His mouth found her breast nipping and sucking her nipple. Her body arched towards him. His hands worked their way to her very soft jammy pants but when he went to push them down slightly she tensed. He backed off slightly and continued with his mouth on her breast moving from right to left, to neck and then navel.
Each time he even got remotely close to her bottoms, she would tense up. If she didn't want him, why was she responding to him like this?
He raised his head and looked at her. She was laying there, eyes closed, with a very odd expression on her face. It was showing passion and desire, but apprehension as well. He stopped touching her all together at this point. It was over. She didn’t want it to be over. If she could just do this, maybe that would push Tom from her head all together. “What is it? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, you didn't do anything wrong. I just feel like you want this but at the same time you don't. Lois if you don't want this we don’t have to go any further than what we have.” She was embarrassed to tell him why she was acting like she was. But she thought it was only fair to him.
“I do want this it’s just that I have only been with one person.” She covered her eyes.
“You haven't ever been with anyone other than him right?” Jade responded. She turned her head in discomfiture.
“Don't.” Jade gently turned her head back to him so he could see her eyes.
“Don't what.” She questioned.
“Don't turn away, don't be embarrassed, it’s ok that you haven't Lois. There is no reason to feel embarrassed. I should be the one that is embarrassed, here I have pushed you into doing things that you weren't ready for.”
“No, I am,,,,,,, ready,,,, I'm just I don't know how to explain it. There is a burning and aching inside me and I want you. But at the same time, I want to give myself to the man I love. I fear the only reason I want to do this with you other than physically is because I am hoping you can make me forget him. And that isn’t fair to you or myself for that matter.”
“What are you doing here Lois? Be honest with me.” She couldn't hide the tears no matter what she did, she tried to cover her face but he gently moved her hand away. Jade was still laying above her and at this point he deserved to know.
“That man that you thought was my boyfriend....... Well he wasn't my boyfriend and he isn't now either. But I love him. I came here to get over him. He had made it quite clear that all we had was a boss slash assistant relationship. Oh, he tried to tell me that he didn't want me to get hurt. But at the same time, there was more there he isn't telling me. He played me. He told me he loved me but that was just part of the game he was playing.” Jade slid off from her and rubbed his head.
“I'm sorry Jade. I didn't mean for this to happen, I didn't know I would run into you here. Please you have to believe me.” Jade looked at her.
“I believe you Lois. I have no doubts that you didn't come here looking for me. I know you hadn't thought of me like I did of you after the ball. And I have no doubts that he is one lucky man. But you know Lois, maybe there is more to it than what you think. As much as I would like to side with you on this, he didn’t act like he was just toying with you the night he introduced me to his knuckles. I think he was honest with you when he told you he loved you.” Jade smiled back at her.
“Well, he may be lucky and maybe he did mean what he said but it’s me that is doing the suffering. I mean, you are such a great guy, and if I could just get him out of my head, I would want to explore this further.”
“What do you mean this?”
“Look, I can't have him it doesn't mean my heart doesn't still want him. But my body and mind want you. I know that doesn't make since, but I have to be honest with you. If I am nothing at all, I can honestly say honesty has always been my greatest attribute. Well other than small white lies out of embarrassment maybe but not real stuff.”
“Look, Lois, I get it. Totally. I understand everything that you are saying. I know because well, I have my own issues. You are one heck of a friend and if that is all I can have from you then I am truly happy with that.”
“Someday Jade, you will have your forever in your arms. And she will be the lucky one I guarantee it. I’m just to messed up right now. He once told me he would hurt me. I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to hurt you.” He reached over pulling her up against his chest.
“Friends. I like that.” He whispered as he held her close.
*****
When they woke the next morning she had slept better than she had in a long time. She stretched feeling the weight of his arm. She went to get up but he pulled her back to him. “Lois, please don't be mad at me. I have been laying here thinking of a way to change your mind, stay here with me. Let me help you forget him. What can I do to make your stay?” Lois smiled back at him but she knew if she was ever going to move on with her life, she was going to have to go back and face him and get over him.
She explained to Jade what she thought was best and he had to agree with her. She finished out her day and returned home. Thanking Jade and his family for a good time and their true hospitality.
“You’re welcome back here anytime you know that right?”
“I do. Jade I wish things….” He placed his finger over her lips.
“Stay in touch. Friend.”
He walked her to her truck as she waved goodbye to George and Emmy Jean. When he closed her door, she smiled back at him wishing things were in fact pre Tom.
*****
She returned to her life where she had no doubts that when she seen Tom in the morning all of the pain was going to come rushing right back down on top of her. Crushing her to the point she wouldn’t be able to breath. But she was going to distant herself and learn to overcome this.
She woke up the next morning dreading her day. Back to the same clothes, same office, same job, same everything. She liked the same in her life. It was the first time she had been in a point in her life where she knew what was going to be happening the next day.
The only part she wished she could be rid of was the crying herself to sleep at night, the heart stopping that occurred when she was around Tom, and the butterflies that were so bad at this point, she was nauseous just thinking about it.
She waited to start the coffee, just as before. And when she thought it was about that time, she started it. She poured his cup of coffee and decided to take it to his office remembering the last time she had this same damn idea that didn’t work. The thought was that would be one less encounter she would have to choke her way through.
When she opened the door, she just stood there. He shuffled around a little bit trying to pretend he was standing for another reason. She actually liked his response to seeing her. He rose because she walked in she knew it.
She pulled herself back to the billions of little pieces that she had fell into when she seen him and sat the coffee down on his desk.
“So are you feeling better?”
“Yes, I am, thank you. Will that be all?” She had to get out of there, she had to at that moment or she was going to lose it. She didn't want to lose it. She didn't want him seeing her fall back to pieces again. She just wanted to go on like it never happened.
“No, that won't be all. Where were you anyways? I came by to check on you but you weren't home.”
“Oh, umm you must of missed me, I had to um, well I had to run out for a bit.” This pissed Tom off she could tell. She had seen that look before. Why in the hell am I lying to him?
“That's not true. I stayed at your room, waiting for you to come back. I was concerned for you because you said you were sick. Michelle of course wouldn’t tell me anything but did allow me to stay. I didn't know you took off on an expedition or some vacation. If you wanted to go on vacation all you had to do was tell me.” Tom was yelling at this point and tears where flooding in. She didn't like his actions one bit. He was hurting her again and it wasn't even fazing him.
She didn't have to take it from him no more.
She turned slowly and went for the door.
“When you are through acting like a child, just let me know, I would like to be able to work here. But if my personal life is going to interfere with my work, then I choose my personal life.” She walked out the door.
She didn't want to look at him. She had seen enough. His blue colored eyes were now an ominous grey. She knew without a doubt in her mind that if she would have looked at him, she never would have been able to say what she was feeling. She would have only melted into tears and begged for his forgiveness and touch.
He didn't knock, just walked in slamming the door behind him. “You tell me where you were? You tell me where you were right now? I am not playing a game. I demand an answer!”
She stood there crying, “You demand an answer? Ha. That is fucking hilarious. What makes you think you deserve one?”
“I know what kind of game you’re up to. What did you think that you could move in here and take advantage of my kindness or were you just trying to sink your greasy little hands into my pocket book?”
She was outraged, and before she could stop herself she was yelling back. “You’re right, I wasn't sick, I spent the week with Jade. You remember him, right, you should. I spent a whole week with him, dancing, drinking, riding horses, sitting up late at night talking, learning and enjoying his company and I LIKED IT AND I LIKE HIM. And besides let’s see if I can get this right, and I quote, ‘Lois, I can walk my way into your pants, I don't date’, isn't that something along the lines of what you said to me.”
“I knew it, I was right, my generosity is over. From this point on, I will no longer help you in any form. You will repay everything you owe me, including the repairs to that truck. You will continue to work here and it will be deducted from your check. There will be no more free from me.”
“Is that what you really think? What did you expect me to do? Tell me,,,,, what? You didn't want me. You didn't want anything to do with me. You made that loud and clear. You only wanted to beat and fuck. Now that I went and had a good time you’re pissed. Here start with this.” She reached inside her desk and pulled out a box. She shoved the box at him causing him to grasp hold. She was so relieved that he just took the box and left. She watched him go back to his office.
Lois had been putting away a third of her pay in the box with a list of what she thought she may possibly owe him. She didn’t think that she would be giving him what she had under the circumstances she had.
*****
The next few weeks were only the start of it. She wouldn't look at him unless he spoke to her. She didn't smile anymore. Tom had tried to take her to dinner a few times, and even apologize but she very politely turned him down. He had blown everything. It was over. There was no turning back.
“Lois could you come in here please?” She stood and went to his office. It was getting easier by each day. I can do this. I am strong. He can’t make me break and I have proved that more than once. That was her daily saying every time she felt something about Tom.
“Yes.” She stepped in head held high, no illusion that he remotely disturbed her when he was around. She did good.
“I have to go out of town for a business trip. I was wondering if you could accompany me. I would need you to make all the arrangements for travel and stay and off course attend meetings with me and also take notes.”
“Ummm, I don't know if I can or not”
“What do you mean, you don't know if you can?”
“Well, you see, ummm, I don't know if that is a good idea or not.” She hesitated while she thought of what kind of excuse she could come up with next if that one didn't work.
“It would pay a bonus as well and it is part of your job. Both of us are adults, it shouldn't be a problem, right?”
“OK. Where are we going?”
“LA. Bring your swim suit. They have lovely beaches around there you could go to. We
will need to leave Friday morning around 10am. We will need a 4x4 for the trip. Any questions?”
“Yes. Why are we driving? That will take us like a day and a half to get there. Why don’t we just fly?”
“Because the jet is being serviced for repairs and isn’t available. I don’t fly any other way. Makes me nervous. So can you make the arrangements?”
“I can get them made.” She stood and walked out.
Debating what in the world he would possibly need her for and how boring it would be until a thought popped in. Wait a minute, I'm going to LA, and I am essentially going alone. I can spend time on the beaches. See the walk of fame. This could be great. She made all the arrangements. Rented a Tahoe, reserved one suite and room for stay, made restaurant reservations for Tom and thought she would just grab whatever fancied her at the time. She packed her bags and dreadfully waited for Friday. The trip out was going to be a long one but she would enjoy herself at the beach the first chance she got.
Chapter Fifteen
“Are you ready to go?” Tom would be doing the driving and she was intending on reading a good book. It had been a long time since she was able to just relax and read a book. She used to love reading. The adventures, romance, and suspense she absolutely loved it. She didn’t get a chance to read while at Jade’s.
“Yes, I am. Let me just grab my bags.”
“Here let me help you.” Tom grabbed the suitcases and Mark already had Tom's.
“You two have a safe trip and I’ll see you in a week.”
“See ya Mark”
As the trip began they made small talk. Nothing spectacular just day to day talk. “So Lois have you ever been to LA?”
“No, I haven't had the pleasure.”
“Well it is a wonderful place to vacation, I try to go at least yearly. And the beaches are nothing like you have ever seen I assure you.” She couldn’t help but to think, please don’t bother. Your word don’t mean jack shit to me but she was able to maintain her composure.
“Good, I can’t wait to visit some of the places there. If I’m not too busy. I can only assume that I will have a lot to do.” She was almost harsh with her reply.
“How do you know you have a lot to do anyways?”
“Well to be honest, I don't know for sure what you have in store for me to do. But I can't see you bringing me on this trip if there wasn't a lot of work to be done, especially given the circumstances.”
“Your very smart Lois, you have almost everything figured out don't you? Except the circumstances you speak of are in the past.” But she didn't have everything figured out. She hadn’t figured out why he would bring her, she didn't understand what it was he was trying to do or make her do.
Tom continued to drive as she began reading her book. He attempted to carry on a conversation but all she wanted to do was read her book. She didn’t want to talk to him. Just wanted to enjoy the time she could before she had to be nice in front of others.
She watched him finally reach out and turn on the radio. Thank God. But then she couldn’t help but to hear him. He was singing. Quietly, but she could hear him. He’s good. Shut up Lois. Point out another thing he is good at would you. He did it without even knowing he was doing it. She found herself wishing he would sing louder so she could hear him better.
A couple of hours later and several chapters down again he had to open his mouth. “What are you reading over there?”
“If it means all the same, I will just keep that to myself. Let’s just say you wouldn't be interested in this. And besides if I'm telling you about my book, then I'm not getting to read it.” Tom smiled at her spirited words. Pissed her off again.
“Enough said then. Are you ready to stop and get something to eat?”
“Whenever you are ready is fine.”
“OK, what do you want to eat?”
“I'm not picky whatever you choose will be fine I'm sure of it.”
“I feel like some meatloaf.” She knew at the moment he said the words her jaw was sitting on her lap. Bastard.
“I don't feel like a
ny meatloaf, but I'm sure where ever we stop there will be something else on the menu besides meatloaf.” She didn't want meatloaf ever again.
“Have you ever been given any choices? Every time I ask you something, and your reply is whatever I want to do is fine, or okay. Just because I am your boss doesn't mean you don't have choices you know. And just because of what happened or didn't happen, however which way you want to look at it, doesn't mean you have to be skittish so to speak now.”
“Yes, I know, really, I'm lay back, easy going. I don't really care. And besides, choices aren’t really what they are cracked up to be now are they?”
“I know you are. But you know it is okay to go after what you want. To let others do what you choose. And choices can be whatever you want them to be Lois.” She didn’t respond. He so isn’t worth it. Not even a glance in his direction. He hadn’t given her a choice in the matter that made her heart ache and feel empty.
“Alright then, let’s see what we can find.”
She hated herself for being so laid back. And how dare he mock those words at me. I had gone after something I wanted and he led me to believe it was possible and tore my heart out and ran it through a shredder and left me in complete emotional agony.
Tom pulled off the interstate and found a small Ma and Pa's diner, pulled into the diner and shut the Tahoe off. “I am assuming this would be fine, considering you’re not picky right?” Tom smiled.
“Yes this is fine, and yes you are correct, as I said before I am not picky.” She jumped out quickly. She chose a booth in the middle with other customers on both sides. Less privacy the better it would be.
“So Lois, what looks good to you?” She looked through the menu and had made her decision.
“I am going to have, pancakes, bacon, eggs, orange juice, and for desert, I think peach pie. I love peaches.”
“Are you gonna be able to eat all that?”
“Oh yeah, I can handle it just fine thank you.” Pig, shit ass, fuck face. She just couldn’t stop calling his low life douche bag self names.
“OK then, it’s just that I don't believe I have ever seen you eat with that kind of appetite.”
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