On the Altar of England (Tudor Chronicles Book 4)

by Lesley Jepson

  ‘Nell, don’t upset yourself, I beg you, my love.’ Philip lowered his voice so his words were not overheard. Nell looked at him quickly.

  ‘Am I still then? Your love?’

  ‘There is no other like you, Nell. I swear it.’ Nell took a deep breath and cleared her throat of the tears that were constantly threatening when she thought of her marriage.

  ‘Then I would have you prove it, Philip. I would give myself to you, while we are still away from London and before either of us is married. I would follow my heart before I must do as I am bid by a husband.’ Nell turned a clear and determined gaze on the man riding at her side, and tilted her head for a reply. She saw him swallow and watched his throat bob up and down with the effort, then heard him drag a ragged breath before he met her gaze.

  ‘If you are sure, Nell, then I will arrange something when we reach Banbury; somewhere we might be private.’

  Nell smiled and raised her eyes to his, lowering her voice to match his. ‘I am quite sure, Philip. And make enquires before we get to Oxford too, as I might like to be quite private there, as well.’ She looked down shyly, as if startled by her own temerity at what she was suggesting and she heard Philip’s low chuckle.

  ‘I am at the Lady Devereux’s service.’ He bowed as best he could in his saddle and Nell tapped her horse’s sides with her heels, walking it more quickly to ride beside her sister for a while, as Philip dropped backwards to speak to some of the gentlemen behind them.

  Chapter 24

  etting his horse slowly catch up to Bess Throckmorton, riding slightly ahead in a knot of ladies, all clothed in variations of the white upon which the Queen insisted, Raleigh pondered his situation.

  He didn’t doubt that Bess could indeed be pregnant with his child. Over the weeks they had spent at Kenilworth he had noticed changes in her body that couldn’t be explained any other way. Her breasts were fuller, her belly was harder and her appetite for him had increased ten-fold. When they returned to London he would need to find a priest, although they had sworn to keep the marriage, and the pregnancy, a secret.

  Raleigh looked round the countryside through which they were passing. The fields had been harvested and the hay was piled in golden ricks while the birds feasted on the insects exposed by the lack of growing crop in the soil. The new ploughing hadn’t yet been started, and everything looked golden and dry from the heat of the late summer sun. He gazed at the leaves and realised they would soon be turning a burnished copper and falling from the trees; when they started to bud in the spring he would be gone from these shores.

  He counted the months in his head, becoming suddenly aware that the child might also be born in the spring. Would he have sailed before the event, he wondered. Then he shrugged inwardly; the child would arrive when it was ready and the spring tides wouldn’t wait. He would sail, regardless.

  Raleigh reached Bess’ side and reigned in his horse, matching the steps of her smaller mount. Bess allowed her horse to pull back from the other ladies so she might have a word in private.

  ‘My Lord, I have not seen you for a while.’ He could hear the recrimination in her tone, if not yet her words, so he put his hand on his heart and bowed in the saddle.

  ‘Forgive me, my Lady. I have had to write many letters to my captain regarding the refitting of my ship, and instructions for the crew and the provisions. As more investors come forward I am able to engage more crew, and as a result, I have been neglectful in my attentions toward you. I most humbly beg your pardon.’

  Bess smiled across at him playfully and whispered, ‘You are forgiven, my Lord. On the proviso that you write no letters in Banbury,’ she raised one eyebrow, ‘or Oxford.’

  He chuckled, his teeth white in his swarthy face, and Bess flushed with pleasure.

  ‘My quill will stay packed in my luggage, my Lady, I swear.’

  ***

  ‘I have a gift for you, my love. A poem.’ Philip Sidney brought out a folded piece of parchment from his doublet and held it out towards Nell.

  She smiled and let her gaze wander round the tiny room Philip had found for them in Banbury. It was barely four paces in either direction, but there was a low bed pushed into one corner, and what looked like a clean coverlet over it. The floor was swept and strewn with sweet smelling rushes, and although the window was covered in oiled paper, letting in very little light, it didn’t let in the draught either. It was enough, Nell thought.

  ‘This room is a gift, Philip. However did you manage it?’ He produced two small wine cups and a skin of wine, pouring her a measure and pressing it into her fingers with an amused snort.

  ‘Bribery, duplicity and outright lies,’ he laughed. ‘I told Essex and his crew that I felt unwell, and then I told the steward that I had eaten some berries on the way here that had given me a flux. Being a reasonable fellow, he sympathised and gave me this cupboard,’ he gazed round the small room and shrugged ruefully, then brightened, ‘with a bed and, helpfully as he thought, a bucket.’ Philip laughed aloud as Nell wrinkled her nose, then tilted her head carelessly.

  ‘I gave him a sovereign for his trouble, and it cost me another silver sixpence to the page who brought you the note. Money well spent, my love, that we might be together.’ He raised his cup to her and then took a small swallow. Nell beamed and then looked shamefaced into her own cup before glancing back at him sheepishly.

  ‘I lied too, Philip.’ Nell opened her eyes very wide as she explained her subterfuge. ‘I did the Queen’s makeup and then, just as Thea began to help Lady Howard with her hair I started to sneeze violently.’ Nell smothered a giggle, ‘You know how she is about people being ill around her. She sent me straight out and told Thea to look after me.’ Nell rolled her eyes and smiled conspiratorially. ‘Thea knows I am meeting you, but I trust her completely.’

  Philip removed the cup from Nell’s fingers and placed it on the trestle in the corner that served as a makeshift table. He took both her hands and brought them to his lips, brushing the knuckles with light kisses.

  ‘So here we both are, my love. And my poem is my gift. Stella and Astrophel.’ He kissed her knuckles again. ‘You are my Stella, my beautiful shining star. And when we get to London and they make me marry that child, I shall…’ Nell stopped him speaking by leaning forward and kissing his lips briefly before rocking back on her heels and looking up at him intently.

  ‘You shall be kind, Philip. Neither her father nor her face is her fault. She is thrilled with the betrothal beyond sense or reason, and she has decided to fall in love with you.’ Nell felt tears rush into her throat, and she dropped her gaze so he didn’t see the anguish in her eyes that she must lose him just as they had found one another. Philip snorted his disgust as she spoke.

  ‘I haven’t spoken more than four words to her, Nell, and three of those must have been please and thank you.’ He shook his head in exasperation, and Nell shrugged.

  ‘Nevertheless she fancies herself in love,’ she smiled wryly and shrugged again, ‘and I can appreciate the feeling.’ Philip sighed and pressed his forehead against Nell’s, clutching her hand to his chest tightly and closing his eyes, savouring the moment.

  ‘As can I my love. Let me pour you another small cup of wine. To settle your nerves.’ His breath shuddered out and Nell felt her stomach clench in excitement.

  ‘I do not feel any nerves with you, Philip. I love you and I trust you, and I know you love me. And the memory of our times together before we reach London will preserve my sanity when I have to marry.’ She pushed the sorrow down, determined not to spend the precious time she had with him weeping and bewailing their fate. ‘God knows I will need something to help.’

  Philip gazed into her lovely face, gently brushing away the wisps of hair caught on her lashes.
His eyes dropped to her lips and he bent his head, tightening his arms about her as she raised her hands to tangle them in the curls at the back of his neck. His lips grazed hers, slowly at first, then with increased pressure and with his tongue tasting the seam, begging for entry. She parted them slightly and Philp groaned in the back of his throat as their tongues entwined, licking and tasting.

  He untied the laces at the back of her gown and loosened them, pulling her bodice forward and trailing kisses down her throat and onto her breasts. Nell did her best the shrug her arms out of her gown, leaving the front hanging at her waist. Then she undid the clasps at the front of his doublet and the ties of his shirt, running her hands over the powerful muscles of his chest and arms as he trailed a path of hot kisses over her skin.

  ‘This room is not ideal for undressing, my love. Come to the bed and let me love you.’ Philip bent and swept her into his arms, carrying her to the bed and laying her down gently on the coverlet. He shrugged out of his doublet and shirt, and slid his feet out of his boots swiftly, then stretched out beside Nell, sweeping aside her embroidered lawn shift and taking her nipple in his mouth as she sighed and squirmed in pleasure.

  He stroked his hand down her leg then back up again, this time underneath her skirt, feeling her silken stocking, her ribbon garter and then the soft skin of her leg and buttocks. She kissed him with even more passion, the little sighs and gasps in the back of her throat increasing as his questing fingers moved round her buttock and dipped into her most private place. He stroked gently for a moment, feeling her respond and become moist under his touch, then he stopped.

  Nell pulled her head back slightly, looking up at him with a question in her eyes.

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want to stop, my love? We have done nothing yet that cannot be brought to a halt.’ Nell shook her head in bewilderment at the words she was hearing. She heard Philip drag another breath. ‘Or we could give one another pleasure a different way, that would still allow you to bring your virginity to your husband on your wedding day.’

  Nell swallowed and allowed her pounding heart to slow slightly. She could feel Philip’s hand resting gently on her skin, and she could still feel the trembling in her stomach that his more intimate touch had engendered. She looked him in the eye.

  ‘Philip. Do you regret this? Do you no longer want this?’ Nell held her breath for a moment, so she wouldn’t miss his answer, but her eyes searched his face for any trace of regret and she found none; only love suffused his features and he gazed back at her with his heart in his eyes.

  ‘How can I possibly not want this? Regret this? You are so beautiful, Nell, and I love you so much. More than I thought possible.’ He sighed and dipped his head, resting his forehead just above her breast and she could feel his breath on her skin. She bit back a sigh so she could hear his words over the pounding of her pulse in her ears.

  ‘It is just that I am so much older. I should be the one showing greater judgement; I should think of you and not my own selfish desires.’

  Nell slid her hand along his cheek, tickling her fingers through his short beard and pressing his head up so she could look at him.

  ‘My desires are selfish too, Philip. I desire you, all of you. I know this room isn’t ideal, that I cannot lie naked and spread beneath you, as much as I might yearn to. I know that these are snatched moments, both here and when we get to Oxford.’ He took a breath to speak and she touched her finger tips to his lips to silence him. ‘But I also know that I want this more, want you more, than I have ever wanted anything. My husband will get my name and my nobility at my wedding. That is what he has paid for. My body he will be able to use as he thinks fit. That is his right as a husband.’ Her voice became more intense and she swallowed so it did not clog with the tears that threatened before she had made him understand.

  ‘But until the moment that the ring goes onto my finger, I can do with my body as I choose, and I choose you. For as long as we have together, I choose you.’ Her lips began to tremble and Philip kissed her fingertips and then her lips gently.

  ‘And I choose you, my love. For as long as we have.’ He kissed the breast he had rested upon and slid his hand under her thigh, bringing her leg across him and pushing up her skirt and petticoat. Nell’s hands slid over his shoulders and back as she felt him dipping and stroking inside her, and her blood again started to pound in her ears. She was aware of him stopping for a brief moment, although his kisses down her neck and onto her shoulder distracted her. Then he moved her leg further and pressed himself inside her slowly, grasping her buttocks and pulling her onto himself.

  Nell felt a slight burning pinch for a brief moment, then felt him sliding against her, warm and slick, and she could feel him filling her inside and it felt wonderful. He rocked and thrust and she pressed down upon him as he clasped her flesh and she dug her sharp fingernails into his shoulders. Suddenly she felt herself clench onto him, pleasure radiating from her centre in waves, pulsing and vibrating through her belly and along her spine. She heard him groan, then he pressed his mouth into her shoulder to muffle his own shouts of pleasure and she smiled, loving the languorous feeling that had started to creep into her limbs. Philip’s sharp breathing began to return to normal and he kissed her lips and then her forehead carefully.

  ‘Did I hurt you, my love?’ Nell laughed softly and shook her head.

  ‘No, Philip. You amazed me.’ It was his turn to duck his head and breathe a chuckle. Lifting her skirt clear so it didn’t become soiled, he passed her a kerchief and kissing her nose said ‘You may need this, my love. Were we in better accommodations, it would be different but this must suffice here, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Then I hope the accommodations at Oxford are better appointed, Philip. I look forward to it being ‘different.’ She took the kerchief from him and then burst into giggles at the surprised look on his face. Nell fastened her lips to his and kissed him with all the passion she could muster, pressing him back onto the bed with her body as he chuckled with delight. She pulled back and then raised a quizzical eyebrow.

  ‘Do we have the whole night in here, my love?’ she asked as she swiftly twitched her skirts out of the way.

  ‘We have until the court rises for the next stage of the journey, sweet Nell.’ Philip looked up at her and slid his hands over her naked breasts gently. She moved yet more silk and cotton out of the way and then lowered herself onto him slowly, drawing a breathless groan from him as she settled and rocked forwards as he grasped her hips.

  ‘Hours, then,’ she whispered, dipping her head and kissing his eyelids. ‘Show me something different, Philip. Something I would enjoy learning, before we get to Oxford.’

  She dipped forward again and he captured her lips with his own, forcing her into a brief silence until their breathing grew heavy once more.

  Chapter 25

  ettice stretched out in her own bed in London and squirmed in delight that she was finally home. The journey from Kenilworth had seemed long, although it had been less arduous than the outward journey. Probably because Essex had returned with the Queen’s party, and she hadn’t had to listen to his complaints and have Thomas change all the arrangements to accommodate his whims.

  She stretched again, her arms above her head, easing the ache in her back that hours in the carriage had caused. She smoothed the delicate cotton lawn nightgown over her slender body, contemplating herself in her mind. Her waist and hips were slender again and seemed destined to stay that way; there would be no baby from their sojourn at Kenilworth, despite Robert’s almost constant attention. Lettice wrinkled her nose as she felt a flush creep up her cheek at the memory of their lovemaking.

  Attempting to suppress the memories of his touch on her body, she ran her hands up her sides and over her breasts. While in the carriage on the way back to London
she had decided that, when home and settled, she would bind her breasts to stop her milk production. She giggled softly to herself, and determined that once she had fed Robbie in the morning, she would have the girls bind her with linen. Robert would enjoy unwrapping that gift the following night, she thought, after she had sent a message that they were back at Leicester House.

  She turned over in the bed and burrowed under the covers, falling asleep almost immediately as she thought about the coming months in the capital. There would be Nell’s wedding to arrange, and the possibility of a betrothal for Thea, as well as seeing her Aunt Meg to have a word with her about Jane and …. sleep claimed her before she could finish the thought.

  ***

  ‘Sweetheart, he is so big,’ Meg laughed as she held the baby aloft and he attempted to bounce on his feet in her lap.

  ‘And always so hungry, Aunt.’ Lettice wearily tied the ribbons of her shift as Meg let Robbie kick and bounce while she held him safely. Meg smiled across at her.

  ‘Are you thinking about weaning him, sweetheart?’ Lettice nodded, then shrugged.

  ‘I need to stop feeding him myself, Aunt,’ she nodded down at her bosom, ‘and I need to have the girls bind me. Robert will want to entertain now we are home, and I must be able to fit in my new gowns,’ Lettice smiled mischievously, ‘and be able to breathe.’

  ‘Then ask your wet-nurse to start giving him pobs with his feed, sweetheart. He will soon be eating more solid food then.’ Both women smiled as the baby crowed with laughter. Lettice shook her head and looked at Meg curiously.

  ‘What on earth are ‘pobs’, Aunt?’

  ‘Small pieces of soft bread soaked in warm sweetened milk,’ answered Meg, standing up and taking Robbie over to the window, whispering to him and dropping gentle kisses on his soft downy dark hair. Lettice began to chuckle and Meg turned, looking at her enquiringly.