She was trying her absolute best to hold things together. She could see the hurt in his eyes. She knew this was really what neither of them wanted.
He grabbed hold of her arm. ‘Wait a minute. You don’t mean this.’
She met his gaze. ‘You were just a distraction for me, Riley. A chance to not think about things. And, let’s face it, I was just a distraction for you too. I can’t give you what you want. We both know that.’ She couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t heard those words he’d just said to the nurse.
Confusion swept over his face. He looked as if she’d just punched him in the chest. ‘Finn,’ he stuttered. ‘You think you can’t love Finn?’ The cruel words had obviously stuck in his head. He looked shell-shocked.
‘No. I can’t.’
She pushed past him. She had to get out of here. She had to get away from him and find someone who could help her get to the bottom of this pain.
She walked as quickly as she could, her whole body shaking. Riley would hate her now, almost as much as she hated herself.
Maybe that was for the best.
She pushed open the door to the courtyard. The cold wind took the breath from her body just as another wave of pain hit.
The last thing she remembered was the white snow coming up to greet her.
* * *
Riley was stunned. At first he’d thought April was unwell. Her colour was terrible and she’d looked in pain.
But maybe he’d imagined it? Because when she looked directly into his eyes and told him she’d made a mistake and she couldn’t love Finn it had felt like a knife stabbing through his heart.
This wasn’t the woman that he knew. This wasn’t the caring, compassionate and supportive woman that he’d spent time with over the last few weeks. The woman who had stolen his heart and helped him reassess his life. Nothing about this felt right. He loved her. He just hadn’t told her that yet.
And it looked as if he wouldn’t be telling her that now.
How on earth could he be with someone who proclaimed they didn’t have the ability to love his son? They were a package. Nothing would come between them. He couldn’t let it.
His feet were rooted to the spot as she walked away.
Finn. He had to focus on Finn. Maybe he just hadn’t taken the time to get to know April properly. He’d been so caught up in being a good father to Finn, and acting on the attraction between them both, that he hadn’t really taken time to step back and think about the future.
His breath caught in his throat. That was a lie. He had thought about the future. He’d contemplated the words that April had said to him about the possibility of being sick. He’d sat next to Finn and wondered if he should take things forward.
Guilt swept over him. Of course he had. But surely it was his duty to Finn to consider these things and how they might affect him? Was that really why he hadn’t told April that he loved her?
It didn’t matter that he’d pushed those thoughts aside. It didn’t matter that even though he’d still been worried, the thought of not having April in their lives had seemed like a much more difficult concept than dealing with the fact she could get sick.
The truth was any one of them could get sick. Riley, Finn or April. Life was about taking risks. Taking the safe route could mean that he and Finn would miss out on so much more.
That was what he’d believed. That was what he’d thought after a long and sleepless night.
So why hadn’t he just told her? That he and Finn wanted April in their lives full stop.
‘Help!’ The shout came from down the corridor. Riley started running. It was one of the domestic staff—she was holding the door open to the courtyard. Two of the nurses came running from the other direction. And then he saw her.
April. Her body crumpled in the snow.
And he didn’t think he could breathe again.
CHAPTER TWELVE
EVERYTHING WAS WHITE. Everything was too white.
Fear gripped her. Was this it?
Then she heard a noise. A shuffle of feet.
She turned her head. A nurse gave her a smile as she pressed a button and made a BP cuff inflate around April’s arm. April grimaced. She’d seen this done a hundred times but she hadn’t realised it made your arm feel as if it were going to fall off.
After a few uncomfortable minutes the cuff released. She looked around. She didn’t recognise this place. ‘Where am I?’
‘Arlington General.’ The nurse gave her another smile. ‘I think you managed to give your work colleagues quite a fright. They’ve all been camped outside.’ She checked the monitor once more. ‘I’m going to go and tell the surgeon you’re awake. He’ll want to come and chat to you.’ The nurse went to leave then pointed to something on the bedside table. ‘Oh, someone left a present for you.’ She gave an amused smile. ‘Apparently it’s very important.’
The nurse seemed relaxed as she left the room. April tried to move in bed, letting out a yelp. Her right side was still sore, but this was a different kind of pain.
Had the surgeon removed her ovary? She let her hand slip under the covers to feel her abdomen. She had some kind of dressing on her right side. Why would he remove one, and not the other? Surely it was better to do both at once?
She looked from side to side. Her mouth was dry and she couldn’t see any water. There was a buzzer at the side of the bed but she didn’t want to press it. The nurse had just been in; surely she would come back soon?
Her eyes fell on the parcel. She frowned. It didn’t have the neatest wrapping she’d ever seen. But at least it was close enough to reach.
Yip. It looked like recycled wrapped paper, along with half a roll of sticky tape. She peeled away at a small piece of the paper that had managed to escape the sticky tape frenzy. It was something soft—very soft—and pink that was inside.
Now she was intrigued. What on earth was that?
There was a noise at the door.
She looked up. Riley. He was nervously hanging around the door. He looked pale. He looked as if he might have been crying.
Tears welled in her eyes. What she really wanted was a bear hug. But she couldn’t ask for that. She wanted to hug it out like she and Mallory used to.
‘The surgeon is coming,’ she said hoarsely. ‘I’m not sure that you should be here.’
He glanced over his shoulder and stepped inside. ‘I know that. But I had to see you. I had to know if you were okay.’
She pressed her hand on her stomach. ‘I don’t know, Riley. I have no idea if I’m okay.’
He nodded and hovered around the side of the bed. ‘They wouldn’t tell me anything. I mean, of course they wouldn’t tell me anything. I know they’ve phoned your mum and dad. They’re on their way.’
‘They are?’ Now she was scared. She was truly scared. They’d be coming down from Scotland in snowy weather. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but if they were on their way, surely it only meant one thing.
The paper from the present crinkled in her other hand as it tightened around the parcel.
Riley glanced at the door again. ‘It’s from Finn. He said you needed it. He said it was important.’ She looked down. She had no idea what it was.
‘Riley, I...’
‘Stop.’ He moved forward and grabbed hold of her hand. ‘I don’t want you to talk. I just want you to listen.’ She’d never seen him look so pale. ‘I don’t care what the surgeon tells you. Well, of course I care. But it won’t change how I feel, and it won’t change what I want to do.’ He took a deep breath and paused. ‘What I want us to do.’
She didn’t even get a chance to respond.
‘You’re part of me, April. Whether you want to be or not. I know you said you need space. I know you said the timing isn’t good for you. I didn’t expect to f
ind out I was a father and meet the woman I want to marry all in the space of a few weeks.’ He held up one hand as he said the words. ‘But too late. It’s happened. And it’s good. It’s great. I can’t pretend that it’s anything else. I should have told you the other night. I should have told you at the Christmas Dinner. I don’t know why I didn’t. But I love you, April. Finn and I love you. Yes, things may be hard at times. Yes, we might take some time to get used to being a family. But I didn’t believe you when you said you can’t love Finn. I’ve seen it, April. I’ve seen it in your eyes. It’s in every action you take, every move you make around him. You’re good for him. And you’re good for me.’ He stopped talking for a second to catch his breath. ‘Don’t push us away. Don’t. I am choosing to be part of your life. I am choosing for us to be part of your future. Whatever happens next, I want to be by your side. All you have to do is say yes.’
She couldn’t breathe. How could this be happening?
Didn’t he know what could lie ahead?
‘You can’t, Riley. You can’t hang around. It’s not fair.’
His voice became strong. ‘What’s not fair is meeting someone that you love and not being able to be with them. I want this, April.’ He held up his hands. ‘Whatever this may be, I want it.’
Tears pooled in her eyes.
He leaned closer. ‘Tell me. Tell me if you love me and Finn. Be honest. If you don’t, I can walk away. But I still won’t leave you alone. I’ll still be your friend. I’ll still be around. But look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel the same way that I do.’
She felt her heart swell in her chest. Those green eyes were fixed straight on her. She could see the sincerity. She could see the strength. It was right there before her. His hand was still on hers. But he wasn’t gripping her tightly. He was holding her gently, letting his thumb nuzzle into her palm.
She blinked back tears. ‘I do love you, Riley. And of course I love Finn. But I just don’t feel I’ve any right to. Not when I don’t know what lies ahead.’
He bent forward and kissed her on the forehead then looked at their hands. ‘Your hand in mine, April. That’s the way we go forward. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.’
There was a noise at the door behind them. The surgeon cleared his throat and walked in. ‘Everything okay in here?’
April nodded. Her mouth couldn’t be any drier. She just wanted this part over with.
But as she waited to hear him speak she realised he didn’t look the way she’d expected. He seemed almost jolly. The nurse came in too, holding a glass of water in her hand that she set on the bedside table.
He waved his hand. ‘Chris Potter. I was the surgeon on call. You gave us quite a scare, lady.’
April swallowed. ‘I did?’
He nodded and pointed to Riley. ‘Okay to discuss things in front of your friend?’
Riley’s grip tightened around her hand. ‘Her fiancé,’ he said quickly.
What? He’d just said what?
The surgeon didn’t notice her surprise. He just carried on. ‘It seems that you have quite a high pain threshold. Most people would have been at their GP’s days ago with a grumbling appendix. You must have tolerated that for quite a few weeks. Unfortunately, you’re one of the few that has gone on to develop acute appendicitis. Your appendix actually ruptured and you currently have peritonitis. You’ll need to stay with us a few days for IV antibiotics. We need to ensure there’s no chance of sepsis.’
It was like having an out-of-body experience. April was tempted to turn around to see if he was talking to someone else. Trouble was, she already knew the only thing behind her was a wall. There were no other patients in this room.
‘My appendix?’ she said quietly. Her brain was trying to process. And it was struggling. She hadn’t imagined anything so...so—ordinary. Her mind had immediately gone to the worst-case scenario. There hadn’t been room for anything else.
‘Her appendix?’ Riley said the words like a shout of joy. Then he must have realised how it looked and he tried to look serious again. ‘So, that’s it. Nothing else?’
The surgeon narrowed his eyes for a second, then nodded. ‘I’ve seen your notes, Ms Henderson. I’m assuming you thought it might be something else?’
She nodded weakly.
He shook his head. ‘Had we known about the grumbling appendix, then your gynaecologist and I could have arranged to do surgery together. Unfortunately, as it was an emergency, we didn’t have your consent for any other procedure and your gynaecologist was unavailable. I’m afraid your other surgery will have to be scheduled as planned in the New Year. Another anaesthetic isn’t ideal, but I didn’t have any other option.’
‘But...but you didn’t notice anything suspicious?’
The surgeon sighed. It was obvious he understood her question. ‘I’m not a gynaecologist. I’m a general surgeon, so it’s not my speciality. But no, at the time, on the right side I didn’t notice anything of concern. Nothing obvious, at least.’
It was amazing, the temporary relief she felt. Of course she knew things happened at a cellular level, but even the simple words ‘nothing obvious’ were almost like a balm. That, and the hand firmly connected to hers.
The surgeon gave a nod. ‘So, at least another twenty-four hours of IV antibiotics. Then we can discharge you home on oral. I think you’ll still be sore for a few days and, as I know you’re a physio, I’d recommend you stay off work for at least six to eight weeks.’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘I know you healthcare personnel. Itchy feet. Always want to go back too soon.’ He gave them both a wink. ‘But those transverse abdominal muscles take a while to heal properly. I’m sure you both know that.’
He picked up her case notes and left. The nurse with him gave them a smile. ‘I’ll give you some time alone. April, your mum phoned. They’re stuck in traffic but should be here in around an hour.’ She picked up the observation chart and left too.
For a few seconds neither of them spoke. It was as if they were still trying to take the news in—to process it.
Riley’s hand squeezed hers again. ‘When can we breathe again?’ he whispered.
She laughed, instantly regretting it as her stomach muscles spasmed in protest. She didn’t quite know what to say. ‘I guess now would be good,’ she finally said.
Riley didn’t hesitate. He leaned over the bed and gathered April firmly but gently, slipping his arms under her shoulders and hugging her loosely.
She was taken aback, but after a second slid her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, ‘What are we doing?’
He pulled back with a smile, resting his forehead against hers. ‘We’re doing something that a good friend taught me. And we’re doing it in honour of someone else. We’re hugging it out.’
Her eyes instantly filled with tears. ‘Oh.’ Now she really was lost for words. He’d remembered. He’d remembered the one thing she always did with her sister.
He moved and the paper on the gift crackled—it had been caught between them.
Riley picked it up. ‘You haven’t managed to open this yet. I think you should or I know a little guy who’ll be immensely offended.’
She nodded, pulling at the paper again to try to uncover what the pink fluffy thing was. It took some tugging, finally revealing her prize. She pulled it free. ‘Bed socks?’ she asked in surprise.
Riley nodded. ‘Finn said you have cold feet. He was very insistent.’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘I’m beginning to wonder if my son knows you better than I do.’
She laughed as she shook her head, struck that Finn had remembered. Then she frowned. ‘You had bed socks?’
He shook his head. ‘No, I had money. I just had to hand it over to Finn and let him spend it in a shop on the way here.’
She tried to push herself up the bed. ‘Finn is here too?’
>
Riley nodded. ‘Of course he is. Where else would he be?’ He met her gaze again. ‘We’re family,’ he said simply.
A tear slid down her cheek. Riley was proving again and again that he meant what he said. He was here. And she knew he’d still be here if she’d had a bad diagnosis instead of a good one.
Why was she trying to walk away from the two men who’d captured her heart?
She licked her lips and he lifted a glass of water with a straw, almost as if he’d read her mind. ‘Here, the nurse left this for you. Take a sip.’
She took a sip of the water and closed her hand over his. ‘We need to talk.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Why do I feel as if I’m about to get into trouble?’
She smiled. ‘Oh, because you are.’
He perched at the edge of the bed. ‘Hit me with it.’
‘You called yourself something when the surgeon was in. I don’t think we’ve had a chance to talk about it.’
He nodded. ‘Fiancé.’ Then he bit his lip.
Riley Callaghan was actually nervous. It was the moment that she actually loved him most.
‘I know it’s soon. We can have a long engagement if you want. We can wait until after your surgery, and make sure that Finn is doing well, before we plan the wedding.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘But I want to let you know that this is it. This is it for me and Finn. We’re yours, April Henderson. A package deal. And we’d like you to join our package. I love you, April. What do you say?’
She swallowed as a million thoughts swamped her head. Her heart so wanted to say yes. But she was still nervous.
‘They think I’m clear, Riley. But what if I’m not? What if they find something—maybe not now, but later? What then, Riley? I don’t want to put you in that position. I don’t want to do that to you, or to Finn.’
Riley ran his fingers through his hair. ‘How many times, April? How many times do you need me to tell you that I love you? That I accept the risks along with you. No one knows how long they have in this life. You don’t know that, and neither do I. But I do know who I love, and who I want to spend the time I have on this earth with. That’s you, April. It will only ever be you.’
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