by Lacey Black
“That’s great, Mom. Good for Chase.” And thank you, Mom, for the momentary distraction. I guess.
“I haven’t gotten to the best part yet, Will. One of the programs they are going to run through the satellite clinic is the necessary EMT classes. Do you know what that means?”
“No, tell me.”
“It means they’re going to need an instructor for the class, Will. An instructor who has the exact background and degree that Carmen has.”
Since I’m not one hundred percent paying attention, it takes a few moments before my mom’s words start to sink in. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Chase is expecting your call, Will. He hasn’t advertised the staff openings yet, but according to his mother, Carmen has all of the qualifications that are required to teach.”
My mind is processing so much all at once that it’s almost overwhelming. “Wait, you found all of this out with one meeting with his mom?” I ask, confused now more than ever. Two plus two does not equal four.
“Oh, Will, someday you will understand that a mother’s love knows no bounds. You remember that, dear. I have to go. Grant and Ryder are almost done with breakfast,” she says before signing off.
I hang up trying not to dwell on the fact that my mom seems to know more than she’s letting on. Instead, I concentrate on the fact that there might be an opening locally that Carmen qualifies for. And keeping Carmen and Zach in Rivers Edge is now my top priority. Their future here in this small town that they’ve made their home is a necessary part of their future. Even if I’m not in that future, ensuring that they have what they want and need is all I care about.
But that doesn’t stop the horrible aching in my chest at the prospect of not having them in my life.
I reach for my cell phone and scroll through until I find Chase’s contact. I settle on the living room chair and hit send.
It’s now or never.
*****
Do you want to know what I’ve discovered? Four days pass unbearably slow when you’re unemployed, all of your friends have day jobs, and your ex-girlfriend slash ex-boss slash ex-love of your life is home ignoring you – no, scratch that. She’s still the love of my life. Anyway, my point is that there’s basically nothing to do when everyone around you works and the one person who doesn’t isn’t speaking to you. The clock on the wall is not my friend.
When my phone rings at one-thirty and the screen does not say Mom or Avery, I’m excited at the prospect of a little reprieve. If there’s one thing that my mom and Avery excel in, it’s nosing around in my non-existent love life.
“Hey, Holly,” I answer after the second ring.
“I was gonna call you earlier when I heard about what happened, but Avery said you needed a few days to process. Sorry you were fired, Will. It’s totally their loss, though,” she says.
Holly is practically a second little sister. She’s been Avery’s best friend for as long as I can remember so many of my childhood memories involve her. Hell, I even took her to one of her proms when her date got sick.
“Thanks, Holl. What’s up?”
“So, I was up at the front desk when I overheard a call that came through the front desk. I overheard Ashley tell whoever was on the phone that you were unavailable. When she hung up, she said the person on the other line was hysterical, but that she thought it was a child or a boy. She couldn’t get any more details or information out of him, just that he was looking for you and insisted that he only talk to you. I wanted you to know,” she said.
Only one person comes to mind. Zach.
I told Zach he could always get a hold of me through the emergency room, and now I’m not available there anymore. I’ve thought about him often and wondered what Carmen told him about my sudden absence. It breaks my heart to think of never getting to spend time, playing basketball or video games with him again. It definitely guts me to the core when I imagine someone else stepping into the role that I so easily and readily stepped into before I was thrust out.
He may not be my son, but he means more to me than any other child – my niece and nephews excluded – ever has. He’s a part of me, even when he’s not with me. I’ve fallen in love with that twelve-year-old boy as much as I have his mother.
I debate on what to do. Do I call the house? There’s a good chance Carmen is there since she’s unemployed, too. What if something has happened to her? Maybe she’s sick again and Zach is home trying to figure out how to take care of her. It won’t hurt to run over there and make sure everything’s fine, right? At least if I show up, I can verify with my own eyes that they’re both okay.
Life without them is inconceivable, and the thought of him trying to reach out to me – and not being successful – tears me up inside.
I stand up and grab my keys and coat before heading out the front door. I don’t know what I’m going to find when I get over there, but I know that I can’t just sit at home and wonder. I have to know they’re okay.
And if she turns me away, I’ll go. Quietly, even.
It’ll hurt like hell, but I’ll do it.
For her.
A few minutes later, I approach Carmen’s small house. Her car isn’t home, but that doesn’t mean anything so I jump out and take the steps two at a time until I’m standing directly in front of the door. My knock is loud and forceful.
I’m greeted with silence. I don’t hear shuffling on the other side or the sound of the television. I peek through the thick curtain of the living room and verify that no one appears to be home. I knock one more time, just for verification, and wait. Nothing. Reluctantly, I walk back down the steps and get into my car. I stare a few more minutes at the small home, practically willing one of them to appear.
After a few minutes of sitting in the driveway, I finally head back toward my little condo. I definitely don’t feel like being alone tonight, though. Not after being so close to Carmen and Zach and not being able to see them. Maybe I’ll head over to Avery’s again tonight. Two nights in one week isn’t too needy, is it? Hell, maybe I’ll stop by at one of my other siblings just to share the love. And hopefully not draw attention to my inability to carry on complete conversations or my constant wandering down memory lane.
I decide to try Nate’s place first since Travis is probably still working and Jake will give me more shit than I can handle right now. Technically, I guess Nate is capable of dishing it out pretty good too, but I’m hoping my brother is in a not-so-ornery mood today.
I pull up in front of his small house with the For Sale sign staked in the front yard just as he’s stepping out the backdoor. “Hey, what are you doing here?” he asks as he approaches my downed window.
“Seeing if you were home. Thought I’d visit.”
“Just heading over to Ave and Maddox’s. He’s out in the man cave working on some shelving unit for Avery, and Jake is supervising. Wanna come?” he asks.
“I’ll meet you there,” I say feeling relieved as I roll up my window.
Nate’s Mustang is behind me as we make our way across town and to our sister’s place. Once there, I’m finally able to forget about my own drama as I listen to Jake talk about Erin’s latest doctor’s appointment.
“I’m seriously scared for the nurse’s life. Each time she tells Erin to get on the scale, she gives her this stupid fucking weight gain lecture. Who fucking cares if she gains more fucking weight. She’s carrying twins, dammit. I think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. Who gives two shits about a little extra weight,” Jake seethes next to Maddox. “I’m serious. Every single time she steps on the scale, she bursts into tears. I can’t take it any longer.”
“It’s almost time for the babies to come out. Did they say anything about delivering early?” Maddox asks.
“Yeah, the doc says it could happen anytime, though they’re hoping she hangs on just a little longer. She’s at thirty weeks now and they’re happy she has made it this far. The doc says thirty-six weeks is good, thirty-four is
okay. I don’t care when it happens, just as long as I have two healthy, beautiful girls and I get my crazy, hormonally-imbalanced wife back.”
“Are we repainting the room again this weekend?” Nate asks which causes Maddox to snort as he’s taking a drink of his beer, dribbling the liquid down his chin.
“Yep,” Jake answers, shaking his head from side to side.
“Repainting?” I ask.
“Yeah, we’re on our fourth color of pink for the twins’ room. She likes it for about a day and then instantly hates it. It’s too bright or it’s too soft. It has too much purple in it and everyone knows that purple in a baby’s room is so last year. Or it’s too close to the color of the cotton candy she puked up when she was eight. Seriously, it’s fucking pink. Who cares?!” Jake exclaims, only I can tell by the look in his eyes that he cares. He cares so much, he’s willing to paint – and repaint – the same room multiple times. He’ll continue to do it over and over again until his wife is happy.
The love reflecting in his eyes makes me ache all over again for Carmen. My mind keeps replaying my phone call from Holly and I can’t get out of my head that something just isn’t quite right. I have no clue what, but something nags at the back of my head and won’t let go.
My ringing phone pulls me out of my own head. Everyone looks over at me as I pull the cell phone out of the pocket of my jeans. The name I see on the screen almost makes me drop the damn phone like it’s on fire.
Carmen.
My fumbling fingers fly over the touch screen, accepting the call.
“Hello?” I say, holding my breath as I wait to hear her sweet, sweet voice. Instead I hear sniffling followed by words that make my blood run cold and my heart stop beating.
“Will? It’s Zach - he’s gone.”
Chapter Twelve
Carmen
It takes me two tries to hang up the phone in my hand. My fingers just won’t cooperate with the commands coming down from my brain.
Where is Zach?
Please, dear God, let him be fine!
I pace back and forth over the worn, thin carpeting of the principal’s office where I’ve been living my worst nightmare for the past hour and a half. Heck, if I’m being honest, this nightmare started five days ago. It started the moment I let Will walk out my front door. It has continued every moment I convinced myself to not call him. It dragged on last night when Zach questioned me – again – about where Will was. Except last night, he wouldn’t let it go.
When I finally told him that Will and I were taking a break, he became uncharacteristically angry. It was a side of him I’ve never seen. Not throughout the divorce between his father and me. Hell, not even last year when he was bullied in St. Charles. Yet, last night, when we talked about Will not being around for a while, he heaved angry words at me. Words that hit their target with enough force to send me reeling backwards about three steps.
This morning, Zach was quiet. I associated it with our disagreement last night and the fact that he’s mourning Will’s absence. I knew that he was becoming attached to him, but I wasn’t aware of the extent until last night.
When the principal called me at home around one-thirty, he said that Zach was in the office and asked to use the phone. They assumed he was calling me, but it became apparent that his phone call wasn’t to home when he grew upset at the person on the other line. He kept asking for a gentleman named Will, and apparently wasn’t happy when he couldn’t get a hold of him. Yet, that’s not the concerning part.
After his upsetting phone call, Zach supposedly went into the bathroom and picked a fight with another seventh grader who was washing his hands. A teacher passing through the hall overheard the yelling from the restroom and went inside to investigate where he found Zach yelling and pushing at his classmate. As soon as the teacher confronted Zach, he took off running straight out the front door of the school.
No winter coat. Near the end of January. In temperatures that reach a freezing degree high.
When I got to the school, they still hadn’t located Zach. The first police car arrived just as school was letting out. I prayed that it was Will’s brother, Jake, and his brother-in-law, Maddox. I could have really used a familiar face at that moment. But, two officers I didn’t know stepped into the office where I was holding vigil in the seat across from the principal.
The phone call to Will was so hard. As soon as I heard his voice – the voice I’ve been hearing in my sleep for four of the longest nights of my life – I broke down. I barely got out that Zach was gone and where I was before he was hanging up to come to me. Will is on his way right now.
As if my thoughts could somehow conjure up his being, Will steps into the small office, panic and fear written all over his face. I stand up and throw my arms around his neck, silently sobbing into his warm, soft coat. His arms are so tight around me that I start to get dizzy from lack of oxygen, but I don’t want him to let up, not even for a second. I smell his soap and the detergent in his shirt. I feel his heart beating wilding in his chest and neck. His breathing is labored as if he ran the entire way here. Hell, knowing Will, he could have.
After several minutes, he finally pulls back. His eyes are slightly red with unshed tears which makes my unshed tears sting my eyes that much more. “What’s the latest?” he asks, turning towards the principal and the officer.
“We have several officers searching the grounds and the area surrounding the school. There’s no sign of him yet,” the officer says.
Just as he’s finishing his sentence, Jake and Maddox walk in. “We just got called in and are joining the search,” Jake says. “I promise we’ll find him, Carmen,” he adds as he walks over and squeezes my hand. Jake looks so much like Will, except a much bigger version. He may not be more than a few inches taller than Will, but he definitely has him on body thickness. Jake’s shoulders are broad and thick, and he looks like he eats small imported cars for breakfast.
“What can you tell us about his description?” Maddox asks as the other officer hands him a photo. “I know what he looks like, I just need to know what he’s wearing.”
“He’s wearing a pair of blue jeans and his Belters jersey,” I say, clearing my throat. “I believe he has a white long sleeved shirt on underneath it. We argued this morning and I made him go back in his room and put one on.”
“Coat?” Jake asks.
“No. The report we have is that he took off out the front door after an incident in the bathroom with another student,” the principal states.
“Incident?” Will asks, his blue eyes filled with concern and question.
“Yeah, he tried picking a fight with another student. A teacher found him and confronted him, and then he took off. He’s out there somewhere and it’s so cold, William. He doesn’t have a coat, and it’s going to be getting dark soon,” I whisper. Will pulls me back into his arms, holding me tight and offering all of the comfort he has to give.
“We’re going to head out and join the search. We’ll keep you posted as soon as we hear anything,” Jake says before he and Maddox turn and heading back out the way they came.
“Can I get you anything? Water? Something?” Will asks as he leads me over to the chair I’ve been sitting in for too long.
“Just bring me back my son,” I whisper as I choke on my emotions and the tears.
“I’d do anything to get him back for you. Anything at all, I’d do it in a heartbeat,” Will says as he takes my hands in his own. “Do you want me to go out and help search?” he asks.
“No,” I say instantaneously. “I need you here with me,” I add.
“Okay. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I promise.” Will places a firm kiss on my forehead before pulling my head down to rest on his chest. His arms are protectively around me, cocooning me in his security and love. And I do feel it. Even if now isn’t the right time to acknowledge it, I feel Will’s love for me – and for Zach – rolling off of him in waves.
Thirty of the longest minutes of my
life are spent in silence. Phones ring off and on throughout our vigil, and with each one, we hold our breath and wait. But each phone call is a disappointment when Zach still isn’t located. Will sits right next to me, rubbing my back, holding my hand, and kissing the top of my head. He never moves, never complains, never falters. He stays rooted to me the entire time.
Finally, Will starts to ask questions. “So, what set him off? Do we know?”
“The principal says that he went to the office and used their phone. They thought he was calling me, but we think he was calling you,” I say.
“Yeah, I think so, too. Holly called me from the hospital and told me that a boy was looking for me. He wouldn’t say anything more before hanging up.”
“I guess he ran out of the office and into the bathroom where he tried to pick a fight with another student. When the teacher intervened, he took off.”
“Did anything happen before today? Anything that would tell us why he acted the way he did today?”
“Well, last night, he came to me and wanted to know why you weren’t around. I told him that we were taking a bit of a break, and he became angry. He said horrible things to me last night and went to bed upset. This morning he was quiet, and I just associated it with the argument last night,” I confess to Will.
“That might explain why he was so off today. If he was still mad, he could have been looking for me for some reason. Then, when he couldn’t get ahold of me, he became upset and lashed out,” Will says logically. It was reasonable, that’s the thing. We think we have everything all figured out. Now, if we could only confirm our suspicions with Zach, that’d be great.
“Where’s Nick?” Will asks.
“He was in court. His secretary was going to call him as soon as he was finished. I expect him anytime,” I say, dread filling my entire body at the thought of Nick coming in here demanding and assuming. It’ll get much uglier before it gets better.
“So, let’s think this through,” Will says as he looks out the window. “Where would Zach go if he needed some space?”