by M B Reid
The bearded man I’d followed was behind the counter, fishing something out from under the hardwood bench.
“Be with ye in a moment” He growled, and I realised his chief character trait was being a grumpy old man.
I stepped inside and closed the door behind myself. The light from the windows didn’t quite illuminate the room, but the man had somehow lit a dozen candles on the walls before I’d opened the door. I stepped past the first pile of farming implements and surveyed the skyrim helmet. I knew exactly nothing about the different metals, but decided that this was a steel helmet. It was a dull silver colour that reflected the candlelight ever so slightly, but didn’t show any other reflections. The horns coming out of the temples were made from ivory and covered in battle scars. I wasn’t game enough to pick it up, lest the blacksmith throw me from his store, but I inspected as much of it as I could. As far as I could tell, it was in excellent condition. The kind of thing only a master craftsman could make.
“Sorry about tha’. What can I do you for?” The bearded man asked, and I was forced to re-evaluate him. Grumpy old men didn’t apologise.
“I’m afraid I have no money, so I’m just looking.”
The old man eyed me for a moment, and then offered a big grin.
“You may be poorer than a dust bunny, but you’re of the adventurin’ persuasion ain’t ya?”
I nodded, wondering where this might lead.
“I could offer one of them -” he pointed one thick finger toward the weapons and shields behind the counter “ - if you could help me with a little problem I’m having.”
“Gladly” I replied
“I normally get my iron from the kobold traders. Only they haven’t been by in a while, and those that I’ve seen ain’t been in the mood ta trade. I’m all outta the stuff. If you can get the traders to come back, or get me a bunch of iron ore, I’ll let ya take yer pick of ‘em” He offered me one big callused hand.
“Waddaya say?”
I shook his hand, cementing the deal. After all, I was going to be investigating these kobolds already. Might as well tack some extra quests onto the one trip.
“I’d be glad to. Say, you wouldn’t be able to sharpen this for me would you?” I pulled my axe out of its belt loop and offered it to him.
“Some shite iron ya got there boy. I can give ‘er an edge, but she won’t hold it.” He took the axe from me and wandered back over to the counter. I followed along like an obedient puppy.
“Normally I’d charge ya for this, but if you’re going near them kobolds you might need it” he laughed, sharpening the blade with a whetstone. After a few minutes he handed the weapon back to me.
“She should cut a lil deeper now. Anythin’ else?”
“No, thank you.” I replied, dropping the axe back into its home on my hip. The bearded man just gave me a wave as I made for the door.
I found the tavern pretty quickly after that. It seemed like the entire town had been built around the tavern and the church, which might have been entirely true. It was a seedy place in the morning sun, and no doubt looked worse after dark. All the windows on the front side had been broken at some stage, and most were cleared of glass rather than replaced. The saloon style doors hung slightly crooked, leaving them partially agape at all times.
‘Dora's’ was painted in a cursive hand above the door.
Despite its shoddy appearance, a mouth watering scent was drifting out from the building, and inside I could hear a few people laughing. The exterior, along with my lack of funds, didn’t make going inside particularly appealing. But the smell of food, and my empty stomach, proved to be far more motivating.
The hinges creaked in protest as I pushed open one of the doors and stepped inside.
I was expecting to walk into the aftermath of a bar brawl. Maybe have some broken chair legs and shattered glass across the floor, unknown stains adorning the walls. Something like that. What I saw instead was a pristine tavern. There were half a dozen small tables scattered around a room, each with a few chairs - legs intact. A weedy bartender was joking with a couple of young women. They were all legs, and wore tiny dresses made from something marginally more luxurious than the coarse cloth I was wearing. And between the women, an arm wrapped around each of their waists, sat Warren.
It was a good thing this was a serious video game, where dying would result in eternal death in the real world. Otherwise my jaw would have hit the ground.
The bartender gave me a welcoming nod, then returned his attention to Warren. Once I managed to pry my eyes away from the scantily clad women, I saw that there was a doorway through to the kitchen behind the bar. My stomach growled and my nose pulled me across the room.
“Girls, have you met my new friend the adventurer?” Warren said by way of greeting. The blond giggled and gave me a wave, while the brunette gave me a wink.
“A drink for our new friend please Eddard” The old man instructed the bartender. He pushed the brunette aside to make room for me at the bar next to him. The ousted woman made a great show of offence, then pranced off toward the staircase in the corner. She paused on the bottom step to flash us a demure look, then sprinted up the stairs in a surprising display of vigour.
“Young Kaylee is a sight to behold” Warren whispered as he watched her go.
This whole situation was striking a new level of weird for me. Had Warren been telling the truth when he’d said he was coming to town to gather money? Or had he spent his morning emptying his purse, literally and figuratively, before gathering his money to take home?
“I didn’t expect to see you here so early” I said.
“Oh, I’ve been here all morning haven’t I Agatha?” The blond giggled by way of response. It seemed to be all she could do.
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what else to say.
Warren gave a hearty chuckle as the bartender plonked a mug of ale on the bar in front of me.
“Drink up boy. And some lunch for us please Eddard.” He spanked the blond on the butt and sent her on her way.
“You found what you came here for?” He asked me as I eyed the mug. I wasn’t sure whether I could drink it without removing my hood, and there was no way I was doing that. Maybe I shouldn’t have come here after all, especially with food coming. My stomach grumbled in protest as I contemplated leaving without eating.
“Yeah, I met a priestess. And the blacksmith, he wants me to get some ore from the kobolds.”
“Troublesome buggers” The bartender interjected. He was busy polishing a mug with a dirty towel, and made no effort to hide that he was listening to our conversation. Warren didn’t seem bothered by it though.
“Aye, they’re giving everyone grief. You’d do well to consider what I was saying this morning” He said, taking a swig from his own mug. I decided to take a gamble, and lifted my own mug to my mouth. The ale poured down my throat like water, and tasted scarcely any different. It was by far the weakest ale I’d ever tasted, but my hood had remained in place. That made me feel more confident about lunch.
“Actually, Eddard here is who you’ll want to talk to once you’ve dealt to the kobolds.” Warren said, giving the bartender a nod.
“You bring me all the kobold teeth you can find as proof, and I’ll make sure you’re paid well” The bartender agreed. He put the mug down and started polishing another. I took another swig of the weak ale. It wasn’t good, but it was better than nothing.
“When do you go back Warren?” I asked. The old man gave me a careful look before answering.
“I’ve decided to spend the night with the lovely ladies here.” He grinned. “Would you like one, on me?” He offered, and I almost choked on my mouthful of beer. He chuckled, and slammed a fist down on the bar.
“Well you’re not like any adventurer I’ve ever met.” He took another big gulp from his drink, emptying the mug. Eddard was already sliding another mug across the bar to him. The bartender gave me a wink, then went back to his task of polishing mugs.
&nbs
p; “I gotta piss. Keep an eye on that for me” he nudged me, and pointed to his new drink. Then he got up and staggered off across the room.
“He a regular?” I asked Eddard while I waited for Warren to return.
“Ol’ Warren is famous here. Comes in here with a full purse, and goes home no richer than when he came to town.” He gave me a wolfs smile.
“He lives a happy life, no doubt about that. A man content with his lot.” The bartender put down his mug and leaned over the bar to speak more quietly.
“Used to be an adventurer. He sure fights like one when the younger lads get too boisterous. He’s a good soul.” The bartender straightened as Warren burst back out of the bathroom. I watched as the old man stumbled across the room. He was still strongly built, what Eddard had said about him being an ex-adventurer seemed likely enough.
“Lunch is served.” Eddard announced as he came out of the kitchen carrying two big bowls of stew. He set them down before us, then disappeared back into the kitchen. Warren didn’t waste any time shovelling some of the delicious smelling food into his big mouth.
I did the same.
“Say, have either of you heard about that young lass?” Eddard asked as we were finishing up our meals.
“I’ve more than heard of her” Warren laughed, winking at the women at the other end of the bar. Eddard took a light-hearted swipe at him with the dishcloth.
“Not one of my girls you ol’ fool. She’s a traveller, new to town. Her and her man were attacked on the way here, he got himself killed” Eddard explained, and my heart froze. Well, it would of if it beat. A surprising number of expressions don’t apply well to the undead.
“Kobolds?” I managed, trying my hardest to keep my voice steady. Eddard gave me a strange look before continuing.
“Nay, she says it were undead that attacked. Caught them unawares. She barely escaped with her life, she says” The bartender sounded dubious of his own words.
“Gollywash!” Warren exclaimed.
“There haven’t been undead in these parts for decades. She must be making it up.” He continued.
“I’m just sayin’ what I heard is all.” Eddard shrugged. He took our dirty plates and retreated into the kitchen.
“You don’t believe her?” I asked Warren. The old man might be of dubious moral fibre, but he seemed to have a handle on what happened in these parts.
“I doubt there are undead here lad. Unless they’re out there organising kobolds to do their bidding, I’d say the lass got clubbed by a kobold and it jumbled her memories.” The old man didn’t seem to think any more of it. He nodded towards the blond at the bar, and she gave him a ‘come hither’ motion with one finger.
“Duty calls. And remember, bring those teeth to Eddard if you want your reward.” Warren winked and gave me a theatrical bow. A moment later he was chasing the blond up the stairs. For an old guy he had a surprising amount of energy in his step.
I thanked Eddard for the meal, then stepped out of the bar. If that murderous woman was in town spreading rumours about undead I didn’t want to be in town any longer than necessary, and I needed to warn Logan. Perhaps we would need to abandon the dungeon after all.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I’m not saying I’m bad at budgeting, but I spent every coin I had before leaving town. It had only gone far enough to provide me with a few meagre supplies, enough for a day or two at most.
Logan was chopping trees when I returned to the clearing.
“You’re not dead then?” He said, putting down the axe and leaning against the stump.
“Guess not. Got us some work to do as well.” I announced, sitting on the fallen trunk.
“We’re going to find some more of the kobold tribes, like the ones we found downstairs, and convince them to stop being dicks. Or we kill them.”
“You want to fight things? Did you make a resurrection deal?” Logan's eye sockets lit up at the prospect.
“Look, about that” I started. The hope went out of Logan's eyes.
“Apparently the undead can’t make a resurrection deal.” I said, hoping that simple and straight to the point might minimise his rage. I could see the same emotions I’d felt flickering across his face. Denial, disbelief that the game could be so cruel. Anger.
I waited patiently for him to regain his composure. What he was coming to grips with was terrifying - we were at a huge disadvantage in the game. And given how that crazy woman killed her companion out by the dungeon, I was starting to suspect that the whole world was a PVP zone.
“I don’t know about going after the kobolds” He finally said.
“Dude, we ran into the ones downstairs on accident, and still kicked their scaly asses.”
“What if there are more of them next time?” He kind of had a point there. If there had been another couple of kobolds in the dungeon we could have found ourselves in a particularly bad situation. And the blacksmith had said the tribes could be up to half a dozen kobolds.
“We’ll be fine. You stand back and blast them from a distance, you can summon a skeleton to fight them, and I’ll clean up whatever gets close to you.” I admit, I’d given this a lot of thought on the walk back to camp. With a skeleton warrior at our disposal, we could both just sit back and watch the carnage unfold. Especially if Logan could shoot them with that wand. I was sort of a tank, so I should be able to keep any of them from getting too close to Logan.
He looked like he was considering his options. Starvation on one hand, bloodthirsty kobolds on the other. I had the sinking feeling that he was going to choose starvation.
“Okay. But if you let one of them kill me I will fucking haunt you.” He announced, surprising me.
“Atta boy” I slapped him on the shoulder and stood up.
“We’ve got what, three or four hours to explore? Grab your shit, and we’ll head towards the forest.”
Logan suddenly looked apprehensive.
“I thought you meant tomorrow…”
“That’s just your inner-procrastinator speaking. Don’t be a wimp.”
Logan gave his feet a look of what I interpreted as resignation.
“Fine, gimme a minute.”
While he was gathering his gear I took a quick walk around the clearing. Logan and his minion had chopped down a bunch of trees this morning, and arranged them into rough piles funnelling toward the door. I couldn’t see the logic in their placement, but I trusted Logan to have a plan. Given how paranoid he was being, I doubt he’d have wasted his day swinging an axe for nothing.
He finally came back upstairs, his reanimated kobold in tow.
“Dude, I dunno if that’s a good idea.” I said, looking at his minion.
Logan paused, looking between us for a moment.
“We could disguise it?”
“Even then. If we run into people with an animated corpse tagging along, man it wouldn’t be good.”
“It’s an extra ally in a fight though” His voice was quiet, almost like he was trying to suppress his own whining tone.
“How about we have it guard the dungeon?” I suggested.
Logan looked between us for a while, then nodded.
“It would be good to know it was being watched.” He said, then turned to give his minion its instructions.
“Why towards the forest?” Logan asked after his minion retreated back down into the dungeon.
“I met an old guy who lives out there. Reckoned the kobolds were watching him on his way into town.” I was already leading the way out of the woods. I figured if I broke news like that while we were standing still I’d never get Logan to leave the safety of the trees. I was right - he slowed down until he was a dozen steps behind me.
“It’s not an ambush if we’re expecting it” I laughed over my shoulder, intentionally leaving him behind.
As I expected, he caught up a minute later.
“So your genius plan is to walk around looking like an easy mark, so the kobolds will kill you without you seeing it coming?”
He huffed.
“They’re not going to use bows. Which means they have to come to us. We just stick to the path, and when they charge you pop a skeleton up in front of them.”
“You think one skeleton will be enough?” I was glad he decided not to ask about the bows. I had no reason to believe they wouldn’t murder us from afar. My whole plan rested on the belief that kobolds lacked the skill to use a bow.
“Yeah man, of course it will.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
We’d been walking for about an hour when they attacked.
They charged at us out of a small stand of trees near a corner in the path. Three kobolds dressed in rags and armed with pointy sticks. From the river side of the road another two appeared, climbing up over the river bank. They both held clubs, and looked a little larger than the spear-wielders.
It was unsettling how childish they looked. Their small stature and large eyes made them look almost cute. Their murderous glares barely outweighed their appearance. A strange part of me wanted to scold them, rather than draw my weapon.
As far as traps go, it was actually pretty good. The three from the bushes used their spears to drive us toward the river, where we were flanked. Unfortunately for them, Logan’s counterattack was even better. His summoned skeleton rose up out of the ground behind the spear wielders and attacked. I saw one stumble away, and the others turn to face the monster, before I focused my attention on the two approaching from the river.
My axe was in my hand in a moment, and I’d already activated my Bull Horns ability. The familiar tingling sensation spread across my skull as horns burst free, and I tossed my hood back for dramatic effect. It worked. The closer of the two club wielding kobolds froze mid step. Clearly they’d been expecting run-of-the-mill human victims. I dipped my head and charged toward him.