by Lucy Kevin
First because of his I love you and then his kisses.
Instead of answering him, she said, “Be good, Gus,” then picked up her small purse and locked up. Gus watched through the sidelights at the front door as the two of them got into Michael’s car and set off.
“You know, to do this right, we should have walked and met halfway,” Emily said. “Just like when we were kids.”
Michael smiled at that. “Maybe next time.”
Next time? Her heart shouldn’t race at the thought of dancing with Michael more than just this one night. After all, they were just friends. So it would be no big deal...
Paige had, some years ago, declared The Warehouse, a club in the middle of town, as the best place on the island to dance. Since she was the expert on these things, it had quickly become the place where all Emily’s sisters went when they wanted to put the skills they’d learned in their grandmother’s studio into practice.
“Great to see you, Michael,” one of the bouncers said once they’d parked and were heading toward the front door.
“Esteban, do you know Emily Walker?”
“My niece says you did a lot to help her make her decision about which college to go to,” Esteban said with a smile. “Do you dance as well as your sisters?”
She shook her head. “I wish.”
He looked like he didn’t believe her, though, as he said, “Go straight through and enjoy yourselves.”
“You know I’m not joking about not being able to dance, right?” Emily said to Michael as they walked inside. “The wedding didn’t count since they were just wanting to take our pictures the whole time.”
“All that matters,” he said as he held out a hand to her, “is that you have fun.”
Emily took his hand, letting him lead her out onto the dance floor. She did her best to remember all the lessons she’d learned from Grams and Paige over the years, tried to listen to the music, let herself feel the beat, and just go with it. But it didn’t work. Even knowing what she ought to be doing didn’t make it any easier to actually do it. Especially not when she was so very aware of how close she and Michael were...and how handsome and big and strong he was.
But Michael clearly refused to let her slink away in defeat. For well over an hour, he made sure they had fun as he twirled and dipped her.
In the end, though he did all he could to keep her from stumbling, her two left feet caught up with her. When he broke out laughing, Emily found herself laughing along with him. Soon, they had to wrap their arms around one another just to hold themselves up. And every time she looked Michael in the eye, Emily just started laughing again.
“This is the most fun I’ve had dancing with anyone,” he said when they finally decided they were too exhausted from their laughter to keep dancing. He led Emily out of the club toward his car so that they could head back to her house.
“Remember how you would never dance in high school?” Michael asked.
“With good reason,” Emily pointed out.
“I would always find you outside when there was dancing, just looking up at the stars.”
“You remember that?”
“Of course I remember.” He put the car in park outside of her house and turned to face her. “I remember all kinds of things about you. Like how you always double knot your shoe laces. And the way you love to look for shapes in the clouds.”
“I can’t believe you’ve noticed all those things.” Even the little things like how she tied her shoes.
“I love you, Emily. That’s why I notice everything about you. I always have, even when we were kids.”
Almost before she knew what she was doing, Emily was out of his car and running up her front walk, trying to leave Michael—and all of her conflicting thoughts and emotions and desires—behind.
“Emily, please. Don’t keep running from me. From us.”
Nearly at her front door, she spun to face him. “You keep saying that you love me. Well, what about Jessica Wokes?”
“Jessica—?”
“You dated her in high school. Not to mention Sandi, and Heather, and”—she made a little growling sound—“I can’t remember all of their names. So maybe we should just call them the parade of women you’ve dated over the years.”
“Parade of women?” Michael said, his eyebrows rising in obvious puzzlement. “What do they have to do with anything?”
“If you’ve really loved me forever, the way you keep claiming, then what were you doing with them? The way I see it, either you’re lying now, or you were lying whenever you told one of them how much you cared about her. In any case I can’t trust you now.”
“But that…” Michael shook his head. “All of those relationships are long gone. They don’t matter now.”
“But they do. How many of those women do you still speak to?”
“Actually, I ran into Heather just the other day.”
“Not how many of them do you say hi to if you pass them in the street,” Emily insisted. “How many of them do you still speak to? How many of them are you close to? Everyone knows how badly all your relationships have ended in the last few years. You date a woman, and then it’s like you barely even know her afterward. You’ll say hi, but you go out of your way to avoid her. Is that what you want to do to us?”
“Emily, how could you possibly think that it would be like that for us?”
“Because that’s how it happens for you. Can’t you see it?” Everything she’d been trying to keep stuffed down deep inside was bubbling up more and more, higher and higher. “You’re my closest friend. You’re closer to me than my sisters. And you want to spoil that by starting us off on a path that has consistently led to you never speaking to the women you’ve been involved with. I don’t want that, Michael. All I want…” She could feel tears about to come. “All I want is for you to please, please, let us go back to how we were before. Before tonight. Before the kisses. Before the wedding.”
Michael stood there for several long seconds in which she couldn’t read his expression, couldn’t even guess at what he was feeling. Finally, he said, “Ask me for anything else, and I’ll give it you. But I can’t promise not to love you.”
His mouth was on hers before she could breathe or blink or do anything but kiss him back. And then, just as quickly, he was saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And she was left standing on her front porch, wishing for all the things she knew she couldn’t have.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Emily was an early riser. So was Michael, which meant that he had always been in the kitchen on his second cup of coffee by the time she’d come down to make breakfast for everyone.
Today, however, the kitchen was empty.
When Gus whined, she stroked her hand over his head. “I’m sorry Michael isn’t here to play with you again like he did yesterday.”
And she truly was sorry about Michael’s absence. Because even though things had ended on such a strange note last night, that didn’t mean she didn’t want him here with her. Didn’t he understand that their normal routine, the friendship they’d had forever, was exactly what she was trying to preserve? They might have had plenty of disagreements before, but none of those had ever stopped him from coming over for a meal.
She got out the doggy treats, and as she fed Gus one, she couldn’t stop remembering every moment of the night before with Michael. The way she’d repeatedly stepped on his toes. How they’d laughed so hard that they’d clung to each other.
And then, how sweet and perfect his mouth had been on hers right after he’d told her that he couldn’t—that he wouldn’t—stop loving her.
“I could call him,” Emily said to Gus, who barked in what seemed to be agreement, although she knew he was probably just responding to the tone of her voice.
Then again, she thought as she picked up her phone, after the way last night ended, phoning Michael might make it seem like she’d changed her mind about them turning their friendship into something more. But
she couldn’t give in to that longing. She simply couldn’t, no matter how much she wanted to. So she made herself put the phone down.
“Come on, Gus,” Emily said after she took a spoonful of yogurt that she had no appetite for, then put the carton back into the fridge. “We have a garden tour to conduct.”
When Gus whined slightly again, lifting a paw, she promised him, “Everything’s going to be okay.” The problem was, at this point, she wasn’t completely sure that was true anymore. “Maybe he’s already up at the garden. Now, come on. I bet you can find plenty of things up there to chase.”
That was enough to get the dog moving out of the house and into the passenger seat of her car. As soon as they got to the garden and she opened the door, Gus leaped out of the car, and she had to rush to keep up with him. But where was Michael? There was still no sign of him.
A short while later, a few cars pulled up next to hers in the parking lot, but Michael’s truck was not among them.
Emily clipped a leash to Gus’ collar. “Right now we’ve got guests who want a tour. I’m sure Michael will show up soon enough. After all, he told us we’d see him today, and he always keeps his promises.”
Even as she said it, his promises from up on the hill at the wedding came back to her in a rush: No matter what I have to do, or how long it takes, I promise that I’m going to prove to you that I love you. And I’m also going to prove that you feel the same way about me.
She felt flustered as she stepped in front of the group of tourists. “Hello, I’m Emily Walker, and this is Gus.”
She went through the tour on autopilot. On the previous tours she’d given, it had been enjoyable, even exciting, to teach people a little about her family’s history on the island. Now, Emily found herself reliving each of Michael’s kisses and every intense look he’d given her as she told the group, “Walker Island has a unique microclimate that means we hardly ever suffer the kind of storms they get on the mainland, so berries that wouldn’t thrive around Seattle can thrive here.”
Just the way she’d always thrived around Michael. He’d always supported her, always made her smile, always helped her with her family any way he could.
An hour later, she said, “If there are no more questions, that will conclude our tour for today. I hope you all enjoyed it and that we get a chance to see you here on Walker Island again soon.”
Once everyone left, she checked her phone to see if there were any messages. Her heart fell when there were no texts or voice mails. On the way home, she stopped for groceries, but as soon as she got to the store, she realized she needed only a quart of milk and some orange juice. After all, it looked like the only person she was going to be feeding today was herself. And she didn’t have much of an appetite.
When she got home and there was no sign of his truck in the driveway, she tried to shrug it off by getting out the vacuum. Cleaning always managed to distract her whenever she was worried about something.
Gus seemed to be determined to help Emily clean. He danced around the vacuum cleaner, barking, and then stole a feather duster and ran upstairs with it so that she had to chase after him to get it back. By then it was covered in enough doggy slobber to be basically unusable.
But despite all the vacuuming and Windexing and polishing, Emily couldn’t shake the feeling that Michael ought to be here. Normally, by now, he would have come around asking what she was making for dinner. If Grams and her sisters had been around, they’d have been making a fuss over him the way they always did. Because they all adored him.
How could they not all adore him when he was such an amazing man?
Gus rubbed up against her legs just as her phone buzzed to indicate a text message from Michael: Emergency at the Connor place.
Emily’s heart all but stopped as she re-read the words, then immediately texted back: Are you okay?
But there was no response, not even when she sent the message a second time.
A lot of things could potentially go wrong on a building site—one slip could get someone crushed, or electrocuted, or worse. Was Michael trapped somewhere, unable to get out, waiting for help?
“Come on, Gus,” Emily said, her heart pounding hard with fear. “We’ve got to find Michael.”
Please, don’t let him be hurt, she thought silently, over and over again. Especially after everything she’d said to him the night before.
What if…what if she didn’t get a chance to say anything more to him?
What if the last thing she said to him turned out to be how she wished he hadn’t said he loved her?
Why had she been so stubborn, not just about calling him this morning, but about everything?
She broke the speed limit for her trip across the island. Walker Island wasn’t particularly big, but today it felt enormous as the minutes ticked by and she didn’t know whether Michael was okay or not. At least she knew where to find the Connor place, a ramshackle old building that had probably gone up around the same time as her own home, but without the same care put in over the years.
She finally pulled up outside, and when she saw the collapsed scaffolding along one side of the building, every cell in her body tightened with fear. Was Michael under there somewhere?
But just as she was racing from the car toward the building with Gus on her heels, Michael emerged from the house. He was covered in dust and dirt, but he looked okay.
Thank God.
Because how could she have gone on without him in her life?
“Emily?” He reached for her, and she swore his hands were the only things keeping her upright as she worked to get her bearings—and to get her heart beating normally again. “What are you doing all the way out here?”
“I got your message. Are you all right? You’re not hurt, are you?”
“I’m fine. Why did you think—” His eyes widened with horror. “Oh God, my text. I meant that it was a building emergency. One of the old walls gave way and took some of the scaffolding with it. I’m going to be stuck here until late, trying to sort it out, that’s all.” He stroked over her cheek with one hand, very gently, as if he was afraid she might shatter. “You really thought I might be hurt?”
She stared at him, into his dark eyes. His beautiful eyes. “I did, and I couldn’t stand the thought that what I said to you last night might be the last...”
The words got clogged in her throat, and he drew her closer. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” He’d never called her that before, but just then, the word sweetheart felt like a balm to her nearly shattered soul. “Everything’s okay.”
But it wasn’t, and she knew she had to tell him, “I shouldn’t have blown up at you last night after we went dancing. I overreacted. I keep overreacting. I was so flustered by everything, and—”
Mrs. Connor walked out just then, not only saving Emily from everything she didn’t know how to put into words, but also from having to acknowledge everything she didn’t know how to stop feeling.
“Emily Walker? Is that you?”
The last thing Emily wanted was to leave Michael’s arms, but if she didn’t want there to be gossip about her and Michael spread across the island by tomorrow morning, she needed to force herself to step out of them.
“It’s nice to see you again, Mrs. Connor.”
They caught up for a few minutes, talking about the wedding and Mrs. Connor’s two granddaughters, also Emily’s students at the high school, and how they were both glad that everyone on Michael’s construction crew was okay.
When the woman finally went back inside, Emily said to Michael, “You have a lot of work to do. I should get going.” Even though leaving him was the very last thing she wanted to do.
“I’m sorry I can’t come over tonight. But I should have everything cleaned up by tomorrow night if you’re free.”
She couldn’t keep her heart from leaping in her chest, or her pulse from racing, at the thought of another night alone with him. “Tomorrow night would be great.”
When he moved closer t
o press his lips against hers, she was still so relieved that he hadn’t been hurt in the scaffolding accident, that she told herself it was okay to let herself drink in the sweet feel of his mouth and the wonderful heat of his body.
Just this once.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The following evening, Michael came through the kitchen door with a bottle of wine in one hand and a box of doggy treats in the other. “Hi.”
She felt shy as she smiled and said, “Hi,” back. “How is work going at the Connor place?”
“Good, although if she’d called me in before the job was halfway done, I could have prevented the wall from collapsing, and it would have saved her a lot of time and money. In any case, I’d much rather be here with you than up at the work site listening to the crew swap war stories.” He took the corkscrew out of the drawer and quickly opened the bottle of wine. “I hope this is still your favorite winery.”
Her heart was still pounding just a little too hard simply from being alone with him as she nodded and said, “It is.” No one else had ever known her so well, from her favorite wine to the way she teared up every year during the graduation ceremonies. “Thank you.”
She’d let him kiss her at his job site yesterday and had justified it by telling herself that it was just from the sheer relief of knowing he was okay. But she didn’t have any of those justifications tonight.
No justifications at all. Only a need, a desire, that had been growing moment to moment. Growing big enough that she wasn’t sure how she was going to keep fighting it.
Or if she even wanted to anymore.
Emily had never been nervous around Michael. Not until this week when everything had started to change. And it wasn’t nerves exactly that were running through her, she realized. No, it was something much closer to anticipation.
Still, whatever word she put on it, she couldn’t stay still—and couldn’t keep her mouth shut, either. “I got an email from Dad with a couple of cool photographs of everyone in Portofino. I also got a text from Hanna, who said that Grams is handling the documentary promotion like a pro. I haven’t heard from Morgan, but—”