by Louis Sachar
I joined Gloria, took the cards out of board seven, and started shoveling. I reported that Trapp was still resting and would be down shortly.
The two men sitting East-West were a lot closer to my age than to Gloria's. They were probably in their late twenties or early thirties. I think West had a tattoo, but it might have just been a birthmark. I could only glimpse a small portion of it, underneath his shirt collar.
"It's got to take its toll," he said. "Memorizing every card."
Fifteen minutes later, Trapp and Teodora still had not come down. At the other table, Lucy and Arnold were already playing.
"I guess you're going to have to fill in, Alton," said Gloria. "Until he gets here."
For a moment I was stunned, or maybe for several moments, but then I thought, Okay, I can do this. It probably would only be for one hand, so even if I screwed up, Trapp could overcome it. But just imagine his surprise if I got us a good board.
I'd sat on the sidelines long enough. It was time for me to get into the game!
Gloria laughed. "Don't worry, I'm only kidding," she said.
"You should have seen the look on your face!" laughed West.
I smiled, pretending relief.
A minute later, Trapp and Teodora entered the Grand Ballroom. To save time, I removed the South hand from board seven and met them before they reached the table. "Spades: queen, jack. Hearts: eight, seven, five, three, two. Diamonds: jack, ten—"
"Whoa, slow down," said Trapp. "Let me get my bearings."
Teodora handed me a thermos bottle. "Make sure he drinks this," she told me. "A little bit at a time."
I held the thermos in one hand and the fan of cards in the other, and once again told him his hand. "Spades: queen, jack. Hearts: eight, seven, five, three, two. Diamonds: jack, ten, six . . ."
We started with boards seven through twelve. The other table had one through six.
On board seven, Gloria bid and made four spades, for a score of 620.
"Sorry, I guess my diamond lead gave it to her," said West, the one with the maybe-tattoo.
"You had to lead something," said East. "It was the normal lead."
"I considered the eight of clubs," said West.
"That would have worked."
I tried to get Trapp to drink some of Teodora's tea, but he refused, saying it wasn't necessary since he had been dummy, so he didn't exert any energy. He groaned as he stood up, and I led him away from the table.
Once again he told me to slow down when I recited his hand. I admit I had been feeling rushed because of our late start, but I don't think I was speaking any faster than normal. Usually he got impatient with me because I didn't go fast enough.
East bid and made three no-trump. Trapp hadn't been dummy, but he still wouldn't drink Teodora's tea.
On board nine, he had me repeat the diamonds.
On board ten, he was down one in four-hearts. Gloria said there was nothing he could have done about it, but he seemed disappointed in himself.
The caddy came by with the six boards from the other table, and we gave her the four boards we had played so far.
When I tried to get him to take a sip of tea, he snapped at me. "You drink it!"
It smelled like rotten cantaloupe.
Some time later, I noticed that Arnold and Lucy had finished. We still had four boards to go. True, they had started before us, but it seemed to me that Trapp was playing extremely slowly. More than once, when it was his turn to play, I'd make my guess as to what card he'd call for, but then I'd wait for what seemed like forever until he finally called a card. It was usually the card I had anticipated, which was either good for me or bad for him.
We finished the first twelve boards. Arnold and Lucy came over and we compared results.
On board seven, Arnold had led the eight of clubs and they set four spades. That gave us 12 IMPs.
Unfortunately, that was our only good board. Lucy totaled it up. At the halfway point we were down by 41 IMPs.
Everyone sat glumly.
"They're very good players," said Arnold.
Gloria nodded.
"It doesn't mean we can't come back," said Lucy.
"Forty-one IMPs isn't impossible," said Arnold. "If they can do it, so can we."
"Forty-one is nothing!" said Gloria. "I was down forty-nine once, and we came back and won by two IMPs."
Arnold then said that he once was behind by 55 IMPs at the halfway point and still won.
"I got you both beat," said Lucy. "I was once ahead by fifty-seven IMPs . . . and lost."
Everyone laughed at that, including me.
"Pour me a cup of tea," said Trapp.
I unscrewed the top of Teodora's thermos and filled the cup. Trapp brought it up to his lips, shuddered, then drank it all down.
"Let's go get 'em!" he said.
48
Quack of Clubs
When the two men returned to our table, there was a slight discrepancy in the score. They thought they were only winning by 38 IMPs. We went over the results, and found the error on board six. Unfortunately, we were right.
They seemed almost apologetic about being so far ahead. Bridge isn't an in-your-face kind of game. There's no dancing in the end zone.
I realized that the fact that they had fewer masterpoints than us didn't mean all that much. They were a lot younger. It takes a long time to accumulate masterpoints. Arnold, Lucy, and Gloria had all been playing for about fifty years. Trapp had only played about thirty, having quit for a while. The team we were up against had probably been playing less than fifteen years, but they had already won enough masterpoints to be in the top bracket. They were, I realized, about the age of Trapp and Annabel the last time they played together.
We started with boards one through six this time. On board one, our opponents tried to stop at two spades, but Trapp, who had passed throughout, suddenly said, "Three diamonds."
He only had seven points: the ace of hearts and the queen and jack of diamonds. I tried to keep my expression blank as I placed the 3 card on the table. West bid three spades, and we set it by one trick. That was fifty points for us. If Trapp had let them play two-spades, they would have scored 110 points.
It was a start.
"Pour me another cup of tea," he said.
On the very next board, he bid six clubs and made it for 1,370.
"Well bid," West said, after the hand was over. "Our teammates will probably be in three no-trump."
"You got to push a little when you're down by forty-one," said Gloria.
"It's not forty-one anymore," said East, a worried expression on his face.
Trapp and Gloria kept on pushing. They made slam on board five, and then doubled the opponents on board six, setting them by two tricks for 500.
The caddy came by with boards seven through twelve just as we finished board six. I poured my uncle another cup of tea.
On board seven, Trapp had almost all black cards: seven spades, headed by the king and queen, and five clubs, headed by the king and jack. His only red card was the three of diamonds.
He was first to bid. "Four spades," he said.
I confidently set the bid on the table, and I was still just as confident when he was doubled. In fact, I was a little disappointed he didn't redouble.
He only took eight tricks. That was worth 500 points to our opponents. However, in the post-mortem, our opponents realized they actually could have made six diamonds for 1,370, so this was still a good board for us.
I looked at the IMPs chart. If Lucy and Arnold had bid six diamonds on the board, we would gain 13 IMPs.
Trapp wasn't happy about it. "I could have held it to down one if I played you for jack-ten doubleton of clubs," he said to the guy with the tattoo.
"It's always easier after you've seen all four hands," the man replied.
It's funny how quickly people forget that Trapp cannot actually see the cards.
I started to give him his hand for board eight, but he was still grumbling a
bout board seven.
"It won't matter if Lucy and Arnold bid the slam," I said.
"Six diamonds is hard to bid," he said. "Everybody's going to open four spades with my hand. It's called a preemptive bid. It makes it hard for the opponents to bid, since their very first bid has to be at the five-level."
I think that might have been the first time he ever took the time to explain bridge to me. It felt good.
I started to give him his hand for board eight.
"C'mon, c'mon," he interrupted.
I had been saying his cards too slowly.
We reached board ten. The thermos was empty. I thought about calling Teodora and asking her to bring down more tea, but you weren't allowed to use cell phones in the playing area.
The contract was four hearts. West was declarer, and after the first seven tricks, he'd won five and we'd won two. We needed two more tricks to set the contract.
These were Trapp's remaining cards:
"Two of clubs," said Gloria, placing that card on the table.
West called for dummy's ten of clubs, and then it was Trapp's turn.
He thought awhile. The jack of clubs was my choice, but Trapp was on a roll. If he played the eight, I knew it would be right.
"Queen of clubs," he said.
I didn't know what I was supposed to do, so I didn't do anything. I just sat there.
After a long and uncomfortable moment, Trapp wanted to know what was happening.
"We're still waiting for Alton to play a card," said West.
"Queen of clubs," Trapp repeated.
I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. I remained motionless.
"I'm sorry, I'm going to have to call the director," said West.
"I think you better," Trapp said, his voice quaking.
East raised his hand. "Director, please!"
"I'm sorry," said West.
"No need to apologize," said Trapp.
The director arrived and the situation was explained to him.
"He instructed Alton to play the queen of clubs," said West.
"And apparently, I do not hold that card," said Trapp.
His voice was without emotion, but I could feel his humiliation.
The director thought a moment. I doubted this situation was anywhere in his rule book.
"Okay," he said at last. "We're going to treat this as unauthorized information." He turned to Gloria. "You now know your partner doesn't hold the queen of clubs. You will have to play the rest of the hand as if you don't have that information. Of course, if you're the one holding the queen, then there is no unauthorized information, but don't say so, one way or the other. Otherwise, you'll be giving unauthorized information to your partner."
He turned to West. "You are permitted to know that South doesn't have the queen of clubs, and if that information helps you, you may use it to your advantage. After the hand is over, call me back if you feel you've been damaged."
He then told me to take Trapp aside and tell him his remaining cards. "But you are not to in any way suggest what card to play, and you are not to tell him what cards have already been played, either by him or by anyone else."
I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell the director that there was nothing I could possibly tell my uncle that he didn't already know. I wanted to tell him that not only did Trapp know every card that was played, he also could tell you every card in everyone's hand.
Except that wasn't the case. Not this time.
I rose from my chair.
Trapp remained seated.
"C'mon," I said.
He didn't move.
I pulled on his arm, but I might just as well have been tugging at a block of cement.
"I'm done," he said.
"You have to finish the match," I said.
"You know how to play," he said. "You finish it."
I looked to Gloria for help. Tears were flowing down her face.
"Call my room," said Trapp. "Have Teodora come and get me."
With an unnaturally controlled voice, Gloria asked our opponents if they had any objections to Alton playing the remaining hands.
"That's not a problem," East said, his voice quiet and sober.
I found a house phone and called Trapp's suite. When Teodora answered, I said, "Trapp needs help." Then I returned to the table and played the jack of clubs.
49
A Monkey and a Typewriter
Supposedly if one million monkeys randomly press the keys on one million typewriters for one million years, one of those monkeys, at some point in time, will type Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.
Who knows? I thought. Maybe I could be that monkey!
There were only three boards left, including the one that we were in the middle of playing. All I had to do was choose the right card every single time.
I concentrated on every card that was played. I tried to imagine what bid Trapp would make or what card Trapp would play. I tried to form a bridge between my conscious and subconscious minds.
When we finished, Gloria said I had done "very well." East and West complimented me too, not so much for my card-playing skill as for my composure.
Arnold and Lucy returned to the table. Gloria told them what had happened, but they already knew most of it, having heard the commotion, and having seen Teodora come and get Trapp. They also had seen me sitting in the South seat, alone.
"Alton did just fine," said Gloria.
What happened to "very well"? I wondered.
Lucy and Arnold didn't look too optimistic. "Let's add it up," said Lucy.
We lost the match by 24 IMPs. My only consolation was that if we didn't count the last three boards, we would have lost by 5.
We didn't even stay the night in the hotel. When Gloria and I got off the elevator on the tenth floor, Teodora was there to meet us. "Trapp wants to go home."
"Now?" exclaimed Gloria. "It's ten-thirty at night. We've already paid for the rooms. Why don't we just wait and see how he feels in the morning? Maybe a single-session pairs game will give him back his confidence."
Trapp appeared in the doorway. "Pack your bags. We're leaving."
Twenty minutes later, we were on the highway, with Trapp snoring in the backseat next to Teodora, and Gloria up front with me. "Don't you worry, Alton," said Teodora. "He will be himself again."
"It makes no difference to me," I said, angrily staring at the road.
He had never even asked about the remainder of the match. It had never occurred to him that I might have played well enough for us to win.
It wasn't impossible that I could have played the right card at the right time. I wasn't just your random monkey. I had played the game before, and I had watched him play hundreds of hands. I knew what it meant to take a finesse and to pull trump.
You begin each hand with thirteen cards, but I figured my odds were much better than thirteen to one on any given card. For one thing, you have to follow suit. So if someone led a spade and I only had three spades in my hand, I had a one in three chance of getting it right.
He could have at least asked!
All of my passengers had fallen asleep. I turned on the radio to keep myself awake, but not loud enough to wake them.
Bidding had been more of a challenge for me, but there, too, it wasn't as if I had to choose between all thirty-eight possible bids. Usually I had two, maybe three reasonable choices.
I decided I didn't believe that thing about monkeys and typewriters. If Lincoln's Gettysburg Address could be typed solely by accident, then that would mean it would be almost typed millions of times, with maybe just a couple of words wrong. Four score and six years ago. A government of the people, by the people, and smell the eggplant. It would also mean that those monkeys would randomly type millions of other works too, including a page out of the phone book with every name in alphabetical order and every phone number correct.
Gloria was snoring too, and then Teodora started. The inside of my car sounded like a factory.
I turned
the radio up loud.
50
Ducking Smoothly
I got back home sometime after four a.m. I must have woken up Leslie, because she was waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom.
"Why are you home?" she asked, her eyes more shut than open.
I gave her the short version. "We lost."
"I thought Trapp never loses," she said.
I had thought the same thing. "Don't be stupid," I said.
"Does that mean you're not going to the nationals?" she asked.
"No. I mean yes. I don't know."
I can't deal with double negatives at four-thirty in the morning.
Mrs. Mahoney called the next day (the same day, technically) and said that Mr. Trapp would not be needing my services for two weeks. He had to save his strength, and wouldn't play again until the nationals.
I took that as good news. At least he still planned to play for the championship.
By the way, speaking of my services, he never paid me for the regional. I was supposed to get three hundred dollars. Four sessions at seventy-five a session.
Not that I'm complaining. It was just a thought that crossed my mind, so I reported it to you. Yes, I realize he bought me a car! No, I wasn't planning to sue him! Sorry, I never should have mentioned it.
Teodora had Trapp on a liquid diet, designed to rid his system of toxins and contaminants. My mother called it "cleaning the plumbing." Or maybe those were Mrs. Mahoney's words. She told my mother and my mother told me that Uncle Lester was having "bathroom issues." I could describe these issues to you more fully—my mother was very descriptive—but I think we've already entered the zone of Too Much Information.
My parents must have thought these bathroom issues were serious, because they asked me yet again if I had spoken to Uncle Lester about his will.
I lied. "He said we'll be well taken care of," I told them, hoping this would put an end to their nagging.
" 'Well taken care of'?" my father repeated. "What does that mean?"
"I guess we'll find out when he's dead," I said.
"Don't be crude," said my mother.
Monday, five days after the regional, I was staring at my phone in my hand, thinking about calling Toni. Since Trapp wouldn't be playing on Thursday, I wondered if she might want to play with me again. I was also wondering if I should call Cliff first, but I didn't think I had to. Toni and I were just bridge partners, I told myself. Nothing more, nothing less.