We handed out six more roses—mostly from girls to boys they were going out with—until all that was left were the four secret admirer roses. I handed two to Ashleigh, and I took the other two, including Gillianni’s.
First there was a rose for Sun Patterson, a girl everyone called “Bucktooth” behind her back because of her long front teeth. As I walked slowly toward her, the two roses clutched tightly in front of me, she watched with a hopeful look on her face. I clearly remembered sitting across from her last year, when she had that same hopeful expression. That expression had fallen when one of Kaylee’s friends had smugly continued on past to give the rose to someone else. Not this year.
This year I stopped in front of her and, with a huge smile on my face, handed one of the chocolate roses to her. I’d written something about her pretty eyes—light blue with long, perfect eyelashes—on the notepad. Those eyes almost seemed to twinkle as she took the rose and set it down on her desk. She was probably waiting until later to open the card, when people weren’t staring at her.
Now for Gillianni. I didn’t know her all that well, but I’d never forgotten the time she’d stood up for me. It was second grade and we were at a school roller-skating party. Three of the girls, including Kaylee’s “girl” Christina, had tripped me, then stood over me laughing. Gillianni skated over and faced off with them, telling them to stop being such jerks.
As I walked toward her, she still didn’t lift her head. She was staring down at an open notebook on her desk, probably studying or something. Either she was convinced I was going to someone else or she didn’t want to get her hopes up. I kept my gaze on her as I approached, rose held out in front of me.
Even when I was standing in front of her, she didn’t look up. I had no other choice. I set the rose down on the desk in front of her and stepped back. No way was I walking off before I saw her reaction.
Slowly she moved her head until she could see the rose. She stared at it, her expression blank. I waited for her to reach out and take it, but finally I had no choice. I had to go.
“Mia,” Ashleigh whispered. Everyone turned to look at me.
I backed away from Gillianni, who had returned her attention to her notebook again. She’d look at the card on her chocolate rose as soon as she thought nobody was watching her. She’d look at it and smile for the first time probably ever. That was what I told myself, anyway.
I turned and headed back toward Ashleigh. She was already rolling the cart toward the door, the stack of roses looking as high as it had been when we walked in here.
The next class was stocked with Kaylee’s friends. Including Kaylee, there were six of them. It wasn’t so hard to hand roses to them now that I knew other people were getting them too. Like Alex, who was seated at the very back of the room.
Part of me wanted to give Alex his rose first, but I knew him. He didn’t care if he got a rose or not. What Alex was doing was watching me with a big smirk on his face. He was laughing deep down inside because I had to do this. I’d make a face at him, but everyone was watching.
Kaylee got twelve roses. Seven were from her friends, two were from boys she’d probably never even noticed, two were from girls who were kissing up to her in hopes of becoming her friends, and one wasn’t signed. Ashleigh took care of handing those over while I handled the rest of her friends. There was nothing fun about giving roses to that group. They fully expected it. But the other people, like the girls who got flowers from their boyfriends, were more than worth it. Their eyes lit up, and they looked like they wanted to jump up and down.
Because Ashleigh finished first, she was the one who handed Alex’s rose to him. I turned around and there she was, standing in front of him. He stared at the rose like it was some kind of foreign object and finally reached out and took it. As Ashleigh made her way back to me, I found myself frowning at her. Alex was her friend too, so I guess it was selfish for me to want to be the one to hand it to him. There was no way she could know I was the one who sent it.
I glanced back at him as we rolled out of the room. He was reading the writing on the card attached to the rose. I had to fight back a smile as I remembered what I’d written.
Once I was in the hallway, I paused for a second to think about what I was doing. There was a good chance this was going to work. I mentally patted myself on the back. If I pulled this off, that meant I could finally win something like Kellie always did. If our grade could win the lock-in, I’d be a hero, for sure. And I was boosting everyone in the process!
We barely had time to hand out the rest of the roses before the final bell rang. As we walked out of the last homeroom, I was still holding Ashleigh’s rose. I’d grabbed it off the cart to make sure she didn’t see it until I was ready.
We were in the hallway, surrounded by people rushing around us, when finally she turned to look at me. That was when she saw the rose I was holding.
“You forgot one?” she asked. She looked at the classroom door we’d just exited, as if judging whether or not we could go back at this point.
“It’s yours,” I said, holding it out to her.
Of all the roses I’d given out, that was the one that was the most exciting. Just to see her changing expressions—from boredom to confusion to hope to excitement—was worth all the trouble I’d gone through writing all those names and messages. This was definitely the best idea I’d ever had.
“You mean it’s for me?” she asked, still not reaching for it.
I thrust it toward her. “Take it. I’ll get this cart back to the office.”
I couldn’t bring myself to stand there while she read the card. I guess I felt like she’d figure out I’d written it if I was standing there.
“Wait.”
I was several banks of lockers away when I heard Ashleigh calling for me. She was rushing to catch up.
“Who wrote this?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I played totally dumb. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea. It had only been a few seconds since we were talking about the rose, after all.
“Who sent this rose to me?” she asked. “And these words. They’re beautiful. Who bought this rose for me?”
My footsteps faltered a little, but I kept rolling the cart. “I don’t know,” I said quickly.
“You have to know,” she said.
This time I looked over at her. I nearly ran over someone before quickly straightening the cart again. She knew. I should have known she’d know. We were BFFs. BFFs knew each other’s cheesy writing.
“All the seventh-grade cards were sold by either you or me,” Ashleigh said. “It wasn’t me, so the person had to have bought the flower from you.”
Oh. Great. That was something that hadn’t occurred to me. I’d been so stressed about getting the flowers sold, I’d totally spaced on this part of it.
“It was on the cart,” I said. “I don’t know where it came from.”
Not the best cover story, but I didn’t have much time. Plus, I wasn’t very good at lying.
Ashleigh thought about that a minute before speaking. “He must have bought it from one of the other grades. I guess anyone who liked me would know we’re friends, so that makes sense. I mean, the guy couldn’t walk up to you and tell you he was my secret admirer, could he?”
I shook my head, but she wasn’t looking at me anyway. She was looking all around her. I knew Ashleigh. At this very minute, every guy who walked by was being closely looked at with the question, Is that my secret admirer?
“Go on to class,” I said. “I’ll drop the cart off.”
It might make me late for class, but at least it would get me away from this conversation. Ashleigh was all glassy-eyed by then, so she didn’t seem to even hear me. I rushed for the office before she could call out to me again.
“Hartley.”
The sound of my last name made me freeze. No one called me that. I turned around to see four girls from the soccer team heading straight toward me. They were headed up by Trudie Kepler, the best a
thlete at our school, who some girls had made fun of until she got bigger than them.
I was a little scared of Trudie myself. I’d thought that by giving her one of the twenty-five secret admirer roses, I might get her to soften up a little. Plus, I’d never seen Trudie Kepler smile. I thought giving her a rose would maybe take away that mean look she always had on her face. I’d been wrong.
“Who sent this?” she asked.
She stopped in front of me, a hand one hip, the rose in her other hand. Her friends were lined up on either side of her. This wasn’t looking good.
I looked down at her rose. The attached note had referred to her soft side, and I’d been hoping it might bring it out. At the moment, it didn’t look likely.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“You have to know.” She held up the card, which she’d detached from the rose at some point. “You’re the one who sold it to the person.”
“Some of the roses weren’t bought before school,” I said. That was a good cover story, even though it wasn’t true. I decided I’d use that with anyone else who asked. “I don’t know where they came from.”
I hated lying, but I didn’t have a choice at this point. I just told myself I was doing this to help others, so it was worth it.
Trudie’s hard-as-steel expression loosened up a little. She stepped back, her shoulders falling, and looked far less like she was about to punch me. I suddenly realized I’d been holding my breath this whole time and let it out.
“How will I find out who sent it?” Trudie asked, looking down at the rose. “I need to know.”
That was another question I hadn’t prepared to answer. I thought for a second. It was important to come up with a good answer for this question.
“How was it signed?” I asked.
“Secret admirer,” one of Trudie’s friends piped up to say. “She has a secret admirer? What does that even mean?”
“It means someone admires her but in secret,” one of Trudie’s other friends said.
“Hush,” Trudie said. She turned her beady eyes back on me. “You’re telling me someone filled out one of your cards without you knowing?”
“Sixth and eighth graders were selling roses,” I said, shrugging. “Maybe your crush isn’t in this grade.”
That was the same cover story I’d used with Ashleigh. I wasn’t sure if it had worked on her, but it was worth a try on other people. Trudie looked like she was about to say something else, but the warning bell rang, reminding us all we were going to be late for first period.
“I have to go,” I said, stepping backward as I pushed the cart forward behind me. “Congratulations on the whole rose thing. Not everyone got one.”
I held out my left hand to show it was empty. Then I looked up. There, on the faces of a couple of Trudie’s friends, was a look I knew all too well. It was that same sad look I’d seen on flowerless people’s faces last year. Pity.
No roses for me. I suddenly felt really, really sad about that. Maybe I should have sent myself one, just to fit in.
As I turned and rolled the cart back toward the office, I looked around. Roses everywhere. I didn’t know which was sadder—not having a rose or the fact that the only way I could have gotten a rose was if I’d sent it to myself. So much for feeling less invisible. Suddenly I felt more invisible than ever.
CHAPTER FOUR
To: Alex
From: Mia
I miss the days when we could just hang out without all this weird stuff between us.
After a morning of watching everyone show off their roses, I headed into the cafeteria to sit at a table full of people showing off their roses. I was actually a little bummed. My brilliant plan was turning out to be not the best plan ever for me. I had to listen to everyone talk about their roses while I had nothing.
“You ate yours?” Ashleigh was asking Alex. “Seriously?”
Alex shrugged. “What was I supposed to do? It’s chocolate.”
“Save it.” She looked over at me and rolled her eyes before turning back to him. “Tell me you at least still have the stem.”
“Why would I save that?” He bit into his sandwich and looked at me while he chewed. Like I had an answer for that.
“Sentimental value,” Ashleigh said. “Boys are so blah.” She looked at me. “Did you hear Sun Patterson got a rose?”
One of Ashleigh’s science classmates stuck her teeth over her lower lip and began imitating a squirrel. Ashleigh didn’t laugh, but the other girls down at that end of the table did. All I could think was how glad I was that I’d given Sun a rose. It would suck for someone to be making fun of me like that.
Sadness washed over me again as I remembered that look of pity Trudie’s friends had given me just that morning. Wasn’t this the same thing? People could be making fun of me, too, for all I knew. After all, at least Sun had gotten a rose.
“Sun’s pretty cool,” Alex said. “She’s in my sixth period.”
“She is kind of cool.” I looked at Ashleigh. “You should get to know her.”
Instead of looking ashamed of herself, as she should have, she gave me her what’s up with you? look. “Playing Cupid turned you into a weirdo,” she said. Then she looked at Alex. “And you’ve always been one.”
Alex shrugged off her statement and continued eating his sandwich. I, meanwhile, had an agenda of my own.
“So,” I said, leaning forward to put myself closer to Alex. “Who sent you the rose?”
Alex dragged his gaze—reluctantly—from his sandwich and narrowed his eyes at me. “You know who sent it,” he said.
My heart did a little jump-skip. He was onto me. I leaned back in my chair, shaking my head. But denying it would be a waste of energy. Nobody knew me as well as Alex. Except maybe Ashleigh, and she was off in her own world right now.
“I do not,” I said.
Hey, I had to try, right?
“Do too,” he said.
“Why would I know who sent you a chocolate rose? That makes no sense,” I argued.
“You were the person who sold it,” he said. “I’d know your handwriting anywhere.”
I looked at Ashleigh, who now was eyeing me with interest. “I didn’t write any of the cards,” I said. At least that much was true. I looked at Ashleigh. “Tell him.”
“The committee just wrote what was on the sheet,” Ashleigh said. “Mia and I took almost all the orders for seventh grade.”
All of them, actually. But I’d keep that part to myself.
Alex looked back at me. “So you know who paid for the rose because you’re the one who took the order. Spill it.”
They were both staring at me. Oh, the pressure. That was when I remembered what I’d told Trudie.
“Other grades were taking money too,” I said. “If someone in sixth grade bought a rose for you, a sixth grader would have filled out the card. I also got some last-minute orders and they were all rushed. I didn’t know what those said. You could have been one of those.”
“You had last-minute orders?” Ashleigh asked. “I didn’t see that.”
“It was yesterday morning,” I said with a shrug. I didn’t like to lie, but I had no other choice. “You and Alex left for class early.”
“It could have been an eighth grader,” Alex said.
I looked over at him and realized he was more focused on who sent the rose than on what I was saying. I nodded. It could have been an eighth grader. An eighth grader could have a crush on Alex. Why not? He was cute for a boy, I guessed. Kind of geeky with his obsession with movies, but cute for someone, I was sure.
“What?” Alex asked. He gave me a strange look. I didn’t like that look. I didn’t know what it meant, but it made me feel all squirmy.
I realized that I was staring at him and jerked my gaze away. “Nothing,” I said.
“Where’s the list?” Ashleigh asked, obviously not even noticing the weird thing going on right in front of her. “Maybe we can recognize the handwriting.”
&nbs
p; Alex perked up at that. “I’d like to see it,” he said. “Where is it?”
Uh-oh. “I … uh … threw it away,” I said quickly. The office had a copy of all the lists, so I was hoping they wouldn’t check.
They seemed to buy that. Thank goodness. I certainly didn’t want to spend the evening faking different handwriting on a pretend list to show them.
“It’s weird,” Ashleigh said, lowering her voice to barely above a whisper. “Knowing someone has a crush on you. I keep looking around, and every time I catch someone looking at me, I wonder if that’s him.”
I held back a smile. That made it totally worth it. Ashleigh was happier than I’d seen her in months. I’d given her something to look forward to and somebody to focus on besides Rob Martocci, the guy she’d been crushing on since forever.
“Do you think it’s Rob?” Alex asked.
I gave him a look. Was he for real? I’d finally gotten her to think about something besides Rob for once, and he was actually bringing it up. I realized maybe that wouldn’t help her get over him if she thought he sent it.
Luckily, the bell rang, ending the conversation before it could get worse. I hopped up and headed toward the tray return without waiting for either of them to catch up with me. If I could avoid talking about crushes and Cupid and Valentine’s Day stuff the rest of the day, that would be perfect.
Unfortunately, my parents had other plans. Every year for Valentine’s Day, my parents give my sister and me flowers and heart-shaped boxes of candy. Which meant that every year, it was the only thing I got for Valentine’s Day. While all my friends received chocolate roses from people they thought were secret admirers, I came home empty-handed. So much for karma. I knew it shouldn’t bother me. After all, I was the one who wrote all those cards.
But it kind of did.
My mom totally geeked out when it came to Valentine’s Day—or any holiday, for that matter. You should see what she did on Halloween. For Valentine’s Day this year, she ordered one of those heart-shaped pizzas and surrounded it with pink-frosted cupcakes.
“Surprise!” she yelled when Dad walked through the door. He looked genuinely surprised, probably because of the crazy number of candles Mom had lit all over the room. A strong breeze would set this whole place on fire.
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