“How’s Liz?” he asks. “Good, I hope.”
“You know us. Slow and steady.”
“Are you still selling, what, restaurant stuff?”
“Why do you have to be that way, showing up late and everything?”
“Did she tell you to say that?”
I check to make sure Tracy and the kids are still in the store before continuing.
“She was raped, man, and you’re coming at her with lawyers? Have a little compassion. Act like a human being.”
“I said, did she tell you to talk to me?”
“I’m her brother. I took it upon myself.”
I meant to approach this a bit more obliquely. Three years ago, two, I’d have had him eating from my hand, but these days I feel like all the juice has been drained out of me. We stare at each other for a second, then look away at the same time.
“She was wasted,” he says. “Ask her. She was coming out of a bar. She barely remembers. Read the police report. There are doubts.”
My vision flickers and blurs. I feel like I’ve been poisoned. Kendra runs out of the store toward us, followed by Cassie. I push myself away from the car and search the ground for something — a stick, a rock. The pigeons make horrible fluttering noises in their throats.
“Hi, Daddy,” the girls sing. They climb into Tony’s car. Tracy watches from the store, half in and half out. I wish I was a gun. I wish I was a bullet. The girls wave bye-bye as Tony drives off.
“Can you believe that a-hole has a Volvo, and I’m driving this piece of shit?” Tracy says.
“He shouldn’t smoke in front of the kids,” I reply.
We pass an accident on the way back to her place, just a fender bender, but still my thoughts go to our parents. When they died I was almost to the point where I could see them as people. With a little more time I might even have started loving them again. What did they stand for? What secrets did they take with them? It was the first great loss of my life.
TRACY WANTS TO treat us to lunch in Tijuana. We’ll ride the trolley down and walk over the border to a steak house that was written up in the newspaper. That’s fine with me. Let’s keep moving. What Tony said about her is trying to take root, and I won’t have it. She’s my sister, see, and what she says goes. I don’t want to be one of those people who need to get to the bottom of things.
We drive to the station. The crowd that boards the trolley with us is made up primarily of tourists, but there are also a few Mexicans headed for Sunday visits. They carry shopping bags, and their children sit quietly beside them. Tracy and Liz find two seats together. I’m at the far end of the car, in the middle of a French family.
We skirt the harbor, rocking past gray destroyers big as buildings. Then the tracks turn inland, and it’s the back side of trailer parks and self-storage places. The faded pennants corralling a used car lot flap maniacally, and there’s always a McDonald’s lurking on the horizon. Liz and Tracy are talking to each other — something light, if their smiles are any indication. I wave, trying to get their attention, but it’s no use.
The young son in the French family decides to sing. He’s wearing a Disneyland T-shirt. The song is in French, but there are little fart sounds in it that make his sister laugh. His mom says something snippy to him, but he ignores her. Dad steps in, giving the kid a shot with his elbow that jolts him into silence. There’s a faded tattoo on Dad’s forearm. Whatever it is has teeth, that’s about all I can make out.
TO CROSS INTO Mexico, we walk over the freeway on a bridge and pass through a turnstile. I did this once before, in high school, me and a couple of buddies. If you were tall enough to see over the bar, you could get a drink. That was the joke. I remember a stripper in a gorilla suit. Tacos were a quarter. The only problem was that the cops were always shaking someone down. The system is rotten here. You have to watch where you’re going.
Tracy’s got things wired, though. Apparently she’s down here all the time. It’s fun, she says. She leads us to a taxi, and we head into town, passing ramshackle body shops and upholstery shops and something dead squished flat. Dirt roads scurry off into the hills, where entire neighborhoods are built out of old garage doors and corrugated tin. The smell of burning rubber sneaks in now and then and tickles the back of my throat.
Calle Revolución is still the main drag, a disco on every corner. It looks tired during the day, like Bourbon Street or downtown Vegas. Hungover, sad, and a little embarrassed. It’s a town that needs neon. We step out of the cab, and Tracy laughs with the driver as she pays him off. I didn’t know she spoke Spanish.
I want a drink. The place we go into is painted bright green. Coco Loco. They sell bumper stickers and T-shirts. We get a table on the second-floor terrace, overlooking the street. Music is blasting inside, and lights flash, but the dance floor is empty except for a hippie chick deep into her own thing. The waiter is all over us as soon as we sit down.
I order tequila and a beer; Tracy and Liz get margaritas. Some poor guy in a ridiculous sombrero cha-chas around with a bottle of mescal in one hand and a bottle of Sprite in the other. For a couple of bucks he pours a little of each into your mouth and shakes your head, all the while blowing on a whistle. The sound of it makes my stomach jump. I’m startled every time. When my tequila arrives, I drink it down and guzzle half the beer.
“You guys wait here,” Tracy says. “I have to run an errand.”
“In Tijuana?”
“Tylenol with codeine, for a friend who hurt her leg. They sell it in the pharmacies.”
“Wait a minute, Trace —”
“It’s cool. I’ll be right back.”
She’s gone before I can figure out how to stop her.
Everybody around us is a little shady. It hits me all of a sudden. Not quite criminal, but open to suggestion. A man wearing mirrored sunglasses and smoking a cigar gets up from his chair and leans over the railing to signal someone in the street. His partner is having his shoes shined by a kid with the crookedest teeth I’ve ever seen. The sombrero guy blows his whistle again, and a big black raven lights on the roof and cocks his head to stare down at us.
LIZ INSISTS THAT Tony is full of shit when I tell her what he said in the parking lot. I lean in close and speak quietly so no one else can hear. She says that men always cast aspersions on rape victims, even the cops. “You should know better,” she says.
“I didn’t mean anything like that.”
“I hope not.”
“She can do Whatever the fuck she wants. Get her head chopped off, Whatever.”
“That’s nice. That’s just lovely.”
It’s the alcohol. It makes me pissy sometimes. Liz doesn’t know the worst of it. Like the time I went out for a few with one of my bosses and ended up on top of him with my hands around his throat. He didn’t press charges, but he also wasn’t going to be signing any more checks for me. To Liz it was just another layoff. Quite a few of my messes have been of my own making. I’m man enough to admit it.
The bathroom is nasty, and there is nothing to dry my hands with. My anger at Tracy rises. She’s been gone almost an hour. “Hey,” I yell to a busboy from the bathroom door. “You need towels in here.” He brings me some napkins. I have to walk across the dance floor to get back to the terrace. A kid bumps me and gives me his whole life like a disease. I see it all from beginning to end. “Fly, fly, flyyyyy,” the music yowls. “Fly, fly, flyyyyyy.”
THEY STILL HAVE those donkeys painted like zebras down on the street, hitched to little wagons. I remember them from last time. You climb up on the seat, and they put a sombrero on your head that says KISS ME or CISCO and take a picture with some kind of ancient camera. Liz and I hug. We look like honeymooners in the photo, or cheaters.
There are those kids, too, the ones selling Chiclets and silver rings that turn your fingers green. Or sometimes they aren’t selling anything. They just hold out their hands. Barefoot and dirty — babies, really. So many that after a while you don’t see them anymore, but
they’re still there, like the saddest thing that ever happened to you.
Liz and I stand on the sidewalk in front of the bar, waiting. The power lines overhead, tangled and frayed, slice the sky into wild shapes. Boys cruise past in fancy cars, the songs on their stereos speaking for them. The barker for the strip club next door invites us in for a happy hour special, two for one. It’s all a little too loud, a little too sharp. I’m about to suggest we have another drink when Tracy floats up to us like a ghost.
“You know, Trace, fuck,” I say.
“What a hassle. Sorry.”
A hot wind scours the street, flinging dust into our eyes.
THE RESTAURANT IS on a side street, a couple blocks away. We don’t say anything during the short walk. Men in cowboy hats cook steaks on an iron grill out front, and we pass through a cloud of greasy smoke to join the other gringos inside. It’s that kind of place. I order the special, a sirloin stuffed with guacamole.
Tracy pretends to be interested in what Liz is saying, something about Cassie and Kendra, but her restless fingers and darting eyes give her away. When she turns to call for another bottle of water, Liz shoots me a quizzical look. I shake my head and drink my beer. The booze has deadened my taste buds so that I can’t enjoy my steak. Tracy cuts into hers but doesn’t eat a bite. The waiter asks if anything is wrong.
We go back to Revolución to get a cab. The sidewalks are crazy, tilting this way and that and sometimes disappearing completely. You step off the curb, and suddenly it’s three feet down to the pavement. Tracy begins to cry. She doesn’t hide it. She walks in and out of the purple afternoon shadows of the buildings, dragging on a cigarette, tears shining.
“Must be one of those days,” she says when I ask what’s wrong.
We leave it at that.
She cleans herself up in the cab, staring into a little round mirror, before we join the long line of people waiting to pass through customs. We stand shoulder to shoulder with strangers, and the fluorescent lights make everyone look guilty of something. There are no secrets in this room. Every word echoes, and I can smell the sweat of the guy in front of me. Four or five officers are checking IDs. They ask people how long they’ve been down and what they’ve brought back with them. When it’s my turn, a fat blond woman glances down at my license, matches my face to the picture, and waves me through. We’re all waved right through.
Tracy’s mood brightens immediately. In fact, she laughs and laughs as we leave the building and board the trolley. Everything’s funny to her, everything’s great. The train is less crowded this time. We each get our own row of seats. Just some marines at the other end of the car, talking about whores. “Oh, this little bitch, she went to town,” one of them groans.
Tracy reaches into her purse and takes out a bottle of pills, opens it and pops one into her mouth. She smiles when she catches me watching her.
The trolley clicks and clacks like it’s made of bones. I stretch out, put my feet up. The reflection of my face is wrapped around a stainless steel pole dulled by a day’s worth of fingerprints. Tracy dozes off, head lolling. Liz, too. I watch the sun set through rattling windows, and all the red that comes with it.
The trolley lurches, and Tracy’s purse tips over. It’s one of those big bags you carry over your shoulder. A half-dozen bottles of pills spill out and roll noisily across the floor. I chase them down, mortified. Tracy opens one eye. I spread the bag wide. It’s full of pills, maybe twenty bottles, all with Spanish labels.
“You’ve got kids,” I whisper. “Beautiful kids.”
“That’s right.” She grabs the bag away from me and hugs it to her chest.
“Tracy.”
“Look, I didn’t ask you to show up; I just didn’t say no.”
“I wanted to help.”
“I fully realize that.”
I try to talk to her some more, but she pretends to be asleep. Nothing I say means anything anyway, because she thinks I’ve had it easy. Liz is suddenly beside me. She takes my hand in both of hers. The jarheads are rapping. Bitch. Skeez. Muthafucka. I could kill them. I could.
WE CAN SEE the fire from the freeway. The entire hillside is ablaze. Tracy’s condo is up there somewhere. Flames claw at the night sky, and smoke blots out the stars. I don’t even know how you’d begin to fight a thing like that. Maybe that’s what the helicopters are for. They circle and dip, lights flashing.
Tracy is still asleep. She could barely walk from the trolley to the car but wouldn’t let us touch her. “Stop laughing,” she yelled, so messed up she was imagining things. She’s curled up on the backseat now, her arms protecting her head. We decide not to wake her until we’re sure of something.
The police at the roadblock can’t tell us much. The wind picked up, and everything went to shit. The gymnasium of a nearby high school has been pressed into service as a shelter. We are to go there and wait for more information. A fire truck arrives, and they pull aside the barricades to let it through.
“How bad are we looking?” I ask a cop.
He ignores me.
I back the car up and turn around, and Liz guides me to the school. We pass a carnival on the way, in the parking lot of a church. A Ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, a few games. People wander from ride to ride, booth to booth, swiping at the ash that tickles their noses. A beer sign sputters in the window of a pizza parlor. A kid in a white shirt and black vest sweeps the sidewalk in front of the multiplex. His friend makes him laugh. A mile away everything is burning.
My stomach is cramped by the time we get to the school. I can see into the gym from where I park. Cots are lined up beneath posters shouting GO TIGERS!!! Two women sit at a table near the door, signing people in, and farther away, in the shadows by the drinking fountains, a group of men stand and smoke. That’s about it. Most people have somewhere better to go. Tony must have told Kendra about angels. What a thing to put into a kid’s mind.
A news crew is interviewing a girl who just arrived. She’s carrying a knapsack and a cardboard box full of china. They shine a light in her face and ask about what she lost and where she’ll go. She says something about her cat. She had to leave it behind.
I close my eyes and bring my fists to my temples. I have to be at work early for a meeting. I can see Big Mike sliding out of his Caddy, squeezing his gut past the steering wheel. He’s my mentor, he likes to say. He’s been married four times. He gets winded walking to the john. There’s nothing lucky about him.
“I want a baby,” I say. The words just get away from me.
“Jack,” Liz says. I’m afraid to open my eyes to look at her. Tracy giggles in the backseat, and we both turn. She reaches up to scratch her face and grins in her sleep.
Bank of America
AFTER WE TAKE CONTROL OF A BANK AND SUBDUE THE security guard, it’s my job to watch the customers while Moriarty slides over the counter and empties the tills. I’m not sure why this task fell to me. Even after all this time, I’m not the most convincing bad guy. I’ve worked on my posture and stuff in the mirror, practiced evil glares and unnerving twitches, but I still worry that someone is going to see through me.
The gun I carry helps. A big, ugly, silver thing, it’s fairly undeniable. I’m careful not to abuse the upper hand it gives me, though. You see psychos playing those games in movies, and you’re always glad when they get theirs. And I’ve been on the other end of it, too, shortly after I moved to L.A. I know what it feels like. As I left a liquor store one night, a couple of peewees rushed me and flashed a piece. My wallet practically flew out of my pocket and into their hands. It took me weeks to stop shaking. I vomited right there on the sidewalk. I keep that in mind when we’re doing our thing. No need to push it.
IT’S A SPECIAL day. We’re gathered in the cramped little office that Moriarty peddles cut-rate car insurance out of to review his plans for our final job. Moriarty, because he’s the mastermind of our crew. Under his direction, we’ve pulled off twenty-seven successful bank robberies in three years — more
than Jesse James — and in all that time we’ve never been caught, never had the cops on our trail, never even fired our weapons.
It must be a thousand degrees outside. Even with two fans whirring and all the windows open, the air just lies there, hot and thick as bacon grease. One story below, down on Hollywood, an old Armenian woman is crying. She sits on a bus bench, rocking back and forth, a black scarf wrapped around her head. Her sobs distract me from Moriarty’s presentation. He asks a question, and I don’t even hear him.
“Hey, man,” he scolds. “Come on. Really.”
“I’m with you, I’m with you.” I get up off the windowsill and go to the Coke machine he keeps stocked with beer. The can I extract is nice and cold, and I press it to the back of my neck and motion for him to continue.
It’s the same scenario as the last job and the one before. There’s not much finesse at our level. We’re not blowing vaults or breaching high-tech security systems. Basically it’s hit-and-run stuff. We grab as much cash as we can before someone activates an alarm, then run like hell to our stolen getaway car. Moriarty has always wanted us to look like amateurs. He has a theory that the cops will pay less attention to us that way. We’ve taken other precautions as well. No two jobs are ever less than twenty miles apart, and we vary our disguises: ski masks, nylons, wigs and fake beards. We wore alien heads once, and once we went in turbans and shoe polish, trying to have a little fun with it.
Moriarty has me trace our route in and out with my finger, then crumples the map and burns it in an ashtray. I admire his thoroughness. It makes me proud to be his partner. And the control he exerts over himself — my God! He has mastered the messy business of life. Every day he eats a banana for breakfast and a tuna sandwich for lunch. Every day! And his whole week is similarly cast in stone. Thursday nights: pool at the Smog Cutter from nine to eleven and two beers — no more, no less. Saturdays, a movie, target practice, an hour of meditation, and the evening spent studying history. Sundays he’s up at six to read the New York and L.A. Times from cover to cover. I believe him when he says that living this way gives him time to think. It makes perfect sense: He’s a speeding train, and his routine is the track; all he has to concentrate on is moving forward. That doesn’t mean he’s perfect — he still lives with his mother, gets a little too spitty when he talks about guns, and seriously believes Waco was just a taste of things to come. But that will of his!
Dead Boys Page 3