Gabe scratched his chin. ‘It seems to me that this Mr Darcy causes a lot of problems for young women.’
Mia frowned. ‘How so?’
‘Well, he sets an impossibly high standard, and real men can’t possibly be expected to live up to that.’
‘But it’s important to have high standards,’ Mia said.
‘Yes, but you also have to be realistic about things.’
Mia sighed. ‘That’s what Sarah always says, and it drives me crazy.’
‘Brothers and sisters have that written in their job description, I’m afraid.’
‘You really think I should tell Alec about William?’ Mia said after a moment.
‘I don’t know. Only you can answer that, but if I had a child, I should like to know.’
Mia sat looking thoughtful, and then quite suddenly, the weight of the whole day seemed to fall upon her and her eyes began to close again.
‘I should go,’ she said. ‘It’s late, and it’s been a very long day.’
Gabe stood up, and they walked to the front door together.
‘Thanks for listening,’ she said as he opened the door for her.
‘Thanks for talking.’
She smiled. ‘You’re a good listener.’
‘You’re a good talker.’
Mia laughed.
‘And if you ever need to talk again—’
‘I know where you are,’ she finished for him.
He nodded and then leaned forward very slowly, bending down to kiss her cheek. Mia caught her breath. She hadn’t expected it, but it felt rather nice.
Not until she reached Shelley’s did she realize she was still wearing his cardigan.
Chapter 37
Shelley left as soon as she heard Mia get up, sneaking out of the kitchen and running the length of the back garden before squeezing back through the gap in the fence. She could hardly believe what she’d heard, and her eyes smarted with tears at Mia’s revelation.
Why hadn’t Mia confided in her? Weren’t they friends? How had she managed to hide such a secret from her for all these years? And why pour it all out to Gabe, whom she’d only just met? It didn’t seem fair.
She closed the back door behind her and locked it. Bingley came trotting into the kitchen and gave his owner a quizzical look, as if to ask what she’d been doing out in the garden in the middle of the night. He shoved his wet nose into the palm of her right hand when she didn’t respond to his presence, and she smiled down at him, pulling one of his funny stubby ears.
‘Mia has a little boy, and she never told me about him,’ she told Bingley. He looked up at her with his big brown eyes as if in total sympathy with her, but then he did a typical Bingley thing and leapt up on her, his great fat paws on her shoulders.
‘Not now, Bingley. Get down!’
There was a knock at the door. Shelley dabbed her eyes with a tissue. She had to act normally.
‘Hi,’ Mia said as she came in. ‘I’m sorry I was ages.’
‘Yes, you were,’ Shelley said. ‘You seem to spend more time with Gabe than you do me. Why don’t you go and stay in his spare room instead?’ She hadn’t meant to snap like that, but the words tumbled out before she had a chance to stop them.
‘Shelley!’ Mia said, resting a hand on her shoulder. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing. Why should there be something wrong?’
‘Because you sound so angry, and that’s not like you.’
Shelley sighed and tried to calm herself. ‘It’s just been a very trying day, hasn’t it?’
‘You can say that again.’
Shelley bit her lip. ‘Mia?’
‘Yes?’
‘You know you can talk to me about anything, don’t you?’
‘Of course.’
Shelley looked at her. ‘Because I’d like to do all I can to help you.’
‘That’s really lovely of you, but right now all I want to do is go to bed.’
Shelley clenched her fingers into fists lest she reach out to physically shake Mia until she spilled the truth. ‘But we’ll talk in the morning?’
‘What about?’
‘Everything,’ Shelley said. ‘We’ve hardly talked properly since you arrived, and there’s so much I want to know.’
Mia frowned at her. ‘But there’s really not that much to tell, Shelley.’
‘Are you sure?’
Mia’s eyes narrowed at her friend’s words. ‘Why don’t you just tell me what’s on your mind?’
Shelley could feel a blush creeping up on her and felt her heartbeat racing. Should she tell Mia she’d been eavesdropping next door and heard her confession? Mia would never trust her again. ‘I know you,’ Shelley said at last, deciding not to confess to subterfuge, ‘and I know you’re not telling me everything.’
‘Yes, so you keep saying. What is it you think I’m hiding from you, Shell—’
‘Stop lying to me, Mia, for God’s sake! I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Just tell me what’s going on!’
Mia blanched and bit her lip, looking chastened, but then her face softened. ‘I think we’d better sit down first.’
Only then did Mia tell her everything. Shelley had heard it all a moment before in Gabe’s kitchen, but she felt relief surge through her that her friend had, at last, decided to confide in her, even though Shelley had to resort to shouting to prize the truth from her.
‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’ Shelley asked, when Mia showed her the photograph from her purse.
Mia sighed. ‘You seemed so far away, and we were both leading different lives.’
‘But I could have helped. I could have been with you.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Mia said. ‘I really am, but it just felt like something I had to get through on my own.’
‘But you don’t ever need to be alone. Isn’t that why you have friends?’
‘I suppose,’ Mia said, and she looked so young in that moment that Shelley could hardly believe that she was a mother.
‘I’m guessing Sarah doesn’t know anything about all this,’ Shelley said.
Mia shook her head. ‘How could I tell her?’
‘But you can tell her now, surely. Now that Alec’s out of the picture, it’ll be easier, won’t it?’
Mia’s forehead furrowed into deep lines. ‘Will it?’
‘And he has a right to know too, Mia,’ Shelley said, well aware that Gabe had just told her exactly the same thing. ‘He has a child. Don’t you think he’ll want to know?’
‘I don’t want anything from him.’
‘I didn’t say you did,’ Shelley said. ‘You’ve obviously been coping, and I really admire you for that, but I think he should know, all the same.’
Mia took a deep breath and sighed slowly. ‘I can’t believe how this trip’s turning out,’ she said and then laughed. ‘I thought I could leave all my troubles behind me in London. I didn’t realize I was heading into even more trouble here.’
‘Bath isn’t immune from trouble,’ Shelley said. ‘Fine architecture and a Jane Austen connection can’t cancel out your problems, I’m afraid.’
‘I’ve been a fool, haven’t I?’ Mia said. ‘I thought I could get through this on my own and nobody ever needed to know a thing.’
‘You’ve not been a fool,’ Shelley said, ‘but I wish you wouldn’t be quite so independent.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t like thinking of you struggling along on your own.’
‘I haven’t been strugg—’
‘No? Are you sure?’
Mia relented. ‘Well, I might have been struggling a bit, but I’ve always got by.’
‘Getting by isn’t much fun,’ Shelley said. ‘For goodness’ sake, Mia! I’ve got a spare bedroom here desperately in need of another lodger, and I’d love to have you and William here with me. I could even baby-sit him, or he could join in at Tumble Tots. And you could help me out with all my dressmaking. You were always so much more organized t
han me, and I think things could really take off if we worked at it together. It would be brilliant! Do say yes!’
‘That’s kind of you, Shelley, but my life’s in London.’
‘Is it? Is it really?’
‘My flat—’
‘That you’re always complaining about.’
‘And my job.’
‘The badly paid one in the crummy café? You can get any number of crummy jobs here in Bath if you want to.’
There was a moment’s silence.
‘What’s keeping you in London, Mia? You’ve said you’re no longer auditioning.’
Mia gazed at her friend. ‘I’m afraid I’ve given up on that. I’ll never be one of the leading lights of the London stage, and do you know what? It no longer bothers me. I used to think that my singing was the only thing that kept me going, and that if I ever stopped, my whole world would crumble, but it hasn’t. In fact I’ve never been happier. I mean, I know I’ve been pretty miserable over the last couple of days, but my life is a good one.’
Shelley smiled at her. ‘You’re amazing.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘You are! I don’t think I’d have coped half as well as you.’
‘Yes, you would. You have to. You just keep getting up in the mornings and doing the very best that you can.’
Shelley laughed. ‘Boy, we’ve not done very well as drama school graduates, have we?’
Mia smiled. ‘Maybe not as well as we could have done, but I wouldn’t change anything. I’m through trying to set the world on fire, and I no longer want to see my name up in lights. Do you know what makes me happy now?’
‘What?’
‘Spending an evening at home watching William on his play mat. Or taking a walk with him to the duck pond with a crust of stale bread.’
Shelley laughed.
‘I think I’ve entered middle age before I’m even out of my twenties,’ Mia said.
‘No, you haven’t,’ Shelley said. ‘You’ve just calmed down a bit.’
‘I sometimes worry that I’m unrecognizable now. I feel I’ve changed so much.’
Shelley looked thoughtful. ‘Not that much,’ she said. ‘You’re still my best buddy.’
Mia smiled. ‘But are you absolutely sure about William and me moving in with you?’
‘Of course I’m sure,’ Shelley said with a grin. ‘I can’t think of anything more wonderful!’
Mia laughed. ‘I don’t deserve a friend like you.’
‘No, you don’t,’ Shelley said. ‘You deserve much better!’
Chapter 38
Lloyd had insisted on walking Sarah back to her hotel, even though she told him she was perfectly all right and could manage on her own. She was wearing her coat over her Regency gown, but even so, she couldn’t stop shivering.
When they reached the river, she stopped, leaning on the stone wall and looking down into the dark swirl of water below.
‘Sarah?’ Lloyd said, his voice gentle. ‘Are you okay?’ He placed a hand on her shoulder, and it felt warm and comforting.
‘I can’t stop thinking about Mia,’ she said. ‘The look on her face! I’ll never forget it. She looked horrified to see me.’
‘It was just shock,’ Lloyd said.
‘No,’ Sarah said. ‘She hates me.’
‘She doesn’t hate you.’
‘You didn’t see her.’
‘You’re her sister, Sarah. She couldn’t hate you.’
‘But she does. I’m sure of it.’
‘You’ve got to talk to her. That’s the only way to sort it out.’
‘But she doesn’t even want to see me.’ She felt Lloyd’s hand squeeze her shoulder, and she turned around to face him. ‘I’m sorry to drag you into all this. It’s not fair to you, is it?’
‘I don’t mind,’ he said.
Sarah shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to walk away from all this right now. Really, I wouldn’t.’
‘I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Are you sure? Are you really sure you want to put up with all this? Everything’s such a mess, and even if it weren’t, you really don’t want to get involved with someone like me.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m a nightmare. I really am.’
‘What—the OCD?’
Sarah nodded.
‘You keep forgetting that I’m a nightmare too.’
‘Yes, but I have a tendency to steal my sister’s boyfriends and marry them.’
‘Well, I can’t lay claim to that particular fault myself,’ Lloyd said with a little smile.
Sarah took a deep breath. ‘But you didn’t come to Bath to become involved in a family feud.’
‘Maybe not, but I’d like to become involved with you, and if that means a few family feuds along the way, then so be it.’
Sarah looked at him. ‘What on earth did I do to deserve you?’
‘Let’s discuss that over coffee, shall we? I’m absolutely freezing.’
Sarah nodded, and the two of them walked across Pulteney Bridge, crossing Laura Place into Great Pulteney Street. The lamps were lit, and it was easy to imagine that one was no longer in the twenty-first century but rather in the nineteenth.
She felt a little strange inviting a man back to her hotel room, but it was probably preferable to going back to his.
When they arrived, they went straight up to her room.
‘Two coffees, then?’ Sarah asked as soon as the door closed behind her. ‘I’m afraid it’s just that packet stuff, but they’ve left me a jug of real milk.’
‘That’s fine,’ Lloyd said.
‘You’re sure it won’t keep you up all night?’ Sarah asked and then blushed. ‘Sorry. That was an insensitive question.’
‘Not at all,’ he said. ‘I doubt very much if I’ll sleep tonight.’
‘Me either,’ Sarah said, ‘so I might as well enjoy a coffee.’
She watched as Lloyd looked around the room. Was he taking everything in? she wondered. It must be hard to gauge a person from her hotel room, because there was so little of her in it, but he immediately spotted something that gave much of her away—a little pile of books that she’d brought with her.
‘Jane Austen, of course?’ he said, taking the top one in his hands and examining it. ‘Persuasion,’ he read. ‘I’m afraid I’ve never read it.’
‘It’s set in Bath,’ Sarah said. ‘Well, the second half of it is.’
‘And it is your favorite?’ he asked.
‘No,’ she said. She crossed the room to join him and picked up the next book from the pile. ‘This one is.’
‘Sense and Sensibility?’
She nodded.
‘Tell me about it.’
‘You didn’t come here to talk about Jane Austen.’
‘But I’d like to know.’
‘Well,’ Sarah began, ‘it’s about two sisters and their troublesome love lives.’
Lloyd looked surprised. ‘Sounds familiar,’ he said.
‘You have no idea! I’m afraid Mia and I bear more than a striking resemblance to Elinor and Marianne in the book. Elinor is ruled by her head, whilst Marianne is ruled by her heart, and it almost costs them both the loves of their lives.’
‘What happens to them?’
‘Oh, they get a happy ending. Jane Austen wouldn’t allow anything else.’
‘Is that why you’re a fan?’
‘One of the reasons, but it’s so much more than that.’ Sarah looked out of the window onto the street below. ‘Jane Austen’s always been there for me. She brightens every dark moment with her stories. I’ve only to think of a favorite scene from Pride and Prejudice or a favorite character from Emma, and I’m smiling again.’ Indeed, she was smiling as she remembered the joy the books gave her.
‘You and Mia are like these sisters?’
Sarah took a copy of Sense and Sensibility from him and nodded.
‘And I’m guessing you’re like the one ruled by the head
?’
‘Yes,’ Sarah said. ‘At least I was, and Mia was always the one ruled by the heart. I used to worry about her all the time. She was always impetuous and lived life by her emotions. There’s a lot to be admired about that, but for someone like me, it’s a constant worry too. The strange thing is that it was I who was impetuous—it was I who was ruled by the heart down in Devon. Of course, Mia was too, but that was perfectly normal.’ Sarah twisted her hands together in an anxious knot. ‘I don’t know what happened. I was like a different person, and no matter how many times I told myself to snap out of it, I couldn’t.’
‘I suppose the heart really does win out in the end, then,’ Lloyd said.
‘That doesn’t make any sense,’ Sarah said. ‘I need to be in control of things.’
‘But we can’t always be,’ Lloyd said. ‘And I don’t think you should drive yourself mad trying to be in charge all the time.’
‘Yes, but the one time in my life that I didn’t feel in control led to disaster.’
‘That’s all over now,’ he said.
‘Except for Mia. I still need to sort that out.’
‘Of course.’ Lloyd sat down on the window seat, and Sarah thought how comfortable he looked there. She returned to making the coffee. ‘How do you like it?’ she asked.
‘A tiny splash of milk. No sugar.’
‘The same,’ Sarah said.
‘So,’ Lloyd began, ‘when am I going to hear exactly what happened between you and Alec?’
She looked across the room at him. She didn’t particularly want to talk about Alec, but Lloyd was surprisingly easy to talk to, and she felt as if she owed him the truth after what he’d been through that day.
‘I mean, I know how you met him, and I know about him and your sister, but you’ve not told me much more.’
‘There isn’t much more to tell. We were a disaster from day one.’ Sarah paused. ‘No,’ she added. ‘That’s not strictly true. It was amazing to begin with. I’d never experienced anything like it before. For the first time in my life, I felt free. I can’t explain it, but it was like I was a different person.’ She paused for a moment before continuing. ‘I can’t really remember when it started going wrong, but we did disagree about the wedding. It was a quiet one. Alec didn’t want a fuss, and neither did I, really, although I would have liked something a little more romantic than the local registry office. I kept feeling that a Jane Austen heroine would have disapproved of such austere surroundings. Still, I told myself that marriage was more than a wedding day, and at least there’d been flowers, even if it was only the tiny bouquet I bought for myself.’ She shook her head at the memory. ‘I had to pluck one of the flowers to make a buttonhole for Alec, because he’d forgotten one. I was a little disappointed about that. I know there aren’t many men who pick flowers for women. I can’t expect everyone to be like Willoughby or Colonel Brandon, but I thought—’
Mr. Darcy Forever Page 22