by Mindy Carter
I'm speechless; every possibility that I had running through my head weren't even close to this one. He goes on to tell me the name of this rare genetic disorder that I've never heard before.
"Before you ask, she had the medical records to prove it." He opens his desk drawer and puts the proof on his desk, sliding it to me. It's all in black and white, but I still don't believe it.
"What does this mean, Keegan? I don't know what this all means," I say through confused tears.
"Before you start questioning everything, I looked it up. After hours of my head spinning, I verified the results with the lab."
I look at him with tears. I go to wrap my arms around him. I can see the pain he's carrying over this.
"If we had a child, the baby would suffer its entire life, mentally, physically, and developmentally. He or she would have a difficult life. Our children wouldn't live a normal and happy life, Aimee."
I'm in shock. I can't breathe, or move. I can just stare at him. Then the words I had no idea I was thinking escape my lips.
"What if I'm pregnant now?" I don't mean them the way they sound, but they come out frightened. I'm not. I'm surprisingly strong, and I know I need to be for him. The look on his face is hard, and I don't like it.
"You don't get it; none of this would matter even if it were true."
"It's right here, Aimee." He holds his proof up in front of me.
"Why is she suddenly telling you this now, after all these years? Wouldn't she of told you this when the results came back?" I won't believe it, I know deep down that this is Gretchen's idea of a sick joke.
"Because of you. She wanted me to know because we are getting married. She kept the results from me because at the time we were dealing with losing our baby. I struggled for a long time, Aimee. I blamed myself. I wanted to tell her parents that night."
Or, so she could hurt me, or drive a wedge between us. She only cares about one person, and it's not Keegan.
"Why do you believe this, her?"
"She wouldn't lie, not about something like this." He turns away from me and walks toward the windows. I follow, and place my hand gently on his shoulder.
"I still don't care, Keegan."
He turns around, and does something that I don't expect; grabbing my face with both of his hands, he pulls our lips together and kisses me passionately. When he breaks the kiss he looks into my eyes, wiping away my tears.
"I care, Aimee; I can't give you the fairy tale I promised you."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying what I knew all along; I'm not good enough, and never will be. I'm broken, and you deserve more than that."
I have the urge to smack him, because what he's saying is ludicrous.
"That's not true, and you can't decide if you are good enough, you are more than enough. You are everything. Do you hear me, Keegan James?" I beg, placing my hand on his cheek. We have so many options even if this is true. There are plenty of children out there who need parents. Hell, medical technology today we could have plenty of healthy children.
"I've thought this over and I think we should stay away from one another. I know I'm hurting you, and I'm sorry, but if I can't give you the dreams I know lie inside of you, then I won't be happy. You deserve someone who can give you those. A man who doesn't pose a risk to your future."
I start to cry harder, and I can't even see what's in front of me.
"For how long?" I ask desperately.
He doesn't answer, and he won't look at me. He's breaking up with me, after everything we have been through. He's giving up on us.
"You're a coward, Keegan James, and a hypocrite. You just can't make decisions about us without me," I yell.
"I'm so, so sorry, Aimee. If I knew I wouldn't have made you promises."
"Me too, Keegan."
I start to walk away from him. I want him to stop me, but he doesn't call out or follow me. I wipe my eyes and walk out. He's broken my heart again, and there is no way it could ever be whole without him. I refuse to let him do this. There are so many different scenarios. I need to know more information on whatever this abnormality is. I need to make some calls, research. Get an expert opinion. At the moment though, I have no energy. My tears have taken them all. My sobs may never end.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I've had enough tears these last few months to last a lifetime. I walk out of Keegan's in a haze. I stop crying long enough to get outside. I start walking, and I have every intention for my feet to carry me all the way home. Which is stupid on my part, because after an hour of walking my feet are killing me. I stop and lean against a building, and I can feel the blisters on the backs of my feet. As if things can't get worse, it starts raining; not just drizzling, a straight-on downpour.
As I'm about to seek shelter, Andrew shows up with an umbrella. Obviously, Keegan called him to follow me. He ushers me into a cab and sits next to me. I don't say a word, and he does something unexpected; he comforts me, pulling me to him. It's out of character for him, but I accept it, and he doesn't ask me questions.
When I enter my apartment, I head straight to my bedroom, passing Kaleb and Reese eating dinner in the kitchen.
Reese calls me, but I ignore her, making sure to lock my door. If I have to I'll push my dresser against my door. I don't want to have to tell them what happened. First, I'm exhausted; second, I'm not sure I should be telling them what Gretchen told him.
I undress out of my wet clothes, and just throw them on the floor. I put on the first thing I can find, a t-shirt and yoga pants. My official break-up apparel. Crawling under my covers, I just stare at my ring, which I can't bear to remove, and cry myself to sleep. When Reese knocks on my door, I don't move to answer, or even tell her to leave me alone. I just ignore her, and she doesn't push me, or attempt to enter. I'm happy at her lack of probing. I know I'll have to talk to her, but for now, this is what I want, to just be left alone.
When I wake the next day, I have a migraine the size of Texas. The light coming through the window is the worst evil, and although it looks to be one of those sunny days that were made to lift your spirits, I literally feel like dying. My heart already has, so I assume my body will just follow.
I use the last of my energy to send a text to Olivia, letting her know I'm sick. Just when I think it can't get any worse, I run to the bathroom to lose the contents of my stomach. I haven't had a migraine this bad since I was twelve, and my dad sat up with me holding my hair back as I threw up. Shortly after that I didn't get them any longer, which was fine with me. They are the worst evil, but now I've had several, and I know they are from the stress I've acquired in the last couple months. I'm positive it won't be the last.
At this point I'm in desperate need of relief so I down four ibuprofen and just pray I can keep them down long enough so that they will provide me some relief.
I plan on crawling under my covers, but someone is already snuggled under them, and it's not the person I want in my bed.
"So, I figure this is going to be one of those get-in-bed-with-you kind of talks. I left you alone last night, but no such luck this morning."
I know once she's made herself comfortable there will be no getting rid of her. Ignoring her, I get into bed and take solace in my side of the bed.
"Can we make this quick, I have a killer migraine," I tell her.
"Well, I know you cried yourself to sleep, and the only reason for that would be your fiancé, who by chance is ignoring his brother's calls. I also know you were fine yesterday at lunch, and well, now I would guess by looking at you that it's pretty bad."
"I don't want to get into it right now, but Keegan and I broke it off last night. There won't be a wedding, or anything else."
Reese shoots up in bed and hovers over me, looking at my face.
"You got to be fucking kidding me. Not this again. What kind of Kool-Aid is he drinking now?"
I pull the covers over my head, because she just made me feel about one hundred times worse.
"Listen, I just don't get you two. This push-and-pull thing was cute in the beginning, but now it's just making me dizzy and annoyed."
I just stare at her unmoving.
"Is this about Gretchen? Because you know she's crazy, right?"
She just poured more salt on my wound. I'm done talking so I stay silent. She must get a clue, because she kisses the top of my head and slides out of bed.
I can hear her in the hallway giving Kaleb an earful about Keegan. I'm sure she'll take it upon herself to ream him out on my behalf. I'm too sick to even feel sorry for him right now.
Once things become silent, I grab my computer, make some calls, and research as much as I can. After feeling nauseous from all the material I find, I'm just sad. This all can't be true. Not after everything, and the timing it's just too convenient for Gretchen. I end up falling asleep with my head lying on my computer.
A few hours later I wake up, and although my body feels like a ton of bricks, my head is better. I sit staring at the ceiling and think about last night, how Keegan just gave up like that. There was no reasoning with him, no questioning it. I saw him disintegrate right in front of me. Whatever fight he once had was blown to smithereens by just one visit. Perfect timing, indeed. The longer I lie in bed, the angrier I become at him for giving up, and at her for obvious reasons.
Then I do the one thing I probably shouldn't. I make a phone call, so that I can hopefully put an end to this. Whether it's a bad decision or not, it's my last-ditch effort to save Keegan. It's my turn to rescue him like he's done with me all these years.
***
When I get out of the cab I muster up all the strength I have, holding my head high. I march right through the doors to James Architecture. I have no idea if Keegan will be here, but I'm not here to visit him. It's not going to be a friendly meeting either. My head feels like it's going to explode with anger, and I need to let it all out.
As I walk toward the elevator, Bob stands up and tries to greet me, but I keep walking. He ends up following me, and I ignore him.
"Ms. Brennan, I've been asked to deny you access. I'll lose my job if I let you up, plus Mr. James isn't here."
I don't want to get Bob fired, he's always so kind to me, but I've made it this far and I'm not stopping now.
"Bob, I'm not here, you didn't see me, okay?" I say, without making eye contact.
He mumbles under his breath and walks away just in time for the elevator doors to open and welcome me in. Once I step on I feel like I've just been swallowed by a shark I'll never escape.
When I walk onto Keegan's floor, I'm not even sure where Gretchen's office is located, or if she'll even be there. I've dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. No make-up, and I didn't even shower, just pulled my hair back. I figured if I'm going to get dirty, might as well not get all pretty for it.
I walk past Keegan's office and someone is at his desk; it's not him but Kaleb. I try to creep by, but our eyes meet. I start walking farther down the hallway. Her office must be close. I don't look back and I'm prepared to complete my mission.
Bingo, I find her office and I was right; it's just around the corner from Keegan's. I grab the handle, and my arm is grabbed and I'm dragged down the hall.
"What are you doing?" I ask Kaleb.
"Stopping you from getting arrested," he answers.
"Listen, if you don't let go of me right now I'm going to kick you in the junk. This isn't up for debate, and none of your business. So go back to work. I'll be out of here before you know it."
"I'll call Keegan, and maybe he can talk some sense into you."
The words sting, and I yank out of his grip. I'm angrier now, because he's interfering and he doesn't even have any facts.
"He's not going to care, we broke up."
"I'll talk to him, Aimee, and smack some sense into him."
I don't need anyone to fight my battles, or to do me any favors.
"Stay out of it, Kaleb. Really. You won't understand, and he's your brother. Keegan made a decision."
He retreats, holding his hands up in surrender. "Your funeral, don't call me to bail you out of jail. I warned you."
I turn away from him, glad that I've gotten through to him. As I approach her door, I take a deep breath, and push it open.
I spot her immediately, and notice the office is a carbon copy of Keegan's. Gretchen's sitting behind a desk, working on her computer. She doesn't look up, and I know she hears me. I wasn't quiet when I entered.
"What took you so long?" she says, her eyes glued to her computer.
"It's a far walk to wicked witch's chambers," I seethe.
"You know, I can have you arrested for trespassing." She looks up at me.
"I'd like to see you try," I say with confidence. I know how she plays, so I'm not going to be intimidated in the least.
"What do you want?" she asks, leaning back in her chair.
"You know what this is about. You couldn't just leave him alone. He was willing to give you everything. That wasn't enough; you had to make him believe he was damaged."
She inspects her fingernails like I'm boring her. I am about two seconds from launching myself over her desk and throwing her out the window.
"That's me making sure he doesn't make any more mistakes. You know, you may be this childhood fantasy for him, but it's not going to last. He's meant for bigger things."
I inch closer to her, and she stands up.
"You can't control his future. He's not your puppet, Gretchen. He deserves to be happy. I know it's all fabricated. Even if it was true, I wouldn't care."
"You think you know, but you don't. He doesn't get to create another life, especially with you. One thing I know is that it doesn't matter if you care or not. He does, and if he can't give you what you want he can't be yours fully. I have the genetic proof that he carries the abnormality, and you can't fix it."
"Just watch me. I'm not letting you do this to him. You see, one thing you don't understand is that the love I have for Keegan has no limits. I'll get my proof, and you will still be without a partner."
His hand touches my shoulder, and I know Kaleb has witnessed everything.
"What is wrong with Keegan?" he asks me.
I turn and look into his eyes. There is concern all over his face.
"Nothing; well, nothing that's true." I glare at Gretchen.
"Can you escort her off the premises, Kaleb?"
"Don't bother. I'll leave. Just know this: If I catch you pulling any more shit, I will find out all your secrets, and I know you have them, and plaster them all over this city."
Gretchen stares at me, and a glimpse of fear flashes across her face. If I didn't know before, I now know she's got something to dig up.
I go to leave, but Kaleb blocks my exit. "Wait, why would Keegan have a genetic test unless…"
I can see him start to piece it together. He needs to know, and since he's witnessed this I have no choice but to tell him. Keegan may be furious, but it's not fair to Kaleb.
"Keegan and Gretchen had genetic tests done when she was pregnant with their baby."
"What happened to the baby?"
I shouldn't be telling him all this, it should be coming from his brother, or from the witch in front of us.
"There was a car accident. The baby didn't make it," I finish.
"When?" he asks.
There is a long silence, and I'm appalled that Gretchen isn't jumping in, at least to save face.
"Well, tell him. I wasn't there." I stare at Gretchen.
"In college," she adds.
I'm out of here. "Look, I just found out not too long ago. If you want answers, ask her or Keegan." I remove myself from between them. I've done enough damage for one afternoon.
I reach the elevator, and as I step on I let out the first breath in what seems like forever. My heart is still beating from the adrenaline of the confrontation with Gre
tchen.
As the doors are about to close Kaleb runs through them. He stares at me with… I'm not sure. Anger, fear, regret, a combination of all three.
The elevator starts to move, but Kaleb stops it by pressing the emergency button, and I cower in the corner.
"Aimee, for the love of everything holy, what the hell is going on, and you know I can't ask Gretchen. I don't trust her, but I trust you."
"I told you, I just found out. Keegan told me when we were back home. They didn't tell anyone, and were on the way to her family when they had the car accident. Keegan blamed himself, and the rest is in the past."
He runs his hands over his face in frustration. I know this is a shock to him, so I tell him as gently as I can everything about what Gretchen told Keegan yesterday.
"So he broke up with you last night?" he asks.
"He's a mess, and I couldn't get through to him. I don't know if I can," I concede.
He pulls me in to him, and holds me close. The hug is filled with so much emotion I almost break down right there.
"I'll fix this. I promise."
I pull away just so I can look into his face. I can read his sincerity, and it means the world to me. All I want is for him to be there for Keegan, not on my behalf, but as the brother I know he needs right now. I make Kaleb promise me that, and he agrees.
I leave James Architecture surprisingly lighter, but not at all whole. I don't think I'll ever feel that way again. I've already set things in motion, and I know there's no going back. I take comfort in the fact that I'm not doing any of this for me, but for Keegan
Chapter Twenty-Three
I walked a lot today. I visited all the places that I fell in love with when I moved here. When I reach Belvedere Castle; I remember the night Keegan brought me here. I look at the stars, at the very top. It's much more crowded, and as the wind blows against my face, I cry a little more before leaving, because I miss him, and it hasn't even been a day. He's so much a part of me; even during all those years we spent away from each other, I always held him close.