“I’m sorry for not knowing if boyfriend and girlfriend are even the right terms to use. That feels too much like the high school bullshit I’d rather forget. So, I’ll say it this way instead. I’m yours and you’re mine, and I’m sorry for not knowing how or when to convey that fact to the world, or even to my household. I’m sorry for making you think for one second you’re not enough. I’m sorry I’m such a screw-up… and I’m sorry this isn’t the last time you’ll be hurt or mad because of me.
“Most of all, I’m sorry I’m not the man you deserve.”
He expects sympathy and understanding right now. Too bad I’m fresh out of both.
“You had a rough childhood, I get it. You had to deal with adult situations when the others your age could be kids. But you overcame every obstacle that was thrown at you to become the successful man you are today. At some point, you have to move past the sins of your father and accept responsibility for your own.”
I stand and sling my purse over my shoulder. “It’s time to go home, Landen. Put the toys back where they go and tell Isa goodnight.”
Then I turn my attention back to Rod. “How much longer do you think it’s okay to continue blaming your parents for your actions as an adult? How long would you allow your employees to get away with that bullshit?”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Daisy
“Hey, Daisy. Guess what? I’ve got the best news.” Juliana’s excitement is contagious, even over the phone. “I’m going home today. It feels like I’ve been in this isolation room forever, but my labs are finally good enough for me to come home. I’m being paroled!”
I laugh along with her. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in weeks, Jules. I know a little girl who will be thrilled to have you home again.”
“I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for her. She raves about you and Landen nonstop every time I talk to her. For what it’s worth, so does Rod. He won’t stop talking about you, how much Isa loves you, and how you’ve been such a lifesaver for him. I think he’s told me everything there is to know about Landen over this past week.”
Even though she meant it as a compliment, I can’t help but cringe at her words. Rod knows Landen as he is today, but he doesn’t know anything else. When Rod and I were on the island, I never mentioned my son. Maybe that was wrong of me, but I wasn’t ready to share that part of my life with him after knowing him for such a short time.
Turns out, my instincts were spot-on, because he sabotaged our relationship before it had a chance to breathe. Whatever he’s saying to her about me now may be nice, but I can’t believe a single word of it.
Juliana has shared pretty much everything about Isa’s father and what happened between them, making me feel somewhat guilty for not reciprocating. But even Tracy doesn’t know the full story because I could never bring myself to say the words out loud. Some stories are better kept close to the vest.
“You know I love Isa. Helping you or her is not a burden at all. Do you need a ride home? I have plenty of free time today. My parents flew into Atlanta yesterday and took Landen back to Florida with them for our winter break. He’s spending three and a half weeks on a south Florida beach, soaking up the sun and enjoying the warm sand.”
“Why didn’t you go with him? Are you crazy?”
“It’s good for him to spend time with them away from me, and I enjoy having a break from being a responsible adult for a few days. Even though I end up missing him after a couple of days and wish he were here with me. I’ll head down just before Christmas. Thankfully, Santa had Landen’s gifts shipped to their house so he’ll get his presents on Christmas morning.”
“Sneaky—I love it. Rod is working in the office today instead of at home, so if you’re available to pick me up, that would be great. I know he’ll leave if I ask him, but he’s already given up so much for me.”
“I am ready, willing, and able to come break you out of prison and take you on a whirlwind adventure.”
“A whirlwind adventure along the fourteen miles between Emory and Paces Ferry Road?”
“Exactly. We’re both far too comfortable at home to go anywhere else. I’m walking out my front door right now. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
We disconnect and I drive to Emory, thinking about her fortuitous release from the hospital just before the holidays. Isa’s favorite present will be having her mother home again.
When my phone rings again, I half expect it to be Juliana, asking where I am and threatening to walk the rest of the way to meet me. I wouldn’t blame her. I’m not a very good patient, either. But it’s not who I thought it would be.
“How’s my best friend in the entire world?” I ask as a greeting.
“Your BFF in the whole world is wondering why she hasn’t heard from her BFF in a week. Do you have an explanation for this abandonment?”
“Do you mean other than being extremely busy at work, completing documentation on twenty students before the end of the quarter, and helping Juliana with Isa after school? Not really.”
“Fine. The whole helping Juliana thing is your only saving grace. Work is never an excuse to avoid me, though.”
“I’m not avoiding you, yet. Are you and Kevin still driving to Florida with me for Christmas at my parents’ house?”
“Try to stop us. You know I’m not going home to my family for the holidays, even though Kevin is still pushing me to introduce him to them. He’s not as adamant about it as he was at first, but the underlying tension is still there whenever we get around the subject.”
That breaks my heart for her because I know how hard that meeting would be for her, and for him, even if he thinks he can smooth it over.
“Maybe you should try meeting them at a neutral place for the first time. Somewhere public, with a lot of people around, so they’re less likely to act foolish.”
“I’m not convinced even that would work. If you remember, they weren’t too thrilled you were my best friend. I fully expect an all-out war when they find out I’m dating Kevin. For now, spending time with your family will have to do.”
I remember exactly how her parents reacted the first time I went home with her after school. They didn’t believe she should mingle with anyone outside of their specific race, even as friends. Her siblings were much more welcoming, though.
“If nothing else, you know my family will welcome you both. We’ll figure the rest out later.” My parents have all but legally adopted her, anyway.
“About family, I have a huge favor to ask of you. Don’t be mad at me.” Her lengthy pause makes me nervous. That’s not like her in the least.
“Spill it, Tracy.”
“Rod and Juliana always have Christmas with Kevin and his family. Kevin doesn’t want to leave them alone this year, especially with Juliana’s health issues. What do you think about inviting them to come with us?”
Now it’s my turn to be silent, speechless, shell-shocked.
“Daisy, are you still there?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m here… just processing what you’re asking of me.”
“Look, I feel terrible for even suggesting it, but Rod and Kevin have been best friends almost as long as we have. If there was any other way, I wouldn’t ask. But even I can’t leave them here alone while we’re all together for the holidays. Is there any way you can put the past behind you and invite him?”
For Tracy to ask, I know it’s vitally important to Kevin. Then I pull up to the hospital and the nurse wheels Juliana out to my car. One look at her face and I know what I have to say.
“Invite them. It’s fine. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Daisy. You’re the best.”
We disconnect just as the nurse opens the door to help Juliana sit in the front seat. She’s lost weight since I last saw her, and she didn’t have any extra to spare then.
“Hey, stranger.” She smiles as she climbs into my car, and her face lights up as I pull away from the curb. Her signature quiet strength
is still there.
“Hey, yourself. It’s good to see you again. Were your ears burning? I was just talking about you.” I glance over at her with my eyebrows raised.
“Yeah? What about?”
I fill her in on Kevin and Tracy’s request, then ask if she’ll join us.
“A big family Christmas? I’d love to come, if you’re sure you don’t mind our intrusion.” Her fingers grip mine and appreciation swims in her eyes, along with the unshed tears.
“You could never intrude. My parents love having company, and you know I think the world of you and Isa. Spending Christmas with you will be a treat for me. Three more won’t be a problem.”
“I can’t wait to tell Isabelle. She’ll be so excited.”
We talk about our plans the entire ride to Rod’s with her growing more excited by the minute. I jokingly tell her I think she’s more excited than Isa will be. But then I’m immediately proven wrong when we walk inside and she shares the exciting news. Rod is waiting in the wings, listening while propped up against the doorframe.
The excitement of being home, making Christmas plans, and playing with Isa tuckers her out, so Louise helps her into her pajamas then into the bed to take a nap before dinner. I turn to leave, but Rod’s hand on my arm stops me.
“Are you sure you don’t mind us going with you? I swear I didn’t put Kevin up to asking.”
“I know you didn’t. Like I told Tracy, it’s fine. It’s Christmas, there will be plenty of people there to mingle with, and it’ll be good for Juliana and Isabelle to get away for a while.”
“I’m already imposing as it is, but I have a request regarding the travel arrangements. It’s for Juliana’s safety.” He appears humble, but with her current health status, I have no objection to playing it safe.
“No problem. What do you have in mind?”
“We can take my company’s jet. That way, Juliana doesn’t have to be around a bunch of people and all their germs. Plus, we can stash the presents in the cargo hold so the kids don’t see them.”
“That’s actually a brilliant idea. Landen’s gifts are already at my parents’ house, but he’ll appreciate having them in the jet on the ride home. I’m sure Isa will too, and the kids will keep each other entertained. Sounds like a plan to me.”
“Great. I’ll arrange everything. I’ve already talked to the doctor’s office about a home health care nurse accompanying us, just in case. Juliana will definitely fight me over that one, but she has to be reasonable. She hasn’t gained enough of her strength back yet, so someone has to keep a close watch on her overall health status.”
“If you point out she has to do whatever it takes to stick around for Isa, you won’t have to fight her very much on it. She’ll agree to it for her.” I give him a reassuring smile but keep my distance. Getting too close to Rod is not a mistake I’ll make again anytime soon. “Tell Jules to call me if she needs help with Isa between now and when we leave for Florida.”
“Thanks, Daisy.” He looks like he’s about to say something else, so I leave before he has a chance. I don’t need another gratitude-induced encounter. Those never end well for me.
On the way home, my phone rings, and I automatically assume it’s Juliana, since I didn’t get to say goodbye before I left.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Daisy. It’s Cam. I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner tonight. It’s short notice, I know, but I’m hoping you don’t have plans already.”
My mind tells me to thank him and make up an excuse for why I can’t go. “Sure, that would be great. I’m on my way home now from a friend’s house and I’m starving.”
“If it’s okay, I can pick you up in about an hour.”
“That’s perfect. I’ll see you then.”
We disconnect as I pull into my driveway, and I sit in the car alone, asking myself what I’m doing. Dating isn’t in my playbook, now or in the future. After the continued fiasco with Rod, it’s the last thing that should be on my mind. But Cam feels safe with his lack of angsty drama and complete transparency. Plus, I don’t have to question if he actually wants to spend time with me or if I’m just a warm body he’s with for the time being.
After I call Landen, change clothes, and freshen my makeup, my doorbell rings. A quick glance at my watch tells me Cam is right on time. He’s dependable, consistent, and responsible. If I’m going to subject myself to the horrors of dating, that’s exactly what I need, not someone who constantly makes me feel I’m losing control.
When I open the door, I burst out laughing before I can catch myself. Cam, such a handsome man, is wearing the ugliest Christmas sweater I’ve ever seen. It’s a green sweatshirt with large white snowflakes, ropes of lighted garland, and red baubles. The gigantic smile on his face is a dead giveaway wearing it was a conscious decision.
“Aren’t you festive?” I finally find my voice after my laughing fit.
“Well, ‘tis the season and all. You look beautiful, as always.” He extends his elbow. “Are you ready to go?”
I grab my bag and keys off the table and nod. “Where are we going?”
Before we leave, he checks to make sure my door latched and locked. “Can’t be too careful.”
I know that fact all too well.
Over dinner, we spend hours just chatting and laughing, getting to know each other better on a more personal level as each minute passes. We share a lot of the same interests, are passionate about similar causes, and have compatible personalities. Before I know it, the restaurant is nearly empty as we approach closing time. Cam and I have been at this same table all night.
“Our poor waitress. She hasn’t been able to get rid of us.” I dig into my bag and double the generous tip Cam left on the table to make up for what she would’ve earned if we’d left earlier.
The ride back to my house is as friendly and chatty as dinner. Cam walks me to my door, and after an awkward moment of hesitation, he leans in to place a soft kiss on my lips. So soft, it’s barely perceptible, and I question if I closed my eyes for nothing.
“Good night, Daisy. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Cam.”
As he slides into the front seat of his car, I quickly make my way inside, then lean my back against the door. After a few times of intentionally banging my head against it, I release a long held breath.
I’m almost positive he kissed me, just a peck, nothing more than a male relative would do, and I felt nothing.
Less than nothing, in fact.
One touch from Rod and my entire body lights up like the night sky on the Fourth of July.
It’s not fair. I don’t want Rod to be the one who sends chills down my spine and keeps me awake at night, longing for his touch. Rod shouldn’t get to be the one who captures my heart and mind, ruining me for any other man.
I stomp toward my bedroom, mad at Rod and myself for this predicament. When I dig my cell out of my bag, I realize I didn’t even glance at it during dinner or the hours of chitchat afterward. One glance at the screen and my heart drops to my feet.
Missed Calls: 19.
All from Rod Stone.
Fearing something happened to Juliana tonight, I take the risk and call Rod, even though it’s technically too late. When he answers, I immediately know he’s three sheets to the wind.
“Daisheee, where have you been? Have you been a naughty, naughty girl tonight?” He slurs his words, and he’s slightly belligerent.
“Why did you call me nineteen times tonight, Rod? Are Juliana and Isa okay?”
“They’re fine. Well, as fine as you can be with cancer. But you didn’t ask about me. Don’t you care if I’m okay, Daisheeee?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger. I’m not in the mood to deal with drunk Hot Rod tonight. “Rod, it’s late. We should really have this conversation tomorrow, if you still want an answer to your question then.”
“No. No, no, no, no, no. You’ve been out with that other guy again,
haven’t you? Camelot…Cameo…Camaro…whatever the fuck his name is. Did you let him steal you from me?”
“I’m really not having this conversation with you when you’re too drunk to remember it tomorrow. I’m hanging up now. Don’t call me until you’re sober.”
“If you hang up on me, I’ll just come over there and blow your door down.”
The thing is, I’m not entirely sure he wouldn’t try, at least in his current state. “Fine. What do you want to know? Have I moved on and forgotten about you?”
“Yeah, that’s eshacleee what I want to know, Daisheee.”
“There’s no h in my name, Rod, or in ‘exactly’ for that matter. But here’s your answer, anyway. Yes, I have, and it is past time you did the same. Punta Cana was fun, but it’s over.”
“What about last week? That meant nothing to you?” He’s so drunk, I’m not even sure he realizes what he’s asking me. I expect him to pass out mid-sentence any second now.
“You’ve got to be shitting me. Look, we talked about it before I left, and all you had were lame excuses for why you always pull away from me. I don’t believe for one second you’re not strong enough to fix your flaws. I’m not one to chase after you like a lost puppy, waiting for you to throw some scraps of your love and attention my way. I’m a grown woman with a child to raise to be a man, and I’m doing my damnedest to make sure he’s an admirable man. If you can’t be a worthy example for him, you don’t belong in my life. Plain and simple.”
“I want you back, Daisy, and I don’t want to share you with anyone else. Please give me another chance to prove I’m worth all this trouble.” His inebriated confession shocks me.
Thoughts fly through my head as I hesitate to respond. I’m visualizing every conceivable outcome of his request. My heart says yes, give him another chance, live happily ever after, go for what I want.
“No, Rod. I can’t do that. I’m sorry. Good night.”
All I Want: Rod & Daisy (All Of Me Duet Book 1) Page 24