Romancing the Fangirl

by Ginny Sterling

  Distracted by their surroundings, she valiantly attempted to remember all the suggestions Alex had coached her on. Katherine did a double take when she heard Alex speaking and discussing the two of them.

  “No, Katherine and I are very happy and it was love at first sight. She’s the one for me and flew out in order to be able to accompany me to this event that means so much to us both. Right, Princess?” she heard him smoothly transition to her.

  Katherine’s heart raced at his words and she beamed towards the camera as he had told her. “Oh yes, we both care deeply and simply had to attend.” Random small talk was made about how they made a cute couple. When asked what the future of the show had in store, Alex gave a debonair grin and said, “It’s to die for, if Giovanni gets his way,” hinting heavily at the next season. The crowd and the media ate up the statement as he waved, signaling the end of the interview and providing an escape inside.

  * * *

  Once inside the cool building, Alex grinned at Katherine. “You did great, Princess. If Tom is right, this should help alleviate some curiosity about you so maybe the press will leave you alone in Chicago and the hospital will get off your back. If you give them a bit of what they want, they generally will quit following you so much,” he explained. They followed the ushers to their seats.

  * * *

  Katherine felt like the carpet had been pulled out from under her and had landed on her derriere. Alex had been so smooth out there in his element. It was nothing for him to say that it was “love at first sight” between them. Every time they had talked about her return to Chicago, he had changed subject. Now? It was like he was prepping her for the return. Was she making too much of this?

  Had Tom instructed him to say that to the media? Surely you couldn’t fall in love with someone “at first sight”, nor after two and a half weeks either, right? That was a pretty bold statement to make considering neither had talked about feelings or the future.

  It was too soon and Katherine had her career laid out for her back in Chicago. While she was extremely fond of Alex and would miss his touch, she couldn’t admit that “love” was there yet. He was witty, funny, enchanting and a helluva lover…but she had always assumed they were friends with benefits at this point. This “friend” was flying home in less than two days.

  What then?

  * * *

  Katherine was star-struck by the celebrities the two of them shared the table with, as well as the neighboring tables nearby. She took a few photos (so proud of herself for remembering to turn off the flash!) for Leslie as well as had a few taken of herself and Alex. It was overall an enjoyable evening, but Katherine felt almost wounded. She was ready to fly home and get back to her life. She missed Leslie but found that she would miss Alex as well.

  Riding home together, Katherine said she didn’t feel good and went to bed quickly. Her mind raced, thinking of the night and all the tender moments they had shared. When Alex climbed in bed with her not long afterwards and held her, it took all she had not to roll over and touch his body one last time. Instead, she lay there feigning sleep and wept silently.

  * * *

  Alex could not remember a time that Katherine had looked more beautiful to him, except maybe the first time they made love under the setting sun. She had glowed and had such passion on her face. Tonight, when she stepped out of the limo in her gown, she looked every bit a fairytale princess and earned her nickname from him once again.

  The first gown he had seen her in was that peach, frilly getup. Tonight’s gown was dripping in crystals and fitted her body exactly. Her lovely, lithe frame suited the dress amazingly. He could not have been more proud to have her on his arm tonight. She smiled brilliantly and worked the red carpet with him as if she had done it her whole life, whereas he still felt awkward at times.

  When he arrived at the final destination and performed his obligatory interview, the words seemed to be so easy to say. He had loved her from the first moment and prayed it was the same for her. He wasn’t quite sure what he would do when Katherine returned to Chicago. He was banishing the thought from his mind as much as possible, trying to enjoy the moments with her. Maybe he could talk her into visiting again soon or just going to see her in between filming.

  There had to be some sort of compromise they could come to in order to keep their relationship going. She was his perfect interlocking puzzle piece and no one else would fit him. He felt blessed that the two of them had been thrown into a random meeting. And he had grasped at the chance to get to know the beautiful woman who had struck a chord in him. She was breathtaking inside and out.

  When they were seated, they took a few photos together and he made sure that she texted them to him. He wanted to be able to see her lovely face anytime he wanted after she left him. He felt like he was on top of the world tonight only to have been shot down when he realized that her flight would be here before he knew it. Katherine had claimed illness and disappeared into her own room, which hadn’t been slept in for days.

  Alex would not let this last moment to hold her in his arms pass him by. She didn’t feel hot, temperature wise, but he heard her crying softly until she fell asleep. He felt the same and wanted to turn her over, to comfort her. Instead, he held her close against his heart. Alex wanted Katherine to have it all: her job, her life and hopefully… him. It had to be her choice and she had not hesitated at the idea of returning home until now.

  What would he do without her?

  * * *

  Early the next morning, their final day together after a blissful few weeks getting to know each other came too soon. Alex awoke first and made love to Katherine leisurely as if he wanted to brand his touch on her body. She was perfect for him in every way. He was beyond words thinking how much he would miss her smile and her laughter at his corny jokes. He would miss how she filled the empty void in his life.

  * * *

  Katherine had woken to Alex’s tender ministrations, which would make leaving all the more difficult. She had to go back to her life, her home. Having established herself in Chicago, she felt needed and like she made a difference. Here, she felt wanted and whole –but as Alex’s companion. She wanted to have that same sense of independence in everything she did and giving any of that up scared her…and it wasn’t like she was asked to stay either. His touch drove her wild. In her mind, she kept thinking it was the last time and that broke her heart. When her body exploded in response to his lovemaking, she found herself smiling as well as crying and played it off as an effect of the intense orgasm Alex had created in her. She found herself wrapped in his arms for quite a while as they just held each other, not saying a word.

  * * *

  The silence was broken when Katherine finally asked what time it was. She knew the plane had been chartered once again by Alex and wouldn’t leave without her. But she wasn’t absolutely certain she could prolong the goodbye without it damaging her emotional well-being. She would miss him terribly and more than she dreamt possible.

  Looking at the clock, Katherine hated being the logical one. She pulled herself out of his arms. “Alex, I am going to have to finish packing and getting ready,” she explained. She noticed he didn’t say a word but nodded and left the room. Hearing him in the kitchen preparing breakfast, Katherine quickly got a shower and finished throwing a few personal effects into the bag before sealing it. Rolling it to the front doorway, she felt almost sick and saw that he had set the table for them in the same spot where they had enjoyed their first meal together.

  “I’m not that hungry,” she confessed, “but thank you.”

  “Neither am I,” Alex admitted. “I didn’t want you to leave here thinking I was a poor host and didn’t provide,” he said, trying to crack a smile.

  Katherine shook her head, not saying a word and swallowed hard. If she was leaving, she was going to have to do so quickly or she might invite herself to stay. Putting up a false front, she tried smiling at him. “Let’s head out, shall we?” she said with a sens
e of bravado she didn’t feel.

  At his nod and seeing him turn away, her nausea and doubts increased. If he was okay with her leaving, she would have to be, too. She saw the elusive guard waiting just outside the door to put the bags inside the vehicle for her. Katherine had been surprised that she had not seen more of him over the last few weeks and realized it was more that he was simply “there” for Alex when needed. She wondered if Alex had given him leave while she visited or if he had just left them alone at Alex’s request.

  Swallowing hard, she sat in the car and found them distant, once again, just as before. This time she understood. Alex held her hand, just as he had upon arrival. This time, Katherine knew it was a clear signal of the need for privacy and distance. That was fine. It helped her keep from breaking down or saying something she might regret as they rode to the private plane.

  He stepped forward towards the plane. The stairs had already been released and awaited her boarding. It was one of the hardest things she had done in some time. She would rather suture for hours on end or deal with the grief of losing a patient than to cope with the fears and doubts she was feeling at this time. Smiling bravely at Alex, she could feel the emotional dam inside of her was ready to burst and Katherine refused to break down or show weakness.

  “Thank you again for a lovely time and for inviting me,” she whispered, feeling her lip wobble. She bit it to hide the betrayal she felt. After the last few weeks, how could he let her leave? And how come she wasn’t begging to stay?

  * * *

  Katherine was surprised when he stepped forward and took hold of her hands. She expected him to be reserved and private as he had been in the car, which would have made it easier to leave. Instead, she found herself in his embrace. Alex’s arms had pulled her forward as he kissed her tenderly and held her for a moment. She heard him whisper huskily in her ear that he would miss his princess and to call him when she landed.

  They weren’t quite the words she had hoped to hear, but comforting just the same. Nodding, she broke free of his arms and looked away, feeling hot tears ready to spill. Katherine quickly climbed the steps and flopped indelicately in the first seat on the plane. She promptly dropped her head in her hands and allowed the tears to flow, finally giving in to the sense of loss that was overwhelming every fiber of her being.

  * * *

  Alex stared at the plane for some time as he watched the door close and it moved to taxi away. He stood there staring, his arms crossed over his chest as if to protect himself. Alex rolled his eyes as he saw the flash from the driver’s cell phone. Fired, he thought simply. He didn’t care if the driver was reporting to the media that he felt bereft. It was more a response to the pain he felt in his chest seeing Katherine’s plane leave.

  Seeing his world leaving him behind.

  * * *

  He wanted her to stay, but she never said a word. Alex had wanted to ask her to stay, but felt that if he did, it would be asking her to give up everything she had worked so very hard for. It felt impossible for him to even consider after the two of them had only known each other for a little under a month. For him, it was overwhelming desire from the very beginning. But for her? Katherine had not said a word. She was stronger than he had ever been in his life. He felt keenly aware of what a difference she had made in his world over the last few weeks and was stunned at how hollow he felt.

  She was gone.

  15

  Katherine was better composed once the plane landed. She had hoped for a text or phone call while she was in the air but received none. Instead of texting Alex herself or calling him, she called the hospital and spoke with the director. He confirmed that things had died down and she was welcome to return next week. Katherine vehemently requested to return as early as tonight in an attempt to lose herself, running from her grief. She knew damned well what she was doing but it was the only coping mechanism that worked for her. At hearing his acceptance, she breathed a sigh of relief and vowed not to let Leslie know it was her request or she would hear about how she needed therapy once again. Katherine just needed to keep busy until she could emotionally handle it, regardless if it was years.

  As she got into Leslie’s car, she answered some of the questions put to her and dodged others. Leslie must have sensed it was bothering her because she finally let it drop and they rode back to the brownstone in silence. Katherine wanted to hug her, wanted to cry. She felt raw as if leaving him was an open wound. Leslie had invited her out to dinner but Katherine declined. Lying, she told Leslie that she wouldn’t be able to attend because the hospital had demanded her back. Katherine felt guilty for lying to the one person who had always been there for her. She sunk down in her seat and stared out the car window.

  * * *

  Katherine spent several weeks running back and forth between the hospital and her condo. She only went to the condo in order to sleep. She was working herself to death and she knew it. Her scrubs were hanging off of her already thin frame and Leslie started bringing prepared meals for her with sticky notes stating “eat me!” and “drink me!” as if she was Alice and had fallen into the rabbit hole.

  She did as she was ordered on the paper bags and Styrofoam containers Leslie brought. It kept her going; she existed. If she stopped moving, she made sure it was to sleep because that was where she dreamt of Alex and awoke crying most times. Katherine missed him terribly and wouldn’t allow herself to stay at home in the silence of the condo. She had few texts from him each day and had not answered calls simply because she was afraid to hear his voice and reopen herself to the pain. Several of the texts were simply asking how she was and a few were more personal. Over the last few weeks, those texts had been fewer and farther between.

  Hearing a knock at her door, she grabbed her house keys, fully prepared to head back to work instead of sleeping. She had already been at home too long and found herself flipping through the photos of them together on her phone. Opening the door, she saw Leslie standing there with a large paper bag and a stern expression.

  * * *

  “I’m sick of this Kat and I am not taking no for an answer,” Leslie said, barging into the apartment past her surprised friend.

  “Sick of what? I am on my way out the door.” Katherine put herself in defensive mode almost immediately. She had been avoiding dealing with life for almost three weeks now and exhaustion was beating at her.

  “This!” Leslie practically shouted. “Look at you. You are depressed and don’t even realize it. I get it. You miss him. But you have to function and I can’t deal with you doing this to yourself again.” It had been a long road in healing her friend before. Leslie had no intention of doing it again for a broken heart. There were too many fish in the sea for Katherine to pout over this particular one, unless he was the one.

  * * *

  Katherine’s jaw dropped open at the blunt statement. Leslie knew her better than she realized. She thought she was hiding the signs and able to cover it by staying away from everyone. Evidently, that was not the case.

  Leslie shut the door firmly behind her and locked it, putting the brown bag onto the counter like she owned the place. “C’mon,” she ordered. “I’ve been trying to give you space and time but I can see you are doing it all over again like after the fire. I can’t see you live like that again and I won’t. So we are going to talk about your visit, drink booze and watch Bloodlust so we both can see your Romeo you are so hung up on.” She began unpacking the bag revealing a box of cheap wine, DVDs and a box of microwave popcorn.

  “Too busy tonight. I am going in to surgery,” Katherine replied and reached for the doorknob to escape. She wasn’t sure she could do this just yet without breaking down. She felt cornered and knew that an intervention was about to occur.

  “Get back here, Chickenshit! I have already called the hospital and you aren’t on tonight. So, yes, you can do this and we are going to,” Leslie said as she pulled out a box of Kleenex with a sympathetic smile. “Katherine, don’t do this to yourself. Le
t’s talk,” she offered gently and kicked off her shoes.

  Sighing in acquiescence, Katherine knew she was beat. Checkmate! She wasn’t scheduled tonight. She was going to see if they would let her work another shift and knew there was a distinct possibility the answer would have been “no”. The staff had begun to question why she was there so much. Unfortunately, they had also begun to question whether or not she was capable to perform her job due to the exhaustion that was beginning to show. Katherine had rings under her eyes and her face looked gaunt. She kicked off her clogs and plopped down on the couch, pulling a pillow into her lap.

  “There,” Leslie said, satisfied. She tossed the tissue box onto the couch with a flourish. Making herself at home, she opened the fridge to see the meal from last night she had brought still there and wrapped in foil. She ignored the meal. Instead, she popped two bags of popcorn and handed one to Katherine along with carrying over the box of wine. She set the box down on the coffee table deliberately in front of Katherine. Grabbing two juice glasses, she poured them each one and clinked her glass against Katherine’s.

  “Spill it,” Leslie ordered.

  Taking a long sip to avoid answering, Katherine swished the wine around in her mouth and winced at the tart taste. “There is nothing to say.” She cuddled the pillow tighter on her lap in a protective fashion as if to shield herself from feeling so lonely.