“No, please. Now?” I tried to plead.
“No. Shan is downstairs. She’ll hear.” He winked. “Besides, I wondered whether you might like to stay the night.” His tone was seductive and overpowering. My knee’s quivered with the very thought.
“I … I guess I could.” My heart was beating ridiculously fast, the blood rushing around my body so quickly, my breathing so ragged and uncontrollable. His finger still tucked under my waistband lifts back, pulling the trousers and boxers slightly with it, he smirked and let go of them, and they released and slapped against my skin as he walked away toward the other door.
“I’ll see you downstairs.” He winked. Wow. Oh Harry. You incredible man I screamed at myself in my head. I took a few moments to gather my thoughts before heading out the way I came in.
---
Downstairs Shan was sat in the living room playing on the xbox. Her usual Call of Duty winning streak looked to be in good form. The surround sound system turned up so high it sounded as if we were really being shot at and bombs going off around us. Harry was stood before me watching the TV, he turned his head to me, an eyebrow raised, his face squinting at the volume, biting his lip, pretending he is in pain. I give a little chuckle. The rest of the night we just played xbox and ate the chicken wrapped in bacon. That was delicious.
---
Come 11pm Shan was 'tired' so she left, leaving me and Harry alone. I however was genuinely tired.
"Where am I sleeping tonight?" I asked Harry. His look of playfulness and confusion made my heart pound.
"I thought we were sleeping together tonight?" The moment the words came out of his mouth, his mouth gaped open, eyes wide apart. "No, no I meant... oh you know what I meant." He poked his tongue out at me and continued to clean the living room from crisp packets and bottles of alcohol.
"Okay. I'm gonna go get dressed." I smiled. I would have offered to clean, but as I offered earlier I was snarled at so I didn't bother. Off I trundled to his glass fortress of seclusion. The beauty of the view overwhelmed by how lonely it feels. I started to unpack my PJ's but got caught in the view. As I wandered over to the magnificent window I stared out into the dark abyss, my hand pressed against the window. Thoughts of him running through my head. "What if he ignores me again? What if I can't be what he wants?" In a flash my thoughts turn, and in my reflection I see Harry behind me, except he's older, he's taller, short down-to-business hair, wearing a suit and tie. There was stubble on his face, and he walked over to me, placed his arms around me, nuzzling his head into my neck, rocking me side to side. The smell of his cologne filled my nostrils, the feeling of safety and love so strong, my eyes closed shutting out the world and the view, focusing only on Harry and the embrace.
"Hey handsome." He murmured in a sexy low gruff voice. Then I realised Harry was holding me. I turned in his arms and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
"I'm tired, let's sleep." I whispered to his hear, my eyes still closed he led me to the bed. We laid down next to each other, my laying in his secure muscular arms, and I slept the most loving sleep I have ever known.
The "First" Date
24th December 2012
Dear Diary,
Today, myself and Harry went on our 'first' date. It's our first, official date anyway. Harry was romantic as always. He came to my house at 7pm sharp, he was wearing black swanky shoes, perfectly ironed black trousers, a white shirt, a black waistcoat, complete with a little red bow-tie with varying sizes of white dots. His hair was all gelled up, God, it looked so awful it made me laugh.
"What are you laughing at?" He asked, disappointed.
"Your hair! It looks awful!" I laughed.
"Well fine, you don't get these then!" He removed his hand from behind his back to reveal a box of assorted fudge and chewy toffees. My absolute favourites. I looked him in the face, smiled, and pounced on him,embracing him in a tight hug.
"Shall we go?" He asked. I released him from my arms and placed the box on the side. Leaving the house I closed the door, hearing my mother embarrassingly shout.
"Good luck hunny - remember use-" and the door slammed shut, before we could hear the end of tht sentence, thankfully. It was nice to know my Mother was supportive, but sometimes, she lacked boundaries.
---
After about 10 minutes in the taxi we pulled up outside a posh looking Italian restaurant. It had the stereotypical green background on the sign, and in italicised, fancy font read "Italian Dan's." The sign was white, with the Italian flag flying from it. The shop front was a large pane of glass and glass door, framed and separated by dark stained wood. The corners of the glass were covered in ivy, and, there in the centre of the window was a single table for two, with a red and white patterned table cloth, a woven basket of bread, and a single candle in the middle. The rest of the restaurant was dimly lit, and looked empty.
"Are you sure it's open Harry?" I asked him confused.
"It is for us." With a cheeky grin on his face, and a flirty wink he led me to the door and held it open for me. I walked in and was immediately greeted by a waiter.
"Ah, good evening Mr Curtis, and Mr. Holston, a pleasure as always." Smiled the waiter in a thick Italian accent.
"Bonjour Monsieur." I said nervously. Immediately realising I had spoken French, I bit my lip and bowed my head. Both Harry and the waiter gave a small laugh.
"This way to your table sirs." The waiter continued. As we sat down the waiter went off.
"Why is it so empty? It looks lovely here!" I asked.
"Because it's closed today." Harry responded.
"But?" I was clearly confused, Harry gave me a look, and I knew that he wouldn't tell me anything. Shortly, the waiter reappeared at the table with a bottle of wine, white. He filled out glasses then left, leaving the bottle behind.
"So..." I heard whilst taking in the sights. "Awkward?" Harry laughed.
"Huh? No. I was just - looking at the décor, it looks really nice. And expensive." Harry shook his head, and took my hand.
"Don't look so worried then. It's going great so far." His comforting smile reassuring me, I returned a smile. I no doubt looked awkward and nervous. And the conversation flew through the rest of the evening. Our pizza arrived, a large meatilicious, extra toppings with BBQ Sauce, picked by Harry. I have to say, that was an amazing meal.
"Okay, okay, I've got another one. What do you call a sheep with no legs?" His smirk still on his face from the past 3 awful jokes he's told, involving Nuns, Chickens and well, something that probably shouldn't be discussed at a dinner table.
"I don't know." I relented, hiding my head behind my hands. And he paused, I could feel his eyes glaring at me. As I made a crack between my fingers to peak at him, he leant in to me and whispered.
"Easy... Lunch." And he burst out laughing. Yet another cheesy joke, more abrupt laughter, and I hide my head in my arms on the table trying not to laugh and encourage him. This continued until dessert.
"Just the one ice cream?" I asked, shocked. He smiled at me.
"One ice cream, two spoons. Big or little spoon?" He smiled, an innocent tiny smile with a lot of not-so innocent thought behind it.
"I'll take the big one." I said proudly, snatching the bigger spoon from his hand.
"Well, you chose the right guy to date then." Again, his laughter filled the entirety of the room, but he was blushing. His cheeks had gone bright red. And we tucked into dessert. Occasionally he fed me, and I fed him. In a cutesy, new love kind of way. Oh how perfect that all was.
----
On the way home, we walked. Harry said he wanted to show me something. It was a lovely night, not a cloud in sight, and the stars were twinkling away in the distance.
"Harry." I said, almost silently. His head turned to face mine. "What is it you like about me?"
Immediately he stopped walking, tugging on my hand, which forced me to face him. He could see the sadness in my eyes, in my soul. I looked down, away from him. I didn't want him to know that this so
rt of thing affected me. He lifted my chin up, pulled me closer. He pecked me on the lips.
"Look up." He said, without hesitation I did. "You, Mr Carl Curtis, are like those stars. You shine so brightly to me, you fill the darkness of my night, like a candle lighting a dark room. And whenever I see you, I get all excited and giddy. Yet scared at the same time. Scared that you might hurt me if you don't feel the same. But when you touch me I feel safe, happy and loved when I'm with you, a feeling I have never had with somebody else. You send shivers through me, not just down my spine, but all over my body. And I swear to God Carl that no matter what, I will ALWAYS be there to help you. To me, you are the most beautiful person alive and I honestly cannot imagine how my life would be, if you were not here with me. That. Mr Curtis, is why I like you. Not because you're attractive. But because, you make me feel things much deeper than that." Almost without hesitation, the first thing I blurted out was.
"That's what she said." I threw my head down to my hands thinking I have ruined the moment, but he laughed. The man before me, who had just emptied his heart to me, now laughing at an inappropriate joke I had made.
"That's what you'll say tonight." He laughed even harder. I look up to see his beauty, his perfection in the moonlight and I could see then that I want him to never leave, I want to be with him forever. So I laughed. I laughed with him, and he laughed with me. Two guys on an awkward date laughing at something incredibly awkward. For the final time he took my hand and continued walking, laughing, at yet more horrific jokes of Harry's until we stopped.
----
"Okay, now open your eyes." He said to me. His hand gripping tightly to mine. I opened my eyes to reveal a spectacular, breath taking view. We could see the whole city, the high rise buildings in the distance, the many suburban homes not that far away. The street lamps and the cars all lighting the roads. A curvaceous bowl of light encased the city. The lights in the buildings occasionally flicking on or off. We were so high up everything looked so small. The only noise was the gentle wind that blew past every now and again. Then came a beep. I looked down to Harry's watch, as did he. We both looked up at each other and he smiled to me and said;
"Merry Christmas Sexy." And he leant in and planted his lips on mine. Taking my by surprise, leaving me breathless.
The Anniversary
01 July, 2017
Dear Diary,
Today was the anniversary of mine and Harry's first year of marriage. It was a lovely day. He had cooked me breakfast in bed, some pancakes with smiley faces, maple syrup and ice cream. The most adorable thing to wake up to in the morning.
"Morning handsome." He said as he stood in the doorway, holding a tray of delicious smelling food with a tall glass of orange juice. "I got you breakfast." He strolled sleepily next to the bed whilst I sat up rubbing my eyes.
"You're just the perfect sight to see in the morning. Have I told you I love you recently?" I smiled, eagerly awaiting my tasty surprise breakfast. The line shone through the blinds in the curtains causing a shadow on Harry's face, like it does in the movies when somebody stands in the light. He was just wearing a white shirt. His hair all ruffled from sleeping, his stubble more a short beard. This man, so elegant and refined somehow manages to look gorgeous even when he's scruffy.
"I think you need to shave buddy." I teased.
"You said you like the feel of my stubble." He exclaimed mockingly shocked as he climbed into bed next to me. "Now budge up, I want some pancakes."
And then, we sat side by side, practically atop one another munching away in delight. My head was rested on his shoulder when we had finished, and he turned to me, placing a slight kiss upon my forehead.
"Come on. We need to go. Get ready, 15 minutes soldier!" He immediately stood up and saluted before marching out of the bedroom. He does this all the time, fake marching, calling me soldier. I would have been perfectly happy staying in bed all day with him today, alas, I had my orders so off I went to get ready.
-----
At 11am Harry had taken me to central park for a picnic. Harry knew I had always dreamed on coming to NYC ever since I was a little kid. He planned this whole trip by surprise, at first I was a little angry for spending so much money, but now I'm here I can see it was absolutely wonderful. He led me to the Burnett Fountain and we sat on the benches, watching our reflections in the water, the other tourists sightseeing, ordinary New Yorkers passing by in pursuit of their everyday lives. It was pleasantly warm day and the sun was shining down, not a cloud in sight.
"You know. I miss you these days." Harry said silently. I took a few moments to realise what he had said.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, confused, continuing to eat my ham sandwich.
"With my new job, it feels like we rarely get to do things like this any more. I miss this. Me and you on a lazy Sunday back in England with the shitty weather, having a picnic in the park, or having a coffee in town, or just lazing about the house in underwear."
He nestled his head into my neck. Taking my hand and squeezing it hard and I hear him choke up a little.
"Hey, now stop. What's bought this on?" I rest my arm around his shoulders embracing him.
"Nothing, sorry. I do just miss you when I've been away and stuff, it's nothing." After a few minutes of silence he stands up, wipes his eyes and lays his hands out in front of my face waiting for me to clasp them. "Come on. Adventure awaits." He says with a cheeky grin and wink. Obviously, I grabbed his hands and away we went. On to the next part of the adventure.
----
We spent the remainder of the afternoon sightseeing, Top of the Rock and the Natural History Museum. Towards the evening, I start to feel a little overwhelmed by the beauty and massiveness that is New York.
"Can we go back now I'm tired." I moan sulkily.
"Nope, just one more thing. We're going to Belvedere castle!" He shouted, pointing his finger outwards, extending his arm. "LAND HO!" Sometimes I wonder why I haven't had him checked out by a psychiatrist, but, that's partly what I love about him, besides his obvious good looks and charm, his amazing sexual prowess, his great cooking skills, is his strange compulsion to say things out of the blue to keep me entertained, the funny faces and his constant obsession with humming or making weird noises.
----
We went past Belvedere Castle and to the little stage-type area next to the river. It was already quite full when we had arrived, and the sun was beginning to set, casting beautiful oranges and reds across the sky and reflections in the lake were breath-taking. Before long a singer had arrived on the stage and began to sing. Her voice was soft and delicate, she sang slow romantic songs. It was like being lifted into the heavens. After she had finished there was a ruptious applause from the audience. Then she said, "Now, tonight, I've been asked for a special request. Please welcome to the stage Harry Holston." The crowd again erupted into applause as Harry ran off and jumped up to the stage. I was in a complete state of confusion. He stood at the microphone, and he began to blush holding to the microphone tightly. As if a source of comfort. He looked down to me and spoke in a deep lustful voice.
"This is for my darling husband, today we are celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. I love you, so, so much." And the band began to play slowly behind him. Then he sang, in a tender, slow melodious voice. "The first time, ever I saw your face. I thought the sun, rose in your eyes." Roberta Flack. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. This man, this beautiful, intelligent man that stood before me, before us all and it felt safe. It felt as if his comforting song was enveloping us all, as though it were his arms, holding us tightly in a storm of uncertainty, pain, loss and sorrow, keeping us warm and protecting us from the outside world. Reminding me of the very first night together. As he held me. And as he had done for several years, and will do for eternity.
----
After the concert we got back to the apartment. I was extremely sleepy from my rather perfect and overwhelming day. I can barely remember Harry carrying my into the room
and laying me on the bed. Then laying next to me and covering me with his arms, then I went into a world of dreams.
A Mothers Touch
8th April, 2018
Dear Diary,
This morning I and Harry received some awful news. The phone rang during our regular Sunday morning continental breakfast in bed. We were all snuggled up with a cup of tea watching the cooking show.
"Hello?" I asked. In a low sombre, broken tone the voice on the other end replied.
"Hello Carl. Can I speak to Harry, it's Ralf."
"Harry, it's your Dad. He sounds upset." I pulled a frown.
"Hi Dad." After which his face dropped, and for several minutes of silence I stared at him. Switching off the tv. His eyes welled up and I could see the pain building within him.
We had known for a while that Sheila was going to die. But it was still a shock, as every death is. Even when you know its coming, and you've prepared. You still just aren't ready for the emotions. Harry spent all day in bed. I tried to console him but nothing worked, except being his shoulder to cry on. Sheila was so understanding when Harry bought me home to her the first time. I will never forget that warm welcoming smile on her face that just lifted your spirits. Sometimes it feels like our parents are immortal, like nothing hurts them. But behind the façade we see they are just like us, they have feelings, they cry and they laugh. I couldn't even begin to understand what was going through his head today. From the moment he put down the phone until the moment he started to sleep. I felt so useless to him. It got me thinking though. What happens when my parents eventually die, or his dad, or one if our siblings? And God I hate thinking about this, but when either of us die? How will we carry on without one another? We spend so much time together, we've grown so dependent I've forgotten what its like to be without him.
The Forgotten Love Page 3