“What’s that saying again? Absence makes the heart grow fonder?”
“I don’t think the person who made that up was talking about having a long-distance relationship with thousands of miles in between. Besides, like you said, I’m not good at relationships. Joel ruined my ability to trust.”
She holds up her hands in surrender. “I get that. But, Sam, you can’t live alone for the rest of your life.”
“I’m not alone. I have Allie and you and Sasha…”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it. Look, I know Joel did a number on you. I know what you went through to try to put yourself back together after the divorce, but I think you’re making a huge mistake locking up your heart the way you do. Not all men are like Joel. Not all men are going to belittle you and be unfaithful. My brother’s a good man. A really good man, and from the way he was looking at you on Saturday night, you may as well have been the only woman in the room, because he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.”
“Maybe, but—”
“I’m not finished. I’m not saying that a long-distance relationship would be easy, but I saw your face right after he kissed you. Deny it all you want, but I know you want to be with him, too. I get that you’re scared, and it’s okay to have that fear, but you can’t let it keep you from finding happiness. Don’t you think after all you’ve been through that you deserve a little happiness? Because I sure as hell do.”
I take another drink and ponder her argument. She has a point. Do I really expect to live the rest of my life without a man in it? My mind flashes back to the heat of Ryan’s body pressed against mine, and the rasp of his voice as he told me I was his. I’m an idiot to think this was nothing more than sex.
“Even if I agree with you, I blew it. I basically told Ryan to fuck off. I’m probably too late now.”
She smiles at me with a weird twinkle in her eyes. “There’s only one way to find out.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a piece of paper with an address on it. “He’s staying at the Holiday Inn at Fisherman’s Wharf. Room 304. Now go get dressed and get your man.”
Chapter 12
I’M LUCKY MY cab driver doesn’t get pulled over for speeding as I urge him to race through the city streets, my heart pounding in my chest with each mile we drive. By the time we pull into the hotel parking lot, my adrenaline and confidence that started out as a stallion in my chest have dwindled down to a miniature pony. The neon green lettering outside the building glows brightly against the inky night sky, and I sit in the car, engine idling, silently combating my anxiety that had me white-knuckling the door handle.
What if this is a mistake? What if he’s changed his mind? I’m going through every reason why I should just tell the cabbie to flip the car around and head back home when my mom’s voice pops in my head.
Samantha, sweetheart, love can’t exist without fear. If the thought of losing someone doesn’t scare the shit out of you, then it’s not love.
With a renewed sense of purpose, I quickly unbuckle my seatbelt and climb out of my car, pressing the lock button on my key fob as I’m running toward the building. A bell chimes as the automatic double doors slide open, and I dash past the reception desk, straight toward the bank of elevators. I press the up button three times, bouncing on the balls of my feet as I wait what feels like eons for the elevator to arrive. By the time I arrive on the third floor, my entire body is buzzing with a potent mixture of nerves and excitement.
I find room 304 and knock three times, holding my breath when I hear shuffling from inside. The door swings open and Ryan appears, shirtless and looking as sexy as ever. His eyes are wide with surprise, but I also see the slightest hint of relief.
“Hi,” I say, breathlessly.
“Hi.” He folds his arms over his chest and leans against the doorjamb. “What are you doing here?”
I lick my lips and take a deep breath, trying to get my brain to stop acting so flustered. “So, here’s the thing…my divorce from my ex really messed with my head. I swore I’d never let another man into my heart because I didn’t know how to trust anymore. But, then, you see, I met this man. This incredible man, who was not only the sexiest man I’ve ever seen, but who also treated me with kindness and respect and knew how to make me laugh. And wow, the things he could do with his tongue.”
His eyebrows rise, and a smirk appears at the corner of his lips. “Go on.”
“The thing is, I’m a complete idiot and ruined things because I was scared. But I don’t want to be scared anymore, Ryan.”
“You don’t?”
I shake my head and take a step toward him, placing my hand on his chest. “I want to be with you. I want to give this a chance.”
His jaw ticks as he reaches out and grips my chin with his fingers, tipping my head to look at him. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “More than I’ve ever been about anything in my life.”
Without another word, he pulls me into the room and slams the door shut with his foot. I vaguely register my purse sliding off my shoulder and hitting the floor as he threads his fingers through my hair, fisting the strands while slanting his mouth over mine. His tongue teases mine, and I moan against him, my hands shoving beneath his shirt, desperate to feel the hardness of him.
We break apart just long enough for him to rip his shirt off and yank his boxers down, letting his erection spring free. God, the man is absolute perfection. Washboard abs and chiseled lines that lead down to the cut V of his groin. He’s the complete embodiment of my perfect fantasy, and I still can’t believe that someone like him wants to be with someone like me.
“Samantha, babe. Strip.”
My shirt and pants have barely come off before his mouth is on mine and he’s lowering us to the bed. We roll across the mattress, a tangle of limbs and heat, his touch setting my body on fire. Greed takes control of me as I let myself touch him everywhere, needing to be connected to him, and he’s just as intoxicated by me. He cups my breasts and rolls my nipples between his fingers before lowering his mouth over one and sucking, devoting his undivided attention to it before moving on to the other. My head falls back against the headboard, and I moan in ecstasy.
He lifts his head and smiles at me, and a rush of emotion courses through me. Yes, I definitely made the right decision coming here. “Ryan—”
He cuts me off with a deep kiss, as if he’s ravenous for the taste of me. “I need to be inside you. Now.”
Grabbing my ankles, he tugs until I’m flat on the bed and he’s on his knees, positioned between my legs. He takes his cock in one hand and gives it a slow pump before positioning himself at my slick entrance and sliding into me with one stroke. My body instinctively reacts as my hips lift off the bed, allowing him to go deeper. “Fuck, I love this pussy,” he bites out as he rolls his hips and splays his palms against my ass for leverage. “I could fuck you ten times a day and it still wouldn’t be enough. You make me insatiable.”
He thrusts again, burying himself to the hilt, and I gasp. Feeling him pump in and out of me is the most electrifying feeling. Every little movement, every little touch makes me feel spasms of pleasure jolting to life inside me. “Oh, God, don’t stop,” I moan as he slowly pulls out and slams back into me.
A wicked grin appears on his face as he begins to set a steady rhythm. “You like being fucked, Samantha? You like the way my cock feels in your tight little pussy?”
“Yes,” I pant. “I love the way you fuck me.”
“Mmm, well that’s too bad.” He slides all the way out, leaving me feeling bereft. “It’s my turn.”
Wrapping an arm around me, he pulls me to him and flips us until I’m straddling him. I smile with understanding and lift myself on my knees, hovering above his dick.
“Ride me,” he commands.
I obey and slowly lower myself onto him, sucking in a sharp breath with how much different it feels in this position. I close my eyes, letting my body adjust, in complete wonderment of how much bigger he feels
this way—something I didn’t think was even possible. He clings to me as I swivel my hips, alternating between circular motions and moving up and down on his dick.
“That’s it, baby,” he says, placing his thumb on the hood of my clit and rubbing it gently. “Fucking ride my cock.”
The addition of his finger on my clit spurs me on, and I grind my hips against him, increasing my pace as he increases the pressure with his finger. It’s all too much. I feel like I’m going to burst from the sensory overload of it all. I work his dick and he plays with my clit. My chest heaves in short bursts, and sweat begins to slick my skin as my body climbs towards its peak. Needing more, I shift positions, bending forward, my hands braced on the bed beside his head, and Ryan grabs my ass with his hands, both of us panting as we thrust to meet each other.
“Come for me, Samantha.” His voice rasps against my ear as his hips lift off the bed, bucking wildly as I slam down on top of him. “I want to feel you come all over my cock. Do you want that?”
“Yes!” I scream as my pussy clenches around him, my orgasm exploding through me in a blinding rush. My entire body trembles as I ride out my orgasm, with Ryan still furiously pounding into me.
His grunts grow louder and faster as he fucks me hard and fast, and I lower my mouth to his, kissing him brashly until I feel him shudder beneath me, groaning into my mouth as he comes. I watch his features morph as he spills his seed into me, and I know that this feeling right here is something I’ll never get enough of.
We kiss with his arms wrapped around me, and I slowly roll to the side, giggling when he pulls out of me, the movement sending little aftershocks rippling through my body. I wait until we both catch our breaths before standing and retrieving my purse. Ryan sits up and leans against the headboard as I slide back in next to him with a nervous smile on my face.
“I got you something,” I say, reaching into my purse and digging out an envelope. “Think of it as a going away gift.”
He playfully nips at my bottom lip. “You mean you aren’t my going away gift?”
“Just…open it, and you’ll see.”
He cocks an eyebrow at me as he slides his finger along the seam and pulls out two plane tickets. “Is this what I think it is?”
I nod, turning to face him. “Allie and I are coming to visit you in a month. We’re staying for two weeks.”
“Wow, seriously?”
I nod again. “Kelsey came by earlier tonight and helped me realize that it’s okay to be scared about being in a relationship, but that I’ll never find happiness if I don’t let anyone in.”
“Sounds like pretty solid advice.”
“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what we could have been. I want to spend it seeing what we can be.”
A cocky smile plays at the edge of his lips. “And I can’t wait to spend every minute with you showing you exactly how good we can be together.”
He pulls me to him and kisses me, and even though there’s still a bit of fear lodged deep inside, being with Ryan feels right, and I can’t wait to see where this journey will lead.
Epilogue – One month later
“MOMMY, COME ON, we’re going to be late!” Allie stands at my side, tugging on my shirt, her big blue eyes staring up at me with impatience.
We’ve been in Japan for a week already, but Allie can’t seem to get enough of it. It took a little bit of reorganizing, but a month ago when I realized I wanted to be with Ryan, I knew I couldn’t make it a year without seeing him, so I decided I’d do something I’ve never done before: take a vacation. For two weeks, Allie and I are here in Japan, and during the day when Ryan works, we go out and explore, and on his days off, he shows us his favorite places. Today is his day off, though, and he’s taking us on a bullet train ride to visit Tokyo so that Allie can have a tea party with Hello Kitty. How I managed to find a man secure enough in his masculinity to attend a Hello Kitty tea party, I’ll never know, but I’m one damn lucky woman, that’s for sure.
I finish getting ready, and Allie and I make our way to the elevator. When the doors open, I see Ryan across the lobby, and I get that familiar feeling of warmth ballooning inside me. He’s wearing dark jeans, a plain white T-shirt and a blazer, and I love knowing that even though there are about seven different women all checking him out right now, his eyes are only looking at one woman. Me. Allie immediately takes of running when she spots him, her blonde curls bouncing everywhere.
“Mr. Ryan! Mr. Ryan!” She launches herself into his waiting arms, and he picks her up and twirls her around, peppering her face with kisses, which sends her into a fit of giggles.
“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite girls.” He shifts Allie onto his hip and leans in to kiss me. “Good morning, beautiful,” he whispers against my lips. Turning back to Allie, he bounces her in his arms. “You all set to go meet Hello Kitty?”
“Yeah!” She reaches up and cups Ryan’s face in her hands, scrunching her nose. “Why is your face scratchy?”
“It’s called stubble. It’s something adults get.”
Her eyes grow wide with concern. “Does that mean I’ll get that, too?”
“No, sweetie,” I answer. “Only men grow it.”
A look of relief crosses her little face. “Oh, phew.” She wipes at her brow with her hand in a dramatic gesture. “I don’t like how it feels.”
Ryan grins. “Well, I’m sure one day you won’t mind it as much, like your mom.”
“Ryan—” I glare at him in warning, but he just chuckles and winks at me. Shaking my head, I sigh and head for the door. “Let’s go, we don’t want to be late.”
The train ride is two hours, and Allie spends the entire time kneeling on her chair, her face and palms plastered to the window as she watches the scenery pass by. In the short time we’ve been here, I’ve fallen in love with this country. The landscape is stunning, the people are hospitable, and, of course, it helps that Ryan is here, too. We only have another week before we head back to San Francisco, but I’m already planning another trip in a couple of months.
“This view is spectacular,” I say, watching as we pass by lush green fields.
“Yes, yes it is.”
I turn and see Ryan watching me, and I smile when he takes my hand and brings it to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I was talking about outside, you big sap.”
He laughs and wraps his arms around me, pulling me to his side, resting his chin on my head. “Not my fault that I’m with the most beautiful woman in the world and I can’t keep my eyes or my hands off her.”
“Well, you’d better behave because we’re out in public, and the last thing I need is for my daughter to watch me get locked up in jail for public indecency,” I tease.
He brushes my hair off to the side, and when he whispers, his breath tickles my ear. “You know I’d never do anything to harm you or Allie. You guys are my entire world.”
I twist in my seat and reach up, guiding his lips to meet mine. “We must be, because I don’t think there’s any other man in the world who would suggest we go to a Hello Kitty tea party.”
“I’d do anything to make you and Allie happy.” He looks over at Allie and pauses. “Hey, Allie, I have a present for you and your mom. Would you like to unwrap it?”
I watch my daughter’s face light up at the mention of a present, and she quickly swivels around on her chair. “Presents?!”
My breath catches in my throat as Ryan reaches into his pocket and pulls out two teal boxes with white bows tied neatly on top. “Ryan…”
He hands Allie hers, and she gasps when she opens the box and pulls out a small heart-shaped necklace. “Mommy! Look what Mr. Ryan got me!”
“It’s beautiful, sweetheart.”
Ryan helps Allie put the necklace on, and my heart swells with the interaction. Even though Ryan hasn’t been in Allie’s life for very long, I can tell he’s completely smitten with her. I’m grateful that he’s a part of her life considering Joel is so wishy-washy when it
comes to spending time with his daughter. Joel is her father, and I will never deny him time with her, but I think it will be good for Allie to have someone around who knows what seeing a commitment through means, and someone who understands that she should always be the number one priority.
“It’s your turn, Mommy. Don’t you want to see what Mr. Ryan got you?” Allie points to my box as she bounces in her seat.
“Yes, Samantha, don’t you want to see what I got you?” His voice is low and eager and full of expectation.
Taking a deep breath, I pull off the lid and see a velvet ring box inside. When I flip it open, I gasp. It’s a stunning princess cut with a grande halo split—the exact style I would have chosen for myself. “Oh, Ryan, it’s beautiful.”
“Be my wife,” he whispers, taking the ring from me. “I’m in love with you, Samantha. I know it hasn’t been long, but if I’m being honest, I think I loved you from the minute I met you. I can’t promise that our lives will be perfect, or easy, but I can promise you that I will love you until the day I die. I can promise you my unwavering devotion and loyalty, my respect, and my unconditional love for both you and Allie. I can promise you that there will never be a day that goes by when you don’t know how much I cherish you and worship you. If you’ll let me, I want to spend every day with you and Allie, dreaming with you, growing our family with you, and protecting you from whatever may come our way. Please, Samantha. Say you’ll marry me. Say yes.”
He slips the ring on my finger, and I can’t stop the tears streaking my cheeks. I stare down at the giant rock on my hand and nod. “Yes. Yes, of course I’ll marry you. I tried to fight it for so long, but I can’t anymore. I love you, Ryan, and I can’t wait to be your wife.”
Everything about my life is coming together. I throw my arms around Ryan and kiss him as passengers on the train applaud. I’m not sure whether they understood his speech, but from the way they’re cheering, one thing is certain: Love is a universal language.
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