by Kaylin Lee
A slow, bright smile spread across Ella’s face as I spoke. “I’ll go get it.”
For the next hour, I ignored the twins as they ran wild in the upper room. I leaned my back against the wall of the staircase and picked through the Herald with Ella.
Her sharp mind never ceased to amaze me. She read the newspaper like a grown adult and knew nearly all the words she encountered. The only things she struggled to understand were the people in the articles and the decisions they made.
Why did the Transportation Ministry change the regulation on trolleys? Why did Asylia have four quarters, and what determined which quarter we lived in?
I answered as best I could. When we finally finished the paper, I was halfway convinced that one day at a time, we’d survive this.
If I could just give Ella and the twins what they needed, if I could just love them enough, if I could just be strong enough, then perhaps we would survive after all.
Chapter 14
“Mama! Bri’s doing it again!”
I set down the newspaper. “Doing what?”
“Mama! I told you already! She’s doing that-that-that thing!” Alba stormed across the room and stood before me with folded arms. Eight years old going on eighteen. Why couldn’t they stay small just a little bit longer?
“I’m not doing anything!” Bri stomped over and stood scowling beside Alba. “She’s tattling, and I didn’t even do anything. She should be in trouble, not me.”
I took a deep breath. “Girls. No one is in trouble. Yet. Alba, please tell me—again—what you think Bri is doing.”
“I don’t think. I know. She’s doing that thing where she gives me a headache.” Alba’s nostrils flared. “She is!”
“And how is she giving you a headache?”
Bri rolled her eyes. “I told you, I’m not doing anything.”
“Every time she touches me, I get a headache! I’m not lying!”
My stomach sank. So, this was it. They’d lasted longer than I’d expected. I held out my hand to Bri. “Show me, Bri.”
Bri rolled her eyes again, but then she grabbed my hand. A headache came over me immediately, and I yawned and leaned back in my chair. She pulled her hand away. “See? I’m not doing anything.”
The headache throbbed. “Not quite.” Foreboding soured my stomach, but I addressed Alba anyway. “Alba, did your headache go away already?”
Alba nodded. “Yes. As soon as she let go.”
I held out my hand to Alba. “Make my headache go away.”
She didn’t even argue. She simply pressed her hand into mine, and the headache disappeared. “Oh!” Her eyebrows shot up. “How did I do that? How did I— What did I do, Mama?”
Bri’s shoulders hunched up. “I truly gave you a headache, Mama?”
“Oh, girls …” I pulled them into my arms, and they clung to me. “It’s—”
“Zel! Alba! Bri! Guess what!” We broke apart as Ella’s excited voice drifted up the stairs. “The letter just came in the post. I got it! I got the scholarship! I can’t believe it!”
I let out a whoop and rushed down the stairs. “You did it, El! You did it! I knew you would!”
Ella met me on the stairs and threw her arms around my waist. I held her tight and breathed in the scent of cinderslick and winterdrops. It had taken a few years of training, but I’d perfected the art of holding my charge for these brief, comforting touches so I didn’t leave any hint of my trace on her skin or clothes. I’d never have to force Ella back to those painful days of isolation again.
“I just— I can’t believe it. The Royal Academy.” She spoke the words with hushed reverence.
I gave her a squeeze, leaned back, and grinned. “I knew it. You’re smarter than any of those Procus students. Much smarter. You’ll be working your way to the top of the Commerce Ministry before we know it.”
Ella flushed and grinned widely. “The next term starts in a week. I’ll need to finish the baking by the first hour after dawn at the latest and arrange to do our deliveries before school in the morning. I’ll have to take the trolley all the way to the Procus Quarter. Can you imagine? The Procus Quarter?”
Alba leaned around me. “What if you meet a young, handsome Procus lord, and he sweeps you off your feet and—”
“That’s enough, Alba. Ella’s going to the Royal Academy to study, not to find romance.”
Ella nodded solemnly, but I still caught the wink she shot Alba. Oh, dear.
“The only thing is, the scholarship paper says it doesn’t cover any of the extra costs associated with the school. What do you suppose that means?” Ella’s smile faded
I ruffled her hair. It was too soon for that bright smile to disappear already. “Probably uniforms and such. Don’t worry, El. We’ll figure it out. Just think, in a week’s time, you’ll be sitting in your very first class at the Royal Academy! You did it, Ella!”
Her smile returned, and we all went downstairs for a midday meal of victus and water.
After a year of searching, the trackers finally left the Merchant Quarter alone. Though the trackers’ ranks had been built up since the plague decimated the original number, they didn’t seem to be searching for me anymore, and it was rare for any trackers to find their way to our narrow lane in the Merchant Quarter.
The absence of trackers in the Merchant Quarter meant we could all spend time downstairs, which significantly helped my sanity. I did my best to hold in my charge on the lower floor. Hopefully, if a tracker ever happened to enter the kitchen, the hints of my trace would be too light to tell what kind of mage I was. Besides, we would all lose our minds if we had to go back to the austerity of that first horrible year after the market incident.
“Girls, I think it’s time for an announcement.”
Ella set her spoon in her bowl with a clank, no doubt wary of the hard tone of my voice.
I straightened my spine and attempted a smile. “Alba, Bri … listen, please.”
The twins fell silent, Bri with a guilty look on her face. Perhaps she was still upset about giving us headaches. Well, that was just the beginning.
“This morning …” How could I say this without frightening them? Best to get the words out quickly. “Bri and Alba are mages.”
Bri’s shoulders hunched up even further, but Alba smiled widely.
“Bri, you’re absorbent. I’m no expert, but you’re certainly not as absorbent as I am—perhaps in Asylia, some might consider training you to be a tracker or a purifier.”
Bri crossed her arms and leaned back. “That’s dumb.”
I let it slide. “Alba, you’re expellant. You healed me quickly this morning, and every time Bri’s power gave you a headache, you healed yourself instantly. That means you’re expellant enough to be a healer, with the right medical training, of course.”
Alba beamed. “What does that mean? Are we supposed to go to learn to be mages now, like Ella is going to the Royal Academy?”
Ella shifted in her chair and flicked a glance at me.
“Not now, no.”
“Why not?” Alba leaned forward. “I want to!”
Bri’s chair screeched on the floor as she scooted back from the table and stood. “May I be excused?”
“Not yet. Sit down, honey.”
Bri flopped back into her chair.
“Alba, you can’t go to the Mage Academy because if the trackers ever catch you outside the bakery, they’ll want to know who you are and where you’ve been living. And then they’ll find me.”
Alba cocked her head. “Mama … honestly, what’s so bad about that? I hate having to stay here all the time. Couldn’t we just be regular mages and go to school like everyone else?” She shifted in her seat and sneaked a glance at Ella. “Sorry, El. It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, it’s just …”
Ella sent her a half smile. “I understand.”
I straightened my spine and tried for a calm smile. “I know, honey. I wish we could all leave too. But … do you remember how I
said that I’m more absorbent than Bri?”
Bri straightened in her chair, and Alba nodded slowly.
“We’ve been staying home in the bakery, not just because I’m a mage, but because of my kind of mage. I’m too absorbent. My power is dangerous. If someone else had control of me, they could use me like a weapon. Innocent people might get hurt, and we can’t risk that happening.” I wiped at a sudden, strange tear that made its way down my cheek. “Not ever.”
Bri frowned, and Alba tightened her lips. They both nodded.
“You can go upstairs now, girls. We can discuss this more another time.”
They both left in a clatter of dishes and spoons, and soon, only Ella and I remained at the table. Another tear dribbled down my cheek. My poor daughters. Just like Ella, they’d pay the price for my monstrous nature, and now they knew it. I wiped away the tear with my sleeve as Ella’s gentle hand settled on my shoulder.
“They’ll be fine,” Ella said. “We have a good life here. We have the bakery, plenty of victus to eat, and we have each other. And maybe one day, it will get even better. With me going to the Royal Academy, who knows? Anything could happen now!”
Chapter 15
There was a loud thump, like the sound of a book hitting the wall.
“You— You— I hate you! I hate you!”
“You hate me? Ha! I hate you! You’re the worst sister I could ever—”
“Girls!” They ignored me, so I marched down the stairs from the roof and stepped between them as they screamed at each other. “Alba. Bri. Get yourselves under control. Now!”
They fell silent.
I didn’t bother to ask what was going on. It didn’t matter. They’d been fighting like this for days. I doubted either of them remembered what the original fight was about anyway. We were only a week into Ella’s third year at the Royal Academy, and the girls had unleashed a furious storm upon each other the moment she left for school. Who knew ten-year-old girls could be so vicious? Weren’t they still little children?
Then again, they weren’t exactly typical children. Bri leaned round me and grabbed Alba’s fingers.
Alba ripped them away. “Ouch! Mom, she did it again!”
Bri leaned back on her heels, folded her arms, and smirked. “And she already healed herself, so no harm done.”
I took a deep breath. This couldn’t continue. We would never survive like this. But what could I possibly do to fix it? “I’ve had enough, girls. Bri, take your books and your notes and go up on the roof. You may not come down again until bedtime. You’ve been bullying your sister and using your power to harm her, and I have told you far too many times, that is unacceptable. If you do it one more time, you’ll be sleeping on the roof tonight. Understand?”
Bri’s face fell. “Sorry, Mom.”
“I think you mean, ‘Sorry, Alba.’”
Bri scooped up her books from the table and stomped to the stairs. When she was halfway up the stairs, she paused and turned around. “Sorry, Alba,” she muttered under her breath.
Alba sniffed and crossed her arms.
When Bri had shut the door to the roof, I said to Alba, “I’m guessing you had something to do with what happened too.”
“What? I—” She broke off and sighed without bothering to make up a lie. Alba wasn’t the world’s best liar, and unlike Bri, she knew when she’d lost.
“Get back to your studies. You’ll be reciting the entire first passage of Altair’s History of Mages at breakfast tomorrow, so you’d better get started memorizing it. And if I catch you antagonizing Bri again, you’re both spending the night on the roof.” Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to lock them away together, but it would hopefully motivate Alba to leave her sister alone.
Alba flounced to the table and sat down in front of her history book with a huff.
When her nose was buried in her book, I went to my vanity and pulled my journal from the drawer. If I didn’t find an outlet soon, my frustration was going to erupt through my ears.
I can’t do this. I can’t! How can I possibly be expected to ...?
This is impossible. It is. No one can do this. Least of all me. Why did I ever ...?
How have we survived so long in this miserable state? Ten years. Ten years! Ten years, and I’m not going to make it a single day more. We can’t do this. We can’t. It’s too...
I just don’t understand. I love them. I know they love each other, somewhere deep down. And we have Ella looking out for us. But it’s still not enough. They’re tearing each other apart.
We can’t stay here. We’re going mad. We simply can’t stay. But what else can we do? As long as I’m with them, they’ll always have to worry about getting caught by trackers.
I stopped writing and let out a breath. My fingers traced the words I’d just written, dread seeping into my bones. As long as I’m with them. Bri and Alba weren’t the problem. I was. They were stuck in this bakery because of me. As long as I was with them, they’d never have a normal life. Not ever.
I’d hoped by this point a new path would have appeared. Where had I gotten such foolish optimism? Darien had appeared at my tower window in Draicia just when I’d needed him the most, but there was no more Darien, no handsome guard coming to help me escape and promising to whisk me off to a better place. It was just me, Ella, and two miserable girls, and as long as they had me, they’d never be safe.
I put my pencil to the page. I need a new plan. A better plan. Because this one isn’t working. I didn’t stop writing until I’d filled the next ten pages, and by then, the light had dimmed so much Alba went to turn up the luminous. I brought a bowl of victus to Bri on the roof, then shared a grim, quiet dinner with Ella and Alba before I went back to my journal. They have to learn to survive without me. It’s the only way they’ll have a chance.
Part III
Chapter 16
The night sky was crisp but dry. A cool wind whistled along the rooftop, and I shivered, pulling my thick sweater tighter around my body. It was cold, but it wasn’t raining. That was all that mattered. That was why I’d chosen tonight. I had to remember that instead of agonizing over how I’d sent two helpless, naïve, eleven-year-old girls out in the cold city streets all alone.
The air smelled of dirt and old garbage. A loose cobblestone clattered somewhere in the street below me, and I jumped. I strained my eyes, but there was no sign of Bri or Alba on any of the surrounding rooftops. It wouldn’t be long before dawn. Had I made a horrible mistake?
A dark shape moved on the roof of the next building over. Was it—
“Mom!” Bri whispered, but in the quiet night, I could hear her loud and clear.
I rushed to the edge of the roof and peered into the night. Bri huddled on the other side of the narrow gap between our building and our next-door neighbor’s carpentry shop.
“Alba’s gone. I lost her. I thought she was right behind me, and then I couldn’t … she was just … she’s gone!” Bri’s voice crept up an octave.
“Come over here.” I stepped to the side to make more room for her landing. “Now, Bri.” She was growing hysterical. I had to stay calm. We’d find Alba if I had to hunt through the city myself.
Bri hurtled her body across the gap and landed gracefully beside me. Unlike Alba, she’d taken to the rooftops with the grace of the big, wild cats that stalked the Badlands. Some nights, she seemed to enjoy the freedom of the city’s rooftops a little too much. How much longer would I be able to hold her to the bakery? It wouldn’t be long before we’d have to put my plan into action—no more practice runs.
There was a thud, and Bri and I whirled around. Alba crashed to her knees on the other side of the roof and knocked over a rusty chair when she attempted to stabilize her landing. The loud clank made us tense, and I crossed the roof to her as silently as possible. I placed a hand on her shoulder. In the dim light, with no luminous streetlamps on our lane, I couldn’t make out her face. “Are you well?” I breathed.
She nodded.
&nb
sp; Bri appeared at my side. “Why did you leave me? Alba, I thought— I was so worried.”
Alba stood and wiped the dirt from her knees. “I just got turned around, Bri. It’s fine. Don’t worry about me.”
I hustled them downstairs. “Get cleaned up. Quietly, now. Don’t you dare wake Ella. Then I’ll receive your reports.”
Alba yawned and rubbed her eyes. “Mom, can’t we just do that in the morning?”
“No. If you can’t handle missing a few hours of sleep …”
“Then how can we be expected to survive on our own?” Alba finished my sentence with an annoyed whisper. “I know, I know. Fine.”
When the girls were in their nightgowns and ready for bed, I called them to the large table we used for meals and schoolwork upstairs. “Bri first.”
Bri held up a tattered canvas bag, then poured its contents unceremoniously onto the table. “The Well-Trained Tracker, from the Mage Academy Library. Goldblossom cutting from the Falconus family garden. And a discarded polishing rag from the Argentarius compound fomecoach garage.” She waved her hand over each object with a flourish.
“I didn’t tell you to take that goldblossom cutting, Bri. Those are expensive. That’s stealing.”
Bri jutted out her chin. “Well, I wanted proof.”
“You didn’t need it. Oh, forget it. Just make sure you return The Well-Trained Tracker to the library on your next outing. And … you did well, honey.”
Bri nodded, and the corner of her mouth twisted up. She had precious little to be proud of. I had to give her something.
“Alba? Your turn.”
Alba fidgeted before dumping her suspiciously limp canvas bag on the table. “I couldn’t find anything. I got lost, like I said, and I was all by myself without Bri …” Her bottom lip quivered.
“Oh, sweetheart. It’s fine. Next time, you’ll do better.” I’d pushed them too hard with this one, and she was overly tired, but I stood by my plan. If Alba couldn’t handle a night alone on the city’s rooftops, how would she ever be able to survive by herself once I turned myself in? Bri couldn’t do everything for her.