Wonderwall

  When the doorbell finally rings, I jump off the chair and practically fly down the stairs. My heart is racing as I open the door, and I swallow hard as I stare at Liv. She’s back to her usual clothes, simple and understated. The cute sundress she wears is not supposed to be sexy, but I feel my body react to her just the same. Liv, whatever you do, don’t look at my crotch.

  I let her in, and we go back to my room. Mom doesn’t work on Wednesdays, but she’s out running errands. She won’t be back until dinner time. Even so, Liv feels the need to close the door behind her. My palms are sweating, and there’s a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s like I’m getting ill.

  I scratch the back of my neck, feeling completely out of my element. I don’t know what to say, so I figure I can start with an apology. “Sorry about my outburst earlier.”

  Liv walks to my dresser and picks up the teddy bear she gave me for Valentine’s Day when we were ten. It’s not a simple stuffed animal. That bear represents everything good about our relationship. At the time, I gave her nothing in return because she wasn’t my girlfriend and giving Valentine’s Day presents to your friends was a girly thing. She almost cried when I shrugged her gift off with a non-committal response. That happened in front of my parents, and they forced me to apologize to her later with a box of chocolates. It was almost the end of our friendship. But Liv came back the next day with a leather jacket and sunglasses for the bear and said we could call it The Terminator. Needless to say, she became my girl that day. I just didn’t know what it would mean in the future.

  “It’s fine, Bas. I’m not mad or anything.” She doesn’t look my way and I want to know why. She has never been shy around me before.

  “So, about that other favor you wanted to ask me…”

  “Right.” She puts Terminator back on the dresser and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her gaze finally meets mine, but only for one second, before she looks down again.

  “We’re burning daylight here, Liv,” I joke as I jump on my bed, crossing my hands behind my neck.

  Liv takes a deep breath and stares straight into my eyes. “I want you to teach me how to kiss.”

  My jaw slackens as I gape at Liv while my brain tries to process her words. Did she actually say that? Then I throw my head back and laugh because honestly, what am I supposed to do? Take her seriously?

  “What’s so funny?” She puts her hands on her hips.

  “Wait? Are you serious?” I don’t know if I want her to be or not. The thought of kissing Liv kick-starts my heart, but it also terrifies me.

  “Yes, I’m serious. I don’t want Jordan to think my kissing sucks. And let’s face it, it probably will since I don’t know how to do it.”

  I groan in my head as I picture Liv and Jordan kissing. That’s an image I want to ban from my thoughts forever.

  “You’re not going to suck.”

  Liv sits on the edge of my bed, her body suddenly too close to mine. She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Please, Bas. You’re my best friend. Teach me.”

  I search her face, trying to ascertain that’s what she really wants. Then my eyes drop to her full lips. I can smell her cherry flavored lip gloss, and my mouth begins to water. I never wanted to kiss a girl as badly as I want to kiss Liv right now. But a million doubts cross my mind. What if this lesson ruins our friendship? I’m sure if I kiss her something will change irrevocably between us. And I can’t lose her.

  When I don’t say anything and just stare at her, she lets go of my hand and stands up, walking away from the bed and giving me her back.

  “Fine. I guess I’ll have to find someone else to teach me. Maybe one of Owen’s friends.”

  My stomach drops to the floor, dreading the idea. Owen is Liv’s oldest sister’s boyfriend in college. I have no doubt his friends won’t think twice about helping Liv, even if she’s jailbait to them. I stand up and approach her, putting my hands on her shoulders and turning her around to face me.

  “Okay, I’ll help you.”

  Her sparkling eyes widen, and a slow, satisfied smile spreads on her face. “Really?”

  I take a step back finding our proximity too enthralling for comfort. Kind of a stupid move on my part since I just agreed to teach her how to kiss.

  “Yeah.”

  “Now?”

  I shrug. “No time like the present.” The quicker we get started, the quicker I can put this whole episode behind us, that is, if I survive the experiment.

  “What should I do?” She gets closer to me again, all too eager to begin her lesson. Doesn’t she find this situation awkward in the least?

  I grab her hand and pull her toward my bed. We both sit on it, facing each other. She kicks off her flip-flops and curls her legs under her. Then I notice the tension take hold as a bolt of panic sets in her gaze. My hands reach Liv’s naked arms, and I rub them up and down, trying to loosen her up. She shivers under my touch. I love the effect I’m having on her.

  “First of all, relax. It’s me. No judgment here, I promise.”

  “Okay,” she whispers.

  “Now, loosen your jaw, and close your eyes.”

  She does as I ask and waits, trusting in me completely. I stare at her face, at the tiny freckles on her delicate nose, at her plump and edible lips, and my heart wants to escape the confines of my chest, leap out of my mouth, and take flight.

  I capture her face between my hands and lean in, stopping a breath away from her slightly opened lips. I breathe her in, and my mouth touches hers, sending tingles down my spine. Liv makes a sound that flares up everything male in me. I kiss her then, soft at first, just a brushing of lips. Her mouth parts further as her hands make their way to my biceps, squeezing them like she needs an anchor. When my tongue connects with hers, an explosion of emotions pierces through my body, making my head spin. I prod and explore, finding pleasure when Liv copies my movements, learning from me. She shouldn’t have worried about being a poor kisser. Despite her inexperience, this is the best kiss I’ve had in my life. Her tongue tastes like the sweetest nectar, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let anyone else experience this. I’m staking my claim.

  Chapter 4

  Olivia

  When we finally pull apart, my heart is pounding, out of control, and it feels like I’ve just run a marathon. My lips tingle, and the fire that resides in my core has moved down below, making me feel and want things for the first time. Now I understand why so many people do crazy things in the name of love. It’s the best feeling in the universe, and I never want to let it go.

  I open my eyes to find Sebastian looking at me with such intensity in his eyes that my breath catches. I might be inexperienced, but I know that glint in his gaze. It’s hunger—he’s hungry for me. I let go of his arms, not knowing how to proceed from here.

  “How did I do?”

  Sebastian doesn’t answer, just stares at me with his deep, warm eyes. I snap my fingers in front of his face. “Hello, Sebastian. Wake up.”

  He blinks a couple of times. “What did you say?”

  Insecurity rears its ugly head inside my mind. What if my kiss did suck? I shake my head and angle my body away from his, ready to stand up. Sebastian grabs my hand. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “I thought the lesson was over.”

  Sebastian laughs softly. “After one kiss? You might be a natural, Liv. But the lesson is far from over. Come here.” He tugs my hand, and I don’t resist the pull, my body goes willingly.

  Our mouths collide in a frenzy, my insecurity long gone. This doesn’t feel like a simple kissing lesson. It’s a chaotic and beautiful dance, passionate, urgent, demanding. I want to mold myself to him. My hands circle the back of his neck while his fingers tangle with my hair, bringing us even closer. Somehow, I find myself on my back with Sebastian half on top of me. His left leg is between mine, and his free han
d traces down my arm until it rests on my hip.

  I lose all trace of coherent thought. Time seems to stop around us. All I can think about is Sebastian. How each stroke of his tongue, how each touch, makes me feel something new, makes me discover hidden secrets of my body. I don’t know how long we stay glued like that, caressing, learning. But the sound of Janet’s voice cuts through the world of bliss we created.

  Sebastian jumps off of me and his bed faster than I can blink. The sudden loss makes me feel bereft, and coldness envelops me from head to toe. His eyes are as round as saucers, and his breathing is erratic. He looks at me and then at his closed door, swallowing hard. I sit up and try to fix my wrinkled dress, but I know it will be no use. I touch my hair and feel several knots along its length. How in the world did it get so tangled? Sebastian’s hand reaches his crotch, and my eyes follow the movement. He’s trying to hide how I affected him. My cheeks warm up, and I look away.

  He walks around the bed and opens the door to answer his mother. I take the opportunity to check myself in the mirror in his en suite. I stare at my reflection, horror quickly replacing the last vestiges of joy. My lips are red and swollen, my hair resembles a bird’s nest, and my skin is flushed. I’m one hundred percent sure that the moment Janet takes one good look at me; she’ll know I was fooling around with her son, and I really don’t want her to think ill of me. I grab Sebastian’s hairbrush and start to break the impossible knots.

  He appears behind me but maintains his distance. I stare at his reflection and can’t help but to notice the conflicted emotions churning in his gaze. Does he regret kissing me already? My hand stops mid-stroke and my heart plummets.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I wait one, two, three seconds before he answers. “Your face is all red. I think I took the lesson too far. I’m sorry.”

  I put the brush down and drop my gaze to the faucet. I can’t face him when he tells me we’re back at being just friends, that this was a mistake.

  “Does that mean I’ve graduated?” My voice is so thin, it evaporates.

  “Liv, I—”

  “Bas? I thought you were coming down to help me with the groceries.” My gaze snaps back up, and I can see Janet is in the room. She doesn’t look happy—she’s sporting a serious frown. Her face softens when she sees me. “Oh, hi, Liv. I didn’t know you were here.”

  “Hi, Janet. I just came by to borrow a CD from Bas. I was just leaving.”

  I rush out of the bathroom and out of Sebastian’s room like the devil is after me. I keep my face down, trying to hide the reason I was in the house. It’s only when I reach the safety of my own room that I realize I have no CD in my hand, which means I just threw my excuse down the drain. Oh, well, maybe Janet didn’t notice.

  My cell phone rings and I dive for it, thinking it’s Sebastian. Disappointment floods my heart when I see Saylor’s number.

  “Tell me everything!” she screams.

  I take a second to answer because I don’t want her to hear the insecurity in my voice. “It was amazing. I never knew a kiss could make me feel so many things.” I flop onto my bed and clench my thighs together. There’s still a trace of throbbing down below.

  “Ohh, are we talking sexy things here, Liv?”

  I close my eyes and sigh. “No, yes, I don’t know. I just know that I want to do it again, many, many times again.”

  Saylor laughs. “I’m glad your first kiss wasn’t a traumatic experience like mine was. Ugh, Mike Taylor and his mile-long tongue. My face was drenched after he was done. So disgusting.”

  “The kiss was perfect, Sebastian was perfect.”

  “And? Are you two dating now?”

  I don’t answer her, and somehow, my silence screams louder than any words.

  “Oh, no. Don’t tell me that idiot didn’t ask you to be his girlfriend?”

  “He didn’t have the chance, his mom got home and it was a miracle she didn’t catch us in the act.”

  “Bummer. But he was going to, right? I mean, he cannot possibly not know by now that you’re ga-ga over him. I swear if he doesn’t man up I’m going to kick his ass.”

  “I hope it doesn’t come to that, Saylor. Because if he doesn’t love me like I love him, I’m afraid I just lost my best friend.”

  “Hey! I thought I was your best friend.”

  “You’re my other best friend. I can have more than one.”

  “Fine, but I’m sure everything will be okay, Liv. You’ll see. Sebastian will be a fool to let you go, and if he does, then he isn’t the right guy for you.”

  Saylor is trying to cheer me up, but her words make my heart twist further in my chest. Sebastian is the right guy for me, and if he doesn’t want to be more than friends, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. My love for him is a deep-rooted feeling that can’t be extracted without leaving a gaping hole behind. It’s bigger than me.

  I only have one hour to myself and my thoughts of Sebastian before the house turns into a loud circus. Jeremy gets home from soccer practice, and he doesn’t know the meaning of the word silence. Then Kimmy arrives for her weekly dinner with us, dragging her boyfriend Owen in tow. Mom and Dad come next and then my presence is required in the kitchen. It’s a rule at the Dawson’s home that everyone must help prepare dinner, including Owen.

  I put make-up on to try to hide the disaster that is my face, but, unfortunately, my effort to conceal the obvious is a big fail. The moment I step foot in the kitchen, and Kimmy and Owen take a good look at me, they know.

  I stop short in my tracks when I notice we have an extra guest. There’s a guy by the sink, washing the vegetables, who I’ve never met before. His hair is light brown, and by the look of his broad shoulders and strong arms, I guess he’s into sports. He’s wearing a preppy polo shirt and khaki pants, a complete contrast from Owen’s casual attire—old jeans, older t-shirt, and a baseball cap flipped backward. I can only assume Owen decided to bring one of his frat buddies with him tonight. Great. Exactly what I need, more people to witness my humiliation.

  “What happened to your face, sis?” Jeremy asks and so it starts. I wonder if he has any clue to why the skin around my mouth is so red, he’s only twelve after all.

  “Nothing.” I look away, but still manage to catch Owen’s smirk.

  His friend turns around, and I come face to face with a Calvin Klein model. I don’t think he’s really a model, but he could be. He’s that good looking. And he’s staring at me, more specifically, he’s staring at my mouth. Ugh! Kill me now.

  “It looks to me little Liv has been sitting in a tree,” Owen says.

  Jeremy tilts his head and frowns at Owen. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Think, Jer, think.” Owen crosses his arms and can’t hide his amusement. His baby blue eyes are dancing with pleasure as he leans back against the counter behind him.

  Kimmy shakes her head, but I see how the corners of her lips tilt up. She’s enjoying my humiliation just as much as her idiot boyfriend is. It’s probably payback for when I caught her making out with Owen right in front of our house, in his car. Jeremy and I sneaked up on them and practically blinded the lovebirds with our flashlights. The look of fright in their faces was priceless. I guess now it’s my turn to be the butt of a joke.

  I grab the cutting board and start hacking at the vegetables that are already on the counter. Owen’s friend comes from behind me, and puts the rest of them on the pile. He leans closer and whispers, “It’s not that bad.”

  I freeze and try to make sense of his statement. I don’t even know his name, and he’s coming to my rescue. But before I can say something to him, Jeremy interrupts.

  “You’ve been kissing!” he yells just as Dad enters the room. My cheeks feel as hot as lava.

  “Who has been kissing?” Dad asks.

  “Liv! She’s no longer a mouth virgin.”

/>   “Yes, I am!” My face must have turned purple by now and across the kitchen island, Owen chokes on his water.

  “Jer, do you even know what mouth virgin means?” Kimmy pats Owen’s back and narrows her eyes at our baby brother. Dad just looks at all of us with a slightly confused frown.

  “It means she’s kissed a boy with tongue.”

  “No, it doesn’t you doofus.” I throw a piece of pepper at him.

  “Oh my God, this is too much.” Owen braces against the kitchen island with one hand while the other covers his chest. He’s shaking. He’s laughing so hard, it’s silent. No wonder he choked.

  “Shut up, Owen.” I glance down again and resume my task, chopping the vegetables like a ninja.

  “So what does it mean then?” Jeremy whines. The one thing he hates the most is to be left out of a joke.

  I raise my head again just to see if Owen will dare explain to Jeremy the meaning of that expression in front of my dad. But in true Owen fashion, he doesn’t seem one bit intimidated by my father’s presence.

  “May I tell him, Murphy?”

  Dad shakes his head and throws his hands up in the air. “Might as well. But I’m out of here. Don’t tell Karen though. She’ll kill me.”

  Standing now next to Jeremy, Owen leans in and whispers in my brother’s ear. Jeremy’s eyes widen before he twists his face in an exaggerated scowl. “Eww, that’s gross. Why would a girl want to do that?”

  “Trust me, Jer. You won’t find it disgusting in a couple of years.”

  Jeremy angles his body to peer at Kimmy’s face. “Do you do that to Owen?”

  My sister’s fair complexion turns a bright shade of red as she takes a step back, wagging her finger. “Oh, no. You don’t get to ask me that question, brat.”

  Jeremy shrugs before he grabs the piece of pepper I threw at him. He shoves the entire thing in his mouth and mid chew he says, “I guess that answers it.”

  Owen snorts which earns him a punch to his arm. “You and your big mouth, Owen.” Kimmy storms out of the kitchen, no doubt going to complain to Mom how incorrigible Jeremy and Owen are.