by Jo Ann Brown
“He’s going to have two black eyes, and his nose is definitely broken.”
“Can you take Dougie to the doktor without the social worker’s okay?”
“I put ice on his eye.” She wrung her hands. “I’m not as worried about the social worker showing up tomorrow as I am about what led to the fight.”
He nodded. Though the social worker might be very upset, DCF must be grateful Beth Ann had taken on the huge task of caring for the three kinder.
She wrapped her arms around herself and shifted from one foot to the other. Not because she was cold, he guessed, though the day was damp and raw. She was so distressed she couldn’t conceal her anxiety.
“What made Dougie punch the other kid?” he asked.
“Why are you assuming he swung first?”
“He hurt the other boy more. I doubt he would have done as much damage if the other kid had hit him first.” He gave her a swift smile. “I may be Amish, but I was also a boy, and we learned that lesson from other plain kinder and from our Englisch friends.”
Her taut shoulders eased. “True. You may want to be separate from the rest of the world, but it intrudes, doesn’t it?” Without giving him a chance to answer, she continued, “The other boy—his name’s Aiden Bryson. He’s been taunting Dougie every day for the past week.”
“Taunting? What’s he been saying?”
She shook her head. “Suffice it to say Aiden kept after Dougie about every aspect of his life, his family and his clothes until Dougie couldn’t stand it. I don’t think it’s the first time he’s had to put up with other kids picking on him or Crystal. That may be why he was reluctant to return to school and why he stopped going in the first place.”
Robert knew how much words could hurt. Nearly as much as my daed’s hand, he thought before he could halt himself. It hadn’t taken his daed long to go from calm to lashing out at him or one of his siblings. Dougie was a kind, so to expect the boy to endure such insulting provocation day after day might have been too much to ask.
Beth Ann’s eyes filled with tears. “He never gave me a clue about what he was suffering, Robert. He thinks he can handle anything, but he can’t. Not alone. If he won’t trust me enough to tell me about being bullied, how can I protect him?”
“If you talk to him...”
“I don’t think that will do any good in the short time we may have.”
“Short time? What do you mean?”
“The school said if he gets into another fight, he’ll be suspended. Both he and Crystal are behind their classmates. If he’s kicked out for three days, it could be enough to keep him from moving ahead with his class in the spring.”
Robert rubbed his fingers over his chin. It was clean-shaven. He shouldn’t have to deal with the problems of parenting when he’d never grown a beard to show his married status.
He shook away his selfish thoughts. Beth Ann hadn’t asked for these problems when she offered to take supper to hungry kinder.
Inspiration burst into his brain. “Have you considered homeschooling?”
“Homeschooling?” she repeated. “Do you have the time to do that?”
It was his turn to be shocked. “I assumed... That is, I... No, I don’t have time. Do you?”
“I could, but where? The apartment isn’t big enough. I can’t imagine them getting much done if Tommy is trying to convince them to play with him.”
“Everything okay?” asked Michael as he stuck his head past the door. His smile vanished as he walked in. “I can see that it isn’t.”
Beth Ann gave him a quick recap, finishing with, “We’re discussing if I should remove the children from school and homeschool them.”
Michael leaned his elbow on the rung of a ladder. “Cora is homeschooling our kids, though we hope, next year, to build a schoolhouse on the piece of land Isaac has donated.”
“Would she be willing to take two more kinder to homeschool?” asked Robert.
“The Henderson kinder are Englisch. I don’t know if they’d be allowed to have an Amish teacher.”
“That could be checked with the public school,” Beth Ann said. “And with their social worker, who’s coming tomorrow.”
“Sounds like a gut idea.” Michael glanced at Robert, who nodded in agreement. “The kinder will understand you’re trying to do what’s best for them. Remember, it may have been a long time since they’ve had an adult who’s ready to step forward to advocate for them.”
“I want to change that,” she replied.
Robert said, “So do I.”
* * *
Beth Ann had planned to keep the children home the next day. Dougie and Crystal were thrilled to play hooky, but Tommy was annoyed because the day care kids were working on ornaments to be shared with the residents of a nursing home on the west side of Evergreen Corners. She gave each of the older two a book to read and cautioned them not to touch anything in the kitchen while she took Tommy to the church to join his friends in Gwen’s class.
The anxiety that had kept her awake continued to flicker through her head as she and Tommy crossed the village green. Someone had been working on the gazebo, repairing the damage left by the flood. The repair probably had been done by an Amish volunteer, seeing a problem and taking care of it.
That was what the plain community did, both Mennonite and Amish. Yet there seemed to be a tighter sense of belonging among the Amish than she’d known growing up Mennonite.
Maybe they acted like one big family, she thought to distract herself from her roiling thoughts, because so many are related to one another.
It was impossible for her to ignore how, when she and Robert had been discussing the problem Dougie was having at school, Michael had stepped in with a quick and reasonable solution. Unlike Englischers would have, Michael hadn’t said he had to check with his wife. He’d known she, like anyone else in the Amish community, would agree in order to help someone in need.
She sighed as she and Tommy reached the church. Going downstairs with him, she gave Gwen a smile and told them both to have a nice day. She hurried away before she could be drawn into a conversation. She was too perplexed by her own thoughts to pay attention to anyone else’s.
Heading toward the green again, she wondered how it would be to live Amish. No Amish person ever had to feel lonely as she had after her grandmother died and the clinic closed. Every event in an Amish life happened among family and friends. Births, marriages, deaths. Each brought everyone together. It was a well-ordered life, nothing like the chaos of her own.
She only had to look as far as Robert. He’d been separated from his sister for two decades, but she’d welcomed him back into her life and inspired him to be part of Amish Helping Hands. Neither of them acted as if their actions were anything out of the ordinary.
They weren’t for the Amish.
“Hey!” came a shout an instant before a strong arm swept around her arm and pulled her backward.
The leap of her heart told her the arm belonged to Robert. Before she could ask why he was grabbing her, she saw a car race past her, less than a foot away. She backed up and bumped into the hard wall of his chest.
Sensations exploded through her, wiping her mind clear of anything but the thought of his strength surrounding her. Bouncing in her chest, her heart urged her to soften against him as she savored the cool, fresh smell of him. She knew if she looked past the brim of her bonnet, she’d see his hair was damp from his morning shower.
She didn’t move. She relished being in his arms while everything seemed to be as it was meant to be.
He shifted, and the moment was gone. She bit back a soft sigh of sorrow.
Robert readjusted the straps of a burlap bag hanging over his shoulder. “You almost walked in front of that car, you know. What were you thinking?”
She fought her fingers, which wanted to reach up and rest on the
buttons of his coat. Keeping them clenched at her sides, she imagined how he’d react if she shared the thoughts weighing on her heart. Thoughts of her future she couldn’t imagine. The children’s futures were more up in the air than hers. They had a mother, and it would be best for them to be returned to Kim when she finished with rehab.
Wouldn’t it? What if Kim began using drugs again? What would happen to Dougie, Crystal and Tommy then? Would anyone be there for the children, or would they be left on their own all over again?
Nothing was simple or straightforward any longer.
Beth Ann stepped away, hoping she’d be able to think more clearly if she wasn’t wrapped in his embrace. His fingers cupped her elbows, and she couldn’t move farther without jerking herself out of his hands. She knew she should, but she didn’t. She raised her eyes to meet his and saw strong emotions within them. That astonished her, because he seldom revealed his thoughts, but she realized he’d been deeply frightened by her carelessness.
Knowing he deserved an answer to his question, she said, “I guess I was lost in my thoughts.”
“You need to be more careful. What would have happened to the Henderson kinder if you ended up in the hospital or worse?”
“I guess you would have become their sole temporary guardian.” She meant her words to be teasing, but knew she’d failed when his eyes narrowed.
“This isn’t a joke, Beth Ann. Don’t you realize how important you are to—?” He coughed hard. “Don’t you realize how important you are to them? Without you, they’ll be sent to separate foster homes.”
She nodded as she wished she could be sure she’d heard what she thought she had. Had he been about to include himself in the question about her being an important part of their lives? Had his cough been a way to disguise his near slip?
Her heart pleaded with her to ask, but she didn’t. Instead, she apologized. He was such a private man, and if she put him on the spot, she could ruin their friendship. She wasn’t willing to risk that, not even for her heart’s sweetest longings.
“I kept the children home from school today,” Beth Ann said to change the subject. “Tommy wanted to go to day care, so I took him to the church.”
He rubbed his hands on his trousers. “You left the other two alone?”
“With books to read.”
His face altered with his grin. “You expect Dougie Henderson to sit and read? This, I’ve got to see.”
“Come on.” She motioned up the hill toward the apartment.
The walk went quickly because Robert told funny stories about his nieces’ attempt to convince the kitten to hunt mice that had taken up residence in the old farmhouse for the winter. Laughing, she pushed aside her darker thoughts of what she had to tell him after her call with the social worker early that morning. He wasn’t going to like what she had to say, and she wasn’t sure how to break that news to him.
When she opened the door at the top of the stairs, Beth Ann wasn’t surprised to see both kids raise their books in front of their faces.
“It might be more plausible to believe you’d actually been reading,” she said as she took off her coat and hung it in the closet, “if your book wasn’t upside down, Dougie.”
“Oops.” He gave her and Robert a lopsided grin.
She returned it, not eager to get into a long debate with him.
Crystal jumped off the sofa and ran to fling her arms around Robert. He looked surprised and pleased at the same time as she shot a dozen questions at him, not giving him a chance to answer even.
When she paused to take a breath, he said, “I’ll answer your last question first. I’m here because it’s time for Dougie to start learning to drive a buggy.”
“You’re teaching me to drive? Today?” A rare, genuine smile brightened the boy’s face, which was already rounder than it’d been the evening Beth Ann had first taken him into the community center.
“If you’d like.”
“If I...?” He let out a whoop. “Let’s go.” He pushed past Beth Ann to yank his coat out of the closet. “Is it okay, Lady Bee?”
“Yes, if you promise to listen to everything Robert tells you and you’ll do as he says.”
“Don’t I always?”
“No,” she replied at the same time Robert did.
“I will today. I promise.” He ran to look out the window. “Hey, where’s the horse and buggy?”
Robert shrugged off his coat and reached into the bag he’d had over his shoulder. He pulled out a pair of long leather straps. “Before you drive a horse, you need to learn how to hold the reins.”
Dougie grabbed the ends, raising them and slapping hard. “Like that, right?”
“Wrong.” Robert took the reins from the boy. “Komm and sit. I’ll show you. Beth Ann, will you be our horse?”
“All right.” She took one end of the reins and moved toward the kitchen door as he instructed. Turning so she could watch, she leaned one shoulder against the door molding.
Dougie sat on one side of Robert, and Crystal was perched on the other. Both children swung their feet, unable to restrain their excitement.
“Take one rein in each hand, Dougie,” Robert said. “Hold the reins between your thumb and the first finger.” He smiled when the boy grasped the leather straps as he’d instructed. “Gut! Let the reins drop across your palm and out through the space between your last two fingers.”
Dougie followed the instructions with his right hand, but struggled to make the strap in his left hand do as he wished. Again and again, he tried to slip it between his fingers and missed.
Robert started to reach out to help him, but Crystal said, “Start with your left hand first, Dougie, then grasp the right rein.”
The boy managed to get the grip on his first try. “I did it!”
Beth Ann and his sister cheered. They laughed when Dougie reminded Beth Ann she was supposed to be the horse. Next, Crystal was given her chance to hold the reins. It took the girl more time to get her fingers to cooperate, but soon the children were able to grasp the reins correctly. They protested when Robert said the lesson was over for that day.
“You’ll be driving a buggy sooner than you think,” Robert said. “Don’t be discouraged that it takes time. A horse isn’t like a car. It’s a living, breathing creature. You want to know everything about the best way to treat the horse before you handle a real one.” He smiled. “Of course, that means spending time with Clipper, so he gets to know everything about you, too.”
The children’s faces glowed, and they both began to talk at the same time as they went into the bedroom to pick up the toys they’d gotten out while she was taking their little brother to the church.
She rolled the straps up as she walked to the sofa. “I want to thank you, too. They loved that lesson.”
Robert stood, his eyes twinkling. “Don’t you want to learn to drive?”
“I guess so.” She laughed. “As long as you don’t laugh at me. I tried once before. A group of young children thought it would be great fun to teach someone as old as me. I’ve got to tell you I didn’t learn much because the kids were too busy watching the horse lead the buggy where it wanted to go instead of where I did.”
“You’ve learned the first lesson. You have to be in charge, not the horse.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” she replied, trying to sound nonchalant. “When you take the children out in the buggy, I could go along and take my turn.”
“Or come along without them.”
She started to reply, then was halted by the warmth in his eyes. Was he asking her to join him in his borrowed buggy as if it were his courting buggy and he was taking her home from a youth event? Neither of them were youths any longer, and she must be mistaken. Robert must select an Amish woman for his wife. Not a Mennonite who was on the fence about her future.
Hating how she had to a
nswer him, but telling herself it was for the best as his gaze lost its sparkle, she said, “Let’s see what happens, okay? Everything could change after the social worker comes.”
“True.”
“I need to make sure I ask her about taking Tommy to the doctor to see what they can do for his slap step. It may mean him wearing a brace like mine. I hope it won’t make him stick out as mine did when I was a kid.” She bit back her bitterness that the brace had made her even more of a pariah when she was an adult.
“We each bear scars gathered during our lives. Some are visible. Some aren’t. However, we’re loved in God’s eyes, and that’s what is important.”
“It’s easy to say, but the real world isn’t like that. People stare and act as if I’m somehow deficient because I wear a brace. I don’t want Tommy to feel that way, but it’s important he gets help or his uneven steps will become more pronounced as he grows.”
He put his hand close to hers on the reins, not touching, but she was as aware of every inch of him as if he had wrapped her hand in his. A warmth sizzled across her skin while she fought her sudden desire to reach out and entwine her fingers with his.
In the gentlest tone she’d ever heard him use, he said, “If he ends up wearing a brace, Tommy will have you as a model for how to handle any comments. I know you’ll help him see how important it is for each of us to care for one another, no matter what we can do or what we can’t. Tommy is God’s beloved kind.”
“It may be irrelevant if the social worker doesn’t agree for me to take him to the doctor.”
“What time is she coming? I’ll be here.”
She looked away, knowing the moment she had dreaded had arrived. Oh, how she wished she could have avoided it, because she knew what she was about to say would hurt him. Quietly, keeping her eyes averted, she said, “She told me that, as the children are living with me, I’m the only one she wants to meet with on this visit.”
“But you explained that I’m helping with the kinder, too, ain’t so?”
“I did, but she was insistent.”
“So you gave in.”