by D. A. Roach
Chapter 8
The sound of dishes clanging against the stainless steel sink and cabinet doors slamming were my alarm clock that morning. Thanksgiving. We expected around twenty-five people to descend upon our house with heavy appetites in a few hours. I rolled off the bed, pulled my hair up and walked into the kitchen. Mom already had 3 casseroles laid out and ready to bake. The turkey was sizzling in the roaster, and she looked panicked. “Need any help?” I offered.
I was put on dishes and silverware duty. Once that was finished I was in charge of making three hors d'oeuvres and setting out the drinks. I then excused myself to clean up before the guests arrived. Each couple brought an additional dish, so in the end we had enough for everyone and leftovers too. I noticed my parents were having their fair share of alcohol and I knew to keep away from them. My mom would go off on angry tangents about any topic she could think of when inebriated and my dad, well...you never knew what you would get when he hit the bottle. Sometimes he was overly-loving and other times he was angry and aggressive.
I stayed in the basement visiting and playing pool with my cousins. Out of sight, out of mind. After a couple of hours, I figured the party was probably ready to disperse so I grabbed the dirty plates and brought them up to wash.
“Perry, come here. Your aunt wants to know how you like college.” my mom said.
“It's great! Took awhile to get settled but I feel real comfortable there.”
“Are the classes hard? Do you like your roommate?” my aunt asked.
“Yes, they are very challenging and a lot of work. And I barely see my roommate, but she is nice.” I answered.
“We told Perry that if her grades are not outstanding after the first year that we would be pulling her out and sending her to a junior college.” I cringed when I heard her say this. She had told me this in private but to hear it told to another person made it feel more real.
“That doesn't sound very fair. Why would you do that?” My aunt asked.
“BECAUSE” her voice had escalated and she noticed the shocked look on my aunt's face. She took a breath and finished,” if her grades are not up to par, it means my dear Perry has been lying to us about how hard she studies and has probably been partying away at that school.” she seethed.
“Maybe it would just mean that I needed to try a different field. It's really hard and I AM working really hard but it's hard to get good grades in a sea of smart people.” I explained. I stormed off into the kitchen, feeling so frustrated that she didn't believe I was working hard. I couldn't believe that she thought my grades were 100% related to whether or not I partied. I knew many kids that were flunking and got carried away with partying; I was not one of them. I had never been big on parties, and college didn't change that.
“What was that?!” I heard every consonant and vowel over-pronounced to let me know she was beyond mad at me.
I turned around to address her and the next thing I knew, was the pain of her palm slapping my face. “Don't you dare talk back to me!” she hissed. “Ever!”
I was so embarrassed that I ran off to the makeshift bedroom they had set up in the office for me. I slid down next to the bed and hid my face in my arms so the tears could flow in private. I didn't even want this stupid major. I had just agreed to it because they were so passionate about it that I thought if I succeeded at it, they would love me a little more. Brag about me once in awhile instead of complaining about me. Could I survive the year and get the grades I needed to stay at school? School had become an even greater freedom than driving, I needed it. I was away from home. No one told me what to do. If they would take that away I would suffocate. Before I realized what was happening, I felt a twinge of pain and the tension draining away with the warmth trickling down my leg. I had cut myself. It was the only way I had found to deal with the pain I felt in my body. I did not cut for attention, in fact I did my very best to hide my scars. I hoped no one would see my new cut. I tried to cut near my knee so I could easily blame it on a clumsy fall. I was ashamed of my scars; they marked all the sorrow I endured throughout the years. I would probably need therapy later in life so I could find other ways to deal with pain. I bet the doctor would commit me, I mean, who does this? Who hurts themselves to feel better? I cleaned up my leg and closed my pocket knife.
No one came to check on me. No one cared. After many minutes, I heard people beginning to leave. I decided to stay in the room and read my biology chapters. At 6PM my mom barged through the door “Are you done having your temper tantrum?” She was no longer drunk, she was just mean. I nodded my head. “Are we going shopping in the morning?” she asked. Time alone with her sounded terrible, but maybe it would fulfill my visiting obligation and then I would be free in the evening to make my own plans. “OK. But only till 11A. I have plans in the evening.” I told her. She agreed and told me she had plans with my dad in the evening.
“Are you done being such a bitch?” my dad asked. He apparently had not sobered up yet. He was very kind to me when he was sober. But any alcohol would turn him into a duplicate of my mom. I chose not to answer him. I knew I needed to get out of my room and act as though nothing had happened. It was the only way to stop the barrage of insults.
I helped clean up the dishes and put the house back in order and then I retreated to my room and powered up the computer. I wanted to see if Jen was having a better break than me. It didn't matter if she was; I was just hoping to hear from her.
She did not disappoint. Jen emailed.
Hey Perry!
How's tricks? I hope you left your books at school so you can enjoy these days off! I miss you tons and can't wait to get back to school to see you! I have decided we need to find you a man.
Edward told me he was going to “talk” to his girlfriend over break and possibly end things with her!!! I am anxious to see him as well.
Love and Gobbles!
Jen
She was a riot. And how the heck did she wrap Edward around her finger in such a short time and get him to break up with his girlfriend? I couldn't even land a guy that was not involved with someone, and when I DID manage the impossible task of landing one, I would sabotage it and find a million flaws in that person. I needed professional help. Jen was as close as I could get to a love shrink with the limited resources I possessed at college (no car, no money). I responded back to her.
Jen,
You are a cunning fox. I cannot believe you landed Edward. I'm beginning to think the “I was shy in high school” line was just made up. You were probably the town slut ;> Next time some of your high school friends come to visit you at college, I require 5 minutes with each of them to find out what you were truly like.
I would love the help you are offering. I am beginning to think a nunnery is in my future and that is not what I want. I want to fall in love and have someone to be in love with me. But who will be our first target?
Hope you didn't eat too much turkey Miss Gobbles. I'll be back Sunday afternoon.
Till then,
Perry
I sent it and got ready for bed.
Chapter 9
Black Friday shopping with my mom was tolerable. One of us stood in line while the other one shopped. Then we would tag off and the other would shop. By the time we reached the registers we were finished with that store. It also allowed for minimal interaction with each other. On the way home, my mom asked “What are you doing tonight? You mentioned you had plans.”
“Yeah, a few of my friends from high school are going bowling and invited me. I won't be out late.” I replied.
“Who is driving? It better not be you.” She said firmly.
“We haven't worked out the details. But why can't I be the one to drive? I need to make sure I don't forget how to drive while I am away at college. Besides, of all the friends going, I have the best driving record. I am pretty sure all of them have been in serious wrecks already.” I did not understand why she trusted my life with these horrible drivers. Did she really care more abou
t her old car then her own daughter?
“I don't care. I don't want you driving tonight and that's it. If no one can drive you, just stay home.” I was boiling mad. I wanted and needed to drive. I needed to get my freedom. Why did she have to control me all the time? I knew I could not persuade her so I looked out the window and pouted. Sunday could not come fast enough.
At 5PM, my friend picked me up and we met up with several others for a fun night of bowling and pizza. Most of my friends here tonight were not super close friends of mine, they were classmates and acquaintances. Most of them attended junior college instead of a university so they were dying to know what university life was like. I was careful to not brag about it but I told them about the freedoms living on campus brought. They also asked if I found a boyfriend there. I hated answering this. I told them I had a few hit and misses.
We hugged and said our goodbyes. It was nice seeing them but it was like looking through a chapter you have read before. Nothing new and exciting. I couldn't wait to get back to campus. That was my new chapter – unwritten with thousands of possibilities before me.
The last day of break was spent decorating the house for Christmas, reading more Biology, and a heart to heart with my dad.
“So, have you been to many parties?”
Hmm, was this a loaded question?
“No, I average one party per month. I am too busy studying, not leaving me a lot of extra time.” I answered. I wondered if he believed me, I'm pretty sure my mom didn't.
“Anyone pressure you to drink?” he asked.
“No, I mean people offer but I usually say 'no'”. This was true. I watched too many people indulge in alcohol and have negative effects. I did not want that and decided to steer clear of the stuff.
“Well, be sure you NEVER take an open drink from anyone. It may be drugged. And it's OK to grab a beer and take a little sip here and there so you blend in with everyone.”
Fatherly advice.
“And one more thing. Just remember that if a guy kisses you, it usually means he wants more – so don't pass kisses out to just anyone.” Okay, not wanting to go down that road with him.
“Thanks Pops. Love you.” and I kissed him on his head before retreating to my room.
Chuck picked me up after breakfast the next morning. “How was break?” he asked.
“Good food, but too long. Glad to be heading back. How about you?”
“Glad it's over, and glad to head back to campus.” he said. I wondered if everyone in college felt this way. Were we so used to our independence on campus that heading home was tolerated at best? I would have to find out from my gang if they felt the same as Chuck and me. One hundred and eighty seven miles of road before us, putting us back on campus before dinner.
The trip went fast. I was lost in my thoughts most of the way there. The Midwestern landscape flying past our window as some alternative rock band played the soundtrack to our ride. The closer we got to campus, the more free I felt inside. I couldn't wait to get back to my room and my friends. I enjoyed college life and the independence it brought. I needed to kick some major tail on my grades before the semester wrapped up to ensure I would stay here. I had averaged A's and B's in everything but I hovered over the B/C line in Chemistry. I needed the B. The department heads needed amazing grades by junior year and only took the top 15% of the applying class into the junior level classes in my field. I am not sure of how many other majors were this challenging to complete, but my field was pretty competitive. I wasn't dying to go into the medical field, I just was trying to do my best and make my parents happy. But what if I failed? Would my parents stand by their word and pull me out of the university and put me in a junior college? Trapped under their roof and watchful eyes? Could I just switch majors and stay here? Would I get the grades needed to get in? Too many questions. It felt like standing on shaky ground. I needed to put in 110% from here on out. I could feel my eye start to twitch just thinking of the workload I would have to endure to attempt getting the grades I needed. I could start after dinner and just indulge in a few hours of visiting with my friends before then.
Chapter 10
I climbed to the top of the stairs and heard the loud music coming from Jen's room. She was dancing about and unpacking.
“Hey Jen! How long have you been back?” I asked.
She turned and had a huge grin on her face, “Hey, hey my little lady! Welcome back. Glad to see you survived.”
“Barely. Good to be back though. Is Tara back yet?” I asked. I didn't really care much for her roommate, she seemed nice but she was always busy with her boyfriend.
“She is, and she's with you-know-who” she said.
Right, boyfriend. They were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school and they came to college as a couple. I had heard that many couples from high school did not last long once they were in college. Maybe it was because the two little fish were now in a tank full of 30,000 other options. Better options.
“When are you going to dinner?” I asked.
“I don't know, Edward called me and said he wanted to eat with me. I am not sure if he wants to eat in the dining hall or a local restaurant. I presume he wants to talk to me about his girlfriend situation.” she said.
“Ooo, what do you think happened between them? Did he sound upset or OK on the phone?” I was disappointed she would not be my dinner buddy tonight but I also understood she needed details.
“Not sure. He seemed OK, but he also sounded like he had some stuff to talk about with me. It could go either way, though I am hoping the ball lands in my court.” she smiled.
“Better doll-up and look cute so he can't resist you.” I advised. “Good luck, sweetie!”
“Thanks and welcome back!” she replied.
I headed into my room, put on the CD player and laid in the beanbags under the loft. I needed to breathe: just stop and breathe. Going back home made me appreciate campus life. Gabby wasn't back yet. After a few more songs I grabbed my bags and unpacked. Going home meant dirty clothes magically became clean clothes. It was nice to have a full closet again. One I was unpacked, I headed downstairs to check my mailbox.
I trotted down the stairs and went by the radio station on the way to the mail center. I heard a band that I knew and was curious who was DJing. I peeked in and found Jared and Greg. Jared was on the dingy couch completely focused on the textbook in his lap. He wore jeans that were tattered, Chuck Taylors, and a black concert t-shirt. He looked amazing. Greg was sporting his basketball shorts and a tee, looking like he went straight from the court to the DJ booth. Greg spotted me and said, “Perry, hey kid, how was break?”
Jared peeked up and smiled a crooked smile at me as if to say hi.
“It sucked. I'm glad to be back. How 'bout yours?” I asked.
“Awesome: got to sleep in, home cooked meals, Mom spoiled me. What more could I ask for?” I was jealous of how much he enjoyed his home.
“Cool, well, I gotta' go. See ya'” I said and quickly fled before the conversation got much deeper. I still felt the butterflies flying about my belly, especially when Jared looked up at me. I wasn't over him. I needed to distance myself still. Darn it. I only have three weeks before break. I need to steer clear till then. Surely the three weeks plus two of break would get me over him.
I dialed the combo to my mailbox as fast as ever, and retrieved the contents. Nothing exciting, just a magazine and a letter.
I exited the common area and headed for the girls' wing. When I reached the top of the stairs Mags was exiting her room with Lauren.
“Hey girls! I was just coming to see if you were going to dinner soon?” I said.
“Heck yeah, we were headed down to meet Ian and Tim. Wanna' join us?” Mags asked.
“I don't want to make you late, but yeah. I could come look for you in a few minutes.”
“Nah” Mags said. “Ian and Tim can wait a few minutes.”
I threw my mail on my desk and grabbed my dining card. We headed down and fo
und Ian and Tim patiently waiting on Mags and her crew. Dinner was comfortable. Even though I missed having Jen's charisma at the table, we all had enough laughs and good stories to entertain throughout the meal. When I was leaving I noticed Tim whisper something to Mags and she smiled and nodded. I wondered what he said.
“See ya' later, I need to hit the books.” I announced and they all said farewell to me.
I would have to remember to knock on Mags' door to hear what Tim had on his mind.