Wonderwall

by Soars, M. H.

  Michael narrows his eyes at me. He’s appraising me, mulling my words over. I can tell.

  “Fair enough,” he finally says. “Whatcha ya gonna sing for us today?”

  Without missing a beat, I say, “Lightning Crashes by Live.”

  I strum my guitar and let the first notes of the song take over, permeate through my skin, carry me to a place I don’t usually allow myself to go. This song is powerful—it’s painful and liberating at the same time. It represents everything in my life I want to remember, and everything I want to forget. I give my all and forget that there are other people in the theater with me, that there’s probably a cameraman recording my performance.

  When the final chords dissipate in the air, I close my eyes, and take a moment to let the emotions wash over me. My heartbeat is erratic and I’m breathing hard.

  My eyes snap open when I hear clapping. Michael is standing up. He’s the one making the noise. He has a shit-eating grin on his face. I glance at Hans who is smirking smugly. Dance Lady is dabbing the corners of her eyes with a tissue.

  “Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.” Michaels walks to the front of the theater.

  “Thank you,” I say in a daze.

  He hops onto the stage and shakes my hand. “I’m glad Hans convinced me to give you second chance. Who cares that you can’t dance? You’re going to take the world by storm.”

  “Are you saying I’m in?”

  Michael gives me a toothy smile. I can practically see the dollar signs, or better yet, pound signs in his eyes. “Welcome to showbiz.”

  Chapter 17

  Sebastian - One year later

  “Holy fucking shit. Look at this crowd, Bas!” Oliver screams in my ear as we wait to go on The Today Show’s stage at the Rockefeller Center.

  There must be over ten thousand screaming fans out there and I won’t deny it, I’m as flabbergasted by this reception as Oliver. We became an instant hit back in UK when we released our first single, Popular. It reached number one in the UK Singles Chart within a couple of weeks of its release. We were all the media could talk about, the five unknown guys who had shot to fame overnight. The only thing is, it didn’t quite happen overnight.

  A week after my final audition, I signed the contract with Schutz Productions, and then, I met the other band members—identical twins Kyle and Travis O’Malley, equally loud and obnoxious blokes from Ireland, Anthony Bowman, a no-nonsense kind of guy from Liverpool who had perfected the art of sarcasm, and my best mate, Oliver. I already knew Oliver had gotten a spot. It was all he could talk about. I guess Michael couldn’t resist the allure of having a member from the crème de la crème of London’s society join the ranks. And Oliver had an awesome personality that would do well in front of an audience.

  People can say anything about Michael, but one thing can’t be denied. The guy has the Midas touch when it comes to launching musical careers. Like I said, our success didn’t happen out of the blue. There was an entire team of producers, PR agents, and marketeers working behind the scenes, paving the way for our debut. Articles were issued, rumors were created, all with the intent to create buzz about Michael Schutz’s brand new project—Boys Future.

  To capitalize on our success in the UK, Michael sent us to the U.S. to embark on a radio promotion spree, as well as our first North American concert tour as an opening act for Mod Attraction. Singing at The Today Show will be our first U.S. television appearance. I was expecting a couple thousand fans, not this massive crowd. I had no idea we were this big here.

  My heart is beating so loud and so fast that I’m afraid it will leap out of my chest. I’m so freaking nervous, I feel sick. It doesn’t help that I’m wearing clothes that are too tight for my taste, and there must be five different kinds of products in my hair. I don’t dare to touch it.

  I wonder if Liv knows I’m in New York City, if she will be watching the show. But I can’t dwell on those thoughts otherwise I’ll go insane. What’s done is done. Too much time has passed for me to have any hopes that she’s still waiting for me. Not after I cut the last link we had by closing my email account. She must have moved on by now, and it’s for the best.

  Fuck, I’m lying to myself. It’s so not for the best.

  This is the first time I’m back in American soil after I moved to England, and I have to admit, it did things to me. As soon as we landed at the JFK airport, I was hit by a melancholy so grand, I almost cried like a baby in front of my band mates. I cannot imagine what will happen to me when we fly to L.A. for the tour’s final concert.

  Chapter 18

  Olivia

  I hop on one foot as I try to put my shoe on while standing. Derek will be here at any minute and I’m not freaking ready yet. I glance at the post-apocalyptic state of my room, searching for my clutch. It looks like a Jack Russell on speed has been set loose in here. I hear the intercom buzz and I panic.

  “Saylor! Can you get that?” I scream.

  I hear her mumble some kind of complaint. I’m glad that Saylor and I got to be roommates during our first year at DuBose College, but boy can she get grouchy sometimes.

  Derek is taking me to a sold-out performance of the Swan Lake, and we can’t be late. They don’t allow people in after the curtains open. The only reason I agreed to go is because Derek promised to make it worthwhile, which is code for mind blowing sex.

  I finally spot my black and white purse under a pile of discarded clothes. I pick it up, and now I’m faced with the impossible task to cram everything I need inside. I’ve just managed to organize all my items into the tiny container, when I hear his voice behind me.

  “Liv, are you ready?”

  I turn around and my chin drops when I take in the sight of Derek standing by my bedroom door. He looks good in anything, but in a suit? I almost don’t want to go to a fancy ballet anymore. His hair is styled back with a bit of gel, turning it darker and making and his eyes pop. He’s clean-shaved for the occasion and I want to lick his chiseled jaw.

  With a small shake of my head, I take my mind out of the gutter and find my words. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

  He gives me an elevator look, his hot gaze making it difficult to stay upright without assistance. My legs are liquefying.

  “You look stunning, as usual,” he says.

  “You don’t look too shabby yourself.”

  I try to walk around him, but he grabs my forearm and spins me, so now I’m facing him. He leans down, bringing his lips to mine. It’s just a brief and sweet kiss, but I’m already panting like a horny dog. He pulls back and my eyes flutter open.

  “Get a room, you two,” Saylor says from the open kitchen.

  Derek turns to her. “No time. We’re already late.”

  He laces his fingers with mine and tugs my hand. “Come on.”

  When we reach the parking lot, I see a limo parked in the loading-zone-only space. I stop in my tracks and look at Derek.

  “What’s this?”

  He shrugs and a small smile plays with the corners of his lips. “I thought it would be nice to arrive in style. Like prom night.”

  “Derek…” I trail off because I don’t know what to say.

  The gesture is thoughtful, wonderful, and romantic, but it’s so not us. Since we hooked up after my prom night last year, I made it clear that I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. I couldn’t do serious relationships. Derek seemed to want the same thing. He was so busy with med school that he didn’t have time for commitment. What we have now is an exclusive, sex-only kind of deal.

  “Come on, Liv. Don’t frown like that.” He twirls me around then pulls me to him, hiding his face in the crook of my neck. He kisses my sensitive spot there, and then whispers in my ear. “I’ve never done it inside a limo before.”

  I laugh and the sudden tension leaves my body. The limo isn’t the grand gesture I thought it was. It
’s just another adventure with Derek. I kiss him long and hard. His hands trail down my body until they clutch my hips, bringing us flush together. I can feel Derek’s desire and for the second time today, I don’t want to go see Odette have her heart broken by the prince.

  Derek leans back and smiles at me. He releases the fierce hold he has on my hips and puts some distance between us. “Liv, you’re such a temptress. But I’m afraid we really must go.”

  I let him lead me to the waiting limo. And the only reason I don’t drag him back upstairs with me is the promise of a very interesting ride on the way back home.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Sebastian

  The entire crew of Boys Future is out celebrating the end of a successful tour with Mod Attraction. I’m not. Instead, I drove to Littleton and now I’m parked in front of my old house. I’ve been sitting here for over an hour, just staring at the place I used to call home. Uncle Paul sold the house soon after my parents’ death, and added the money from the sale to my trust fund. A trust fund that I’ll probably never need now.

  If I’m honest to myself, I’m also here hoping to see Liv. I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. Being back in California created havoc in my mind. I couldn’t come this close to her and not try to catch a glimpse.

  I laugh at myself. I’m being delusional. No way I’ll be satisfied with only a glimpse. If I see her, I’ll want to talk to her, to touch her, to kiss her. Joining Boys Future was the best thing that happened in my life, and not because of the fame and money. It put me on the road to recovery. I’ve finally found something I’m excited about, something that fires up my veins. It woke me from my numb state. The pain over the loss of my parents will always be there, but now it’s doable, it doesn’t drown me in sorrow anymore. But a new ache has surfaced with a vengeance. I can feel my love for Liv again, and with that comes the anguish of missing her. I miss her so much, sometimes it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. She’s all I can think about. Day and night.

  I thought I had my crazy obsession under control. I had convinced myself that Liv was out of my life for good. The fact that I’m sitting here, stalking her parents’ home shows otherwise. A car pulls over and parks in front of their house. My pulse increases and I hold the steering wheel in a merciless vise. Is that her? A tall guy exits the vehicle and hoists a backpack onto his shoulder. The spark of excitement leaves my body in a big whoosh and I sag on my seat. The guy looks in my direction and that’s when I recognize Jeremy, Liv’s younger brother. He’s only fifteen and he’s already taller than me. That’s what I call a growth spurt.

  He squints his eyes and then, strides toward my car. I could just turn on the engine and bail before he could reach me, but in a split second decision, I open the door and get out. I walk around the vehicle and it’s only when we’re a foot apart that I see recognition hit his eyes.

  “Sebastian?”

  “Hi, Jer. Long time.”

  Jeremy just stares at me with his mouth slightly open. He probably thinks he’s seeing a ghost.

  “Are you here to see Liv?” he finally asks.

  I should say no, come up with an excuse, but I can’t.

  “Yes,” I say.

  Jeremy nods like my answer makes perfect sense. “She doesn’t live here anymore.”

  My heart plummets to the ground and I’m not fast enough to hide my disappointment. What did I expect? She’s nineteen, of course she doesn’t live with her folks anymore.

  “Do you want her address?” Jeremy asks and hope surges through me.

  “Yes,” I say again. It seems I’m only capable of monosyllabic answers right now.

  I retrieve my phone from my pocket and type down her address. She’s attending DuBose College and shares an apartment with Saylor on campus. It’s just outside of L.A.

  Before I can thank Jeremy, he says, “This is your chance to repair the damage you inflicted, Sebastian. Break her heart again and I’ll break your fucking face.”

  He turns on his heels and walks to the house, not sparing me another glance.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  I arrive at Liv’s apartment complex and the first thing that I notice is the limo parked out front. I take the empty spot across from it in the parking lot and wait. I’m a bundle of nerves and I have no bloody clue what I’m going to say to her. She must hate me. I spent the entire drive here trying to psych myself up for this long-due reunion. I glance at my reflection in the rearview mirror and wince. Shit, I don’t look my best right now. The tour was intense and sleeping wasn’t one of the things I got to do a lot. Too much partying and schmoozing with celebrities have taken their toll on me. I could also have shaved. Well, too late now. I take one deep breath before my hand reaches for the door handle.

  My attention is drawn to the couple approaching the limo. The sun hasn’t set yet and I recognize her instantly—Liv. I freeze as my lungs grasp for air. She’s more beautiful than I remember. Her hair is longer and dances with the soft breeze. Her skin glows under the late afternoon light. I will her to glance in my direction, but she only has eyes for her companion. I’m paralyzed, enable to do anything besides watch them. The guy twirls her around before bringing her close to him. She laughs and then kisses him.

  Bitter realization completely annihilates me. She has moved on. She’s in love with another man. My heart rips in two. My soul shatters to pieces. They get into the limo and soon after, the car drives away. I don’t move from my spot until much later. Eventually, I meet with my band mates at some swanky club in downtown L.A. After that, everything is a blur. It’s the night I push the envelope and test the limits. It’s the night I almost die.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Olivia

  His hand travels up my thigh as his tongue darts in between my breasts. I throw my head back and moan his name out loud, maybe too loud. I hope the window separating us from the limo driver is soundproof. Derek’s fingers skim the edge of my panties, sending electric pulses to my core. I squirm on his lap, trying to coach his hand to where I so desperately need it.

  Derek’s free hand tangles with my hair, bringing my mouth to his. I grind my hips against his, making him groan. I love that sound and it makes me even crazier with need. He pulls back slightly, “Liv, you’ll be the death of me.”

  “That’s the intention.” I suck his bottom lip, then I kiss his jaw.

  “Hey, I was thinking…,” he says.

  “You were thinking.” I continue my path down his neck. The tie he was wearing is MIA, and the first three buttons of his shirt are already open.

  “That it would be fun if you came to my sister’s wedding.”

  I stop kissing him and I freeze. Derek notices the sudden stiffness of my body, and in contrast, his own body slumps. The hand that was on my hip is now gone. I push myself off of his lap and sit flush against the car door, creating an unmistakable gap between us. It feels like a chasm has been opened, dividing us.

  Derek doesn’t look at me. He rubs his face as I fix the skirt of my dress. A long minutes passes without us saying anything, and the uncomfortable silence is like a bad weather of emotions. He finally glances in my direction, “What is it, Liv? What did I say that was so wrong?”

  “A wedding, Derek? You want me to attend your sister’s wedding as your date? That’s not what we do, remember?”

  His grey eyes are sparkling with fury now. “And what exactly do we do? Fuck? That’s it? Our relationship consists solely of sex, nothing more?”

  Now I’m pissed too. “We don’t have a relationship.”

  He shakes his head and lets out a derisive laugh. “No? Let me correct you there, Liv. A relationship is a connection, an association, an involvement between two people. What we have is a relationship, whether you like it or not.”

  “Don’t distort my words. You know exactly what I meant. We don’t do commitment. That was the agreement. And mee
ting your entire family, at your sister’s wedding no less, it screams commitment to me.”

  “And what’s the problem with that?”

  Derek’s words put a knife through my heart. He cannot possibly be implying that he wants more from me. Can’t he see that I’m damaged beyond repair, that I’m incapable of loving again? I like him, and truth be told, I care for him, but I don’t think I can ever love him. My anger turns to sadness like a light has been switched off. Tears pool in my eyes and I look away.

  “I can’t do this, Derek.”

  He scooches closer to me and grabs my hand. “Why, Liv? Why can’t you give us a chance?”

  I turn my face to him as the first tears roll down my cheeks. “Why can’t things stay as they are now? Why do you want to go ahead and complicate everything?”

  He lets go of my hand to capture my face. “Because I’m in love with you.”

  I shake my head and push him away. “Don’t say that.”

  He’s silent for a moment. His jaw is locked tight and his eyes are narrowed to slits. “Is this about him?”

  I suck in a breath and my fingers curl on my lap.

  “You’re still hung up on Sebastian Coleman, aren’t you?” Derek continues.

  I don’t say anything. I can’t say anything because he’s one hundred percent right. The limo stops and through the tinted window I can see we have arrived at my place. My eyes dry up. I open the car door and pause for a moment. Not in a million years would I have thought I’d turn out to be the villain of the story, the heartless bitch. But that’s exactly what I am.

  I turn to him once more, my face cold, made of stone. His heart is shattering before my eyes and I can’t offer words of comfort, soften the blow. All I manage to say is, “Goodbye, Derek.”

  Chapter 19