by Caroline Day
The man shuddered as he said it. He didn't want to remember the past. There’s no sense in reopening old wounds. It's time to get rid of them, and the sooner the better. Before the past has got in the way of our joint happy future…
‘Do as I ask, and don't argue with me.’
Sebastian locked the girl's neck again and reached for a kiss. It was not so harsh as before, but not gentle either. The kiss reflected the entire variety of feelings they had for each other. The nascent, immature feelings that foreshadowed the great relationship...
They could hardly imagine that their lives were about to change, and they would be able to step outside their limits and come to each other's bow. It sounds stupid, doesn't it?
However, neither Lolita nor Sebastian thought about this, enjoying each other's company…
Chapter 35.
Why have I succumbed to Sebastian's provocation? Why have I got dressed and left the house to meet my brother if I had promised myself I would never contact him again? I was going to follow the course until Sebastian looked me in the eyes and stroked my cheek. In fact, this is nonsense. There was another reason why I agreed.
I know in my heart he was right.
Adam is my only relative, my soul mate since birth, and I haven't even allowed him to speak out, like Andrew once did.
Once I decided I’d cease to come to the Oncology Department, stop going up to the third floor, which had become my home in six months, never say Hello to Dr. Connor, who smiles at me as I pass by, as if I were a welcome guest he had been waiting for a long time.
I decided I'd never go back to my brother's ward.
‘Hi, baby,’ Adam says, smiling easily, as always, but when I meet his clear blue gaze, I see a sort of relief. Or joy. Or surprise. I’m not sure, but for some reason it makes me feel pleased.
Adam looks more peaked, as pale as a ghost.
‘Stop calling me baby!’
‘As you say. Let’s talk.’ He taps the bed, but doesn't rise up as he used to.
‘Okay.’
I sit down next to him and immediately find myself in the gentle brotherly embrace that I've missed since the day of our quarrel. No matter how much I deny it, no matter how much I blame him and what names I call him, he is still my brother. Forever. I can't do anything about it. Even if he committed a crime, even if he used to be a drug addicted...
Even if he wanted to sell me...
The main reason of my resentment immediately pops up in my mind. No, it was rather a sort of disdain. My mind went blank when I got in the room. I didn't want to see the truth. Now the scales have dropped from my eyes, and I moved away from my brother, looking into his puzzled eyes.
But I promised Sebastian I'd talk to Adam, and that's the only thing keeping me from running away…
‘Tell me,’ I say, doing my best to look indifferent, but my voice rises in excitement.
Adam takes a deep breath, peering at his pale hands and needle-marked arms, and finally says:
‘Let’s start from the beginning.’
***
Three years ago
I've never cursed traffic so much as I do now. I have never wished so much that all the cars on the road would vanish into thin air, and we would finally reach our destination point. I just want to get rid of this burden, ensure that this man is lying, and go home to my sister. She must be worried sick, all alone up there locked away inside, terrified as she was in the childhood, when she thought that lightning would strike through the window.
Why has she naively believed a stranger? I don't know. I didn't think I’d been lied to, either, until I got in his car and started thinking of the situation. Someone must be playing a practical joke on us, and if that's the case, they have a poor sense of humor. I will get his face smashed in. Our parents are probably just running late. That's it. We would have been notified by the police if something had happened to them. Why should it be a Pakistani guy dressed up like an up-to-date millionaire? Fortunately, I've secretly warned Andrew to keep an eye on Lo, but I feel uneasy anyway.
‘We're here,’ he says evenly, parking the car by the police station. I haven't noticed we'd arrived. I thought about Lo.
‘Why?’ I ask the man when he opens the door to let the cool air in. However, he's in no hurry to get out of the car.
‘What do you mean?’ he raises the dark eyebrow.
‘Why did you bring me here? You lied about your parents.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes,’ I say sharply. ‘Someone must have sent you to play the trick. Right?’
The man looks at me intently, probably waiting for my attitude to change. But that won't happen. I won't believe this man until I see my parents.
‘Let's go,’ he says, getting out of the car and heading for the entrance.
I follow him through the hallways past uniformed police officers, until we stop at the door to the morgue. A few people in lab coats meet us. They look serious and attentive. I admit they are great actors. Even Grand put on a stern facial expression.
‘Good evening, Mr. Grand,’ says a doctor with a huge gray mustache. A younger doctor is standing a little way off, between two tables covered with white sheets. I don't think I have to say what's under them...
‘Hello there. I brought a relative, as you asked,’ the man points at me.
‘Great. Are you ready for identification, young man?’
What? Am I ready? For what? This is all a hoax! What the hell is he talking about? I don't want to be a part of this! Do you believe the crazy Pakistani? As far as I’m concerned, I don't believe him! Stop it! That’s not funny!
‘Mr. Brown,’ says the pathologist's old voice, taking my mind off the reverie. ‘Are you ready for identification?’
What? Have you decided to play your part to the end? As you like it!
‘Ready,’ I say boldly to the man.
‘Then let's get started. Come closer.’
With each step, I feel my courage is about to fail me, and this has nothing to do with jokes. The damned Pakistani isn't lying, and the man in the robe was a doctor, not a hired actor. But I realize this too late. I am not prepared for what I see when the doctor takes off the sheet...
‘Mom,’ I blurt out, rather from the shock than from awareness or disbelief.
A few hours ago, she'd been making breakfast in the kitchen, smiling, waving her finger with the ring my father had given her as the anniversary present. The one that is on the ring finger of her right hand… Now she is lying all cold and white, like a frozen porcelain doll, her eyes closed. I keep hoping that she will open them, that she will say at least a few words, but my mother lies still.
‘Show me my dad,’ I demand of the doctor, barely able to see him as the vision becomes blurred.
The man immediately goes to the next table, takes the sheet by the corners, but I open it myself, before he has the opportunity to ask me whether I am ready or not. He's there. Just as cold and pale as she is. Dead.
Dear me...
‘Would you like some water?’
‘No, thank you,’ I hold out my hand, forcing the Pakistani to step away from me. I don't need anything now.
They are gone... No parents... What should I tell Lo? Should I admit that the man was right? That he is not lying? Fuck!
‘Let me take you home.’ Mr. Grand puts his hands on my shoulders and takes me away from the lifeless bodies of my parents.
Again, we pass through the walkways filled with policemen, but now I don’t pay any attention to them. I ignore their pitiful, puzzled looks. I don't feel sorry for myself. There is only one thought stuck in my mind.
They are gone...
There are so many questions to ask them, but I'll never get the opportunity to do it. I forgot to ask my father how to please Nancy, what to give Lo on her birthday. As for my Mom...
I haven't tasted her signature turkey.
‘Are you okay?’
Is he blind? Do I look calm and happy?
‘I
have to go home.’
The man starts the engine without a word, and we are driving along deserted roads. Where are the fucking traffic jams when I need them so much? We will soon reach home, the place that will always remind me of the tragedy since now. Lo will meet me on the threshold, seeking the truth. She has no idea how bitter it is...
Should I call her?
‘Here, take it,’ the man says, holding out a tiny bag as we stop at a traffic light.
‘What's this?’
‘It will help you calm down. Everything will be fine, don’t worry.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Adam,’ he calls me by name and suddenly falls silent. What does he want from me, huh? Does he want to offer his condolences? I appreciate it. ‘Your parents were my friends once. You can always count on me.’
It’s not the right time to discuss it since I can hardly understand what he’s saying. I want to take a jab at him, but nothing comes to mind, and I say quietly:
‘Okay.’
***
Two years ago…
‘Hey, Brown, someone's here to see you,’ shouts the asshole who's locked me in this godforsaken place.
I have no idea what day it is, what time it is, and how long I've been here. A few hours, I guess. Do I feel so odd because my dose was too high? No, I doped myself with cocaine, but the effect has already passed away. Dear me, what a Christmas eve.
Why keep me here? I don't have any money! And I doubt I’ll get any money in foreseeable future. I’ve sold all the belongings that have some value. Should I ask Lo for money?
The door to the makeshift cell creaks open, letting in the light of a chandelier and a man in a black coat. The one who told me about my parents' death a year ago…
‘Hello there, Mr. Grand!’ I smile at him. It's good to see a friendly face in this barrack. ‘You're in debt, too, aren't you?’
‘Sit down!’ he orders.
‘Why are you talking to me like that?’ I get up from the floor. ‘I'm not your errand boy.’
‘But you’ll become my slave if you don't pay the debt!’
‘Oh, I see! So, I owe you, right?’
The man keeps silent. Instead, he leans over me and asks the guys to turn on the lights in the room. Damn! It hurts my eyes! What the fuck?
‘As far as I understand, you have neither money nor job. This was your only option.’ He hands me a piece of paper.
‘What's this?’
‘The contract. According to the contract, you don't owe the guys anything, but Dolores is mine.’
‘What?’ I push the man away and throw the paper on the floor. ‘You are not going to take her! Got it? She’s my sister!’
‘Are you sure?’
Are you still laughing, you old prick? What the fuck are you doing, asshole? Do you want Lo? No one would dare touch her! I will never let you do it!
‘What do you think she will say if she finds out about your machinations and your addiction? She's nice, sweet, and hospitable. I’d like to have her...’
‘You’ll never get her, got it? You can kill me, but I won't let you do it!’
‘I would eagerly kill you, but unfortunately, we still need you here. Sign the contract.’
‘No!’
‘I see.’ The man sits down next to me, squeezes my hand hard, thrusts a pen into my hand, and scribbles my signature. ‘We're even. Don't say anything to Dolores, or you'll end up among the missing persons. Got it?’
‘Don't touch her!’
‘Remember, I always get what I want. One of my wishes came true a year ago, and getting your sister will be no exception. I think you know what I mean.’
Everything comes to a wild stop inside me. Uncontrollable anger sweeps over every cell of my body. The terrifying awareness hits me even through my addled mind. I have no choice but to nod and wait until I am all alone. Free from him. Free from debts. However, deep down, I feel uneasy. I can't just relax and be happy since I know very well who will pay my debts... I know what he wants of my sister.
At that moment, I signed my own warrant. A warrant that will cost me a normal life, restful sleep, and the endless anger at the man who destroyed my family will follow me to my grave.
***
‘You're lying!’ I yell in Adam's face. Harshly. Suddenly. In anger that fills me to the brim.
Confused, my brother bulges his eyes at me.
‘No. It’s true. I promised you to tell the truth, and I've done it. He forced me to sign the contract and confessed to killing our parents!’
‘No!’ I direct my anger to Adam.
Do you remember Dad spent a lot of time in the office? He was doing a story on a criminal boss, and then he found out Grand’s real name,’ explains Adam, and I listen to him carefully, still struggling to believe his story. Grand found out about father's article and arranged the accident to kill him. His real name is Faroukh Abbas Sahim, and his business is just a cover for criminal activity! Do you think he gave me the bag with drugs just for nothing? No! He set it up on purpose! I asked my friends on that Christmas eve. It's him! He killed our parents!
‘It’s not true! That day, he stayed with me until midnight, and you say you were talking in the barrack in the evening!’
‘I don't remember what time it was, you know?’ he raises the voice, but it sounds quieter than mine. ‘Why don't you trust me? Why are you protecting him?’ he falls silent, looking at me in surprise. Is it fear I see in his eyes, or is it just my imagination? ‘I hope you haven't been in touch with him.’
What should I say now? How can I tell my brother that this man bought me out, made me fall in love, and now we are building relationship? That I have a crush on him? That he is the only one who makes me feel good and safe?
Why should I explain anything to Adam? He's my brother, but I am not obliged to believe the crazy stuff he says. What Faroukh is he talking about? What criminal activity? This is nonsense! Sebastian doesn't sell drugs, he doesn't break the law. He pulled me out of hell, paid for my brother’s surgery. The way he chose was not the best, but he helped me. Besides, he loves me with all his heart
And I love him.
‘Run away from him. Get out of here,’ Adam demands.
‘Shut up!’
‘He'll kill me if he finds out I told you about the deal and my parents! Just break up with him and never talk to him again. Before it's too late... Do you hear me?’
I do. And every word he says hits my heart like a spear. I can hear fear in his voice. He is obviously scared. He is afraid for me. But it doesn't matter! He’s lying. His words don't match the facts, and Sebastian has nothing to do with the monster with the Eastern name. It’s a hoax. It's all fake.
‘It’s not your business, got it?’ I burst out. ‘You can't tell me how to live!’
‘Lo…’
But I am not listening to him. I run out of the room, feeling tears trickle down my cheeks. Again. Just like after my last visit. Damn deja vu, damn repetition of reality... I even feel the same, if not worse.
How the hell did this happen? This can't be true. Sebastian isn't like that. He's not a drug dealer, he didn't get my brother hooked on this stuff, he didn't kill my parents! He can't be like that! Adam just want to ruin my life. But I won't swallow his bait.
Never!
Chapter 36.
‘Hey, Lo!’ Andrew greets me when I break into the apartment. I notice him and Alex glued to each other on the sofa. I bet they are watching some horror movie, but I don't want to check it. I have enough of horror in my everyday life.
‘I need to be alone!’ I enter my room and slam the door behind me. I’m finally alone. I hope the guys don't mind if I take my time to cool down a little, shed tears, and recover. At least I hope I will recover.
It was more difficult to realize reality than I thought it would be.
And I was hoping I would keep my promise to Sebastian. I thought I would make peace with my brother, forget the past that hangs like a rain cloud over me, and
we would have a bright future all together. But that won't happen. Adam has already lied me, and now he is ready to do anything to make me to forgive him. Liar! He could stop lying me, but he's still padding his bottom line. He says vile, improbable, and terrible things.
Who would believe in this nonsense in the style of an American blockbuster about drug trafficking and arranging accidents? Not to mention buying me. Sebastian would never have done this to me; he didn’t need consent of Adam to get me without any resistance.
Wait a minute...
If he managed to hide from me…
And what about the bag he gave to Adam after they had left the police station? I know very well it was hard for Adam to accept the death of our parents. From that day on, he seemed awfully depressed, barely even hang out with friends, and often went away somewhere. If we assume that he was right and Sebastian is a brazen, unscrupulous criminal who wants to enslave me, then...
No! This is impossible! He can't be as bad as my brother’s described him! Heck! ‘Why is this happening to me, not to someone else?’
‘Lo?’ Andrew's soft voice comes from the doorway.
I don't look up. I am too scared. It's scary to stick out of a shell that's about to break and show me a cruel world. After all, it can stab me in the back at the most inopportune moment, when I am vulnerable and unable to fight back.
‘Hey, do you hear me?’ Andrew sits down next to me, lifts up my face to look into my eyes, and asks again: ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes, I am fine.’
‘Your facial expression says otherwise.’
Damn it! No matter what you do, Andrew, I can't hide anything from you. But I don't want to share what I’ve learned from my brother. Why? Because he would say: ‘I told you!’
‘According to Adam, Sebastian paid his debt to drug dealers in exchange for me and killed our parents.
My friend looks at me thoughtfully, kept silent for a while, as if thinking over some important issues, and then says:
‘What makes you think he's telling the truth?’
‘I'm not saying it's true. He lied to me!’ I say in a whining plaintive way. Dear me, Look what I am reduced to!