“Is she drunk?” I asked, coming over, and before Buffy could say anything, Michelle jumped off her barstool and wrapped her arms around me, crushing my face into her chest in a way I’d have really enjoyed under different circumstances. Worse, the angel was a damned sight stronger than she looked.
“Arthur! You’ve returned.” She pulled me off her chest and looked at me with glassy eyes. “Your short friend has shown me this thing called ale. We simply must bring it back to Heaven.” She hiccupped again and smiled at me as her eyes raked over me. “My, I’ve not noticed it before, but you’re quite cute.” She broke into a wide grin as her gaze settled on my crotch. “Say, do you have a big one?”
“A big one?” I asked, looking at Buffy for help. Only the goblin wasn’t even looking in our direction. In fact, she was very pointedly looking away from us and pretending to sip her own drink.
“A big peeeeenis,” she said, drawing out the word. “I’ve never even seen one before.” Her gaze flicked up to my face. “Would you show me?” She smiled again.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said, and she frowned for a second before brightening.
“Oh, I get it.” She nodded three times in rapid succession. “You don’t want to show me because it’s not a fair trade.” With that, she unhooked the straps of her armor with her thumbs and flicked them off her shoulders. The Greek style plate mail slid off her lithe form and hit the ground with a clang, leaving her standing there completely naked.
I’ll be honest. I looked. I’m not proud of it, but at the same time, she was really damned hot.
Worse, as the chilly air of the mess hall hit her exposed flesh, her pink nipples jutted out like they were standing at attention, and as I stared, she put her hands on her hips, drawing my eyes down to her golden crotch.
“Well.” She gestured at me with one hand. “Your turn.”
I again looked to Buffy for help, but as I caught sight of the goblin, her eyes went wide, and she looked away. Great. Just great.
“Michelle, you’re drunk,” was what I should have said, but I didn’t. Instead, I just sighed.
“Fine, but that’s all,” I did say, and then before I could really think about what I was doing, I dropped my own pants to the ground.
“Hmm…” Michelle said, eyes settling on little me. “It um… I thought they were.” She held her hands apart. “Bigger.”
Buffy cackled.
“It’s cold in here.” I swallowed. “He’s not quite ready to go.”
“Not ready to go?” She looked at me in confusion. “Oh, does it get bigger?”
“Yeah, it’s um, not in its final form.” I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation.
“How do we get it in its final form?” Michelle asked, coming closer to me, and I realized I could feel the heat wafting off her body.
“You, um—”
“Oh, it’s starting to get bigger,” she said, clapping her hands and bouncing excitedly. And let me just say, that when she bounced, she did bounce. “Oh, that did something!” Her eyes widened as she dropped to her knees in front of me, mouth slightly agape.
“Michelle, um, I think—”
“Can I touch it?” she asked, holding her index finger out toward me. “Please?”
“I think maybe I need to go.” Buffy slid off her stool. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She winked at me, and sidled out, leaving us all alone in the mess hall.
“Hmm… why did she leave? She was nice. I think I’ll miss her.” Michelle said, looking up at me from her position in front of me. “She’s going to help with the trade in Heaven. I’m not sure what that will mean exactly, but I have high hopes.”
“That’s awfully nice of her,” I said, and she nodded.
“So then, back to the matter at hand.” Michelle looked right at my cock. “We were having another negotiation.” She hesitated. “I suppose you can touch me in return. Would that be an okay trade?”
“Michelle, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I sighed, wanting more than anything in the entire world to not be me right now. If I was someone else, well, I’d be getting a blowjob from the archangel about ten seconds from now.
“Why not?” She furrowed her brow. “I’ve never been with a man before. Is that why?”
“No, it’s because you’re drunk.” I shook my head. “And I’d never forgive myself if we did something like this while you were.” Then as the angel looked at me like I’d grown a second penis, I sighed. “I think we better get dressed.”
“I think I get it.” She stood, not bothering to cover herself. “It’s because I drank those drinks.” She swallowed. “I’m acting different, I suppose.” She sighed, reaching out a hand and touching my arm. “Thing is though, I’m always so careful, and for once I feel free.” She met my eyes. “Do you understand what that’s like? To have to show a different face to the world.” She bit her lip. “Maybe I just don’t want to do that. Maybe I want to stop thinking and have some fun for once.”
“That’s fine, and if you want me to fuck your brains out when you’re sober, I’ll totally do it.” I looked her up and down. “Totally.” I sighed, taking her hand.
“Arthur.” She reached out and grabbed little me. The warmth in her grip rippled through me, and before I could stop myself, I moaned. “I think you might be right. I probably did drink too much.” She dropped down in front of me again and began to slowly stroke me. “But it’d be okay if we just played a little, right?” She stared intently at me, mouth open slightly. “You seem nice enough, and I’m so lonely. So lonely.” She looked up at me and smiled. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but I’m a big girl.” She nodded once. “I can make my own decisions.”
11
“No!” Lucifer snarled, kicking in the door and marching toward us.
Michelle looked over at her sister, one hand still stroking me and smiled dumbly. “Oh, hi Luci!” She beamed. “Do you want to try?” She frowned then. “Why do you seem upset?”
“I’m not upset.” She came to a stop beside us and looked right into my soul. “I’m disappointed.”
“I can explain,” I said, even though I had no fucking clue what to say. I mean, I was standing here naked with a drunk angel who was giving me a hand job. It pretty much was what it was.
“Don’t.” Lucifer shook her head right before she grabbed Michelle by the arm and pulled her away from me. “And you need to stop.”
“Luci!” Michelle glared up at her older sister. “Let me go.”
“No.” Lucifer knelt down in front of Michelle. “Listen to your older sister. You don’t want to do this.” She shot me a look. “Not with him, and not like this.”
“But Arthur seems like a nice boy,” she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why does everyone else get to do what they want? Why not me?” She thumped her chest. “What about Michelle?”
“You’re drunk.” Lucifer let the words hang in the air, but the only one of us it had an effect on was me. Actually, that wasn’t quite true. It had an effect on little me, who quickly went into hiding.
“I know that. Arthur explained it already.” Michelle huffed. “We weren’t going to mate.” She looked over at me, and her face fell. Her gaze swung back toward Lucifer. “You made its final form go away.”
“Its final form?” Lucifer glanced at me, and her cheeks colored. “Do you mean his erection?”
“You made his penis small again.” Michelle held up her hand. “I can’t rub it when it’s small.” She sighed. “Now I have to make it big again.”
I’ll be one hundred percent honest here. I never thought I’d be privy to a conversation like this. And especially not between Lucifer and Michelle. Worse, I never expected Lucifer to be the voice of fucking reason. My life was weird. Good, but definitely weird.
“Right.” Lucifer met my eyes. “Arthur, pull up your pants and wait outside please.”
“Yeah, okay.” I nodded because the look she gave m
e made me think my little bath in the volcano would be a day at the park in comparison to what she’d do to me if I stayed.
“No. Don’t go,” Michelle whined, and as she tried to get back to her feet, she stumbled against her older sister. “Oh, you’re warm.”
As I exited the mess hall, I felt like an ass, and that feeling was only amplified when I saw Buffy standing there looking distraught.
“You’re welcome,” Buffy said, looking up at me.
“I’m welcome? You left me in there and now Lucifer—”
“Who do you think got Lucifer?” Buffy asked, not meeting my eyes. “I wasn’t even going to try to stop Michelle from doing whatever the fuck, but Lucifer could.” She sighed. “And I know you, Arthur. You’re not a bad guy, but you are a guy, and she’s like a perfect twenty. You were totally going to fuck her if she kept pressing the issue.” She waved a hand. “Sure, you’d feel bad about it afterward. The thing is, you can’t unfuck someone.”
“Thanks.” I nodded to her. “Truth be told. I’m glad it sort of worked out this way.” I glanced back at the mess hall. “Really glad.” I took a deep breath, trying to reorient myself to reality, and as that reality settled around me, I could still tell myself I was a decent person. It might not be true, but then again, it might be, and that was important.
“So, why were you looking for us?” Buffy asked, pointedly changing the subject. “I doubt it was because you like my sparkling personality, and Michelle is about as fun as a bag of stumps under normal circumstances, so…”
“You know you both started and ended that with the word ‘so’ right?” I asked, and when Buffy glowered at me, I smiled. “I need to go get Annabeth from the dwarves. Part of me thought she’d returned, but I might be misremembering.”
“Oh?” the goblin snorted. “Well, either way, she is with the dwarves.” She reached into her satchel and pulled out the Nexus Gateway Conduit. “Let’s go get her.”
“You seem pretty pleased,” I replied, following her toward the Nexus Gateway. “Why?”
“I’m going to skin the angels alive.” Buffy rubbed her greedy paws together. “I will have so much money I will literally build a giant fortress of money to hold my money in.”
“You know, there’s more to life than money, right?” I asked, and the goblin glared at me.
“You shut your whore mouth.” She crossed her arms over her chest and hugged herself like she was trying to ward off a chill. “I can’t believe you’d talk about money that way!”
“Uh huh,” I said, shaking my head. “And as a point of fact, Lucifer seems quite protective of her sister. You sure you want to, what was it you said? ‘Skin them alive?’”
“I’m not trying to fuck her.” Buffy didn’t look at me.
“You got her drunk during negotiations.” I sighed. “You’re a bad person.”
“At least I know what I’m about.” She looked over at me.
“Money?”
“Money,” she affirmed.
“Right, I hope that makes you feel better when you’re swimming in a volcano.” I stared out at the horizon, remembering my bath in lava. Fun it had not been.
“My money always makes me feel better. When I’m sad, it makes me happy. When I’m cold, I fill a big sack with it and crawl inside for warmth.” She smiled. “When I’m in danger of a lava bath, it buys me SPF one billion.”
I wanted to respond, but it seemed a silly thing to do. To be honest, I literally did not care either. Buffy was, more or less, on my side, and if she made us richer, that could only help. Besides, as stuck up Heaven seemed to be, they could do with some good old-fashioned capitalism. Then maybe they wouldn’t be a bunch of mindless automatons who got owned by a single angel.
“All right, let’s get this show on the road,” Buffy said, switching open the portal, and as it burst to life like a glowing blue pustule of energy I shivered. I always hated gateway travel. Teleportation had been way better, but so was not dying. It almost seemed unfair I had to choose, but I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to bitch at about it.
“Yeah, time is money, and all that.” I jumped through the Nexus Gateway, and the familiar sensation of being torn down to my composite atoms before behind reassembled filled every inch of my being with pain. That pain was always a little strange because, during the near instantaneous transit, I had no body.
“I love that you’re learning,” Buffy said as she appeared beside me on the stone platform the dwarves had erected.
“That time is money?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at them as we made our way to the gateway.
“Yes. It’s like watching a baby bird fly for the first time.” The goblin beamed at me as we approached the stalwart dwarf at the gate. Unlike Mina, the guard I’d first met, this one reminded me of Nurse Ratched only bearded. Her long black beard fell to her knees, and as she squinted at me with her dark eyes, I got the feeling she didn’t much like me.
“I don’t like you.” Well, that answered that question.
“I don’t like you back.” I stuck out my tongue. “Now open the doors, or I’ll tell Sathanus you’re being mean to me.”
“One day you will not have the Archangel of Wrath backing your play. On that day I will find you, and I will cut off your balls.” She glared at me before turning and hitting the button to open the massive stone doors. As they swung open on gears that shrieked like a banshee, I tried to ignore her piercing stare.
I wasn’t sure what I’d done to piss off the dwarf, but it was enough that Buffy stepped pointedly away from me so she wouldn’t be contaminated by my presence.
“I’ll wait out here,” she said, looking at me as I moved toward the door. “Just in case they decide to kill you, anyway.”
“Smart goblin,” the dwarf intoned, and I sighed.
“Okay.” Not sure what else to do, I made my way inside. Every single dwarf who saw me gave me the stink eye, and as I moved forward, I got the impression I’d wronged them in some way. Still, I didn’t much care. I was going to save their whole race. If they disliked me because of it, who was I to complain?
Still, after a few minutes, I realized I had a problem. I’d never really walked through much of the town the dwarves had carved into this mountain, and what little I had explored had been with a guide. I mulled that thought over for a second before moving toward the closest dwarf.
“Excuse me, can you help me?”
She spat on me. Literally hocked a huge loogy and spat it onto my chest. As I looked down at the gob of spittle sticking to my shirt, I was too shocked to even say anything.
“Why don’t ye go on home, Builder? We don’t want yer kind here,” The dwarf snapped before shouldering me aside and walking away. As I turned to watch her go, I couldn’t help but be more shocked than annoyed.
“I’d love to leave, but I’m trying to find Annabeth.” My words caused the angry dwarf to stop in her tracks and glance at me over her shoulder.
“Is that so?” she asked, and her tone had softened. “Have ye really come for the Sculptor Queen?”
“The Sculptor Queen?” I asked, confused. “Um… I guess. I’m looking for Annabeth. I’m supposed to pick her up.” I rubbed the back of my neck and looked at her sheepishly. “I’m a bit late, but in my defense, I got my chest caved in by Dred.”
“But ye came.” She nodded. “I’ll reserve my resentment for the time being.” She stuck a finger out at me. “But ye better watch yerself. One wrong move and it’s curtains.” She drew her hand across her throat which seemed too dramatic and a bit unnecessary. Still, if she’d bring me to Annabeth, I could put up with her for now.
“Right, let’s just go.” I glanced down at my shirt and wiped away the spittle. It was gross, and while part of me wanted to throttle the rude little dwarf, I didn’t. Throttling could wait.
I have no idea how long we moved, or where we went because after the sixth left, I was totally lost. As the minutes dragged by, I found myself wondering when we’d ever find Annabeth.
>
“So, uh, why is everyone pissed off at me?” I asked, and my voice seemed unnaturally loud in the silence of the cavern.
“Yer the daft boy who left the Sculptor Queen to rot here. Mina told us how you said you’d come pick up Annabeth, but then you never did.” The dwarf glared at me. “Just because Annabeth is a good person and makes excuses for your actions, we hate ye on her behalf.”
“Oh.” As her words settled in me, I couldn’t help but feel like a total jackass. I know out of sight out of mind, and that I’d been busy, but it would have only taken me a few seconds to come get Annabeth. That I’d left her here for the last few days was pretty douchey of me. “Guess I deserve that.”
“And more. Why if my beard had it her way, ye’d be strung up by yer balls.” The dwarf snorted as she came to a stop beside a massive metal door with such a spectacularly designed dragon etched into it, my breath caught in my throat. It looked real.
“Did Annabeth make that?” I asked, gesturing at the door as the dwarf pushed it open.
“Yes, she did. She’s done many sculptures while here. Each better than the last. Her talent is truly transcendent.” The dwarf glowered at me. “What she sees in the likes of you is beyond my ken.” She looked skyward. “Hell, tis beyond the ken of mortal demons.”
“I’m a nice guy.”
“A nice guy wouldn’t leave someone stranded on a mountaintop.” The dwarf sneered before gesturing toward the door. “Either way, she’s in there. I suggest ye apologize for being, well, you.”
As I looked at her, I couldn’t help but agree. A nice guy wouldn’t do that, but then again, a nice guy wouldn’t bang a drunken angel. So maybe I wasn’t a nice guy.
12
“Arthur!” Annabeth exclaimed, looking over at me and blowing a lock of dark hair out of her face. She was in the middle of carving something from a massive piece of rock, but since it was covered with sheets, I couldn’t make it out. “Are you back already?”
The Builder's Wrath (The Legendary Builder Book 4) Page 7