Wonderwall

by Soars, M. H.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m surprised you had the audacity to show your face here. Retrieve your personal belongings and leave the premises immediately. You’re fired. You have one hour to vacate your room.”

  The implications of her words finally hit me and my stomach drops to the floor. “One hour? Where am I supposed to go?”

  “Not my concern. Good bye, Miss Dawson.”

  I scramble out of her office and make a beeline for my desk. There’s nothing here that I want, only my purse. I can’t bring myself to look at Lloyd or Mellie. I run out of there before they can shower me with questions. Although, I doubt they need to ask me anything. I’m sure they heard every single word Patsy said to me. On my way to my room, I bump into Ryan.

  “Where’s the fire?” he asks.

  “I can’t talk right now.” I try to sidestep him, but he blocks my way.

  “How does it feel?”

  I finally look at Ryan and find him grinning with a victorious glint in his eyes.

  “Excuse me?”

  “How does it feel to have your deepest secret exposed to the world?”

  Things finally click.

  “It was you. You told the tabloids my name, where I worked. Didn’t you?”

  “Payback is a bitch, isn’t it? If you weren’t busy screwing that asshole from Boys Future, Lloyd wouldn’t have exposed me to my fiancée.”

  I take a step back, reeling not only because of his admission, but because of the ugliness of his heart. I can’t believe he would do such a thing on purpose.

  I narrow my eyes at him. “I’m glad Lloyd found out the truth about you. You don’t deserve him. Have a nice life, Ryan.”

  I step around him and don’t look back.

  Chapter 48

  Sebastian

  I’m pacing in my living room, holding a tabloid magazine in my hands, as my eyes read the same passage over and over again. I have bile in my mouth as I stare at a statement from me that I never gave.

  “How can they publish such lies? I never answered any of their questions!”

  Oliver glances my way from the couch. His eyes are bloodshot and he needs a shave. He hasn’t been home since the New Year’s Eve disaster. It’s Tuesday morning and most of the gossip magazines are taking about the same thing. I don’t know how they managed to publish my ill-timed love declaration on their weekly issue so quickly. They must have had people work non-stop over the weekend.

  “Have you forgotten who pays our publicist? This is Hans’s and Michael’s attempt at damage control, and also their revenge.”

  I stop mid-step and face him. The rage bubbling inside is a vicious, alive thing, ready to burst. In all the articles I’ve read, online and in print, none of them mention my past with Liv. The hook is the same in all of them—Liv is the villain of the story. I knew this could happen, and in act of carelessness, I failed to protect her. I broke my promise. So I’m staying far away from her until the worst of this clusterfuck passes. I don’t want to bring more havoc into her life. But every second I’m not by her side feels like a knife in my gut, twisting as it goes deeper into my flesh.

  “I’m going to kill them!”

  Oliver raises his hands as his eyebrows shot up. “Whoa! I don’t think homicide is the answer here. You need to play their game, fight fire with fire.”

  I begin pacing again, pulling the back of my hair. “Fuck!”

  “I have an idea, but you must pretend everything is fine until we’re deep in the tour again.”

  I whirl on him. “You expect me to go back on the bloody tour like nothing has happened?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re fucking mental.”

  “That too, but I’m also fucking smart. Do you want to be free of Hans and Michael forever and have your happily ever after with Liv or not?”

  Chapter 49

  Olivia

  Two weeks have passed since I returned from London, but instead of going back to my apartment on campus, I came to my parents’ house. It’s funny how when your life is in shambles, all you want is to curl up on your mom’s or your dad’s lap, and let them take the pain away. That’s what I did the first day back. I cried non-stop while Mom traced her fingers through my hair, saying nothing, just letting me release all my anguish and pain. That day was the only time I let my family see my tears. I only cry now locked in my room, but not as often.

  I refuse to leave the house. If I could have my wish, I would stay in my bedroom all day, but Mom won’t have any of it. The only highlight of my returning home early is that I finally met Grace, my sweet niece. She’s the most precious little thing in the world and playing with her almost makes me forget the constant pain in my chest. Almost. In the past week, Kimmy has brought her to the house every day and I silently thank my sister for her kindness. Grace is my only solace in the very dark world I now live in.

  Saylor comes to see me every day as well, but she never mentions his name. Instead, she tries to distract me with idle gossip about her band members. We also watch DVDs of Seinfeld. It’s the only thing I can stomach—there’s no romance whatsoever in that show, only pure, nonsensical fun.

  I hear from Emma, Kennedy, and Mandy too. They invite me to do stuff with them, go to a movie or dinner, but I never accept their invitations.

  I didn’t see Lloyd before I left the Hollingsworth, but he has called me on Skype a few times. Mellie has sent me several emails. I ignored all of their attempts to contact me. I’m not ready to talk to them. The humiliation of my dismissal is too raw, too painful.

  I also avoid watching TV or checking the internet. I can’t bear to read or hear any more hurtful comments about me. It isn’t only the media that is being vicious about it—Boys Future’s fans have also expressed their disgust with me. I’m one hundred percent sure that their outrage has more to do with them been jealous that Sebastian has picked me, a regular girl. Apparently, it’s only okay for superstars to date other superstars.

  They don’t need to worry though. He has clearly moved on. Maybe he has realized I’m not worth the headache. He never attempted to call me again after Saylor told him off. No, he went on his merry way on his tour, like nothing has happened, like my life hasn’t crumbled completely.

  His stupid promise bracelet stares at me in mockery. I feel sick to my stomach every time I look at it. The key is long gone, but going to a jewelry store and asking them to cut the thing off requires me leaving the house. So it stays on for now, I just have to keep it hidden under a long sleeved shirt.

  I’m already planning to spend another day holed up in my room, curled in my bed, reading The Mists of Avalon for the tenth time, when Mom walks in.

  “It’s a beautiful day outside, hon. Why don’t you join Kimmy when she takes Grace to the park?”

  “I really don’t feel like going anywhere.”

  Mom sits at the end of my bed and looks at me. “Olivia Marie Dawson. You disappoint me. I didn’t raise any of my children to cower in their room when the world throws them a curve ball.”

  I close the book and stare at my hands. The nail polish is chipped, almost entirely gone. It’s the color I used for New Year’s Eve. It feels like a lifetime ago and at the same time, like it has just happened.

  “I’m not ready to face them.”

  “Face who, Liv?”

  “Everyone! I can’t take the staring and pointing, the judgmental whispering.”

  “No one will do that here. You can’t let those internet trolls get to you. They’re vapor.”

  “Then they must be some kind of acid fume, because their words hurt, Mom. So much.”

  Mom shuffles forward and envelopes me in a tight hug. I let my head rest against her shoulder, but there are no tears in my eyes this time. I’m all cried out.

  “I know, baby girl. I know.” She gently pushes me back
and peers at my face, holding me by the shoulders. “You’re strong, Liv. This will pass.”

  “It’s not only that. I’m still reeling from the humiliation of being fired. I needed that internship to graduate. But who will hire me now?”

  “Don’t despair. Things will work themselves out, you’ll see. Just take one step at a time, starting with today. Come on, let’s begin by fixing your awful nails.”

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  I do go with Kimmy to the park that afternoon, and to be honest, it isn’t that bad. It feels good to breathe fresh air, to be out in the open. I don’t realize until I sit on a bench facing the lake, how much I’ve missed my hometown.

  Little by little, I begin regaining my confidence. The next day, I venture to the drugstore by myself and even dare to glance at the magazine stand on my way out. Another scandal is plastered on their covers. The gossip mill has found other prey. The checkout girl doesn’t look at me twice. Mom is right, things will get better.

  But the one ache that won’t go away is the one of my obliterated heart. Despite my desire to be strong, I had clung to the hope Sebastian would contact me, even just to check if I was okay. But his complete silence is too similar to his behavior of five years ago. It creates a dark void and I can’t find the escape from it.

  Inside the car, I peer at my reflection on the rearview mirror, and I’m horrified by my appearance. My skin is not pale, it’s completely washed off. The dark circles under my eyes could be mistaken for bruises. I look like death. And here I thought I was doing better. I clutch the steering wheel hard until my knuckles turn white, and I take deep breaths. Who’s this girl staring back at me? I don’t recognize her. Loving someone shouldn’t cause this.

  Something erupts in my chest, a kind of fire that won’t be extinguished. I look at the bracelet, so perfect and delicate, and that’s when it hits me. I’ll never be able to truly move on as long as I’m wearing it. It’s too early in the morning and the mall is not open yet. I peel out of the parking lot and race back home. It takes me five minutes to get there. I jump out of the car and call out to Dad as I burst through the door. There must be a tool in the house that can break the damned thing.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  “Come on, Dad. You’re not trying hard enough. This bracelet is not made of steel.”

  “I’m sorry, honey. The bracelet is too tight on your wrist. I’ll end up hurting you.”

  “I don’t care!” I scream and jump off the high stool. “I’m going to the mall as soon as it opens. I’m sure they will be able to cut this thing off at the jewelry store.”

  I notice when Mom and Dad trade worried looks. “What?”

  “It’s such a lovely bracelet, Liv. It will be a pity to destroy it. How about if we search online for a replacement key? I’m sure we can find it,” Mom says.

  I open my mouth to counter argue, but the house phone rings and Mom is only too happy with the distraction. She answers it promptly and after a few exchanges, she turns to me. “Yeah, she’s standing right here.”

  Mom offers me the receiver. “It’s Emma.”

  Grumbling all the way, I take the phone from Mom’s hand. “Hey, Emma.”

  “Liv, I won’t take no for an answer,” my friend fires up without preambles. “Rodrigo is in town and we’re all going to the Surf Shack for dinner. You’re coming.”

  “Sounds good, Em. What time?”

  She’s silent for a moment. “Wait? Are you serious?”

  Ha! She wasn’t expecting my prompt compliance. “Mourning period is over.”

  Emma screams in my ear and I have to pull the phone away or risk going deaf.

  “Oh my God. I’m so excited. We’ll have the best of times. You’ll see. I’ll pick you up at seven. Dress to kill, Liv.”

  Chapter 50

  Sebastian

  Tonight is the night everything will fall into place. Tonight shit will go down. I’ve bided my time, followed Oliver’s plan, let Hans believe he was in control, so I could tell my side of the story. Earlier today, I came into possession of the ultimate proof that Hans and Michael are worthless scum. A tape of both of them scheming, talking about what they did to Liv, Gretchen, and me. I could easily use that tape to buy my way out of the band, but it’s not enough. I want to expose them, let everyone know how low they will go for money.

  There’s a renowned reporter in the U.S. interested in the story, but she needs more reasons to run it, and that’s exactly what she’ll get tonight.

  Our performance goes as planned. We play our newest songs, then we sing our biggest hits. One of them is a solo, my solo, Girl of my Dreams. Throughout the show, there are planned breaks where we are expected to interact with the audience, catch our breath. There isn’t any such pause before Girl of my Dreams, though. But tonight, the band knows to prolong the song’s intro, because I’ve requested it. They have no idea what I have in mind, only that I’m going to speak before I sing.

  “Good evening, Sydney!” I scream and the crowd answers back.

  “Before I begin this next song, I would like to say a few words.” I pause, and let the cheers die. I want their undivided attention.

  “In the past couple of weeks, I witnessed the worst fame can bring, I saw my life and the life of the ones I love exposed and dissected for financial gain.”

  The band stops playing and sudden silence expands beyond the crowd. It’s deafening. I continue. “But that’s the trade off, right? I get it. I’m not here to whine and complain, I was willing to pay that hefty price. But someone else got hurt in the process, someone who never wished to be part of the limelight.” I laugh without humor and shake my head. “But the sharks, they don’t care, they smell blood, and they come to feast.”

  I stop and let my words sink in. There’s a rushed murmur now, and if I could see their faces, I might find them leaning forward, eager for my next words. I don’t let them wait any longer.

  “The girl the media called a homewrecker, a whore, is a girl I’ve known my entire life. It’s funny how no one ever mentioned she used to be my next door neighbor, she used to be my best friend. No one bothered to ask me, Sebastian Coleman, who she was. So I’m going to tell you. Olivia Marie Dawson is the girl who was by side when a twisted ankle kept me from playing the hockey championship game in junior high. She’s the girl who inspired me to learn to play the guitar so I could woo her with my singing. She’s the girl who fought for me, who never gave up, even when I seemed to be a lost cause. She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved, the only girl I still love. So tonight, I’m dedicating Girl of my Dreams to her, the love of my life.”

  The band takes my final words as cue and restarts the intro of the song. I sing like I’ve never sang before, giving my all to those lyrics. I let my emotions take over, and when the tears escape my eyes, I don’t try to hide them. Let the world see how much I bleed. When I belt out the final notes of the ballad, the crowd goes wild. It’s like a collective roar, a wave of sound coming my way. I drop my chin and soak in the moment, knowing it’s my last night on such a stage.

  When the cheers die somewhat, I speak again. “Thank you. It has been real. Good bye.” I make the peace sign and exit the stage. It won’t take long for the true meaning of my words to sink in. We’re in the middle of the show, but I’m not coming back. I’m never coming back.

  I walk fast, past the sound engineers, the stage assistants, going backstage. I stop when Hans gets in my way.

  “That was some poetic declaration. Not my style, but I can work with it.”

  I make a motion to sidestep him, but he blocks my way again, using his girth to his advantage. I’m keeping my anger under control by sheer will power. My hands curl into fists and they itch to connect with Hans’s nose.

  “Get out of my way, Hans.” I say through clenched teeth.

  “Where do you think you’re going? The concert is not over yet.”


  “It is to me. I quit.”

  “You can’t quit!”

  “Watch me.” I shove him out of my way and keep moving. Behind me, he screams promises of retribution.

  “You’ll regret the day you were born,” he says.

  Maybe, but I don’t care. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m not sure if my act of defiance will serve a higher purpose. It doesn’t matter. I’m free and I have to prepare for my final performance, the most important performance of my life.

  Chapter 51

  Olivia

  Thursday night at the Surf Shack means it’s a full house. They have the best tacos near campus and it’s a favorite spot among students. The restaurant’s parking lot is full and we have to park across the street by the post office. There’s a sign saying parking is for post office customers only and violators will have their cars towed. It’s a warning we quickly learned to ignore. No car has ever been towed for parking there after business hours.

  It would have been more practical for me to drive solo to the restaurant, instead of having Emma drive all the way to Littleton to pick me up. I know she wanted to make sure I wouldn’t bail on them.

  When we enter the crowded place, we stretch our necks, trying to see beyond the sea of people. I spot Saylor’s multicolored hair right away. She’s hanging out by the bar with the rest of our crew, Kennedy, Mandy, and Rodrigo. Emma leads the way, carving a path for us with ease. I don’t know how she does it. Kennedy is the first to notice our arrival and she smiles ear to ear.

  “You’re here!” she says.

  Mandy turns to me and I’m surprised when she pulls me into a hug. She’s not the affectionate type. “You look great, Liv.”

  “Hey, I want a hug, too.” Rodrigo, the only dude in our tight group, says. He’s Emma’s best friend from high school and the most down-to-earth and friendly guy I’ve ever met. I’m engulfed by his embrace and I laugh out loud when my feet leave the ground.

  “I’ve missed you, Olive Oyl,” he says.