by Lucy Kevin
Gus followed her everywhere she went, always standing just a little way behind her, as if he’d decided that his new role in life was to guard her against anything that might hurt her. Just the way Michael always had, she realized as her chest clenched tight.
“If he kissed me, then he can’t have possibly been ready to forget about what he said Saturday, can he?” Emily asked Gus, even though he was just a dog and couldn’t possibly have any answers for her. “You don’t know about Saturday, do you?” she mused aloud. “Though you might have been around the old homestead since that’s where we found you today. Saturday is when Michael told me that he loved me. And that he knew I loved him, too.”
Gus lay down at the foot of the stairs, his head on his paws, listening intently.
“When he didn’t say anything at breakfast yesterday, I figured he must have just been swept up in the wedding romance. You know, that he hadn’t meant it and was too embarrassed to say anything.”
Gus went on staring at her, his eyes moving back and forth as if he was trying to understand what she was saying.
“And I told myself that was a good thing. That I was glad he didn’t say anything more about it over breakfast, or today. But...”
Emily found a spot of stained wood and set to work with the beeswax polish, not caring that it would probably take three or four coats to get anywhere close to the finish she wanted. She just needed something to keep her busy so that she didn’t stew too much over Michael.
And his kisses.
And how she wished he were here right now so that she could kiss him some more.
How could his kiss pack so much meaning?
Maybe it was because thoughts of Michael brought with them all the memories of the boy who had been like a brother to her sisters growing up, the man who was always so ready to help out. And also the man who was not afraid to tell her what he felt. Who wasn’t afraid to tell her that he knew she was in love with him.
“Why does life have to be so complicated? Why does everything have to keep changing?”
Gus, who had started to doze off to the soothingly repetitive sound of her rubbing the polish on, opened one eye.
As Michael had said, things would be different now that Paige wasn’t here anymore. Emily knew her sister would visit, but not often enough for an allergy to Gus to be a big problem. Paige was off with Christian now, following a busy schedule that came from a combination of his film roles and her increasingly demanding choreography contracts.
It wasn’t just Paige, either, although her absence was the biggest and most recent. Just a few years ago, the house had been full of Walkers. Looking back, though, it was easy to see that things had been changing around the Walker house for years. Rachel had gone off in search of a life away from the island, only to come back with a daughter in tow. Morgan had left, going to New York to pursue her career. Hanna had gone to Seattle for her studies.
But the recent changes in the past year were more permanent. More important. And even though her sisters were still connected to the island, and they all came back for holidays and family occasions, the fact was that they had scattered to the four winds.
And Emily could see that things were never going to be the same again.
“I’m not jealous,” she said as she put down her polish to sit on the stairs and pat Gus’ head. “I love my sisters. I’m happy for them. I want them to be happy, and I would never drag them back here. I don’t want to hold them back at all, but let’s face it, while you’re great at listening, you can’t talk things out with me the way they all can.”
Gus barked pretty much on cue, but it wasn’t exactly meaningful advice—and she could have done with some of that right then. The kind of advice that, on a normal day, she would have been able to get by talking to Grams. Yet she wasn’t here, either.
Emily couldn’t even go to her father to ask his opinion about what was happening with Michael, since he was off in Europe. The fact that she was even thinking of going to her father for advice said a lot about just how much she needed to talk to someone right then.
She’d grown up quickly, raising her sisters while her father stayed away as much as he could. Looking back, it was easy to see how angry she’d been at being left alone like that. And she’d had a right to be. But now, the one time that she could do with his advice, the one time she wanted to seek him out, where was he? In Italy, away as usual.
It was moments like this when she wished her mother were still alive. No, that wasn’t true. She wished for that every day. But on a day like today, when Emily simply didn’t know what to do, it was all too easy to imagine what her mother would have done.
Ellen Walker would have put an arm around her oldest daughter and talked her through everything. Or maybe she would have just listened. Either way, by the time she would have been done talking, Emily was sure that the whole situation would have made perfect sense and she would have known what to do.
It was what Emily had always tried to do for her sisters.
Today, however, it looked like it was just her, Gus, and a big house that seemed far too empty without a whole family to fill it. Meanwhile, Michael’s kisses still tingled on her lips as she went round and round in her head wondering what to do...
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Pulling back after kissing Emily and walking away was one of the hardest things Michael had ever done. He certainly hadn’t wanted to when every instinct had been telling him to hold her closer instead...and never let her go. Yet he knew with perfect certainty that anything but walking away would have risked driving Emily away forever.
He’d been in love with her for so long that he understood her in ways even her own siblings might not. She would need time to adapt to the reality—and the intensity—of what they both felt for one another. Heck, after that kiss, even Michael was a little stunned by the heat and sparks they’d generated.
Fourteen years ago, he’d made his first big move toward winning her heart. And as he sat alone on his front porch and looked toward her home, his memories took him back to that day.
* * *
The Walker house, fourteen years ago...
“But why do you have to move out?” Emily asked, standing in the middle of the kitchen with the rest of her family.
“It’s not like I’m going far,” Michael said. “Just back to my parents’ house.” The house he’d inherited.
He’d always intended to move out of the Walker home after high school graduation. He was packed and organized, but that didn’t mean that his move was going to be easy.
“You don’t have to go, Michael,” Tres said. “You’re welcome here for as long as you want to stay.”
Mr. Walker’s offer meant a lot to Michael, but it was time he got out on his own. Not just for himself—but also because there was no way he and Emily could ever have a relationship if he was living in her house like a brother.
“I don’t want you to go,” Hanna said as she rushed over and wrapped both arms around his legs.
“I won’t be far away.” Michael gave her a big hug so that she would know how much he cared about her.
Rachel, normally so rebellious but today looking pretty subdued, took hold of Hanna’s arm and gently drew her away.
“I’ve loved living here with all of you, but moving back into my own home is something I have to do.”
“You still haven’t said why,” Emily pointed out.
How could he tell her his reasons in front of everyone? He loved the Walker house and everyone in it. He loved that Ava had become Grams to him as much as everyone else. He loved the way Paige was constantly finding excuses to head down to the dance studio, and Morgan’s attempts at acting, and Hanna’s role as the center of attention. He even loved Rachel’s refusal to be pinned down by anyone else’s rules and expectations, even though he knew how it worried Emily. He loved the way Mr. Walker had simply stepped up and taken him in when he’d needed it.
But Michael had fallen in love with Emily...and that
had changed everything.
“I need my own space for a while,” was what he finally said. “I need to work out who I am.”
“You’re our big brother,” Morgan said. Only a little older than Hanna, she was clearly just as upset at the thought of him leaving.
Being the oldest, he and Emily had always done their best to look out for the others. She had managed to fill the hole left by the girls’ mother, and he had kind of filled in for their father. They’d tried to make it one big happy family.
But that was just the problem—he wasn’t their brother. And if he stayed, Emily was never going to be able to see him as anything other than one.
He’d known how he’d felt about her for a long time, but he knew he couldn’t say anything when he was staying under the same roof. It would make things too complicated for both of them. For the whole family, probably.
“How are you going to make a living?” Rachel asked.
“Graham Deenes has offered to take me into his construction business. I’ll concentrate on building here on the island, and that will allow him to work more on the mainland.”
“So you’re going to move out just like that?” Emily said.
Usually, she was good at hiding when she was hurt about something. How many times had she waited for Hanna and Morgan to be asleep before she talked to him about her worries and concerns? But today, she didn’t seem to be doing a very good job of hiding any of her emotions. She clearly didn’t want him to leave. And even though he hated to upset her, he hoped that was a good sign.
He wanted to reach for her, wanted to pull her close and tell her everything that was in his heart. Instead, he simply nodded in answer to her question.
“You’re going to come back, aren’t you?” Paige asked. She’d been pretty quiet up to then, but that was nothing new.
“As often as I can,” Michael assured her, although he was looking at Emily while he said it. “I’m only a couple of blocks away. Also, I figured I could maybe come around for breakfast sometimes before I head out for the day.”
“Every day,” Hanna insisted. “You have to come every day.”
Emily shrugged, saying, “Breakfast will work, if you want.”
Her shield had finally come down, and he knew she was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong. She was trying to be the strong one, like always. It nearly killed him not to go to her, but before he could, Grams came forward and hugged him.
“Sometimes we have to leave to get everything we want,” she said.
In that moment, Michael wondered if Grams had guessed all his reasons for leaving. Had she known all along just how much Emily meant to him?
Grams lowered her voice so that only he could hear her. “But that doesn’t mean that you can’t visit every day. You might not want to be a brother to one of my girls, but remember that you’re still a brother to the rest, and we all want you here.”
“I’ll remember that,” Michael promised, giving her a hug.
“See that you do,” Grams replied. “One more thing,” she added as she stepped out of his arms. “You’ve got all these boxes, but I think you’ve left the most important one upstairs.”
Michael wasn’t sure what Ava was talking about. Even so, he knew better than to argue with her. Grams was a force of nature holding everything and everyone together. She had given the girls happy childhoods almost by sheer force of will, making sure that they never wanted for anything. Anyone who had ever tried to question their unusual living situation had quickly found themselves faced with the full force of Ava’s personality.
He headed upstairs to his room and instantly recognized the box that sat on his bed. “Emily’s memory box,” he said aloud as he picked it up. Small and made of wood, it was about the size of a shoebox, painted with blue and gold stripes.
They were six years old when Emily’s mother had come up with the idea. “It can be a box to put your special memories in. You should never forget all the things you dream about when you're children.”
Inside the box were pretty shells from days spent on the island’s beaches. A ribbon that had gone around one of Emily’s first attempts at baking a cake, which had won first prize at the island’s annual fair. Over the years, Emily had continued putting things into the box, including a piece of paper that he now carefully unfolded.
It was part of a high school project in which Emily had been tasked with drawing her dream home. A lot of the kids had just put together magazine pictures of the exteriors of houses, but Emily had sat with her mother and Michael to create something that looked more like an architect’s drawing containing all the things she’d wanted. A big kitchen to bake in and all the rooms laid out in an open-plan sort of way so that there was plenty of room for family.
“When I’m older, I want to live in a house just like that,” Emily had declared.
“You will,” Michael had promised her. “Even if I have to build it myself.”
The next weekend, Ellen had died. Her illness had been so sudden. So totally devastating. Now, Michael traced his fingers over the plans, seeing the places where tears had smudged the drawing.
Destroyed by grief, Emily had ripped the drawings up. “What’s the point of making plans when things don’t work out? You do everything right, work hard, try to be a good person, and life still does this!”
She’d thrown the pieces across the room, and after she’d left, it had taken Michael an hour to stick them all back together. He’d put them back in her memory box and given the box to Ava for safekeeping.
Michael had known when he’d worked with Emily to draw up those plans that he wanted to build houses. He loved working with his hands, loved being outdoors...and loved feeling like anything could be put back together with enough patience.
Now, however, it felt so strange staring at the plans on the day he was moving out. The day he was about to start work on the career he’d promised himself.
He hated having to leave the Walkers like this. He’d seen the look of betrayal in Emily’s eyes when he’d announced that he needed to live at his parents’ old place. She probably thought that he was abandoning her the way so many other people had. But Michael had no intention of ever doing that.
He put the house plans back into the memory box. Should he hand this to Emily? But something told him the time wasn't right yet. So he put the box in a duffel bag, collected the last few things from his room, and headed back downstairs.
Emily was the only person waiting for him by the front door. “Where is everyone?”
“They’re all getting ready to help you move in, like it’s some big adventure,” she said, hurt still resonating in her voice.
“I’ll still be around if you need me. I’m not going far.”
Her eyes were such a clear, pure blue as she said, “But you are going.”
Michael nodded. He would go, and he would take the memory box with him. And then, one day, when he was certain that it would make her happy more than it would upset her, he would give it back to her.
Until then, it would be a reminder of exactly why he was leaving, and exactly what he was hoping to come back to.
Love.
He wanted so badly to kiss Emily good-bye, but that was why he was leaving. Because he couldn’t kiss her. Not yet. Not until she stopped looking at him as a foster brother and a friend and started seeing him as something more.
He settled for hugging her instead, breathing her in as he held her close...and wishing he never had to let her go.
“We should go,” Emily said as she stepped back, out of his arms. “Hanna and Morgan were talking about decorating your house with silver sparkles. They’ll probably do it if you don’t keep an eye on them.”
“I will. Thanks for the tip,” Michael said. “Just remember, I’ll be here for everyone. Especially you.”
“I’m fine,” Emily said, drawing herself up. “I’m always fine. I have to be.”
But Michael knew the truth. Emily wasn’t always fine, and right now was
a perfect example. One day soon, however, he hoped he could show her that she wasn’t alone. Because he would always love her and be there for her.
No matter what.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Present day, Walker Island...
First thing the next morning, even though he had a full day’s work waiting for him remodeling the house of a retired businesswoman on the other side of the island, Michael drove down to Cameron’s veterinary office. The waiting room was packed with animals and their owners. A couple of girls had a guinea pig in a cage, several cats were loudly complaining, one large dog was staring at the cats with obvious mistrust, and an elderly man had brought in a tortoise that seemed to be extremely irritated at having its rest interrupted by all the noise.
“Could I get in to see Cameron for a minute?” Michael asked the receptionist. “It won’t take long.”
She gestured to the chaos around her. “Sorry, but I don’t think he’s going to have a moment for at least another hour.”
“I can wait.” He'd just call his client and explain that he was delayed. Even if he lost the job over being late, Emily was more important than any construction project could ever be. “Could you at least tell him that I’m here? My name is Michael Bennet.” When she agreed to do that much, Michael quickly made his call, then settled in for the long wait.
“Timmy’s going to be fine, Mom, isn’t he?” a teenage girl asked her mother as she held a kitten wrapped in a blanket on her lap.
“I’m sure he will, Savannah.”
But the mom didn’t sound as certain as she pretended to be, and Michael could hear the worry in the woman’s voice, not just for the kitten, but for her daughter, too. The worry that if something went wrong, it would hurt her daughter.