Now Will put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and just stood there, solid in his understanding and support. Thankfully he didn’t utter a lot of platitudes that Mack wouldn’t have bought anyway.
Finally Mack drew in a deep breath, gave his friend a grateful look, then opened the door.
Susie was so pale, her color seemed no deeper than the white sheets on the hospital bed. An IV was pumping blood and who knew what else into her system. Her eyes were closed. She looked so lifeless, so unlike the animated woman with whom he’d fallen in love, Mack was once again taken aback. If it had been even remotely acceptable, he might have turned tail and run, but of course he couldn’t. Susie needed him now more than ever.
He pulled a chair up closer to the bed, sat down and took her ice-cold hand in his. Then he shut his eyes and prayed as he never had before in his life.
“Please, God, let her be okay. She doesn’t deserve this, and, to be honest, I have no idea what I’d do without her. The same goes for her family. We all need her, God. Please, please, make this turn out okay.”
“Mack?” Her voice was raspy with sleep, but it was enough to have his eyes snapping open.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said, leaning closer. “How’re you doing?”
“Not so good,” she confessed. “I feel weaker than a newborn kitten. What happened?”
“Dr. Kinnear and the oncologist said they explained to you about the low white blood count.”
She looked confused, but then her eyes cleared. “Oh, yeah, that’s right. When can I go home?”
“I’m not sure. They want to get your blood count up a bit.”
“But I’ll be out before the launch party, right? I can’t miss that.”
Mack had made a decision earlier, though he hadn’t mentioned it to anyone. “I’m postponing that.”
Alarm filled her eyes. “Mack, no. The paper has to come out.”
“The paper will come out, right on schedule, but we can have the party later. I’ll speak to Jess. I’m sure it won’t be a problem. And the family can make the calls to everyone. They’ll understand. I’m not doing this party without you, and it’ll be too much for you right now.”
To his surprise she didn’t argue, which told him just how beat she must be.
“If it’s what you want to do,” she said wearily. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare be sorry. You didn’t wind up in the hospital on purpose. This is just a little bump in the road. Nothing more.”
She searched his gaze as if she feared he wasn’t telling her everything. “Are you sure about that?”
“Swear to God,” he assured her. “The doctors aren’t worried. They said things like this happen, so we’re not worrying. Understand?”
She gave him a look filled with sorrow. “You certainly didn’t bargain for this when you asked me to marry you.”
“I bargained for having you in my life in sickness and in health,” he corrected. “We’re going to tough it out through this sickness, and then we’re going to have the rest of our lives to do all the things we ever dreamed of.”
She managed a faint smile. “There you go, cheerleading again.”
“That’s my job. You fight this disease. I hold pep rallies.”
“Mack,” she whispered, her gaze locking on his.
“What?”
“I want to build our house now.”
It was the last thing he’d expected her to say. “But—”
“No buts,” she said adamantly. “I know all about the cost, but we can work that out. My dad and Uncle Mick will work with us.”
“Come on, Susie,” he pleaded. “I don’t want to be indebted to your family.”
She continued to hold his gaze. “I swore to myself I wasn’t going to persuade you like this, but I have to do it.”
“Do what?”
“Use whatever means necessary.” She held his gaze. “You love me, don’t you?”
He saw where this was heading. He also knew there was no way he could refuse her anything she wanted. And he knew she knew that, as well. If she was playing her trump card, it had to matter to her.
“Of course I love you,” he said.
“Then do this for me. If…” She sucked in a breath, then spoke determinedly. “If I don’t beat this cancer, I want to have spent at least a few nights in our dream house with you. I want you to have memories of us living there together, no matter how briefly. I understand all the reasons why you don’t want to ask my family for help, but please, just this once, Mack, put your pride aside and do this for me.”
He saw how much this meant to her. He even understood her desperation. He studied her hopeful expression and knew he couldn’t deny her this one wish, even if asking for financial help went against every principle he had.
“It’s that important to you?” he asked.
She nodded.
“Okay, then, I’ll do it on one condition.”
Her eyes lit up. “Anything. What is it?”
“No more talk about dying, Susie. It tears me up inside.”
Her expression sobered. “We might have to face it, Mack. We need to be prepared.”
“Not now,” he insisted.
“Please be realistic.”
“If the time comes, I will be. I promise you I will listen if you need to talk. I won’t deny the reality, but we’re not there yet,” he said fiercely. “Not yet!”
He felt tears dampening his cheeks, but he made no attempt to brush them away. It was Susie who reached up and touched his face tenderly.
“No matter what happens, Mack, please know this. You’ve given me a lifetime. You’ve made me happier than I ever imagined I could be. Whether I live a few more months or we’re together for many, many years, I’ll have been blessed.”
Mack tried to keep it together. He really did, but he knew if he didn’t get out of that room right now, he was going to lose it, and he didn’t want to upset Susie.
“I’ll be back,” he said, standing up suddenly. “I’m going to get your parents. I know they want to say good-night.”
He found Jo and Jeff nearby. He was so choked up, he could only gesture for them to go in. Jo regarded him with concern, but when he waved her off, she went into her daughter’s room with Jeff.
Mack headed for the chapel, hoping he could find the peace and composure there that had eluded him in Susie’s room. To his surprise, he found Nell already there. She smiled a welcome, then patted the pew beside her. When he was seated, she silently took his hand in hers, allowing him to draw on her strength, and together they prayed.
Susie’s fighting spirit came back as her blood count and energy rose. She wanted to go home, and had been telling everyone who’d listen that she’d do it against medical advice if the doctors didn’t get a move on and release her.
“You’ll leave here early over my dead body,” Mack said grimly when she made the announcement to him when he finally managed to drop by late one evening.
He tossed something to her—a rolled-up newspaper, from the look of it. Suddenly all thoughts of fleeing the hospital vanished. Sitting in the chair beside the bed, she reached up and flipped on the nearby light.
“This is it?” she asked excitedly. “The first edition of the Bayside Chronicle?”
“That’s it. Hot off the press. It’ll be on newsstands and in mailboxes around town first thing in the morning. I came straight here after we finished the press run.”
She tore off the plastic wrap and spread it open on her lap. “Oh, Mack, it looks amazing,” she said. “Honestly. I think it has the very best front page I’ve ever seen. It looks so inviting and readable. The pictures are great. Who took them?”
“A couple of the freelance people,” he said, then added more hesitantly, “And Kristen.”
Susie stilled. “She does a little bit of everything, doesn’t she?”
“She was just pitching in,” he said, a defensive note in his voice. “We’re all doing things that eventually will be assig
ned to other people.”
“I know. I didn’t mean to make an issue of it,” she said. She patted the chair beside her. “Sit here while I read every word,” she told him excitedly.
“You don’t have to read it now.”
“But I want to. This is amazing, Mack. To think that you started this from scratch.”
“Let’s hope everyone in town will be as thrilled as you are.”
“You sound doubtful. Why is that?”
“The editorial,” he admitted, his expression chagrined. “I took the mayor to task over not keeping up with the parks. Some of them are looking pretty ragged, and spring’s just around the corner. Kids should be able to play in them on nice days, and couples should be able to go for a stroll. Right now I wouldn’t want to see a stray animal out in those weeds.”
“Hey, it’s your job to call the mayor on stuff like that.”
“No one ever has before. He might be a little sensitive to finding the criticism in the paper’s first edition, especially when he can probably argue that budget cuts have forced his hand.”
She waved off his concern. “Uncle Mick rakes him over the coals on a regular basis. Believe me, if Mick hasn’t been all over this already, he will be now. He’ll back you a hundred percent.”
“That reminds me,” Mack said. “I spoke to Mick and your father about the house. As soon as you’re feeling up to it, we’re all going to get together and finalize the plans.”
Susie regarded him with astonishment. “Really? You’re going to let them get started?”
He nodded. “We’ve worked out a payment plan I can live with. It’s almost spring, the perfect time for breaking ground. At least, that’s what the two of them tell me. They say we’ll be in the house by the end of summer, maybe sooner if Mick doubles up on the crews.”
Susie’s excitement dimmed a bit. There it was, the hint that her time might be fleeting, the sense of urgency to get this done. None of them would say the words, but they all knew what could happen.
“That’s great,” she said, but without much enthusiasm.
Of course Mack noticed. “Don’t look like that,” he said gently. “Nobody thinks you’re dying.”
“They’d be crazy if they didn’t,” she said candidly.
Mack stood up and began to pace, just as he always did when he was agitated. His eyes flashed angrily. When he faced her, he was clearly furious. “Susie O’Brien Franklin, I don’t ever want to hear you say something like that again.” He frowned down at her. “Do you understand me?”
She recognized that there was unspoken fear behind the anger. “I’m not giving up,” she assured him. “I won’t, Mack.”
He released a sigh and sat back down. “Sorry I yelled at you.”
She nodded. “I know. Let’s make a pact here and now. We both have permission to yell when one of us sounds like we’re giving up, okay?”
“Works for me,” he said. “Now, you need to get some sleep, and I need to make sure these papers get distributed.”
“Are you planning to hand out each one personally?” she inquired, trying to hide a grin.
Mack looked sheepish. “I probably won’t go that far.”
“Good, because if you start doing that, I’ll never see you, and just so you know, that’s not acceptable.”
He leaned down and lingered over a kiss. “It’s definitely not acceptable,” he agreed. “See you in the morning.”
“Only after you’ve been to Sally’s to bask in all the accolades,” she said. “I want to hear every single word.”
Mack nodded. “I’ll bring croissants, coffee and gossip. How’s that?”
“Perfect.”
“Sleep well,” he said. “I can’t wait to get you back home and into our bed.”
“Believe me, I can’t wait to be there. Not only is this bed uncomfortable, it doesn’t have you.”
Mack hesitated, then gestured toward the bed. “Climb in,” he said.
“What?”
“Climb in,” he repeated.
When she’d done that, he managed to slide in next to her and draw her close. “I’ll be here till you fall asleep,” he promised.
With his arms around her, she fell into the first untroubled sleep she’d had in days.
“I’m so damned angry all the time,” Mack said at lunch the next day. Despite the newspaper selling out its first edition, despite all the phone calls and messages of congratulation he’d received, he hadn’t been able to bask in any of it.
Will regarded him sympathetically. “Are you mad at Susie?”
“Of course not. She didn’t ask for this disease.”
“As long as you’ve got that straight, then I’d say what you’re feeling is perfectly natural,” Will told him.
“But come on, it can’t be good walking around like a time bomb that’s likely to explode at any second. I’m afraid if somebody says the wrong thing or does something to set me off, I’ll go for the jugular.”
“You want something to calm you down? I’m sure a doctor would prescribe something.”
For an instant Mack considered asking for some sort of antidepressant, then shook his head. “No, there has to be a better way to deal with what I’m feeling. The worst part is knowing that Susie’s handling so much more, and she’s got it together.”
“Really?” Will asked skeptically. “Or is she just hiding it from you?”
Mack thought about the question. “She may be hiding it from me,” he conceded. “I’ve seen Jo leave her room in tears a couple of times, so maybe she’s letting her feelings out with her mother. The same with Shanna. She’s been a rock for Susie. And Jess is stepping up, too. She’s been by the hospital every day, always with some silly gift that makes Susie laugh. I know you’re partially behind that. I appreciate it.”
“I’m not sure I did that much. I think Susie’s illness gave Jess a new perspective on their relationship. I think she finally saw that even the so-called golden people have their crosses to bear. No one’s immune.”
“Still, it’s been good for Susie to know there are people she can count on.”
“And people she can talk to,” Will added.
“She ought to be able to talk to me,” Mack said in frustration. “I feel like I’m letting her down. I want her to be able to share her feelings with me. I need to know when she’s scared, or when she’s not feeling strong enough to fight. How else am I supposed to help her? But I have to admit when she looks at me with unmistakable fear in her eyes, it tears me apart. I’m not sure how much help I am then.”
“You can’t help her all the time. Be grateful she has family and friends around to back you up. Nobody goes through something like this exactly the same way. They find comfort and strength where they need it.”
“I just feel so blasted helpless,” Mack complained.
“The truth is, you are,” Will reminded him. “The doctors and God are in charge here.”
“I don’t like being the outsider,” Mack grumbled.
Will allowed himself a smile. “You’re hardly that. You’re the one holding her at night, the one she looks to when her heart needs a lift. She counts on you in ways you probably don’t even realize.” He gave Mack a knowing look. “Or is that the real problem? That you know she’s counting on you for all those unspoken needs of hers, and you’re afraid of missing something important and letting her down?”
Mack regarded his friend with astonishment. “You’re good,” he said approvingly.
“That’s why my sessions are so expensive. Lucky for you, you get off with buying me lunch.”
“I’ll throw in dessert,” Mack offered. “You’re worth at least that much.”
Will chuckled. “Not necessary. Gail keeps leaving these decadent desserts in the fridge at the inn. Who knew I could get addicted to pretty much having a personal chef around? I swear I’ve gained ten pounds since Jess and I got married. I never knew what a chocoholic I am.”
“Then you’re the only one who didn�
�t know it,” Mack taunted. “I can recall a lot of Halloween candy bars going missing from my sack and Jake’s when we were kids.”
Will tried to look offended, but in the end, he laughed. “Caught me. I’m surprised the two of you didn’t beat me up.”
“You were the tall, skinny one. We figured you needed ’em.”
Will’s expression sobered. “Mack, one last word about your situation with Susie. I think you’re handling it all just fine. It can’t be easy, but you’ve stepped up. From the minute you found out what was going on, you’ve put Susie first. I admire you for that. Just keep on doing what you’ve been doing. You’ll get through this okay.”
“I wish I had as much faith in me as you seem to have.”
“I’ve had years to figure out the kind of man you are,” Will said. “There’s not a doubt in my mind that you’ll do whatever needs to be done.”
Mack sighed. “I’m certainly going to give it my best shot.”
Laila took one look at Susie’s haggard face and felt her heart twist in her chest. She’d been meaning to stop by for days, had intended to get to the hospital, but the whole situation with Matthew had made her skittish around all of the O’Briens. Once Susie had gone home, though, she’d known she couldn’t put it off any longer.
“You look amazing,” Susie said when she let Laila in. “I want some of whatever you’re eating and drinking these days.” She gave her a considering look. “Or does that glow come from something else?” Her eyes lit up. “Are you in love, Laila Riley?”
Laila flinched guiltily and felt the color rise in her cheeks.
Before she could reply, Susie’s eyes grew even wider. “You are, aren’t you? Sit down right this second and tell me everything. I’ll make some tea.”
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Laila asked. “Or at least resting?”
“I’ve spent too much time in bed lately. What I need is the latest dish on your life. Talk to me.”
As Susie busied herself with the tea, Laila considered how much to reveal. She didn’t think this was the time for the truth, though Susie more than anyone else might have exactly the perspective she needed.
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