not to sound nervous.
‘Of course not! I had no reason to search for you. Did you think I’d been looking for you to call you bad names, like... a macaque?’
‘I’m not a macaque!’
‘But you look just like it!’ she insists, and we both burst out laughing, not due to the high school memories, but because of relief. My suspicions make no sense. ‘Is that all you wanted to ask me about?’
‘I need your advice,’ I blurt out. Actually, I wasn’t going to tell her about my problems, but...
‘I'm all ears.’
And I do something I would have never done at school – I tell Alice Laski about my concerns. Once she confided in me, bared her soul in front of me… Now it's my turn to complain. I'd already given her a hard time when Adam was diagnosed with cancer and had the emergency surgery.
The girl listens carefully to my long speech. Alice does not interrupt me, just nods at the right time, and when I fall silent, she asks:
‘So what do you want me to say?’
To be honest, I expected a slightly different response, at least not this reproachful tone that I hear in my friend's voice.
‘I don't know what to do,’ I admit. ‘You know, on one hand, he did a terrible thing to me, and on the other...’
‘What about the other hand? Don't waffle.’
‘He still remains in my memory.’
It's not easy to say this aloud, but as I do this, a sense of relief overcomes me.
‘Do you remember what happened to me, or should I remind you?’
‘But you had an agreement...’
‘Didn’t you?’
‘Yes, I signed the contract, but... He said he had feelings for me.’
Alice is silent for a while, and I hear her heavy breathing.
At some point, it seems that she has disconnected, but the timer that counts our conversation is still on.
‘Look, it's up to you. You may play around with this macho man. There’s no harm in trying, if you both have feelings. But remember the consequences and don't make the same mistake I did.
Again, I don't get a reliable, accurate answer. I am between two fires, and it lasts an eternity. I keep going over my conversation with Alice for a while, then go back to the living room. We watched the movie, and go to bed.
But I can't fall asleep.
I’m twirling the phone in my hands, wondering if I should take this step. Should I lose my head and throw myself into the arms of someone I care about? And he cares about me, too. He said it directly recently.
It’s 2 a.m. I get up from the sofa, my phone in my hands, open the ‘SMS’ tab, and text the message:
I: ‘I want to see you.’
My finger freezes hesitantly over the ‘Send’ button.
Chapter 32.
‘Are you sure?’ Andrew asks, standing in the doorway next to me.
‘No.’
‘You can change your mind any time.’
I would eagerly tell him that it was too late, but it’s not true. Of course, I can change my mind and stay home. I can ignore the message of Grand’s message and avoid the encounter he appointed. However, I’m getting confused again.. Why did I text him, begging to let me see him again? Why do I want to satisfy my longing for this man?
Why can't I still imagine my life without this man, even though I have already shaped my plan for the future?
‘We’ll see...’
I put on my high-heeled boots, tumble into my coat, and leave the guys. I step into the future that probably will be thorny. But if I didn't take at least a small step toward this man, if I didn't try to understand him, doubts would torture me for the rest of my life. I would live my life, regretting every day that I did something stupid. Maybe I haven't realized what I’m going to do, but giving up now means to lose to myself.
A taxi takes me to a familiar high-rise block in the center of the city, a concierge I’ve seen before meets me on the first floor, and on the thirtieth floor, my man is waiting for me. My stranger. The man who changed my life in a month.
I’m shivering. My legs are sinking under me, my fingers get tangled with each other, and my eyes are wandering around. The mix of anticipation and fear embraces my bosom. I have deja vu. Everything is just like the first time we met. That scares me even more.
What if I see him and regret my decision? What if lack of excitement and mystery kill our feelings? There are no answers to all these questions, but I'm ready to get them right now.
I open the door with my key, as usual, in the hope that the apartment is dark and empty. No. The last rays of the setting sun are coming through the panoramic windows, and the studio looks tidy and cozy. That’s odd. The apartment looks cozy and lived-in.
There just a few details, but they means a lot: a clock on the kitchen table, tiny flowers in colorful pots at the hall, and abstract paintings on the wall in the sleeping area.
Sebastian is standing by
the window, his back to me, probably admiring the view. I guess he had enough time to enjoy it, though. Why doesn't he turn his face to me? I bet he heard my steps, probably even sensed me. Am I wrong?
The man slowly turns to me, as if reading my mind. Now he's standing against the light, and I can hardly see his face, and facial expression. I take a step forward. Sparks are dancing in his brown eyes. The second step. Mutual desire... The third step. We are standing so close that I can touch his bristling cheeks and sense the pleasant prickliness.
His scent – harsh woody notes mixed with mint – penetrates my lungs and seeks to stay there forever. We look at each other in silence. Who cares about words? The corners of his slightly full lips raise higher in anticipation of victory.
Sebastian quickly closes the remaining distance between us, locks my neck and captures my lips with a hard, demanding kiss. I eagerly hand myself over this powerful man. This time I see his emotions, his closed eyes, I feel his breath on my skin, and his heartbeat. We both have a strong desire to merge into a single. Right now.
I finally see his reaction to my body... I feel how much he wants me.
He rips my clothes off – my coat, and the front zip dress, and threw it aside. My fingers are trying to unbutton his shirt, touch his skin, see the naked chest that I had only imagined before, watching Sullivan’s Instagram.
I finally manage to do the last button, without breaking off the hard kiss that exudes passion, and pull the shirt off his strong body. I come across that mole on the back of his shoulder, but it doesn't matter now. After all, I see his gorgeous fit body when I break off the kiss for a moment to admire the man. He drives me crazy.
However, he doesn't let me admire him for a long time. Once again, he presses his lips against mine, while the strong hands are stroking my body that is melting from his harsh touch. Again, he dominates, and I submit without any objection. No contract, no orders...
I just want it...
‘You are so beautiful,’ Sebastian whispers hoarsely, as his lips slide along my neck, caressing the sensitive spot behind the ear, and then his tongue goes down... He moves along the trembling vein, and makes me shiver.
The lips slide lower to the neckline. They suck my skin, and they seal me with gentle kisses. The game of contrasts... One more move, and he releases my big breasts from the bra and causes another surge of excitement that envelops me from head to toe. He torments me, caresses the protruding points, rhythmically hitting my flesh with his tender tongue, biting it lightly, making me moan.
Yes, I missed it. I missed the suddenness of his actions, his tough caress mixed with tenderness. Despite the fact that I am not blindfolded, the strongest desire is still burning in every cell of my body. My body is seeking for this man, and my heart is pounding as he rises up to my face, and I see lust in his dark eyes.
Strong hands turn me to the window, forcing me to press my palms against the glass. I would look down, get frightened by the height, think of people hurrying about their business, and probably admire the sunset, but my attention is captured by his tongue and sensual lips.
The man finally removes the dress, and drops it to my feet, as well as my bra and panties. He doesn’t touch my stockings. His lips moves lower and lower – along the spine to the lower back, and then stop at my butt, which he squeezes with all his might.
‘Ah!’ I cry out from unexpectedness and another surge of sexual excitement.
My back is my soft spot. I realized this during our secret encounters. He seems to be paying more attention to it than before, like his desire is to bring me to the point when I would moan and beg him to penetrate into me. To satisfy my desire, my need for him...
‘I don't need any contract to make you obedient,’ he croaks from below, slightly slaps my butt as I arch up to expose my innermost spot. ‘Spread your legs,’ he orders, but I would eagerly do it without any orders. Well, almost eagerly.
‘What have you...? Ah!’ suddenly comes out of my mouth as his tongue traces a path along my hot vulvar lips, slightly brushing my clitoris.
God! Dear me, he is unbearable. Yes, that's it. He drives me crazy, subdue me, confuses my mind. He forces me to forget about everything. No way! My head feels empty, and my only desire is to get the long-awaited release. It is stronger than morals, and reality. It's probably even stronger than regrets.
I can barely stand on my feet. I try to restrain myself from grabbing his wiry black hair, pushing his mouth to the right direction. But this is not necessary – his tongue follows my exposed butt.
He suddenly stops.
‘What? Are you upset?’ He turns me around and looks into my eyes, penetrating deep into my soul. He goes behind the veil of desire that engulfed my irises and pupils. ‘I’ll make you come now.’
Sebastian abruptly lifts me up, allowing me to cross my legs at the small of his back, and carries me to bed. My gut tells me that he's about to take off his pants and penetrate into me. He will finally satisfy our desire.
But I was mistaken.
‘Move your butt to me,’ he orders when we fall on the bed. I can understand what he wants, but... ‘Come on
!’
‘I want to caress your body,’ I whisper against his parted lips and kiss him passionately. Fortunately, the man had lowered me from above. Otherwise I would hardly have taken the opportunity without seeing resistance in his dark eyes.
He's breathing hard in my ear, squeezing my buttocks. His grip brings me mix of pain and pleasure. My eyes are pleading: ‘Come on, do it!’ As you like it, master.
My lips go down from his broad neck to the strong heaving chest without a single hair. My tongue slides to his well-developed abdominal muscles. His abs become even more tensed. Wow! I have never seen them like that, strong and firm. Shawn’s body was not sexy, and I've never had the opportunity to check anyone else's muscles.
I run my tongue over each of his abs, as he puts his hand on my neck. He's going to control me, control my movements. But I won't allow it. I want to taste you, my sexy stranger, I want to explore your body the same way you've been exploring mine all this month.
You’ll see I'll push you to the edge.
As my tongue reaches the trail covered with dark curly hair, I settle between the man's legs, and lean over the fly, raising my playful eyes up to him. He definitely wants me to do it.
I unzip it, pull the pants along with boxers down to his ankles, releasing his ready-to-caress genital organ. I lightly touch it with my lips, as if by accident, then intently lick the bridle string and wrap my hands around the pink blunt end, feeling the salty taste.
Sudden groaning breaks the silence. For a moment I think that someone has burst into the room, but I am mistaken. This is my man's reaction to the blowjob. I look at him and see his eyes close. One hand is behind his head, and the other is still resting on my neck in an attempt to control my movement. He has no chance to succeed. I am the law now!
I enjoy the feeling. Domination... It's nice to know that you have unlimited power over a man as you drive him crazy, watch him getting tensed, pursing his lips in surge of pleasure, ready to do anything to keep you going. I like that I have the same effect on him as he has on me. We're even.