“Tell me about it,” Matthew said. “Of course, unlike you, I’ve let her know how I feel from the get-go.”
“Which is?”
“I think we’re a perfect match,” he declared, then shrugged. “She seems a little skeptical. She’s convinced she’s robbing the cradle or some stupid thing like that. And she’s worried sick about what people will think.”
“In her position, that’s a real consideration.”
Matthew scowled at him. “Not you, too? She works for a bank. She’s not a nun.”
“Banks are not frivolous businesses,” Mack reminded him. “Customers expect a certain amount of dull, steady stodginess from the people who handle their money.”
“That’s what she said,” Matthew admitted, his expression thoughtful. “I suppose I wasn’t listening because I found the whole argument too archaic to be believed.”
“Maybe this is one of those times when you need to trust Laila’s judgment.”
“And let her use that as an excuse to run me off?”
“No. Let it guide you on the approach you need to take with her. Make sure no one can misinterpret this as some kind of fling.” He gave his brother-in-law a hard look. “Unless that’s all it is.”
“It’s not for me,” Matthew insisted. “I think we have something really good going, or we would if she’d just give it a chance. She’s the one who seems into the whole fling concept. It’s a little insulting, as a matter of fact.”
“Then change that.”
“How?”
“Stop hiding it from everyone. Bring it out in the open.”
“Don’t you think I want to?” he asked with evident frustration. “She’s the one who’s insisted on keeping the whole thing a secret. That’s why we fought at Mick’s on Thanksgiving. I was sick of it.”
“Why’d you go along with it in the first place?”
“At first, I suppose it added a little edge to everything. You know, the whole thrill of trying not to be caught. Now, though, that’s getting really old. I want people to know we’re together.” His expression turned wistful. “I want to take her to dinner at Brady’s, to stop avoiding her at family dinners on Sunday so no one gets suspicious, to bring her over to have dinner with you and Susie.”
“And Laila knows that?”
Matthew nodded. “Apparently it scares her to death.”
Mack grinned. “I’d take that as a good sign, then.”
“How do you figure that?”
“Sounds to me like she’s afraid she’s falling for you, and once the cat’s out of the bag and no one has a heart attack when they find out, she’ll be out of excuses for keeping you at arm’s length.”
Matthew’s expression brightened. “You think so?”
“Based on my limitless experience with women, I’d say so. That’s the point at which I always ran the other way. Since Laila’s the woman you think you want, you might want to stick around. I’d say everything you want is within reach.”
“Susie gave you the same kind of runaround, didn’t she?”
“Oh, yeah,” Mack said. “Dragged it out for years, too. She taught me the value of patience and persistence.”
“Not my best traits,” Matthew said. “I’ve always been very big on instant gratification.”
Mack chuckled. “So was I, but I promise you’ll learn, my friend. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.”
It had certainly worked out that way for him. And no one, especially not Kristen Lewis or the meddling O’Briens, was going to get between him and Susie now.
16
Susie stood in front of the bathroom mirror, a fistful of her bright red hair in her hand, and started crying. She’d been told this was a possibility, but she’d been in treatment for a few weeks now and her hair had seemed fine. She had dared to hope it would continue that way.
She glanced back at her image and saw that Mack had walked up behind her. She met his gaze in the mirror and saw his dismay before he could mask it behind the facade he always wore when dealing with the unavoidable evidence that she was undergoing cancer treatments.
“You always said you hated your red hair,” he said in a halfhearted attempt at a joke as he stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“I didn’t mean I wanted it to fall out,” she said, choking back a sob.
“I know, sweetheart, but it’s going to grow back,” he soothed. “The doctor explained that to you. So did the women in that support group you joined, right?”
She nodded. “It was just such a shock. I thought it would happen right away, and when it didn’t, I guess I started taking it for granted that I’d be one of the lucky ones.”
He kissed the back of her neck. “I think the bald look might be kind of sexy. Or you could get a bunch of wigs in different colors and test-drive a whole new you every day. It would be like coming home to a different woman every night.”
She gave him a wry look. “Are you bored with the one you have already?”
“I could never be bored with you,” he assured her. “In fact, why don’t I play hooky from the paper so you and I can spend the day together? We’ll take a picnic and Matthew’s plans and spend some time at Beach Lane.”
Susie knew he was trying to cheer her up, and she appreciated the effort, she really did, but right this second she wanted to crawl back into bed and hide.
As if he’d read her mind, Mack said, “Hiding out here all day is not an option. If you don’t want to spend the day with me, call Shanna. Maybe she can get someone to cover for her at the bookstore and the two of you can go shopping. Or call your mom. Spend some time with her.”
“Shanna has a doctor’s appointment today,” she said dully. “They’re going to find out the sex of the baby.”
Mack turned her until she was facing him. “And that’s tearing you up inside, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “I want to be thrilled for her and Kevin. I am thrilled for them, but I want babies, too, Mack.”
“Do you want to meet with an adoption attorney? Because we can do that,” he offered. “Connor said he’d arrange it whenever we were ready.”
She searched his face. “Are you ready for that, Mack?”
“I have some doubts,” he admitted. “But I want this for you. You’re going to be an incredible mom. I figure you’ll more than make up for whatever my shortcomings are as a dad.”
For a moment she was tempted to make the appointment. Thinking ahead to having a child of their own would give her something positive to hold on to. In the end, though, she shook her head.
“It’s too soon,” she said. “What if the treatments don’t work?”
Mack didn’t pretend not to understand. “They’re going to work,” he said with confidence. “But if you think we should wait till we’re sure, that’s okay, too. You’re the boss here.”
She rested her hand against his cheek. “I love you, Mack. I’m not sure I could get through this without you.”
“Of course you could,” he said firmly. “You’re the strongest woman I know. Now, what’s it going to be today? What will it take to cheer you up?”
She thought of what had brought her down—the sight of that handful of hair in her hand. “Get some scissors and a razor,” she said determinedly. “I’m going to find a scarf.”
“And then?”
She smiled at him, albeit shakily. “You’re going to shave my head. Won’t that be fun?”
His eyes widened. “Are you sure?”
“It’s inevitable,” she said with a shrug. “Why not face it head-on and take charge? And then, if you’re not embarrassed to be seen with me, we can have that picnic over at Beach Lane. We might have to eat in the car to keep from freezing to death, but we can pretend it’s our first meal in our new home.”
“Hopefully our real new home will have heat,” Mack said.
She grinned. “Check the plans. Meantime, let’s play beauty parlor. Bet you thought the day would never come when I’d le
t you near my head with a sharp instrument.”
“You’re right about that.”
Suddenly she recalled an incident years before. She’d been over at Mick and Megan’s playing with Jess, who was a couple of years older, maybe six or seven. Already the rivalry between them had been fierce. Jess, a devilish glint in her eyes, had suggested they play beauty parlor. Susie, clueless, had eagerly gone along. A few minutes later clumps of her hair had been scattered across the front porch. Nell had found them and raised a holy ruckus, sending Jess to her room and Susie straight to a real beauty salon, where an attempt to style her hair had left her looking like a pixie or maybe a miniature punk rocker.
“Wait!” she said to Mack when he’d retrieved scissors and the razor.
“What? Have you thought better of this?”
“In a way,” she said. “You’ve been hinting around for a while that Jess and I need to make peace. I’m calling her to come over and do this.”
Mack looked uneasy. “You want Jess to shave your head?”
Susie nodded. “She came close to leaving me bald when I was four. Maybe this will remind her of that incident and we can put it behind us. It’ll be a first step.”
Mack looked doubtful. “Are you sure about this? What if she messes it up?”
“How’s she going to do that?” she asked reasonably. “Bald is bald.”
“Okay, if you say so. What about the picnic?”
“I’ll call you later. Will that work?”
“I’ll make it work,” he said. He winked at her. “I can’t wait to be dazzled by the new look.”
“Dazzled might be a little too much to hope for.”
He shook his head. “You always dazzle me,” he said solemnly.
Susie watched him go, then sighed. Mack’s ability to say something sweet like that just when she needed most to hear it was one of the reasons she loved him so much. Sometimes, though, especially these days, it was very hard to trust the words, or even the well-meaning actions.
As soon as she heard the apartment door close behind him, she called the inn and asked for her cousin.
“Hey, Jess,” she said. “I need a huge favor.”
“Sure,” Jess said, though there was the faint hint of a reservation in her voice. “What do you need?”
“Could you come over here? It might be easier for me to explain it in person.”
“Now?”
“If you’re not too busy.”
There was the slightest hesitation, but then, being a true O’Brien who showed up when a family member was in need, she said, “No, of course I’m not too busy. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
“Thanks.” Susie smiled as she hung up, envisioning her cousin’s reaction when she discovered they were about to reenact one of the moments from their past…and hopefully turn a negative childhood memory into a positive moment of genuine bonding between two adult women.
By the time Jess knocked on the door, Susie had set up a chair in the kitchen, put newspaper on the table and on the floor. She’d laid out the scissors and razor, along with some soft soap and a bowl of water. She had a towel ready to wrap around her shoulders.
She opened the door and greeted her cousin with a smile. “Thanks for coming.”
“Not a problem, but I’m not sure why you called me. Wasn’t Shanna available?”
Susie winced at the remark. It was proof of just how much distance there was between them, that Jess would assume Shanna would be her first choice for anything important. That it was true was even more telling.
“Actually, when this came up, you were the first person I thought of,” Susie said. “Well, besides Mack. He would have done it if I’d wanted him to.”
“Okay, you’ve got my attention,” Jess said.
“Come on in the kitchen,” Susie said, leading the way.
Jess caught a glimpse of the table and paused. “Susie, what’s going on?”
Susie met her cousin’s confused gaze, took a deep breath and blurted, “My hair’s falling out in clumps. I want to take charge and shave my head, and I want you to do it.”
Jess regarded her with dismay. “Why me?”
“Remember when you were six or seven and practically scalped me?” she asked her with a grin. “I figure you have just the experience I need.”
Jess looked mortified. “Oh, my God, I think I’d blocked that from my memory. Gram was furious.” She regarded Susie worriedly. “Are you still holding it against me? Is that what this is about?”
“Not half as much as all the things you’ve held against me through the years,” Susie said pointedly, then held up a hand. “I’m not blaming you. I know some of the things the family said and did had to hurt you. Even though it wasn’t my fault, I got why it made you resent me. But we’re all grown up now, Jess. Our husbands are best friends. I want us to get over the past and move on, maybe even be friends.”
“And we’re bonding over my shaving your head?” Jess asked skeptically.
“Something like that. How about it? Will you do it?”
Jess still looked hesitant. “You trust me to do this? Maybe you should go to a professional.”
“Like I told Mack earlier, bald is bald. You can’t mess this up, Jess. I’m looking at this as some kind of rite that’ll make us closer.”
“What if you hate the way you look?”
“Believe me, that won’t have anything to do with the haircut.” She sobered. “My hair’s falling out, Jess. I have to do this. I have to be in charge of something. Surely you know how that feels?”
Jess nodded slowly. “More than you can imagine.” She started to touch Susie’s cheek, then pulled back and said briskly, “Okay, let’s do this. Put on some music, something empowering, I think. I’ll pour us a couple of cups of tea. Wine might be more liberating, but it’s probably not wise under the circumstances.”
Susie laughed. “Now you’re getting into the spirit of it.”
When the music was blaring and they were sipping Gram’s favorite Irish breakfast tea, Jess made her first snip, and a fistful of red curls landed on the newspaper spread on the floor. Susie’s breath caught in her throat for just an instant.
“You okay?” Jess asked. “It’s not too late to stop. I can even up the other side and you’ll look fairly decent.”
“Nope. It all goes,” Susie said. “I’m going to picture Sinead O’Connor while you cut.”
“You’ll probably need to go out and get a tattoo for that image to really work for you.”
Susie thought about it. “Maybe I will.”
Jess seemed startled by her offhand response. “Seriously?”
“You never know. I wonder what Mack would think if he discovered a little butterfly somewhere interesting.”
“If you do it, I will,” Jess challenged. “Will could use shaking up.”
Susie laughed. “I imagine you keep Will pretty stirred up without coming home with a tattoo. He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him, you know. He looks a little dazed most of the time.”
Jess sighed. “Me, too. I don’t know why I fought it for so long.”
“Fear, I imagine. That’s what kept me from admitting how I really felt about Mack. I was so scared I’d never be able to hold on to him after all those other women that I didn’t even want to try. It was safer to accept just being his friend.”
“Fear,” Jess echoed. “That was exactly it. I was so afraid Will wouldn’t be able to cope with all my flaws, but the reality was that he knew every one of them and loved me anyway.” She lathered up Susie’s now-unevenly-shorn head, then asked, “Ready?”
Susie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Ready.”
Though Jess was gentle, every scrape of the razor across her scalp brought tears to Susie’s eyes. When Jess noticed she was crying, she uttered a gasp of dismay.
“Am I hurting you? I’m trying to be so careful.”
Susie reached up and caught Jess’s hand. “You’re not hurting me,” she promised,
then added with a rare burst of anger, “It’s the cancer that’s hurting me. I hate this, Jess. I hate what it’s done to my body, what the treatments are doing to me now. I can’t admit that to anyone else. Everyone’s trying so hard to be upbeat and brave. Mack’s been a rock through this. I can’t let them down by falling apart.”
Jess moved in front of her and hunkered down, her arms resting on Susie’s thighs. “Then you can fall apart with me,” she said simply. “Believe me, I get what it’s like to want to scream, to be scared of letting everyone down. I’ve done it so many times. So from here on out, if it gets to be too much, you call me. Understood?”
Rather than abating, Susie’s tears came in a torrent. Jess simply gathered her in her arms and rocked her until she was spent.
And for the first time in their tenuous relationship, Susie knew with absolute certainty that this wasn’t something Jess would ever hold over her head. They’d breached that horrible divide between them. Maybe there were some silver linings to what she was going through, after all.
Mack leaned back in his chair and looked at the mockup of the Bayside Chronicle with satisfaction. The masthead was traditional, but the font he and his graphics artist had chosen gave it a modern look. Though he’d wanted to use color, the budget simply wouldn’t allow it. Not now, at any rate. And he’d concluded that putting color in the first edition to make more of a splash would only raise people’s expectations that subsequent issues wouldn’t be able to deliver on. It was better to start as they intended to continue.
“It looks fantastic,” Kristen said, leaning over his shoulder to stare at the computer screen. “Mack, you must be so excited. Next week you’re actually going to launch a newspaper, one that’s all yours! That’s amazing.”
He glanced up, caught the scent of her seductive perfume, felt the draw that had once seemed so natural and familiar. He jerked back immediately.
“It’s pretty cool,” he said as he stood up and began to pace.
“Why don’t we go out and grab a bite to eat?” she suggested. “We can make it a celebratory lunch. My treat.”
He shook his head before she’d completed the thought. “Sorry. I already have lunch plans.”
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