by Sarra Cannon
"What did that feel like?" Jackson asked.
"Safe," I said. "Controlled."
"What else?"
I thought of how Zara had taught me to focus using the image of a blue butterfly in the darkness of my mind. To clear everything else from my thoughts. "It felt grounded. Focused and calm."
Jackson nodded and waved a hand toward the training dummy. The flames disappeared and the dummy looked brand new again. "Now try using the other half of your power," he said. "The demon side."
I swallowed and shook my hands out, trying to get rid of my nerves. Accessing the demon side of my power was a lot more difficult. Most of the time in training, I couldn't really do it whenever I wanted. Most of the time, I spent half an hour trying to make it happen before I finally gave up.
I took a deep breath in and my heartbeat slowed. I imagined the flames on my fingertips, but they wouldn't come. I shook my hands again, then lifted them in front of me.
How could I do this? What was really different about the demon side of my power?
I thought about the times when I'd shifted easily or used my demon power without having to really think about. First, against the hunters near the blue stones. I'd shifted in order to save my own life. Then, I'd used it again to break free of the hunter's cage in the throne room that first day we were attacked.
The first time I'd created fire with my demon power, I'd been arguing with my father.
Each time the demon side came easily I'd either been completely terrified of death or extremely angry. Feelings that were opposite of controlled and focused. There was nothing that felt safe about using my demon power. Instead, every time I shifted forms, panic seized my whole body. In fact, when I was in demon form, the second I started to really focus on my body or power in any way, I tended to lose my form and shift back to human.
Maybe the key to accessing that demon side of my power was to let the panic take over. Maybe instead of calm and focused, I needed to feel passionate and fractured.
I opened my eyes wide and stared at the dummy in front of me. I imagined Priestess Winter's evil smile and they way her eyes gleamed as she ran her ritual knife across the throat of Aldeen's prima. I let fury fill my heart. I let it send my mind in a million directions. I let it bring me to the ledge. Then I fell. Instead of controlling myself, I gave my inner demon free reign to feel.
Somewhere in the core of myself, I felt a strange power bloom. It started as a kernel of fire, then spread out in a wide circle, exploding until it consumed me from head to toe. Flames ran down my arms and covered my hands, much stronger and brighter than the human flames from a few minutes ago.
I pushed my hands forward, sending the flames across the room. The training dummy erupted, fire blazing high up toward the ceiling.
Power danced inside me. The loss of control scared the crap out of me, but it excited me at the same time.
Instead of draining me, this power fed me.
Jackson placed a warm hand on my shoulder and the flames died. I stumbled backward, shaking my head.
"Whoa," he said. "That was intense."
I laughed, almost drunk with it. "I've never been able to do that before," I said. "That was incredible."
"How was it different?" he asked.
I struggled for a way to explain it. It was more sensation that something I could put words to. Still, I wanted to try. "This was wild," I said. "Passionate and free. Instead of controlled and meticulous, this power was all about letting go. Instead of a single image in my mind, I felt this deeper. Almost as if it were primal. Does any of that make sense?"
Jackson's eyebrow raised slightly. "Yes, it does," he said.
"Is that the way it feels when you cast your magic?"
He seemed to think about that for a second. "I think it's different for me," he said. "Since it's the only kind of magic I have, I don't really know anything else. It's just natural for me. I'm not going to have the same kind of sensations you do, because I don't have anything to compare it to."
I nodded. "That makes sense," I said. "Does it feel different to use your demon magic here than when you use it in the human world?"
"Good question," he said. "When we go back, you'll need to be prepared for the difference. Here, demon power comes from within. As if the fuel for it lies in some well deep inside. When a demon casts in the human world, though, the power is drawn from outside. Everything around you that's alive can become a fuel source. Trees. Animals. People."
"Does that make it harder?"
"Sometimes," he said. "It can be both an advantage and a disadvantage."
"How so?"
"Well, an advantage because we can pull from the witches we're fighting," he said. "If you can find a witch's life source, you can use your magic to drain her and weaken her."
"And the disadvantage?"
"The more powerful spells take a lot of energy to cast," he said. "If you've already used up most of the life fuel in an area, that makes it a lot harder to use those bigger spells. Or if you're in an area where there's not a lot of life to pull from. Like a desert or something."
I nodded. In theory, I understood what he was saying, but I had a feeling it was the kind of thing I needed to experience for myself to truly understand.
"Do you want to keep going?" he asked. "Or should we call it a night? Tomorrow's going to be a big day."
I sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm not looking forward to this party at all."
He grabbed his backpack, then put his arm around me and escorted me out of the room. "It's important to your father," he said. "All you have to do is smile and say hello to everyone and act like the beautiful princess that you are. Easy, right?"
I groaned. It sounded like torture. All those people staring at me and expecting me to look and act a certain way. Definitely not my thing.
"I don't know about easy, but I'm sure I'll survive it," I said, pausing on the step above him. "Then we'll talk about our plans, right? After the dance?"
He nodded. "Then we'll talk."
I kissed him on the nose and he laughed.
"I'll see you tomorrow then," I said with a curtsey.
He bowed to me. "See you tomorrow, my beautiful princess."
They Never Return
The morning of the dance arrived, and all I wanted to do was keep training. I'd made a real breakthrough the day before, and I was anxious to get back down there and practice. I'd planned on trying to get a few hours in before I had to start getting ready, but Tulianne woke me up bright and early with a full schedule of pampering that would have made the most experienced debutante wide-eyed.
Apparently getting ready for a ball was an all day event for a princess.
"You really don't have to give me a massage," I told her when she brought out the tray of oils and aromatherapy herbs. "I can just take a shower and be done with it."
"Nonsense," she said. "A princess must show up at a ball in her honor looking relaxed and at her most beautiful."
"Can't we just perform some kind of glamour that would make me look relaxed and beautiful? You guys can do glamours with demon magic right?" All this attention was making me incredibly uncomfortable.
"Why would we perform a glamour on someone like you?" she said. "All that would do is hide your natural beauty."
I snorted. Natural beauty apparently took all day to create. Still, the massage felt pretty good and maybe Tuli was right. I needed to relax. I'd been putting a lot of pressure on myself lately.
After the massage, Tuli drew a steaming hot bath and filled the large tub to the top with bubbles. She brought me a glass of juice made from an exotic fruit that only existed here in this world. It tasted like a mix of strawberries and peaches. Only sweeter.
Once I was settled in, she turned to leave.
"Wait," I said. "Can you stay? Talk to me for a while?"
She smiled and I could see the hint of a blush on her dark cheeks. "You want to talk?"
"Yes," I said. I'd come to enjoy our talks.
So much of my time in the shadow world had been spent in hiding. I liked talking to Tuli because she showed me a different perspective to what life was like here. "I mean, you don't have to or anything. If you've got something else you need to be doing, I totally understand."
She shook her head and came to sit on one of the marble steps leading up to the tub. "I have nothing else to do," she said. "I just thought you might prefer some privacy."
I laughed. "Believe me, all I would do is sit in here and stress out about what this party is going to be like."
"Why stress?" she asked. "You don't like parties?"
Wow. Where did I even begin? "Parties back in Peachville were always a disaster," I said. "Someone almost always died or got kidnapped or something awful. Trust me, if I could live the rest of my life without another party, I would be a happy girl."
Tuli frowned. "I am sorry to hear this," she said. "I am sure your father did not intend to upset you."
I shook my head. "It's really not that big of a deal," I said. "I'm sure everything will be fine as long as I don't trip and fall or say something stupid."
"You will be just fine," she said with a smile.
"I'm not a very good princess," I said. "I'm too clumsy and awkward."
"I think you are a perfect princess," she said. "And everyone in the kingdom agrees with me."
My stomach flipped over. "They expect me to be their warrior," I said, running my hand across the mountain of bubbles around me. "I'm not even sure what that means. Do they want me to be like my father and live to protect them? If it were up to me, I'd take an army to the human world and fight the Order head on. What do you think the people want?"
Tuli's eyes darted to the door. "I do not think I should speak against the king."
"Trust me, Tuli, no one is here but you and me, and I promise I can keep a secret," I said. "I'd really like to know what you think. What the people here really want instead of just what my father thinks they want."
She brought her hands into her lap and fidgeted a bit, then took a deep breath in and out. "I think you are right that most of those who live here in the Southern Kingdom wish the king would be more aggressive," she said. "The king's army only fights when a village is attacked or when a hunter gets close to one of our cities. They never initiate the fight or go directly after the Order."
"Are there still a lot of demons living outside the dome?" I asked.
"Not a lot, but there are still a handful of villages who do not want to become a part of the domed city. They understand the risks, but they are not willing to give up their independence. For many, their ancestors have lived in a certain place for centuries," she said. "To leave their homes would be like admitting defeat. The king respects this. He sends out patrols and often visits these villages to make sure they are safe."
I floated closer to her and rested my arms on the side of the tub. "And are they? Safe, I mean."
She made a pained sound and closed her eyes. "I do not want to say anything against my king," she said. "He is a wonderful leader and he has done a lot for us here in the Southern Kingdom."
"But?"
"But those who live outside the city are not safe," she said. When she looked back up at me, her eyes were moist with tears. "My family comes from one of these villages. One of the lakeland villages in the deeper south. They refuse to leave our homeland, but..."
Tension filled her voice and her hands trembled.
"Did something happen to them?" I asked.
She nodded and a sob shook her body. Her head fell into her hands.
I grabbed a robe she had set out for me and got out of the tub. I put my arms around her and let her cry it out. My heart ached for her. It was obvious that whoever she had lost was someone she cared about tremendously.
When she calmed down, she swiped at her tear-stained face and pulled away. "I am sorry," she said. "You are supposed to be relaxing and here I am crying and burdening you with my sorrows."
"You are not a burden," I said. "I want to hear about what happened. I want to help if I can."
"No one can help," she said. "My mother was taken. My brother too. By hunters of the Order. There is no one who can save them now. Everyone knows that once a demon has been taken to the human world, they never return."
The sadness in her eyes broke my heart. I wanted to be able to help her, but I knew the awful truth of the situation. Her family members had become slaves. Forced to live inside the body of a witch somewhere on earth. It would be nearly impossible to find them, and even if we could find them, I had no idea if we could free them.
"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say to her. I didn't want to give her false hope, but what if the reversal ritual actually worked? How many lives could we save? "I wish there was something I could do."
"I wish that as well," she said. "My family has mourned my mother and little brother as if they are dead. I know there is nothing you can do for them, but I still have my father and my older sister who live in that village. The king tries to protect them by going after the hunters, but for every hunter his guards destroy or scare away, the Order sends two more in its place. No one is safe."
The Order never gave an inch. In every situation, they pushed and pushed and fought as hard as they could. They had no sympathy or care for family or for life and love. All they cared about was power. Sometimes, it seemed like the high priestesses of the Order actually enjoyed hurting others.
"Someday they'll pay for all the hurt they've caused," I said. "I promise."
Tulianne sniffed and gave me a weak smile. "This is why the people honor you," she said. "They can see in you the true spirit of a warrior. You are strong like your father, but your spirit has not been broken."
"Broken?" I asked. "What do you mean?"
"Nothing," she said, standing. "You should really start getting dressed. You don't want to be late to your own party."
I wanted to press her about what she'd meant, but she'd already disappeared into the bedroom.
A Princess
"Can I look yet?" I asked.
Tuli giggled. "In a minute," she said. "I need to add a few finishing touches."
She'd spent the last hour dressing me and fiddling with my hair, but she refused to let me look in the mirror. "You are missing something."
"There's no possible way you've missed anything," I said with a laugh. "You've been working on me all day. What else can there possibly be?"
"Wait here one moment," she said. Mischief sparkled in her amethyst eyes. She disappeared into the large closet and emerged a second later with a large silver box.
"What's that?" I asked, eyeing the box.
"A gift from your father," she said. "He sent it with very strict instructions for me not to show it to you until tonight."
Excitement danced under my skin. Other than my necklace, which was now lost to me, I'd never gotten a gift from one of my parents.
"Here," she said. "Close your eyes and I will lead you to the mirror. Do not open them until I tell you."
I let out a nervous laugh, but did as she said. She steered me toward the full-length mirror in the corner of my room, and I was careful not to trip in my high-heels.
She stepped away from me, and I heard her take the top from the box. Then, I felt her come close to me and place something solid and slightly heavy onto my head.
I gasped and brought my hand up to my mouth. I knew what it was even before I opened my eyes. A strange fear consumed my body, tensing every muscle and making me hyper-aware of the weight at the top of my head.
"Open your eyes," she said in an excited whisper.
I almost told her I didn't want to. I almost told her to take it off. But I knew I couldn't change the expectations placed on me. I had to face my own truth.
I opened my eyes.
The crown sparkled with gorgeous dark blue sapphires and the clearest white diamonds. I reached up to lightly run my finger across the intricate design etched into the silver. I had never seen something s
o beautifully made in my entire life.
The blue of the sapphires matched the blue of my dress perfectly. Tulianne had worked for weeks to make this dress special for the ball tonight. The bodice fit perfectly, hugging me in all the right places, the neckline dipping low but not too low. Layers of silk cascaded to the floor. A beautiful dusting of silver glitter sparkled across the right side of the skirt. Back in the human world, a dress like this would have cost thousands.
"What do you think?" she asked.
My breath caught in my throat and my mouth dropped open slightly. What did I think?
"For the first time in my life, I think I actually feel like a princess," I said.
How had I gotten here? Less than a year ago I was just a girl who couldn't stay out of trouble. I had no real home. No real friends. There was no one in the world who looked up to me or ever expected me to make anything of myself.
Yet, here I was.
"I never expected this to be my life," I said.
"Life is rarely what we expect it to be."
She was right. Even though I was only seventeen years old, I learned a long time ago that you never really knew what tomorrow would bring. Every time I thought I had my life figured out, something happened that turned everything upside down again. One day I was a foster kid in Atlanta, and the next I was in the car on the way to Shadowford. I never suspected moving to Peachville would be the beginning of the craziest, most unexpected year of my life.
I stepped back and took in my reflection. This may not have been the person, or demon, I ever expected to be, but this was me.
I was a princess.
Their Next Move
The throne room had been transformed into a fairy wonderland.
A thousand tiny lights sparkled near the ceiling like fireflies. Dark green vines curled up the stone walls, their yellow flowers fragrant and bright. The white marble floor had been covered with a lush green carpet.
I slipped my heels off my aching feet and dug my toes into the cool fake grass. I'd spent hours talking to the people of the city, being passed from group to group, dancing with anyone who asked for a moment alone with the princess.