by Kaylin Lee
My hand moved closer.
Ella’s soft, determined voice. “But I’ll love you like a mother.”
Time slowed down. My hand inched ever closer.
“That’s fine, Ella. I’ll—I’ll love you too.”
Her gaze was fixed stubbornly on mine. She wouldn’t look away or close her eyes. My hand moved to her throat. One inch, and her innocent life would be gone—lost to my power, like so many other lives. Monster. Nightmare.
She’d chosen me that rainy night, so many years ago. I’d chosen her too, but at some point, I’d given up choosing her. I’d decided she was better off without me.
I drew in a breath. The familiar scent of Ella—coffee, sugar, and winterdrops—filled my nose. My girl. My Ella.
She knew who she was. She was my daughter. But who was I? A monster, or a woman? A nightmare, or a mother?
I strained against my True Name’s leash once again. It didn’t budge. What if I’d been wrong all along? What if it wasn’t supposed to?
The new thought seemed to unlock something strange inside me. I froze, and my hand stopped its terrible progress. It should have been impossible. I was dimly aware of Flavian speaking, but I was too locked in my own struggle to listen to his words.
What if my True Name wasn’t meant to disappear? What if it wasn’t a leash, the way I’d envisioned it, ever since the Wasp Queen had taken my Name from me as a child? What if it was simply … me?
For the first time, I imagined my True Name and my will as a unified, powerful body, erupting from the ground like a massive snow-capped mountain, like Alba’s Peak. Flavian’s superimposed will encircled my enormous mountain like a thin, weak rope. The mountain grew and grew as I strained harder, stretching up to the sky, and the rope of his will snapped.
I was free.
I whirled away from Ella. My body obeyed with speed and precision, like nothing I’d ever felt on one of the Wasp’s outings. A moment later, Flavian was gone. Then I took out the man holding Ella, and one by one, I took the life of every other red-masked monster in the shipping bay. My body moved fluidly through each darting movement—controlled, deadly, and mine. Mine. My body was mine to control and no one else’s. My power didn’t rule me. My rage didn’t control me, and neither did Flavian.
When the masked men were all gone, I stood in the middle of the carnage, my power sated, my heart racing from the thrill of victory. Bri, Alba, Ella, and Weslan were safe. I’d done it.
A woman’s voice called out, echoing in the silent loading bay. “Zel Stone, by order of the crown prince, you’re under arrest. Come peacefully, or die now.”
The words sank in slowly as I came back to reality. I followed the sound of her voice to the door Ella had entered through. A small group of black-clad men followed a woman with a gold armband, swords at the ready and crossbows trained on me.
Under arrest? Ridiculous. How did they expect to take me?
And yet, wasn’t this what I’d wanted all along? I had planned to turn myself in, to stop hiding at last. I faced the woman who’d spoken and held up my hands in surrender, sinking to my knees.
The group approached slowly. A tall, broad man with wild, brown hair and a scruffy beard drew ahead of them. My heart skipped a beat when he met my eyes without smiling. His face was a mask of stone. “I’ve got her,” he said to the soldiers at his side.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. Darien? Alive? All this time? That was impossible.
He stopped in front of me and held out his hand. “Come with me, Zel.” His voice was gruff, his expression indecipherable.
The room spun. I couldn’t breathe. Darien. He was here. He was alive.
Chapter 23
Darien extended his hand to me, and he pulled me gently to my feet. The other black-clad men drew closer, weapons trained on me.
Darien pushed me behind him, using his body as a shield between me and their weapons. His shoulders were taut. “I said I’ve got her.” There was no mistaking the hard threat in his voice.
I held my breath.
One by one, they lowered their weapons. Darien shifted his body toward me again and placed a firm hand on my lower back. “Just stay with me.”
I followed wordlessly, in too much of a daze to think straight, much less question him. Less than an hour later, he led me into a small room in the Sentinels’ basement headquarters at the palace.
The room was dim and musty. Dust covered most of the surfaces and a single small luminous lit the room from the ceiling. Darien waited warily at the door. He glanced over his shoulder. “Stand guard. Don’t leave. I’ll question her first.”
“Hey, are you sure—”
Darien stepped into the room and shut the door, cutting off the man’s objection.
My heart pounded. It was him. Alive, whole, and here. “How?” Had he abandoned me, after all? “Why?” My voice was barely more than a hoarse whisper.
He flinched at my words but stepped closer, his face twisted as though in physical pain. “The Wasp left me for dead that night. I nearly bled to death in the street, but I managed to crawl to safety. King Anton had sent a team of Sentinels after me, and they found me and saved my life. I’d gone rogue to come get you, and they brought me back to Asylia. But when I got back, the king detained me as punishment for going out on my own.” His shoulders hunched as he spoke. “For three years, I was locked in the dungeons. It wasn’t until the king passed responsibility for the Sentinels to Prince Estevan that I got another chance to search for you.”
The roaring in my ears made it difficult to listen. I stumbled to a chair at the room’s small table and stared down at my hands. Why were my hands blurry? I blinked rapidly, and a spattering of tears dripped onto my palms.
Darien knelt before me and looked at me intently. “It was you, wasn’t it?” His voice was rough. “At that market in the Common Quarter after the queen died?”
I simply nodded. I couldn’t speak.
He shook his head. “I thought you’d fled to the Badlands from the market. We searched the city for months. No one found any trace of you. I led teams to the Badlands whenever Prince Estevan allowed it, Zel. For years on end. I never gave up looking for you. I swear it. I was just looking in the wrong striking place.” Self-loathing coated his voice.
My fingers twitched to reach out to him, to show him the comfort he would have shown me had our roles been reversed. I kept my hands in my lap instead. I didn’t know what I was feeling. I wanted to slap him, kiss him, or scream at him. I held myself still and focused on not falling apart completely.
“I failed you, Zel. You and our—” His voice broke.
“Our daughters,” I finished. My voice was numb, empty. “Our girls.”
His face crumpled. “All this time, I never imagined. I was such a stupid, striking fool! To get you with child and then just leave you there, to put my trust in the king and the Sentinels. I can never—” He gritted his teeth and cut himself off. “I’m so striking sorry. It’s not enough. But I am.”
I stroked the warm skin of his cheek. He shut his eyes and pressed his face into my hand. He was so familiar and yet so strange. I’d longed for him and dreamed of him for over thirteen years, and here he was—alive but broken, kneeling before me, unwilling to meet my eyes.
I traced the harsh lines on his face with the tips of my fingers. I’d mourned him all this time, believing he’d died for me, but he’d known I was alive. He’d been tortured with that knowledge, year after year, unable to find me.
I slid onto the floor so that I was on my knees, level with him.
His eyes remained shut, his body impossibly still.
I put one hand on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. My heart had broken from grief, but his had broken too. How could two broken hearts continue to beat for so long?
Tears streamed down my face as I lifted my lips to his. I kissed him hesitantly, the saltiness of my tears mingling with the foreign taste of his lips. Then the desire I’d thought had d
ied with him flared to life. I pressed my lips harder against his, and he groaned, wrapping his arms around me and pressing me closer.
“Zel,” he breathed against my lips, “I love you.”
I couldn’t speak. I could only cry, my tears drenching his face as I met kiss after hungry kiss.
~
“Be ready.” Darien eyed the closed door. “They’ll be here to question you any moment. We won’t have much time to get the girls.”
“I’m ready.”
He gripped my hand. “I won’t leave you again. Not ever.”
I nodded without speaking. He planned to break us out so we could flee to the Badlands. We’d take our chances there, together, as a family. But after everything that had happened, how could I leave Ella?
Footsteps thumped unevenly in the hallway outside the door. Darien tensed. Voices muttered just on the other side of the door, and then the door swung open. Darien leapt to his feet.
Prince Estevan limped inside, his mouth twisted in a wry grin. He shut the door behind him. “Stop plotting your breakout. We’ve a few matters to discuss.”
Darien’s shoulders sagged, and he sank to the floor, kneeling with his head bowed before the prince. I followed suit.
The prince ignored us. He staggered over to the table and collapsed into a chair. Darien rose and pulled me with him, gripping my hand tightly as we faced the prince. From the corner of my eye, I peeked at Darien. His posture was stiff, his shoulders high and tense. He held my hand like it was a lifeline. What would he do if Prince Estevan ordered us to stay in Asylia?
I squeezed Darien’s hand once. “What matters do we need to discuss, Your Highness?” My voice was scratchy but level.
The prince leaned heavily against the back of his chair, but his slight smile remained. “It’s nice to meet you, Zel. I’ve been hearing about you for years.” The prince watched me with a strange expression, as though I were a bug he’d like to dissect. “I’m not one for love, but I have to admit that if there’s anyone who knows what true love is, it’s this man right here. He never gave up, you know. He knew you’d survived. He knew you were out there, somewhere. He never stopped searching for you.”
Darien shifted on his feet and pulled me closer to him so that we stood with shoulders touching. He gave me a rueful half smile. “They thought I’d gone mad.”
The prince let out a short laugh. “That we did.” He crossed his arms and addressed me. “Here’s the problem. They told me what you did at the warehouse.”
Bucking my True Name. Killing the man who should have been able to control me. How could they allow me to live if they couldn’t control me? Sickness seeped into my stomach, but I squared my shoulders and straightened my spine. I would never be controlled again. I’d never be anyone else’s weapon. And I’d pay the price for that, whatever it was. Even if it meant death or imprisonment.
“You’d be safer in the Badlands. You and Darien and your children. I’d understand if you decided to leave. And if you do, you’ll be free to go—all of you.”
I exhaled slowly and felt Darien relax beside me. That was the last thing I had expected.
“But I’m here to ask a favor of you both.” Prince Estevan leaned forward in his chair and winced. Then he rested his forearms on the table and settled his weight on them. “Don’t go. Stay here, and help me.”
I raised my eyebrows. Help him?
“The True Name system was already unsustainable. I’ve known it for years. We can’t rebuild a city when a good portion of our population is controlled and resentful, rightfully so. Now we know for sure that True Names can be resisted, or broken, or whatever it is that you did. Word will spread. Mages will rebel, and the city will panic. The mage authority structure will crumble, and we will need to be ready with an alternative when it does.” He tapped his fingers restlessly on the table and met my eyes. “I’m hoping you’ll agree to help me find that alternative. If the most powerful mage in the city can resist her True Name but still chooses to stay and seek the good of the city, it will help restore confidence.”
Beside me, Darien grew stiff again. He didn’t want us to stay. I pressed my shoulder gently against his, hoping my presence would keep him calm long enough to hear the prince out.
“There’s another reason I need you. If we want to end the True Name system, every single mage in the city will need to be able to resist their True Name. Otherwise, we’ll have an army of mages in Asylia that our enemies might be able to control. I’ve never heard of anyone doing what you did. That means you’re our best chance of teaching our mages how to resist their True Name.”
I nodded slowly. His logic made sense. And staying in the city would allow me to stay closer to Ella, and the twins could live a normal life.
“If we stay,” Darien said, “we’ll need assurances, Your Highness.”
The prince tipped his head back. “Yes?”
“Secure housing for our family. Zel and our daughters will be targets when the city learns what happened. They’ll be feared, probably threatened.” He darted a glance at me. “They’ll need to be protected.”
The prince nodded. “You’ll have it. What else?”
Darien squeezed my hand.
I spoke up. “The girls need a normal life, as much as possible. The Mage Academy. Training, and all that. They’ve been in hiding with me for thirteen years. I don’t want them to pay for my Touch anymore. I want them to be free.”
Darien tucked me under his arm and held me at his side. I felt his lips touch the top of my head in a quick, gentle kiss.
Prince Estevan’s eyes flicked from Darien to me, his expression indecipherable. “Of course. They’ll be treated as normal mages. As much as is possible, given that we don’t yet know what threats will come against you. But if you want real security, you’ll have to stay in the Mage Division at all times. Either that or in the palace. But the Mage Division offers more freedom. That’s the best I can offer.”
I supposed that was all I could hope for.
“One more thing.” I lifted my chin. “Ella Stone must be allowed to visit us whenever she wants.”
~
The prince agreed to our requests and left us in the room. Minutes later, the door opened again, and a guard ushered Bri and Alba into the room. They dove at me, and I wrapped my arms around them, rocking back and forth as though they were little babies again. “Oh, girls … I’m so sorry …”
Bri shook her head vehemently, and then pressed it back against my shoulder again. “What else could you have done, Mom? They were evil. And you beat them. I wish I was as strong as you.”
“I love you both so much.” I pressed a kiss onto each precious head. “Everything is going to be fine now. We’ll be free. Free!”
Alba tilted her head up, lips trembling. “You mean we can stay together?”
“We can.”
She let out a pitiful sob and buried her head on my shoulder again. “Good,” she mumbled through her tears.
How had I ever thought I could send them away? Why hadn’t I seen that it was far too much to ask of her? Monster.
I silenced the spiteful voice in my head. I’d made a plan that would help them survive. I’d done my best with what I had. I wasn’t perfect, but I’d kept them alive and as happy as possible for thirteen years. No, I wouldn’t be listening to that voice anymore.
When Alba’s sobs had quieted, I leaned back slightly. “Girls, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”
Bri tensed.
Alba rubbed her eyes. “Who?”
I peeled myself away from the girls and went to stand by Darien, who was watching them silently with an expression of awe on his face. “This is Darien, your father,” I said softly. “He didn’t die in Draicia, the way I thought he did. He’s been looking for us all this time.”
Alba blanched and took a step back.
Bri narrowed her eyes at him but addressed me. “He was here all along? Why didn’t he find us sooner?”
I slid my ha
nd into Darien’s. What would it be like, to be meeting your daughters for the very first time? The girls he should have held as babies were young women already.
“We were very careful about not leaving traces in the city. You know that. But it turns out we were too careful. He thought we were hiding in the Badlands. He was searching the Badlands for us, never knowing that we were hiding at the bakery inside the city all along.”
Bri nodded slowly. She fixed her gaze on Darien. “You wanted us. You just couldn’t find us. But you … you did want us?”
Darien held out one hand to her, meeting her gaze unwaveringly. “I did. I do. I swear it. My daughters …”
Bri threw herself into his arms and wrapped him in a tight hug. “Daddy,” she whispered against his shirt. A quiet, steady stream of tears escaped her eyes and flowed down her cheeks.
My throat tightened. It was the first time I’d seen Bri cry since she was a child.
Alba stood at the edge of the room with her arms wrapped protectively around her torso, watching Bri and Darien with furrowed brows. She caught my eye and shook her head. I went to her and put my arm around her.
“It’s fine, sweetheart,” I whispered. “When you’re ready.”
She leaned into me but didn’t answer.
Chapter 24
I walked alone through the crowded, clean-swept streets of the Mage Division while Bri and Alba napped in our temporary housing in the mage barracks. I could not stay in the oppressively hot building a moment longer.
The warmth of the cobblestones seeped through my thin shoes as I watched the mages pass me on the footpath. Some even brushed against me as they hurried to class or work. None of them knew who I was. That would change soon enough, as Prince Estevan planned to announce my role in the upcoming reformations on mage controls.
I was free. After a lifetime of worry, I didn’t have to hide anymore. Prince Estevan wouldn’t force me to work for his government. Even if he changed his mind, he wouldn’t be able to force me.