Wonderwall

  “Nevertheless, that’s bloody fantastic. I wish I knew someone famous. I could live vicariously through them. My life is so boring.”

  “I think celebrities’ lives are overrated. I wouldn’t want to live under the constant media scrutiny. I like my privacy.”

  I get a pang in my chest as I say that. There will be no privacy by Sebastian’s side. Am I ready for it? The paparazzi, the lies written about us, the fans; when you think about it, it’s all too much. I’m not ready by far. But I will face the wolves, I’ll dive right into this world of madness, because Sebastian is worth it.

  Mellie and I go to the cafeteria for lunch which suits me well. I can’t really talk about my sex escapades surrounded by Hollingsworth’s employees. Mellie does try to get more details out of me, but I keep it vague. When we get back to the office, there’s a huge bouquet of multi colored roses on my desk. My heart does several back flips as I grab the card.

  “Time goes by, so slowly… Can’t wait to see you tonight. Love, S.”

  I smile at Sebastian’s dig at Madonna’s song. Only he would put a joke in a romantic card.

  “Flowers from Mystery Man? That doesn’t look like a one-night stand, Liv,” Mellie says.

  I shake my head. “Some guys are just bred better.”

  “Yeah, right. And the cheeseburger I ate totally didn’t have a thousand calories.”

  Chapter 39

  Sebastian

  We’ve been rehearsing non-stop this past week, our days are long and tiring, but I feel energized, because I get to see Liv every day after work. My mood has never been better, I can actually focus on the idiotic dance routines, and I’m staying out of trouble. Hans thinks my attitude change has everything to do with his threat. It looms in the background, but not with the same weight as before. I still love being part of the band, but it’s not my whole world anymore. I can leave it behind without a glance back. It was never about the fame and money. It was about the high. And I don’t need it anymore. I’ve got the most important thing in my life back.

  The rehearsal studio is one big warehouse where we can prepare for the show on a mock-up stage with real proportions. Smaller parts of the warehouse have been sectioned off and converted into a proper music studio with state of the art equipment, dressing rooms, offices, kitchen, and an eating area. Its location is well known and there hasn’t been a single day where we didn’t encounter fans and paparazzi waiting for us outside. I’m extra charming with the fans, pausing to take pictures with them and sign autographs, but not because I must improve my image. I’m happy and I want to spread it around. I know the blogs and gossip sites have exploded with pictures of me in such encounters, and they’re all wondering the same thing. What has caused my change of attitude? Of course, they all allude to Gretchen being the reason, although there’s been some speculation as to why we haven’t been seen together lately. If they bothered to check their facts, they would know she’s out of the country. Maybe they do know and just don’t care.

  We’re done for the day and Hans comes to talk to me for the first time since he busted my balls. I’m in the dressing room, getting ready to go back to the hotel when he comes in and shuts the door.

  “What can I do for you, Hans?” I say as I pack my duffel bag.

  “When is Gretchen coming back?”

  I grind my jaw. There goes my good mood. “Not before I leave for the tour.”

  “There’s been speculation about your relationship. People are wondering why there haven’t been any sightings of you two, lately.”

  “She’s out of the fucking country,” I say through clenched teeth, not liking one bit the direction this conversation is going.

  “She mentioned her charity trip to Africa during Christmas break to me. It’s a great promotional opportunity and it would put those rumors to rest. You’ll join her.”

  I pivot on the spot, my anger bubbling to surface. “Hell I will.”

  Hans’s shrewd eyes narrow at me. “This is not a request, Sebastian. The reason you’re still part of this band is because I sold you and Gretchen as a brand to Michael. You’re the newest darling couple of Britain. We need to capitalize on that.”

  I take a couple of menacing steps toward Hans and stop a few inches away from him. “You and Michael can go fuck yourselves. I’m not a thing, a toy you can do with as you please. I’m a person, Gretchen is a person. We’ll not be used for Michael’s personal gain.”

  Hans is not intimidated by me. He thinks he’s got the upper hand. “You know what will happen if you don’t.”

  I laugh hard. “You want to kick me out of the band? Go ahead. I don’t give a shit. Better yet, I quit!”

  I turn around to get my bag.

  “You can’t quit, Sebastian. You’ve signed a contract.”

  “Weren’t you just seconds ago threatening to fire me? Was that just a bluff, Hans?”

  A devilish grin spreads over his face. “You young, stupid kids. You’re all so easily seduced by the prospect of fame and fortune, you never bother to read your contracts properly. Michael can fire you for breach of contract, but that means you’ll have to pay him a hefty fine for loss of income. By the time this is all over, you’ll be left with nothing.”

  “Bullshit! That’s not even legal.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  No, I’m not. My uncle offered to read the contract before I signed, but I was too stoked about the opportunity, I brushed him off. Regardless, all the money in the world isn’t worth selling my soul for.

  “I’m not going to Africa, Hans. It has nothing to do with the band. And therefore, it’s not breaching my contract.”

  Hans’s face gets red as it contorts into something deformed, evil, an accurate reflection of his nature. I bask in his anger. I have him and there’s nothing he can do about it. I hoist my bag onto my shoulder and leave.

  Oliver is waiting for me outside.

  “You heard all that?” I ask.

  His expression is solemn. “Yeah.”

  I’m reeling. I can’t go back to Liv like that. I can’t tell her about any of it. I don’t want to smear her with the ugliness of this business. “I need a drink.”

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Olivia

  Sebastian texted me an hour ago cancelling our plans. He didn’t give me any explanation. All he said was he couldn’t make it tonight, and not to wait up for him. My insides have been twisted since then. I don’t know what it is, but I have a bad feeling about it.

  I call Saylor the moment I see she’s online on Skype.

  “What’s up, Liv? Where’s Romeo?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Uh-uh, I don’t like that tone. Trouble in paradise already?”

  “I don’t know either.”

  “What do you know, chica?”

  “Nothing, that’s the problem. I feel so off-kilter, Saylor. I never felt like this before with him, unsure of myself, unsure of our relationship.”

  Saylor narrows her eyes slightly as she mulls my words over. “Do you want my honest opinion?”

  “Of course.”

  “Your current relationship isn’t balanced. Sebastian has all the power now. He can come and go as he pleases, he can disappear at any moment, leaving you feeling insecure as hell. You, on the other hand, are stuck in one place, you go to work, you come back. Sebastian can always find you. It doesn’t help either that you’re his dirty little secret.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “What? Am I lying?”

  I open my mouth to counter argue, but Saylor raises her hand. “I understand the reasons, and I’m not judging you or criticizing Sebastian. I’m just stating the facts. You’re in a very sucky position.”

  I put my head in my hand. “I don’t know what to do, Saylor.”

  “Well, for starters, stop being so availabl
e to him. You’re all upset because he stood you up. It’s Friday night and you’re all alone, feeling miserable. Go out with your friends.”

  “He’s leaving on Monday, Saylor.”

  “And he still cancelled on you!” she shouts, exasperated, making me wince.

  Saylor is right. I put my life on hold just so I could spend every single free moment with Sebastian. And now he’s probably partying it up with buddies. I’m an idiot.

  “Sorry, I didn’t meant to yell at you,” Saylor says.

  “It’s okay. I needed that. I wish you were here. I miss you, Blue.”

  “I miss you, too. Six more weeks and I’ll be there. Now, stop feeling sorry for yourself and call Lloyd.”

  That’s exactly what I do. He’s surprised to hear from me, but says I’m more than welcome to join him and his friends. They are going out dancing. Lloyd tells me to wear something sexy and I’m more than happy to comply. Feeling beautiful goes a long way to lifting my spirits, but the moment I remove my coat at the club, I feel uncomfortable, exposed. I hug myself as if that will protect me somehow.

  Lloyd hugs me sideways. “Stop hiding your hot bod, Liv. You look scrumptious. I would do you if I wasn’t gay.”

  “Lloyd!”

  “Come on, let’s get something to drink.”

  The something to drink turned out to be many shots of tequila. Ten minutes later we find ourselves on one of the many dance floors the club has, ready to leave our problems behind. The music is loud and there are so many people in the club, it’s almost impossible to not bump into someone. This is not my scene, and getting drunker than a sorority girl on Spring Break is definitely not my MO. A small and annoying voice in my head tells me that a relationship shouldn’t drive me to act reckless. I don’t listen to it. There will be plenty of time to regret my actions later.

  “I’m so glad you called me, Liv,” Lloyd shouts in my ear. “I don’t think we’ve ever partied together before.”

  “I’m glad, too.”

  “You know, I would have invited you, but I knew Maurice would be here.”

  Oh yeah, his buddy Maurice is here somewhere. I just had to deal with his presence briefly, while we were on the queue to get in. After that, he made himself scarce.

  “Fuck Maurice. Let’s just keep on dancing.”

  We dance like there’s no one watching and it’s the best feeling in the world. We’re now on the eighties hits dance floor, and besides dancing, we sing along to the songs we know. We’re joined by two of Lloyd’s friends, Karine and Melissa. They’re loud and obnoxious, but super fun. Or maybe it’s just the alcohol, making everything ten times better.

  Time flies and soon I find myself inside a cab, being dropped off in front of the Hollingsworth. Lloyd laughs his ass off when I stumble out of the taxi and almost fall flat on my face. I’m carrying my shoes and my coat in my hands. I must look like a hot mess.

  I should put my shoes back on, but my feet are completely destroyed after dancing for hours on heels. I peer through the glass door, checking the hotel’s lobby. It’s deserted and the night shift receptionist is nowhere to be seen. Screw it, I’ll make a dash for the elevator.

  No one sees me. Who knew alcohol would turn me into a freaking ninja. I’m laughing to myself as I open the door to my room. I notice someone’s silhouette in the darkness and let out a bloody scream. The night lamp turns on, and I find Sebastian sitting on the edge of my bed, leaning his elbows on his thighs with his hands crossed.

  I put my hand on my chest as I try to control my breathing. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. How did you get in?”

  Sebastian looks me up and down, and his eyes turn into slits when he sees the shoes in my hands, or it could my outfit he doesn’t approve of. It’s tight and short.

  “Where have you been?” His voice matches his closed-off stance.

  “Out.” I throw the coat and shoes into the corner, and walk toward the stash of snacks I have on my desk. I’m starving.

  “Out? That’s all you have to say? I’ve been calling you for the past three hours.”

  I turn to him, the tequila working as an amplifier, making my emotions expand beyond me. The resentment from earlier becomes anger in the split of a second. “What for?”

  Sebastian stands up and towers over me. My room never felt so small and his presence seems to take over everything. He’s so close to me, a whiff of whiskey reaches my nose as he exhales.

  “To wish you good night.”

  I snort. “Right, it sounds like you were making sure I was waiting patiently for you, while you were out with your friends. My life doesn’t revolve around you, Sebastian.”

  “Where did you go?”

  “None of your business.”

  He invades my space completely now, forcing me to retreat until my back hits the wall.

  “It is my business. Everything about you is my business.”

  “I’m not your fucking property!” I scream.

  That gives him pause. His face softens and his gaze lowers to my lips. “I know, but you are mine,” he says in a heated whisper before he crushes his lips to mine.

  I fight him, weak punches to his chest that show how puny I am in his arms. He has no right to be angry at me, and even so I surrender. His tongue invades my mouth with fury and my body reacts, like it always does. I kiss him back with the same ferocity, with the same urgency. He pushes me against the cold wall as his hands slide up my legs, under my dress. He curls his fingers around my panties’ sides, and with one hard pull, the fabric tears. Then his right hand is there, taking possession, driving me to the edge of madness. But it’s not enough. I need to feel all of him.

  With eager fingers, I unbutton his jeans, and my hand disappears inside his boxers. He groans against my mouth and using only one arm, he lifts me off the floor. I let go of his erection to hold on to his shoulders, as my legs wrap around his waist. With one powerful thrust, he’s inside me and I bite his lower lip to keep from screaming. We stop kissing, but our lips are still connected, brushing against each other, while grunts and moans of pleasure escape them.

  “You’re mine. You’ll always be mine,” he says as his movements become more intense, more primal.

  My head falls backward and I close my eyes as the pressure where our bodies converge increases. Sebastian pounds away, claiming me, branding me, and I let him because I’m doing the same to him. I scream his name at the same time he screams mine. I’m shaking, but he’s shaking more. He thrusts into me one final time before he stops moving. It’s so very quiet in the room and at the same it’s not. The sound of my pulse reverberates through my ears, matching the beating of Sebastian’s heart. He rests his cheek on my shoulder. He’s breathing as hard as me.

  I untangle my legs and Sebastian pulls out of me slowly. My feet touch the floor, but it feels like I’m standing on water. My legs are made of air, they can’t hold me. I feel something warm trickle down, and the reality of what we just did hits me. I gasp and look down.

  “Oh, fuck,” Sebastian says and my gaze snaps back up. He’s staring at my legs, too. Then he does something that makes me love him even more. He grabs the little towel hanging next to the sink, drops onto his knees in front of me, and begins to clean me.

  “Liv, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  I let my fingers glide through his hair and he tilts his head up. “It’s okay, Bas. I’m on the pill.”

  His gaze doesn’t show the relief I expected. “It wouldn’t matter if you weren’t. And I’ve been tested. I’m clean.”

  It’s great to hear that I’m not at risk, but my brain only seems to latch onto the first part of his statement. “What do you mean it wouldn’t matter?”

  “I’m saying that I’m here to stay. If an accident were to happen, it wouldn’t change a thing. You will be one day the mother of my children. I knew that
when I was sixteen, and I know that now.”

  Tears pool in my eyes and the fight we had minutes ago is nothing, it’s vapor. It led to the most fantastic sex of my life, I’m not going to deny it. But tender moments like these are what move me, what make an imprint in my heart and my soul. They’re the most precious things Sebastian and I can ever have and by the emotion pouring out of his eyes, he knows it too.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Sebastian leaves for Boys Future World Tour two days later on a rainy and bitter morning. My heart tightens as he kisses me goodbye.

  “I love you,” he says.

  “I love you more.”

  “Impossible. Settle for a tie?” His lips curl up slightly, but there’s no joy in his eyes.

  I nod as I try to hold it together. He kisses me one more time, before taking the stairs to the living room below. We’ve spent the last twenty-hours holed-up in his apartment in Camden, forgetting the world outside existed. But we can only pretend for so long.

  I roll onto my side and watch Sebastian grab his duffel bag and open the door. He turns to look at me one more time, pausing for just a second, before he disappears through the threshold. When the door clicks shut, I bury my face in his pillow, breathing in his scent, and finally let the dam break loose.

  Chapter 40

  Olivia - Six weeks later

  I crane my neck, trying to see beyond the heads of all people in front of me, as I scan the international arrivals. My body is a ball of anticipation, and I shuffle from foot to foot, unable to remain still. Heathrow airport is absolutely madness less than a week before Christmas break.

  I don’t want Saylor to miss me, so I wiggle my way closer to the gate. A couple of minutes later, I spot her colorful mane and I wave like a maniac. She sees me and the biggest smile breaks out on her face. She pushes her luggage trolley faster, almost running toward me.

  We hug and squeal together as we jump up and down. Saylor pivots me, so now she’s the one facing the sliding doors she just came through.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Liv!”