by W. Ferraro
Silent moments passed that felt like hours when Sammy gasped, “Oh God, Jessica is upstairs!”
As the words left her mouth, sounds of people coughing cut through the eerie silence. Leah wrapped her arms around Sammy and the boys, unable to control the flapping of her hands. She tried to keep them still while the sirens of the fire trucks became louder as the big rigs raced toward them.
Marc and Jess coughed as they emerged from the smoke-filled air, joining the younger kids on the sidewalk.
Relief overtook Leah until Jessica rounded on them.
“What the hell did you do?” Jessica yelled at the young group, unaware that Marc had run off down the street.
“It was an accident!” Sam cried as the boys cried into each side of her shirt.
Before anything else could be spoken, the sheriff’s SUV, pulled up immediately in front of them.
Gage exited the car, along with his deputy, Paige, both rushing to Leah and the kids.
“Is everyone all right? Where are Hunter and Molly?” Gage asked more nervously than professional.
Sammy answered, “They aren’t here. It is just us.”
Gage placed a hand at Leah’s head, looking her over from head to toe to ensure that she really was uninjured, before moving on to the smaller three, then finally to Jessica.
Apparently satisfied with all of their appearances, he turned his cop mode on. “What happened?” the question was aimed toward Jessica as he asked with a high volume since now the firefighters were issuing orders.
“Don’t ask me! They did it. I was upstairs,” she yelled accusingly, as she sought physical comfort from Marc, before realizing he was no longer there. She looked around in every direction as tears rolled down her face.
Gage turned his attention toward Leah as Sammy and the boys continued to weep. Paige squatted down to offer comfort to the boys and Samantha as Gage focused on Leah. Her large eyes filled with water as her hands began to flap excessively. She rocked from one foot to the other as if the ground was hot beneath her feet. Looking beyond her uncle, she watched where the firefighters battled the still roaring flames.
She observed as the firefighters attached hoses and got low to the ground before turning the mighty gush of water onto the flames. Heavy coated men ran here and there in perfect organization attending to the horrifying scene in front of them. Thick black smoke continued to engulf the night, extending over across the street to where Gage stood with the kids.
Through the turbulent noise, you could hear the distinct deep timbre of the fire chief. He issued orders clearly and precisely as he hung his helmet covered head low to keep the backsplash of water off his face. The rotating red beacon cast continuing shadows across his face as he watched his company bring the flames down.
Leah knew her uncles, Mason, Casey, and Jamie, were somewhere in the mix, but she couldn’t pick them out of the growing crowd.
Leah began to pace in a wide circle, becoming less aware of the others and more aware of her body’s overcompensation to all the external stimuli.
Aware of the overload Leah was going through, Gage stepped toward Leah, ducked down to her level, placed his hands on each one of her shoulders, and looked her straight in the eyes. His large hands massaged gently giving contact to her battling body as well as keeping a connection for Leah to focus on, something to cut through the overload of her system and bring her back around.
When she finally seemed to focus on Gage’s face, he smiled at her and spoke clearly. “Leah, listen to me. You are not in trouble. No one is in trouble. Accidents happen, but I need to know exactly what happened.”
Leah began to weep.
Gage brought her small body in close to his chest, comforting her. He kissed her head, all the while whispering she was okay and not in trouble.
Finally, Leah was calmed enough to recite what had occurred, including that she thought she was throwing water on the fire when in fact it was leftover cooking oil.
Just as she had finished, Hunter pulled up with Molly, who was out of the car and running toward her kids before Hunter had the car in park.
“Sammy! Jess! Oh my God! Are you all right?” Molly screamed as she finally reached them, embracing them all, including the boys to ensure they were in fact physically fine.
The tears that ran down Molly’s face were the same that ran down her youngest daughter’s cheeks. Molly couldn’t seem to kiss, hug, or touch all of them enough.
Hunter, however, only seemed to have eyes for Leah.
“I’m so sorry, Daddy! I didn’t mean to!” She just kept repeating as the tears fell faster and harder as Hunter held her tight.
“Shh, Moonbeam, shh. Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?” Hunter crooned checking her over multiple times.
Soon other arms joined in the father-daughter embrace. Molly kissed Leah’s head before trying to brush the hair out of her face. She too whispered suggestions of calmness but held Leah as she cried.
“Molly! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! It was an accident! I tried to fix it!” Leah just kept repeating over and over again as she continued to cry.
“I know, sweetie. It’s okay. As long as you are all safe, it is all that matters.”
Tracey and Bob came running up a moment later.
Tracey called for her boys as they each picked a boy up in their arms. Bob looked at Sammy and Jess but didn’t embrace either of them.
Gage filled Molly and Hunter in on what Leah had told him, including that Marc Constantine had also been in there but took off when the fire broke out.
Molly squeezed both Leah and Sammy a little tighter, before rounding on her oldest, “Jess, you were supposed to be watching them! What the hell was Marc doing in my house?”
But before Molly could ask anything more, Bob spoke up. “Fuck what Jess was doing! How about why you weren’t watching my boys when you were off rocking fancy fucking Dennison’s house off its foundation?”
Hunter stepped toward Bob, as Molly said, “Me being with Hunter has nothing to do with this!”
“Fucking bullshit it doesn’t!”
Gage, who was now holding Hunter back from advancing anymore, motioned to Paige to intervene between Molly and Bob.
“You were supposed to be watching my boys!” Bob screamed out again.
Molly had had it. “Well, your daughters were there too, but you just proved how much they matter to you!”
This ensued another round of screaming, causing Paige to have to escort Bob and Tracey and the boys to their car, as Gage had to control Hunter.
Leah watched as all the adults spouted their anger.
And this was all her fault.
Her hands flapped once more as she rolled up on the balls of her feet repeatedly. Hunter placed his hands on each of her shoulders, slowly applying increased pressure, a commonly used technique to calm her.
“Molly! Jessica! Samantha!” was shouted from somewhere off to the left. Leah’s head turned at the sound of the boisterous yelling.
Soon, she saw two older people, both with hefty bellies and gray hair running toward the three they called. The large embrace of the man caught Molly and Sammy while the older woman hugged Jess.
Great, more people who will be mad at me.
Hunter and Leah were off to the side watching the grateful encompass.
Before Leah knew what was happening, Sammy and Jess were being led away by the older couple while Molly approached them.
Molly placed one hand on Leah’s cheek, which Leah leaned into, and the other on Hunter’s arm.
“The girls and I are going to head to my parents’ house. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“No! Please don’t go!” Leah called, similar to the sentiment Hunter said.
Molly hugged Leah tightly once more and said, “Leah, it’s okay, sweetie. Sammy and Jess are upset and want to be with their grandparents. As soon as they are calm enough, we will head over to you and your dad’s, okay?”
Molly kissed Leah’s fo
rehead before kissing Hunter lightly and then she too followed the way her daughters and parents had gone.
Leah turned to Hunter, noticing he too watched as Molly ran from them.
“Daddy! It is all my fault. She is mad at me. I made her go away.”
Hunter bent down so they were eye to eye, and with his hands on each side of her face, he spoke with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It will be okay. A lot has happened; everyone just handles it in their own way.”
As they walked toward Hunter’s Jeep, Leah’s hand movement was close to uncontrollable and even with words of encouragement from her father, she knew; Molly would never forgive her for this.
Sammy had fallen asleep almost as soon as she hit the couch after she had a shower. Always the resilient one, but even for her youngest daughter’s sincere smile, Molly worried if such a traumatic event shouldn’t have more of an effect.
She had died twelve times over when they pulled onto Main Street and saw the flashing red lights. She had prayed it wouldn’t be her street address when they turned the corner that the fire trucks tried so desperately to save, but how wrong she was when she saw the smoke billowing out of the front of the restaurant.
She offered everything she could think of, including herself, to above as long as the kids were okay.
It was the worst minute of her life. Even with Hunter by her side, he couldn’t ground her enough to make that not the most excruciating feeling ever imaginable.
She still didn’t know exactly how it had all transpired but what she did know was that Jess didn’t do what Molly asked of her and now their livelihood stood in the balance. She felt so many emotions; anger, and disappointment, but she also felt love and guilt because she could have lost both her children tonight.
Jess was in one of the bedrooms that Molly’s mom reserved for her granddaughters. As Molly made her way to the bedroom door, her mother stepped out.
Being sure to keep their voices low, Florence hugged her daughter tighter than she had in a long time. “Are you all right, Molly? I mean, really all right?” She searched her daughter’s face and Molly felt a deepening level of guilt.
“Mom, I’m so sorry.”
“Good gracious girl, you have nothing to be sorry for. As long as you and my granddaughters are all right, I couldn’t care less if the whole town burns down. Thank God Hunter’s daughter and Tracey’s boys weren’t hurt, either.”
As if she didn’t feel enough guilt, thoughts of all the kids who they should be grateful were still with them flooded her.
Images of Leah’s face flashed in Molly’s mind, so broken and in despair.
Guilt is suddenly your best friend.
“How is Jess?” Molly asked touching the door that separated her from her daughter.
“Physically, she is fine, but my granddaughter is hurting on the inside.” Molly searched her mother’s face, not understanding what she was trying to say. “Molly, we as mothers put a lot of pressure on our daughters, sometimes more than we even realize. You’ve put that girl through a lot between staying married to Bob unhappily for so long then going through your divorce. Add in when you took over the entire restaurant and those girls got put on a back burner, whether you realize it or not.”
She was hurt by her mother’s words, but realized, without a shadow of a doubt, how very true they were.
Molly justified being at the restaurant mostly twelve-plus hour days because she was just downstairs, but the truth was there were times she should have been with the girls, especially Jess.
But with a little harder work and longer hours, Molly would be able to provide for the girls. And that she did but at what cost? Her daughter would rather hurt her than talk to her—how much of that responsibility could Molly really put on her young shoulders.
Her mother kissed her cheek and said, “Sometimes the hardest thing you can do is listen. Pictures are painted of how your kids perceive you, and it wants to make you lose your lunch.”
Florence gave a final tap on her daughter’s arm before heading down the stairs.
Molly let her mother’s words wash over her before she took a deep breath and opened the door.
Jess was laying on her side facing away from Molly, looking out the double window at the front of the house. She had a bed pillow held against her and her legs were pressed up toward her chest—the fetal position—and Molly realized just how hurting her daughter really was.
“Jess?”
Nothing.
She walked into the room, closing the door behind her. Molly made her way over to the bed, sitting close to where her daughter’s feet were. She placed a hand on her Jess’ leg and tried not to cry when her daughter recoiled from her touch.
“Jessica, please.”
Jess slowly crawled up to a sitting position still with the pillow held tightly to her, putting as much space between her and her mother as the bed would allow.
“What?” Jess barked.
She looked so frail in comparison to the hard-ass teenager she had been of late. Seeing her like this, she saw so many similarities to the little girl who used to love to play hide and seek or who used to love to roll on the warm sheets and towel when they had just come out of the dryer.
“Are you all right?” Molly realized how ridiculous the question was considering all that had happened, but it was all that could form on her tongue.
“What difference does it make?” Jess mumbled unable to make eye contact with her mother.
“Baby, please talk to me.”
“Why? You just blame me for the fire!” Jess spat but with far less aggression as tears welled in her eyes.
The fact that her daughter could even think such a thing proved how truly askew their relationship had gone.
“I don’t blame anyone for the fire, Jess. That was an accident, but I want to know why Marc was there? Please tell me what you were thinking.”
Jess threw the pillow she had been using as a shield to the floor and brought her knees up to her chin. “See, you are blaming me!” She hiccupped around the tears that were freely pouring from her face. “Every time I think someone cares about me, just me, they show me how much they truly don’t care.”
Molly’s heart broke in half.
It is time to be the mother she deserves, the mother you want to be.
Moving closer to her daughter but not reaching for her like she so desperately wanted to, she quietly asked, “What happened with Marc?”
Jess tried to stop the tears from falling; she wiped her cheeks repeatedly with the sleeve of the sweatshirt she wore, and answered, “Like you care.”
Now Jess’ eyes weren’t the only wet ones in the room. “Jessica, I care about you so very much. Please believe me.”
“You do?”
Oh my girl, my sweet precious baby girl, how I truly failed you.
Reaching for Jess and not having her pull away, Molly slid next to her daughter, wrapping her in her arms. She kissed her head as she whispered with a tear-filled voice, “Of course, I do. Did you and Marc . . .”
Jess leaned into Molly’s chest, resting her head there as she spoke. “No. He wanted to, but I changed my mind. He was mad, but I told him I wasn’t ready. That’s when I smelled the smoke.”
Molly squeezed her eyes shut. “You mean you didn’t . . .”
“No, I never had sex with him, Mom.”
Oh, thank God!
Molly held her even tighter. “I’m sorry for that, my love, but it doesn’t change that Marc should have never been there and the fact that you weren’t watching the kids.”
Fresh tears and unbearable sobs rocked through her daughter. “I know. I was just so mad.”
And you should have been.
“Talk to me, sweetie. Tell me why you were so mad. Please.”
“I didn’t think it mattered . . .”
“What?”
“What I did,” Jess cried like she had never cried before, and Molly could do nothing to stop the horrendous pain they we
re both feeling. “You are never around and now with Hunter and Leah in the mix, you don’t have time for me at all! Everything is about the restaurant, and I feel like I’m lost in the shuffle.”
Her mother was right; how hurtful the truth could be.
“So, I just wanted to get back at you. Marc and I talked and he told me that you were just making room in your life for Leah and it didn’t matter what I did.”
Oh, how did I do such damage and not even know it?
Molly placed a hand under Jess’ chin, making sure her daughter looked directly into her eyes as she spoke. “Sweetie, no one is taking me away from you. You are my precious baby girl. I love you with every beat of my heart. You are my heart. Oh, Jessica this is all my fault. All I’ve ever wanted for you was to be happy, and somewhere along the lines, I never saw how unhappy you were. As your mother, I failed you—not the other way around. You could never do anything that would make me stop loving you more and more each day.”
Mother and daughter held each other as they cried until their souls vibrated with the misery the other felt. Molly apologized over and over again, halting Jess every time she began to offer her own apology. Molly told her over and over again how much she meant to her and how very loved she was.
When the last of the tears fell, Molly held her daughter’s face in her hands, making a promise to her daughter. “My sweet girl, please, no more tears. I will do whatever I have to do to ensure you never feel like this again. You are my number one concern—you, Jessica! You and Sammy are my whole world. Nothing else matters, do you hear me, baby?”
“Mommy, I’m so sorry.”
With a comforting hush, Molly held Jessica just for the sake of holding her as Molly cried deep emotional self-sacrificing tears. She slowly began to rock her daughter in her embrace, repeating, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’ll fix everything, I promise!”
Molly continued to hold Jessica, condemning herself for ever putting so much on her young daughter’s shoulders without even being aware. As they remained together in the dark room, Molly began to plot the agony of what she needed to do to fix this.
“I want to go home!” Leah said sternly, the tears continued to fall from her vivid blue eyes behind her glasses.