“But they’re supposed to be friends.”
“I think he’s jealous of Karl.”
“Jealous?”
“It’s pretty obvious Dennis has always wanted to be the boss of this outfit. If something happened to Karl, he’d get the job.”
“You’re being ridiculous. No one kills someone for a job.”
“I don’t think that’s all he wants,” Griffin said. “I think he’d be happy to have Ma, too.”
“She’d never marry Dennis.”
“She would if she didn’t have any other choice,” Griffin said grimly. “She married Karl to save us, and she didn’t even know him. She’d do what she had to do.”
Unfortunately, Grace thought he might be right. Which only frightened her more. “You’re just a little boy, Griffin,” she said, her eyes stark. “How are you going to stop someone as dangerous as you say Dennis is?”
“By keeping a close eye on the son of a bitch. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m starved. I’m goin’ to the house and get some supper.”
Griffin left the barn, closing the door behind him, leaving her sitting alone in the shadows. Grace stared after him. Her baby brother was growing up. When had he become so confident and sure of himself? That was all Karl’s doing, she thought. Their lives would be a disaster if Dennis killed Karl. And she didn’t want to think what life would be like for Hetty, who was expecting Karl’s baby, if anything happened to him.
Grace wondered if there was anything she could do to help keep Karl safe. Maybe she should throw that fit after all and insist that both Karl and Griffin stay home tomorrow.
“Hey! Anybody in here?”
“Andy? Is that you?” Grace called out.
“It’s me.”
Since Christmas, she’d often crossed paths with Andy, but they’d never been alone. Karl or Griffin or Hetty had always been there. Nevertheless, she’d learned that Andy planned to settle down someday and build himself a homestead where he could run cattle, and she’d told him about her decision to study botany from Karl’s books. He’d described the hill country west of San Antonio, where he’d grown up. She’d remained mute about her life in Cheyenne.
Grace never felt completely comfortable with the young Texan, probably because she wanted so much for him to like her, and she didn’t see how he could possibly get past all of her physical flaws. She’d complained to him more than once about her impossible red curls, but he’d laughed and said, “I like them. They’re wild and free. Like you.”
It was hard for Grace to see herself as “wild and free,” but she’d felt a knot in her chest loosen a little bit, so the next time they were together she was able to say, “Your eyes remind me of a lion.” He’d laughed again and made claws of his hands and roared like a lion and said, “I might just eat you for supper. You’re so sugar sweet, I figure you’d make a pretty tasty meal.”
Being called “sugar sweet” had loosened that knot in her chest a little more, so she’d started looking forward to the few moments they spent together when they bumped into each other. She’d never gone so far as to arrange to be alone with him. He’d never asked for such a thing, and she’d been too shy to mention it.
But here they were, suddenly alone. Grace felt her heartbeat ratchet up. It seemed like she’d been waiting for this moment ever since Christmas. Now that it was here, she felt the urge to bolt. She made herself stay where she was. It was only Andy. They would talk and laugh together as they always had.
He could never be anything more to her because of what had happened in Cheyenne.
She watched the dust motes in the streaming sunlight disappear as Andy shut the barn door behind him. He crossed to the end of the barn where she was sitting and said, “What are you doing in here all alone?”
“Until a few minutes ago, I wasn’t alone. I was trying to talk my idiot brother out of going on that stupid bear hunt.”
“It’s not stupid,” Andy said as he sat down beside her.
Grace could feel the warmth of his thigh through her dress. She would have sidled away, except there was no more room on the bale of hay. Her heart started beating harder, and she could feel the red stain growing on her throat where a blush had started.
“Karl wants to cut trees right where that grizzly marked his territory,” Andy explained. “It’s him or us.”
“That bear’s got as much right to that mountain as you do,” Grace said. “Why can’t Karl find another place to cut?”
“Snow’s melting off the mountain. We’d have to take time to make a new skid trail if we cut somewhere else.”
Grace made a face. “Doesn’t sound very fair to the bear.”
Andy laughed. “Only you would worry about the bear, Grace.”
“I mean it.”
“That’s what I love about you,” Andy said.
He was still smiling, still laughing when he said it, but the words took Grace’s breath away. She was staring into his golden eyes, waiting for him to realize what he’d admitted.
He sobered and reached for her hand and twined their fingers together. She realized for the first time how callused his hands were. He must not have shaved that morning, because a dark blond stubble shadowed his cheeks and chin.
He kept his gaze steady on hers as he spoke. “I’ll be seventeen next month. I have the money from the sale of my family’s ranch in Texas. Whenever you’re ready, we can get married and settle anywhere you like.”
Grace lowered her gaze and eased her hand free, knotting her hands in front of her so he couldn’t take one again. “I can’t ever marry you, Andy.”
“I love you, Grace.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you love me anymore? You said you did on Christmas morning. Are you taking it back?”
Grace had been exuberant Christmas morning, filled with excitement over having a kitten of her own, which had carried over into an effusive thanks that had ended with the words, “I love you, Andy.”
Now she had to explain away those words, which Andy had given a far weightier meaning than she’d intended.
She met his gaze and said earnestly, “I was grateful Christmas morning, because I knew it was you who told my mom I wanted a kitten. And you who picked out that particular kitten for me. And you who made sure that Socks was wearing a red ribbon when you put her into my arms, just as I told you I’d always dreamed.”
“Then you didn’t mean what you said?”
Grace swallowed hard. She’d never loved anyone—not Karl, not Hetty, not even Griffin—as much as she loved Andy. But she could never marry him. Because of what she’d done.
She lowered her gaze to her white-knuckled hands. “I meant it when I said it,” she said in a small voice. “There are things you don’t know about me, Andy. Things I can’t undo.”
“Nothing else matters if you love me,” Andy said ardently. “Is it because you’re only fourteen? I’ll wait for as long as you want.”
She shook her head. “It isn’t that. I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.”
Grace was so surprised when Andy raised her chin and kissed her—and she liked the feel of his lips on hers so much—that she let the kiss continue a very long time. She wanted it to go on forever. But it was unfair to lead him on. “Stop!” she cried. “Please, Andy. Don’t kiss me anymore.”
He looked abject as he let her go. “You didn’t like it?”
She put a gentle hand to his cheek and looked into his eyes and said, “I loved it. But we can’t be kissing like this, because I can’t marry you. Not now. Not ever.”
“Why not? Just tell me why,” he pleaded.
Grace tried to think of a lie Andy would accept that wasn’t as bad as the truth. But her mind went completely blank.
Grace knew how much trouble all the deceit had caused between Hetty and Karl. She didn’t want to lie to Andy. If she married him without saying anything about her past, he might never know she hadn’t come to him untouched. But she would know. Keeping secrets from
the start would eventually spoil everything. Better to tell Andy the truth and end it all now. But where should she start?
“I’m not really Hetty’s daughter,” she began.
“I know.”
Grace gasped and her gaze shot to his. “How could you possibly know that?”
Andy untied the knot she’d made of her fingers and took one of her hands in both of his. “Griffin hinted as much the night he got that lump on his head. Since then, we’ve spent a lot of time together on the mountain, and he’s told me everything.”
Grace panicked. Surely Griffin hadn’t told him everything. Surely he hadn’t! She tried to flee, but Andy held on to her hand. “Let me go, Andy! I want to go!”
“Sit down, Grace,” he said calmly. “Let’s talk.”
“Talking won’t change anything!” she said angrily. “If you know the truth, then you know what I am. And why I can’t marry you.”
“I know you’re the woman I love.”
“You can’t love me. I’m a whore! I’ve sold my body for money.”
All the blood leached from his face.
And Grace suddenly realized that Andy hadn’t known this truth about her. Not until she’d just told him. He seemed to have forgotten that he was still holding her hand.
She tried to free herself, to run away and hide, but Andy held on. “You have to let me go, Andy. You don’t want to marry someone like me.”
He met her gaze and asked, “Why did you do it, Grace?”
“Does it matter? I did it.”
She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. But what she’d told him wasn’t going down easily.
“I’d like to know why you sold yourself for money,” he said. “If you think you can bear to tell me.”
She searched his gaze, looking for the condemnation she felt sure he was only waiting for an excuse to speak. But his lion eyes remained steadily, reassuringly, focused on her.
She took a shuddering breath and let it out. “I only did it once.” She hurried to say, “Not that doing it just once makes my sin any less awful.” Grace’s heart hurt when she saw the pain in Andy’s eyes.
His eyes said he’d heard enough. But his ragged voice said, “I’m listening, Grace.”
She swallowed over the agonizing lump in her throat and said, “I did it to get the money to pay the woman who was supposed to be Karl’s mail-order bride to bring us to Montana. I wanted a better life for my brother.” She paused, then added with brutal honesty, “And a better life for myself. So you see, I didn’t do it for entirely unselfish reasons.”
“I don’t think there’s a selfish bone in your body, Grace.”
Grace felt flustered. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think.”
“Do you love me, Grace?”
Grace felt the tears well and then spill from her eyes. “Does it matter?”
“It does to me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Andy.” And marrying a fallen woman could do him no good.
“Then tell me the truth, Grace. Do you love me?”
“I love you more than my own life. I love you so much I want to die when I think of you leaving here and never speaking to me again.”
He rose and pulled her, unresisting, into his arms. Grace felt his hand at her nape and his mouth at her temple. Then he kissed away the tears on each of her cheeks as he murmured, “I’m not going anywhere. Will you marry me, Grace?”
“I—”
His kiss prevented her from answering. When they came up for air he said, “Marry me, Grace.”
“But—”
He kissed her breathless again and urged, “Marry me.”
“All right,” Grace said, panting with excitement and fear and hope. “All right, Andy. If you’re sure this is what you want, I’ll marry you.”
Andy lifted her under the arms and swung her around and gave a Texas yell so loud the horses whinnied and sidled in their stalls.
Grace slung her arms around his neck and gave a whoop of her own, which was cut off as she gave back the kisses Andy had so generously given her.
Grace had a momentary qualm, wondering whether Griffin would feel betrayed by her decision, and what Hetty would think about her stepdaughter getting married so soon after her marriage to Karl. Then she was lost in the euphoria of being kissed by the man she loved, a man whose heart was big enough to forgive the unforgivable.
Karl had spent the rest of the day making sure that the skid trail got repaired. Hetty was lying in bed wrapped in Karl’s arms listening to the wind whistle eerily outside the window. She watched mysterious shapes waver and change in the flickering light from the burned-down logs in the fireplace.
She felt safe in Karl’s arms and frightened at the same time. Everything was happening too fast. In practically the same moment that she’d told Karl she was pregnant, Grace and Andy had come to the house and announced that they wanted to get married.
Hetty pressed her face against Karl’s throat, inhaling the sharp, arresting scent that was uniquely his, and asked, “Don’t you think she’s too young to get married?”
“Andy has the means to support her. And they love each other.” He paused and added, “But I think we can insist they wait at least until Grace is fifteen. It won’t hurt for them to be engaged for a year. It’ll give them both a chance to make sure they’ll suit.”
“Thank you, Karl. I don’t want to lose my eldest daughter so soon.”
She felt Karl’s smile against her cheek as he admitted, “Me neither.”
Hetty had been surprised when Karl told her just how much money Andy had stashed in a bank in Texas. The boy had apparently come to Karl first to request permission to marry Grace. When Karl had asked about Andy’s prospects, he’d confessed he was rich.
Hetty was glad for her stepdaughter. Grace would never go hungry again. Or need to sell her body again. Hetty felt a shiver run through her. Grace had blurted that news in the excitement of telling Hetty, “He loves me. And he doesn’t care!”
“About what?” she’d asked, smiling with happiness for Grace.
“About what I did to get the money to pay Lucy to bring us along.” Suddenly, her face had looked stricken. “Are you ashamed of me? Do you hate me now that you know?”
Hetty was still trying to figure out what dastardly deed Grace had committed when Grace’s subsequent questions made the answer clear. Something shameful. Something worthy of hate. It could only be one thing.
Hetty had been appalled. And dismayed. She’d struggled to keep any kind of judgment off her face and out of her voice as she replied, “I love you, Grace. The most important thing is, can you forgive yourself and move on with your life?”
“I can. Oh, yes, I can! Andy says it doesn’t matter to him, and because he doesn’t care, I don’t ever have to think about it again.”
Hetty thought about the tremendous sacrifice Grace had made for her brother. It wasn’t so different from the sacrifice Hetty’s eldest sister, Miranda, had made, becoming a mail-order bride—selling herself, body and soul—to provide a home for their two younger brothers. Or the sacrifice her twin, Hannah, had made, marrying Mr. McMurtry so that Hetty and Josie could escape from the detestable Miss Birch.
Or the sacrifice she herself had made, accepting Karl as her husband to save Grace and Griffin from a fate worse than death. She was glad to have been a part of helping the two children escape the bitter life they’d led. Thanks to her, Griffin had a mother and father, and Grace had come to the Bitterroot and found Andy.
Hetty curled her body a little closer to Karl’s, seeking warmth and comfort. “Grace says Andy’s planning to build a cabin not far from here, so she can stay close to Griffin.”
Karl chuckled. “Did you see the look on Andy’s face when Griffin suggested that maybe he should come live with them?”
Hetty smiled against his throat. “I saw the look of relief on Grace’s face when you spoke up.”
“I just said what I believe. Griffin ne
eds a mother and father for the foreseeable future more than he needs his sister.”
Hetty felt one of his large hands settle on her rounded belly as he asked, “Have you felt the baby move?”
“I felt a flicker, like a butterfly wing brushing my belly, but on the inside. I wasn’t sure if it was the baby, but I don’t know what else it could have been.”
“Your stomach acting up,” Karl said.
She shook her head. “When I felt it, my stomach wasn’t upset.”
“Are you really happy, Hetty? About the baby, I mean?”
“Mmm.” It was an answer Karl could construe any way he wanted. Hetty hadn’t really considered her feelings in terms of happy and unhappy. She was still adjusting to becoming a mother to Grace and Griffin and now she was going to be caring for an infant. She had no idea how to nurse a baby or change diapers or any of the things she would be expected to do. Hetty wished she’d paid more attention when her brother Harry was a baby, but Miranda had been the one to take care of him at the orphanage.
“I’ll need to build an addition on the house this summer so we’ll have more room,” Karl mused.
“A crib isn’t going to take up much space.”
Karl chuckled again. “I suppose not. But Griffin said something about being in the way when the new baby comes. He’ll need his sleep if he’s going to do a full day’s work for me, and he won’t get much rest with a squalling infant in his room.”
“Hmm,” she said again. Her thoughts felt jumbled. Like her life.
Karl twisted one of her curls around his finger. “You’re awfully quiet tonight. Are you worried about something?”
She was tired of keeping secrets from Karl, but Grace’s secret wasn’t hers to tell. Better he should believe that she was thinking about the baby. “I’m just glad you finally know about the baby and that you’re happy about it.”
Montana Bride Page 28