“It was fun. I wish I’d had a mom with a bookstore when I was your age. You guys are so lucky.”
“The luckiest,” Henry said, his eyes drifting closed.
Susie tiptoed from the room, then leaned against the wall outside the door, trying very hard not to cry. She wanted nights exactly like this, putting her own kids to bed, then going downstairs to her husband, to Mack.
What if that could never be?
“Susie, dinner,” Shanna called, snapping her out of her moment of self-pity and panic.
“On my way,” she called back, wiping the tears from her cheeks and plastering a smile on her face.
“Please God,” she murmured as she went downstairs, “don’t take this away from me. Please.”
For just an instant, she regretted not filling Gram in on what was going on. Gram would know exactly the right words to use, the ones God would hear.
She’d also remind Susie that God always knew what was in her heart.
A few days after his disquieting conversation with Susie, Mack learned the details about yet another investigation of steroid use among top-ranked baseball players, one of whom had been especially outspoken in his criticism of players who’d been caught in the past. The hypocrisy irked him, as did the crash of more sports heroes. He was itching to take on the topic, but without his column where was he supposed to find an audience?
He recalled Susie’s suggestion that he blog, went online, set up an account and wrote the kind of scathing column that once might have gotten him into hot water at the newspaper.
He had no idea what to expect. For all he knew, his words were going out into cyberspace, unread by anyone. When he logged on the next day, he had half a dozen comments, most of them from people who’d sometimes emailed him at the Baltimore paper.
“Happy to see your voice hasn’t been silenced forever,” one wrote. “Welcome back!”
A couple of days later, he had a call from a local sports radio show inviting him to come in and discuss the topic. The gig didn’t pay, but it was exposure for his views and, he thought with a sense of amazement, for the blog he’d started with little hope of drawing any attention.
By the end of the next week the hit counter he’d installed on his site was surprisingly active. It didn’t rival his old paper’s circulation yet—and probably never would, he realized—but at least he’d found a way to keep his name and his views out there.
“The man is back,” Jake said, giving him a slap on the back when they met for lunch. “That blog you wrote today was on the mark.”
Mack regarded him with surprise. “You read it?”
“Sure,” Jake said. “I heard about it from a guy I met on a job a couple of days ago. What I want to know is why you didn’t tell Will or me about it?”
“It wasn’t a big deal,” Mack said. “More like a hobby till I figure out what I want to do next. In the meantime, I’ve been fielding a few calls from newspapers that might be interested in hiring me.”
“Where?” Will asked, regarding him worriedly.
“Right now the most promising are in California and Colorado,” he admitted.
“Too far away,” Will said succinctly. “Couldn’t you make this blog into something?”
“I don’t know if I want to,” Mack admitted. “It feels like the same old thing, but with a smaller audience.”
“I thought you loved that job,” Will said, looking confused. “Wasn’t that what all the moping and scotch were about?”
“I did,” Mack said, then admitted, “But when Susie and I were talking about all this, she planted another idea in my head, and I can’t seem to shake it. It would be a real challenge. Something new and potentially exciting.”
“Doing what?” Jake asked.
“A Chesapeake Shores weekly newspaper,” Mack said, looking from one friend to the other and trying to gauge their reactions. “Is that insane, especially these days?”
“When has insane ever bothered you?” Will asked. “You’ve always thrived on doing things people tell you are impossible. If you’re excited about it, dig into the details, put a plan on paper and decide if it’s financially feasible.”
“I, for one, would be thrilled to have a place to do cost-effective, targeted advertising for the nursery,” Jake said.
Mack studied him. “Seriously? On a regular basis?”
“Absolutely,” Jake said. “Sign me up now.”
“What would you consider cost-effective?”
Jake threw out some figures, which Mack jotted down on a napkin. It wasn’t much on which to base a business plan, but it was a starting point. He began making more notes, oblivious to everything around him.
When he looked up eventually, Will and Jake were gone and Susie had taken their place.
“Where’d you come from?” he asked, blinking at her in surprise.
“I’ve been here awhile.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“It was nice watching you so absorbed in something.” She reached for the pile of napkins he’d accumulated before Sally had given him a pad of paper and scolded him for wasting her supply of napkins.
Mack wanted to snatch them back, but he recalled the way he’d sworn to Susie that he’d stop keeping things from her.
He kept his gaze on her face, noting exactly when she realized what his notes were about.
She looked up, a smile spreading across her face. “Seriously?”
“I think so. What do you think?”
“There are a lot of questions here. What if you don’t like the answers?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Then it’s back to square one, I guess.”
But as he caught the hope shining in her eyes, he knew he had to find some way to make this newspaper thing work. Not only would it provide a challenge he could sink his teeth into, but it would pave the way toward the kind of settled, secure future he wanted with Susie. For now, those papers in California and Colorado were simply out of the question.
7
Susie wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand waiting around to get the ultrasound done. The test had been postponed twice, ironically once by her.
Something had come up at work, and she hadn’t wanted to reveal to her father why she couldn’t attend a meeting he’d scheduled. At least that’s what she’d told herself as she’d changed the doctor’s appointment. Her mother had been livid.
“You know how important this appointment is,” Jo had scolded. “Why would you do that?”
“Dad really wanted me at this meeting, and I couldn’t think of any way to get out of it without telling him the truth. I wasn’t ready to do that.”
Her mother didn’t look as if she believed her. “I think it’s because you’re terrified of what they’ll find.”
“Well, of course I’m terrified,” Susie had retorted. “Aren’t you?”
“Knowing is better than not knowing,” Jo said, which didn’t answer Susie’s question. Then again, maybe it did.
Her mother regarded her sympathetically. “Once you have answers, you’ll know what you’re dealing with.”
“I’m not ready to know,” Susie said stubbornly, then admitted, “That’ll make it real. I’ll have to face the possibility of surgery, radiation, chemo and who knows what else? I might have to accept that I’ll never have children of my own. I don’t know if I can handle that.”
Jo brushed Susie’s untamed hair back from her face. “You’re a strong woman, Susie. You’ll face whatever needs to be faced with courage. And who knows? It could be good news, and then you’ll have worried longer for no reason.”
“We both know the news isn’t going to be good,” Susie said direly, refusing to give herself false hope.
“I know no such thing!” Jo replied fiercely. “Neither do you. What happened to our vow to keep a positive attitude?”
“I’ve been reading up on all the latest symptoms, research and likely outcomes,” Susie said. “It’s enough to strike terror in anyone
’s heart.”
“Honey, there’s nothing wrong with being well-informed, but you’re unique,” Jo reminded her. “Worst-case scenarios don’t necessarily apply to you.”
“But they could,” Susie replied, not daring to leave herself even a sliver of hope that might be dashed later.
“Enough of that,” Jo commanded. “When is the next appointment?”
Susie told her.
“I’m going with you. You won’t be able to back out then. I’ll rally the family troops and drag you there, if need be.”
Susie knew she meant it, too. In the end, though, the doctor’s office had called to reschedule.
Now the time had come. There could be no escape or excuses. Her mother was on the way over, and there wasn’t a single way Susie could think of to keep from going. She understood her mother well enough to know that she really would enlist help from Susie’s father and brothers, if need be. Maybe even Mack.
Thankfully Mack had been so caught up in making his own plans lately that he hadn’t commented on her odd moods or lackluster energy again recently. She certainly didn’t want him finding out what was going on from her mother. The only way to ensure that wouldn’t happen was to drag herself to the doctor’s office and have the test done.
As it turned out, the ultrasound itself was no big deal. She wasn’t even in the office very long. She’d tried to read answers on the technician’s face, but the woman had obviously learned to keep her expression neutral.
“Can’t you tell me what you found?” she asked when the test was over.
“Your doctor will discuss the results with you,” Paula Marcus said. “He’ll probably have the report by tomorrow. Give him a call then.”
“Not even a hint?” Susie pleaded.
The ultrasound tech gave her a sympathetic look. “Sorry. Hints aren’t in my job description,” she said lightly. Her expression sobered. “I know the waiting sucks, hon. I’ll see if I can’t hurry the report along. Try your doctor later this afternoon.”
Susie sighed, knowing it was the best she could hope for. “Thanks.”
She met her mother in the reception area and gave her a wan smile. “All done.”
Jo studied her face. “Any idea what they found?”
“Not even a tiny hint,” Susie admitted glumly. “The tech said she’d try to get the report to Dr. Kinnear later today.”
“Then let’s go out for lunch,” Jo suggested. “Someplace we’ve never been before. Want to drive to Baltimore and try something at the Inner Harbor? That’s always fun.”
Susie shook her head. “Thanks for trying, Mom, but I’m not hungry.”
Jo’s gaze narrowed. “Something tells me you’ve been feeling like that ever since you first saw the doctor. You’re losing weight you can’t spare. If you don’t want anyone guessing that you might be ill, you need to eat. Now, Baltimore or someplace here?”
Susie heard the steely resolve behind her mother’s words. “Sally’s is fine.”
“You’re up for running into Mack?” her mother asked, looking surprised.
Oddly enough, she was. “He won’t bug me if I don’t eat every bite on my plate.”
Her mother smiled. “Fortunately, I’ll be right there to do that.”
“You’d stick around even if Mack is there?”
“Sweetie, I’m stuck to you today like a burr that’s embedded in your skin, unless I feel you’re in someone else’s capable hands.”
“Well, that just sucks,” Susie commented, then chuckled. “And now I sound like a petulant five-year-old.” She tucked her arm through her mother’s. “Come on. I promise to behave and to eat every spoonful of soup.”
“And a grilled cheese sandwich?” Jo coaxed.
Susie rolled her eyes. “Maybe.”
“How about a hot fudge sundae?”
“Now you’re just getting downright pushy.”
Her mother laughed. “That’s my prerogative, if not my duty.”
Susie stopped and faced her mother, noted the real worry in her eyes. “Thank you for coming with me today, and for bugging me to eat, and for being my mom.”
“Always, kiddo. That’s what I’m around for.”
Mack was just finishing up lunch with Will and Jake when Susie came into Sally’s with her mother. The sight wouldn’t have been so surprising were it not the middle of a school day. Something was up, if Jo had taken off. He had this gut-sick feeling it had something to do with whatever was going on with Susie these days. He’d pushed his own alarm down deep, but it resurfaced now, with all sorts of warning bells going off in his head.
“Does Susie look okay to you guys?” he asked Will and Jake. It was a ridiculous question since Jake, at least, was one of the least observant men he knew. Will, however, might have picked up on something.
Will glanced over his shoulder. “She’s a little pale, but it’s early December. Everybody’s looking a little pasty these days.”
“And Jess hasn’t said anything?” Mack pressed.
Will shook his head. “You know how things are between those two. Jess always felt as if Susie did everything better than she did. Family or not, they’re not exactly best buddies.”
Mack turned to Jake. “What about you? Any thoughts?”
Jake shrugged. “She looks about the same to me. And before you ask, Bree hasn’t mentioned Susie recently. Between the baby, the flower shop and her theater’s Christmas production, she barely has time to say hello before she falls into bed at night.”
Mack sighed. “A big help you are.” He studied Susie more intently. “Will’s right. She’s pale, and it looks to me as if she’s lost weight, too.”
“Have you asked her if everything’s okay?” Will wanted to know.
“Of course,” Mack said. “She swears she’s fine, but I’m not buying it. Now she’s in here with her mother in the middle of a school day. Why isn’t Jo at work?”
Mack’s concern finally registered with Jake. “You’re really worried about this, aren’t you?” Mack nodded.
“Well, we’re not the one with the answers,” Will said. “Go over there and join them. See what you can find out. Be sure to let us know if there is something going on. If Susie needs anything at all, let me know.”
“Sure,” Mack said distractedly, already out of the booth and heading in Susie’s direction. Jo met his gaze, and there was no mistaking the look in her eyes: She was worried sick. That alarmed Mack more than anything. Jo O’Brien was the most unflappable woman he’d ever met.
“Hey, ladies,” he said, sliding into the booth next to Susie. “You all take the day off to go shopping or something?”
“Just grabbing a bite of lunch,” Susie said with forced cheer. “Isn’t that right, Mom?”
“That’s right,” Jo said, then suddenly stood up. “Since Mack’s here to keep you company, though, I think I’ll take off.”
“Don’t let me chase you away,” Mack said, though he was actually relieved by her departure. He’d have better luck getting straight answers from Susie without her mother there as a buffer.
“Oh, you’re not chasing me away at all,” Jo insisted. “I should probably check back in at school. I left my classes with a substitute. By now they’ve probably terrorized her.”
Susie gave her mother a pleading look. “Mom?”
Jo kissed her cheek. “You’re in capable hands.”
Before she left, she leaned down and whispered in Mack’s ear, “Make sure she eats something.”
“Will do,” he promised.
After she’d gone, he studied Susie quizzically. “What’s up with your mom?”
“Nothing,” Susie said a little too quickly. “She’s just a bit distracted today.”
“By what?”
“There’s a lot going on.”
“Such as?” Mack pressed.
Susie gave him a warning glance. “Leave it alone, Mack. I need to grab a quick bite to eat and get back to work myself. In fact, maybe I’ll just get some soup t
o go.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
She scowled at the response, but since he had her exit from the booth blocked, she could do little beyond complain. “Who made you my guard dog?” she asked irritably.
“Your mother, and I take my promises to her seriously. Always have.”
“What about your loyalty to me?” she inquired, sounding even more disgruntled.
“Somehow I have a feeling that in this instance, it’s one and the same thing. Why’s your mom worried about you, Susie? Are you sick?”
“No,” she said. “Do I look sick?”
Now, there was a minefield if ever he’d seen one. There was the chivalrous answer and the truth. “You’re pale. You’ve lost weight, so yeah, you don’t look well. It’s not the first time I’ve mentioned that, either, so don’t be scowling at me as if I’ve just insulted you. I’m concerned.”
“Don’t be,” she said, then gave him a bright smile that was too obviously forced. “Now tell me how the plans are going for the newspaper. I want to hear all about it. You’ve been hiding out for days now, so you must have something concrete put together.”
Mack considered calling her on the deliberate change of topic, but settled instead for seeing that she ordered soup and a sandwich.
“I can’t possibly eat all that,” she protested. “Soup’s plenty.”
“Hey, I didn’t even mention the apple pie you’re going to eat for dessert,” he said.
“Forget it. No way.”
“We’ll see,” he said. “It’s the price for changing the subject.”
She gave him a weary smile. “A small price, then. Now talk to me.”
He filled her in on some of the information he’d been able to pull together from talking to the owners of half a dozen local weeklies in Maryland and nearby areas of Virginia.
“Business is tough,” he said. “Every one of them agreed about that.”
“And yet you still sound excited,” Susie said as she ate a spoonful of the steaming crab soup Sally had brought, along with a grilled cheese sandwich. “How are the numbers looking?”
“Scary, to be honest. I have no idea if I can come up with that kind of money. Just hiring a staff will be outrageously expensive, and then there’s the cost of engaging a printer. I don’t know, Susie, this could be more than I’m ready to tackle. Every last bit of common sense I have is screaming at me to forget about the idea.”
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