by Maggie James
In time, I might be able to stop hating myself for the devastation I caused in Daniel’s life. I thought I was doing the right thing for him, but really, I was trying to plug the gaping hole in my heart. I wonder whether he will ever forgive me. The days and nights won’t seem so long if I know he’s trying.
‘Can you...?’ I can’t go on, but looking at him, I realise I don’t need to. He grasps what I’m trying to say. We’ve never had such understanding between us and I pray it will never end.
‘Yes.’ The most beautiful thing Daniel’s ever said to me. ‘I think so. In time.’
I hear the word yes in my head but it’s in my heart I turn it over, savouring the wonder at how one syllable can fill me with such joy.
Silence fills the room again. I sense our time here today is up. We’ve said so much; all the important things too.
My son presses my hand briefly. ‘I should go,’ he says.
I look at my boy, so handsome, and love floods through me. ‘Thank you. For coming here. For understanding.’
He doesn’t reply, but he smiles at me, the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.
‘Will you come again?’ I have to ask, even though I dread the answer. But even if he doesn’t, it’s enough for me. He doesn’t hate me anymore. In time, he’ll reach forgiveness towards me; that’s more than I reckon I deserve. And sufficient to last me the rest of my life.
‘I think so.’ He stands up and turns towards the door. ‘Probably.’
Dear God. Did my Daniel really say those words?
‘We both need it,’ he continues, and then I know he will come again.
I can’t speak. I smile at him through my tears. Then he is gone.
I grab a tissue, wipe my face and lie down on the bed. The male nurse has left, and I’m alone.
I’ve got my son back, at least that’s how it feels. He may have another family and another life now, but part of him has returned to me and I hug that thought tight, remembering what he said. The joy of I think so, married with probably. They’re the most wonderful words he could have uttered and I can exist on them for what remains to me of my life. I have calm in my world now. Daniel brought that gift to me today.
I can be at peace from now on, because my boy has moved on from his anger and his life is looking good, what with going to college to do his precious art. If he’s happy, so am I. I wonder briefly about this woman of his and I send her silent thanks. Whoever she is, even if she’s only temporary in his life, she’s good for him. Sometimes the people who touch our lives the most are only passing through. Like Emma Carter.
I’ve not had a happy life. I’ve experienced pain, loneliness and tragedy. But I’ve also known love and what it means for someone who you love beyond everything to touch you with their forgiveness, and that’s the most beautiful experience, it really is. I’ll carry Daniel’s compassion with me always, and what it’s meant to love him so dearly, both when he was a baby and now he’s a grown man. The two are inextricably linked for me and that’ll never change.
I lie on my bed for a long time and then I go over to the window and look out.
There’s a tree in the grounds, an oak, the same sort I buried my baby under, and it’s tall and strong and I draw new comfort as I look at it. I picture another oak, its roots thick, long and winding into the ground, and the beloved child I entrusted to its care, and I smile.
‘Sleep well, my darling,’ I say.
POSTSCRIPT
I hope that you enjoyed His Kidnapper’s Shoes! The paperback version is also available from Amazon via the link (under ‘formats’).
I’d be very grateful if you would write a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads.
Please visit my website at www.maggiejamesfiction.com, where you can sign up for my newsletter to keep you notified about new novel releases. My blog is also on my website - I post regularly on all topics of interest to readers, including author interviews and book reviews.
Follow Maggie James on Facebook: Maggie James Fiction
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thanks to:
Jeanette, Gary, Jeni and Mary for their invaluable help and feedback;
X, for giving me the kick up the backside I so desperately needed;
and finally, to the people of Sucre, Bolivia, where the first draft of this novel was written.
This novel is dedicated in loving memory of Jeni Moss.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Maggie James is a British author who lives in
Bristol. His Kidnapper’s Shoes is her first novel.
Visit Maggie James’s website and sign up for her newsletter! An occasional email with details of new novel releases. Maggie James’s blog is also on her website - she posts regularly on all topics of interest to readers, including author interviews and book reviews.
www.maggiejamesfiction.com
Follow Maggie James on Facebook: Maggie James Fiction
And on Twitter: @mjamesfiction
And on Google+
And on Goodreads
And on LinkedIn
And finally on Pinterest.
OTHER NOVELS BY MAGGIE JAMES:
THE SECOND CAPTIVE
Stockholm syndrome: the psychological tendency of a hostage to bond with his or her captor.
What happens when you love the man you should hate?
Beth Sutton is eighteen years old when Dominic Perdue abducts her. Held prisoner in a basement, she’s dependent upon him for food, clothes, her very existence. As the months pass, her hatred towards him changes to compassion. Beth never allows herself to forget, however, that her captor has killed another woman. She has evidence to prove it, not to mention Dominic’s own admission of murder.
Then Beth escapes…
And discovers Dominic Perdue is not a man who lets go easily. Meanwhile, despite being reunited with her family, she spirals into self-destructive behaviour. Release from her prison isn’t enough, it seems. Can Beth also break free from the clutches of Stockholm syndrome?
A study of emotional dependency, The Second Captive examines how love can assume strange guises.
Available from Amazon here.
SISTER, PSYCHOPATH
When they were children, Megan Copeland adored her younger sister Chloe. Now she can hardly bear to be in the same room as her.
Megan believes Chloe to be a psychopath. After all, her sister’s a textbook case: cold, cruel and lacking in empathy. Chloe loves to taunt Megan at every opportunity, as well as manipulating their mentally ill mother, Tilly, a woman blind to Chloe’s sociopathic nature.
Chloe currently has her eye on James Matthews, Tilly’s employer. James, however, is preoccupied with his own conflicts. Both his marriages have been failures. Now Megan’s former lover, Toby Turner, is causing him to question everything in his life.
When Tilly, under Chloe’s malignant influence, becomes dangerously unstable, the consequences turn ugly for everyone. Megan’s world falls apart, allowing long-buried secrets to rise to the surface. Her sister’s out of control, and there’s little Megan can do about it. Until she realises Chloe is targeting Toby Turner, and planning to step well beyond the rules...
Available from Amazon here.
GUILTY INNOCENCE
Two eleven-year-old boys. One two-year-old girl. A murder that shocked the nation.
Ten years after being convicted of the brutal killing of a toddler, Mark Slater, formerly Joshua Barker, is released on parole from prison. Only the other boy jointly sentenced for Abby Morgan’s murder, the twisted and violent Adam Campbell, knows the truth. That Mark played no part in Abby’s death.
Four years later, Mark’s on-off girlfriend discovers a letter revealing his conviction as a child killer. At risk of having his protective cover made public, Mark’s need to confront the injustice of his sentence becomes
overwhelming. Desperate to find answers, he initiates a friendship with Abby’s older sister, something strictly prohibited by the terms of his parole. Rachel Morgan, however, unaware of Mark’s former identity, is battling her own emotional demons.
Meanwhile, circumstances have thrust Mark back in contact with Adam Campbell, who, aged twenty-five, is more domineering and chilling than ever. Can Mark rewrite history and confront his nemesis?
A gritty novel examining child murder and dysfunctional families, Guilty Innocence tells of one man’s struggle to break free from his past.
Available from Amazon here.