by Ally Blake
She could hear Stan’s smile. “I’ve always been a sucker for sweet.”
With that he rang off.
Hands still shaking, April made another call. This time to home, knowing in her gut someone would be there to answer it. Someone did, on the first ring.
“April?”
“Mum?” Hearing her mother’s voice, she felt shaky and safe all at once.
“Erica refused to let me come and get you. You need to know that. But I understand what you were trying to tell me the other day. You are a grown woman. With occasional bouts of rebellion that are on the acceptable end of normal. My job there is done. Erica on the other hand—”
Suddenly Erica’s voice piped up. “Hey, sis. How’s it hanging?”
Their mother’s voice faded in the background, saying something along the lines of, “Only trying to help.”
“It’s hanging just fine.” April quickly moved under the shade of a sapling on the edge of the footpath when a group of joggers jogged past. “Is Mum okay? She sounded a bit loopy.”
“Because her favourite child got arrested? Go figure.”
A soft breath left April’s mouth. She’d played the part of favourite badly – quietly blaming her mother for pushing their father away while giving her father every chance to make good. But now she saw that it wasn’t that simple.
Nothing ever was.
April’s mum had stuck by her lying husband because they had two daughters to think about. And because she’d loved him. If she’d come to equate love with pain it was only because no one had shown her different.
Meaning Finn’s sins were far more closely aligned with April’s mother’s than April’s fathers. He’d been protecting himself. April should have made him realise he had nothing to fear from her. That if he fell, she’d be there to catch him. Always.
“Erica,” April said. “Give Mum a break, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Erica’s voice quieted. “Seriously, though. Where are you, now? Maximum security? Under Big Bertha’s protection, I hope.”
April snorted. “I was sprung.”
“She’s out!” Erica called, now obviously talking away from the phone. “Hang on, I’m putting JJ on speaker. Heads up Kane’s here too. And Murdoch.” Her voice lowered to a murmur. “Have you met Murdoch? Another of your friend Hazel’s cave of men, he’s engaged to her business partner. He’s also the grumpiest man ever. He’s awesome.” Erica made sure the entire world heard as she said, “So mind that gutter mouth of yours!”
April rolled her eyes.
Then Erica’s voice dropped again. “Oh yeah, that douche from JJ’s party is here too. Guy. They were all having some conference call about some upcoming manly camping/mountain/fishing thing they’re apparently planning when JJ called Kane. I never realised how seriously tiny your place is until they filled it up—”
April cut her off. “Hi, everyone. I hope Erica’s being a good host.”
“We found your cupcake stash,” said a voice she didn’t know. Guy, if Erica’s growl was anything to go by. “All in a sugar coma.”
“So what happened, hon?” That was JJ. “After the police took you away they wouldn’t let us see you. We tried. Erica practically climbed this poor cop trying to get to you. It was epic.”
April couldn’t help but smile. “I was treated just fine. Charges dropped too. Hazel came through. Makes me want to throttle her a little less for everything that went down. So thank you. Now I just want to get home.”
“Stay where you are. I can be there in fifteen,” Kane called out.
“No, thank you,” she yelled back. A pair of men skirted a little wider around her on the footpath. “I’m going to walk for a bit. Clear my head. I just—”
Realising there was a crowd on the other end of the phone, she baulked at going deeper. At revealing too much of the wild, crazy thoughts skittering around in her head. And then remembered something else about the night before. Right before things began to go “girls gone wild”.
Something about fireworks. And waterfalls. About wanting more.
She took a deep breath, stood tall, declared, “I’m going to carpe.”
JJ laughed. “You go, girl!”
Behind that April heard murmurings. Male murmurings. The word carpe rumbled through the phone in several deep, questioning voices before they faded. Then JJ said, “We’ve moved to your bedroom. So it’s just us girls. So carpe, hey? And by carpe you mean—”
“I mean Finn.” She could all but feel JJ’s grin. “He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I hear that. Kane is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Erica piped up. “I thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you.”
JJ laughed. “He provides services you never could.”
“You never asked.”
April heard JJ blow Erica a kiss, but only just, filled as her head was with the words she’d just said.
Finn was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
Finn, who had never been a part of her grand plan.
She’d been so focussed on the journey – get a job, then an apartment, use that to next rebuild your relationship with your sister – it was like following the recipe to contentment. But if life was a journey, surely that meant it was leading somewhere. To some kind of end point. What was that? Middle age? Death? How could that be the answer?
It wasn’t as if happiness was a trophy. Or even a given. It was precious. It was magical. It was something to be sought every moment of every day.
Happy right now. That truly was the answer. Recognise it, grab it, indulge in it, live it. Dancing, laughing, kissing, loving. The things that gave a person joy, delight, wonder, that made them feel alive. That was what life was all about.
Not the journey, but the moment. Not the choreography, but the dance. Hope without a net. She’d never have known that without paring herself back, mentally, physically, and emotionally until she was her true self. A seeker of fireworks and waterfalls. Of the spectacular.
“April? You still there?”
“Yes. Sorry.” April shifted from one damp foot to the other, beginning to chafe.
JJ said, “Just tell us how we can help.”
“I don’t have any plans as yet, or ideas, of even vague thoughts but all I know is that I have to find him, to tell him—”
Just then a sleek, black car pulled into the no-parking section of the curb with a screech; half mounting the footpath, the back tyre crunching against the gutter. Before the engine had even cut off, a Viking-esque man in an elegant, black suit leapt from the driver’s seat and bolted around the front of the car before coming to a halt, wild eyes searching the row of buildings before him as if looking for a sign.
“Finn?”
Finn’s gaze shot left. Found April. Pierced her like a burst of sunshine slicing through a rain cloud.
He reached her in three loping strides before sweeping her into his arms. Her feet left the ground, her breath left her lungs and she clung to him as he swung her around and around.
Somehow, through it all, she kept a hold of her phone.
Dismembered voices called, “April? Did you say Finn? Did she say Finn?”
Finn slowed the spinning as he glanced at the phone by his ear. “Who the hell—”
“Finn, is that you?” a tinny voice called.
He glanced at April who shrugged. Not easy to do when a six foot something man was squeezing the life out of her.
“Who is this?” Finn asked the phone.
“Erica.”
“And JJ. Kane, Murdoch and Guy would say hi but their mouths are full of April’s cupcakes.”
Erica cut her off. “I’m watching you, slick, so you do right by her. I have ways. Means.”
As Erica went on about the ways and means, Finn let April fall to the ground. Keeping one arm wrapped about her – one strong, warm, protective, possessive arm – he grabbed the phone out of April’s hand said, “She’ll ca
ll you back.”
Then switched the phone off and shoved it into his pocket. But not before ‘Carpe Diem!’ was yelled in thin, dissonant stereo.
Then Finn’s hands were suddenly all over her, running down her arms, her legs, sliding over her hair. At first she came over all shuddery, warm fires drying out the sogginess and zapping her back to life. Then she realised he wasn’t feeling her up in broad daylight – the man was checking for bumps and bruises.
“Are you hurt? If anyone touched you in there I’ll wring their bloody necks. Your sister might think she has ways and means but she has no idea—”
“I’m fine,” she said. “Truly. I had a nice bed to sleep off way too many cocktails and a nice lunch when I finally woke up. And... That tickles!” Her laughter carried off into the sky.
Finn’s hands stopped running up and down her waist and slowly moved to settle around her lower back.
While his hands may have settled, his eyes still raged. But beneath that he looked tired. His hair not quite tidy. His suit a little mushed. Rumpled Finn was seriously sexy. Dangerous, on the edge. The kitten had to hold back a meow.
Pleasure scooted up her spine and her body chased the feeling, rolling into him. Not a slow man by any means, Finn took the opportunity to pull her closer; one hand splaying over her shoulder blades, the other settled low enough a little finger slowly caressed the sensitive top of her tailbone.
Needing to grip onto something lest her knees give way, she reached up and fixed his tie, ran his collar through shaking fingers. Then gave it a tug.
In the quiet that followed the sounds of a city seemed to happen in the far off distance – traffic, birdsong, barking dogs. And they stood, holding one another gently, fully, remembering the way they’d left things the day before.
“Why do I get the feeling it’s my fault you’re here?” Finn asked.
“Because it is.”
His laugh was mirthless. “What happened?”
“JJ and Erica plied me with cocktails in an effort to forget you.”
“Did it work?”
April shook her head. “So I swam in the fountain at the Hotel Rouen to see if that might work.”
“Any luck?”
April motioned to the big brick building looming over them. “What do you think?”
She might have imagined it, or she might not, but it felt as if he’d pulled her a little closer.
“I think you’re not quite the good girl you try to convince everyone you are.”
“I think you may be right.”
A smile creased the corners of his eyes. April smiled right on back. For a split-second, she wondered if she ought to hold back. Protect herself form the hope soaring through her at the fact that he’d come.
But no. She was done with that. She was carpeing the diem if it was the last thing she did.
“Finn.”
Mocking her serious tone, Finn’s voice rumbled, “Yes, April.”
“Thank you for coming.”
The smile creases disappeared. “Of course.”
“I mean it. I might struggle a little, okay a lot, to be the good girl, but you are a really good guy. I knew that from the moment I saw you in that bar that you were something special. And it doesn’t matter why you were there.”
“April—”
“No. I thought it did but it doesn’t. It couldn’t be more irrelevant. All that matters is that I saw you and I wanted to know you. The fact that as I got to know you I also started to fall for you was a whole other gift.” She reached up, traced her fingers through his hair. “Finn—”
“Ethan,” he said, his voice rough. “My real name is Ethan.”
Full of surprises this man. And the chances were that would never change. Only it didn’t terrify her as it once would. It was him. Take him or leave him. And the thought of leaving him, again, felt so wrong she trembled.
“Where did Finn come from?”
“Great Expectations. Movie, not book. It was on TV in the bar at the bus station when I took off after my dad was put away. Ethan Hawke played a guy named Finn – a kid who did what he had to do to make something of himself.”
“Apt.”
His mouth crooked into the beginning of a devilish smile. “I was fifteen and Gwyneth Paltrow’s character was hot.”
“Oh, agreed.”
Yep, Finn definitely pulled her closer then. With a growl that shivered through her belly. All tucked up in the cradle of his hips, Finn’s warmth made her head come over all swimmy.
“So what do I call you?”
“Whatever you want. As long as you call me.”
April blinked. Trying not to believe that things had shifted. That something was different from his end. Hazel had said he was leaving that night...
“And you told me you were a girl who appreciated a good line.”
“Good being the optimum word there. If you’d used that line in the bar we might never have made it past the first non-date.”
“As opposed to ‘you’re not ugly’?”
His smile now morphing into the kind of grin big bad wolves turned on unsuspecting girls, April locked her knees. It felt like they were heading in the right direction, the same direction, but she needed to be firing on all cylinders to do this right. To bare her heart. For real.
“Finn.”
Finn breathed out long and slow, as if hearing his name on her breath was some kind of restorative. So Finn it would remain.
“I’m glad you came roaring up on your big, black steed right now, because I was actually on my way to find you.”
His nostrils flared, and he held her tighter.
“I wanted to apologise properly for what happened yesterday.”
He opened his mouth and she stopped it with a finger against his lips.
“When I said you’d never really had me, it was true. But only because I’d been holding onto the last thread of doubt with everything I had. You may well have been waiting to get caught, but I was so ready to catch you out.”
He opened his mouth again and this time she slapped her hand over the whole thing. Because she had to get this out while it was coming out the right way. Before exhaustion tripped her up, or emotion spilled over and her words came out garbled and wrong.
“That tattoo of mine? Turns out it was less of a mantra than a hope the missive might stick. My favourite day of the year has always been New Year’s – how blessed the chance to wipe the slate clean. Monday is my favourite day of the week – same reason.”
This Monday not so much, but things were looking up.
“You are an overwhelming man, Finn Ward, and I have been overwhelmed by you. I thought that was a bad thing. That losing control could only end badly. But the truth is, you shook me up. You made me look at my life as it was not how I wanted it to be. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay. Because it’s real.”
Above her hand the blue of his eyes was diamond bright, the pupils like ink. A lock of hair had fallen over his brow. If he wasn’t the most beautiful man on the planet she’d eat her shoes, fountain water and all.
Then a tooth grazed the pads of her palm as he closed his mouth behind her hand and April nearly lost traction. Hell, she nearly lost the ability to breathe. But she wasn’t done yet. So she narrowed her eyes in censure and pressed her soggy feet into the ground and said what needed to be said.
“I am in love with you, Finn. You might not ever be ready to hear such a thing, but that’s the truth. The whole truth. Nothing but the truth. I love your face. I love your touch. I love your big, searching heart and your deliciously rough edges. I love that you stand up to me and that you have faith in me. I love how you strive, how you think, how deeply you want. I love every single bit of you. And the thought of you leaving and never seeing you again—”
She dragged in a breath. Swallowed. Licked her lips. Wriggled her toes to make sure her blood kept moving through her body.
Then Finn peeled her hand away, wrapped it tight in his and cradled it ag
ainst his heart. “April Swanson.”
“Yes, Finn.”
“I adore you.”
April’s breath released in a flourish, her sluggish blood suddenly shooting through her body like her cells had been fitted out with booster rockets. With it, she flushed all over, splotches of heat spreading over her cheeks and neck.
“I adore you,” he repeated, his voice deeper, stronger, insistent. True. “More than that; I need you. I want you, and I need you. I want you, I need you, and... You are strong, kind, generous. More than a little wild, more than a little off-centre. More than I ever let myself believe I deserved. And I adore you.”
Wow. Just wow. He’d stumbled over his words in an effort to get them out – not a moment to curate his thoughts, no thought of taking care. She saw the need in his eyes. Felt the want in his hold. And believed.
Taking her hand back, she grabbed him by the lapels and yanked him closer. Feeling light, and wired, energy racing through her like she’d been hurtled into outer space. “So what are we going to do about it?”
“I can think of several things—”
His knee shifted. Her breath caught.
“But your father—”
“Is the reason I didn’t get here sooner. I came straight from the airport. I was in Melbourne this morning, visiting him.”
April’s woozy senses sharpened as Finn’s words hit home. “You saw him?”
“I saw him.”
“And?”
Finn glanced away. She held on, waiting for a wave of age old disappointment and hurt. But when his eyes slid back to hers they were open, clear, so blue she ached.
“It was the right thing to do.”
“Right for who?”
“For me.” Finn shook his head. “Jail is on him. Getting out will be on him too. But he wants a second chance and that’s where I can come in. I wouldn’t be the man I hope I’ve become if I didn’t do everything in my power to be there to help him get it.”
Talk about overwhelming. April sifted through the nuggets Finn had laid at her feet, trying not to get ahead of herself. She failed.
“Does that mean you’re not going to California?”
“I’m not going to California.”