by Dyanne Davis
“We were never really in love. Even if we had been, it’s over. Keefe is with Ashleigh and I’m with you. Let it go,” Damien urged, pulling Mia close.
She moved her body a little ways from Damien, shrugging her shoulder. “I suppose if I were Ashleigh, things would be different right now. She probably wouldn’t hold out on you.”
Damien was glaring, “Damn it, Mia. Is this some kind of test? I’m in love with you. You, Mia, not Ashleigh. What is it that you want? I can honestly say for the first time in my life, I’m truly in love. You’re all I think about, all that I want… Well, maybe not all that I think about.” He smiled then, his voice becoming more gentle.
“I’m not going to tell you that I don’t want to make love to you. I’ve wanted to make love to you from the moment I saw you standing there in that wedding gown. That hasn’t changed. Hell no, if anything it’s intensified.”
Damien exhaled noisily. This was not altogether an unfamiliar role, comforting someone he loved. He’d always done it with his mother but never with a woman he’d wanted to bed. But Mia was not a woman he just wanted to bed. He wanted her in his life forever. That was the one crucial point that made all the difference.
“Mia, I was true to you even when I didn’t have to be. The entire time you wouldn’t see me because you were waiting for your boyfriend to come home, because your brother disapproved, I was true.”
“So was I.”
“But you didn’t have outside forces working against you. I did. Even when Keefe got me the worst job that he could, I hung in there. What did I do? I’d shovel manure all day at the zoo, come here and you’d get me horny as hell, then push me away. You were still the only woman that I wanted.”
“That’s the reason you believe you love me?”
“It’s love, Mia. I’ve never denied myself anything, especially loving. And like I told you before, I hadn’t touched Ashleigh in months even before I broke up with her.”
“You didn’t break up with her, Damien, she dumped you. And you were definitely not faithful to her. You used her charge card to take another woman to a hotel, remember?”
His grin was wide. “True, but I’m trying to tell you that although I’ve been a dog most of my life and proud of it, I’ve changed. Loving you has made me see the light.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Seriously, Mia, you’re going to have to trust me. I’m too old to continue playing games. You’re going to have to stop testing me.”
“I wasn’t testing you.” She saw the disbelief on Damien’s face and smiled. “Maybe just a little. I was just wondering if you had the chance, if you would go back to Ashleigh. I mean, after all, you didn’t leave Ashleigh because it was your choice.”
“You don’t have to keep saying that.”
“But it’s true.” She felt herself getting hot in the face. “I’m not doing the things for you that she did so…”
“Sex isn’t everything.” He saw her look and grinned again. “I repeat, sex isn’t everything. You want to know what you do for me, Mia? You make me feel proud of myself. I never would have believed I could be in a relationship where I wasn’t getting laid. Hell, I bragged about that.
“And me working at a zoo? That is just so unbelievable. I walk through the gates everyday amazed that I work there. I love it. It doesn’t matter what my job is.”
“When I asked Keefe to help get you a job, I didn’t know he would get you one at the zoo. I’m sorry that he got you the worst job he could find.”
“Don’t be. Sure, I know your brother got me this job to make me look bad in front of you. And at first I took it just to prove him wrong. I wasn’t going to allow him to win. Now it seems this was just what I needed.”
“To shovel—”
“Not that, being out in nature, working with the animals. There’s something so spiritually rewarding about that.” He shook his head. “I have a knack for it. The animals are comfortable around me. Your brother did me a big favor, trust me. I wouldn’t mind working with the animals on a full-time basis.”
“Should I tell him that?” Mia grinned.
“No, he’d probably talk them into giving me an inside job, something where I would have to wear a suit and tie, be more like him. No, baby, don’t tell him.” He pulled Mia closer, his lips finding hers, kissing her into submission. “No more talking about Keefe.”
Her kisses matched his for hunger. When he touched her face she’d melted, and he’d known from the way she closed her eyes and the easy way her body swayed into him. She wanted him. This he knew with a certainty. Damien thought he would come right there in his pants.
This was getting to be a hell of a lot harder than he’d thought. He’d started out teasing Mia, knowing that she wouldn’t give in, but her moan of pleasure had sent him over the edge, wanting to take the kidding to a new level, wanting to make it real. She wanted it too. He’d made love with enough women to know that Mia was craving his touch. She might be a virgin but it didn’t matter. She wanted him and he knew it. The thought of making love to her on their wedding night was all that was getting him though this.
He groaned as his flesh jerked against the coarse fabric of his jeans. He backed off just a little. He had to wait, and then he would keep his promise to her. He would make her beg for more.
“Damien.”
“Yes, baby.”
“Your lips are so soft.”
“What?”
“I like the feel of your lips.” Mia was trying as hard as she could to bring some control back to both of them. Her statement startled Damien and made him smile, giving her a chance to catch her breath.
While Damien was kissing her Mia had wanted to cry out from the joy she felt in her heart. She wanted to give in to all the feelings, but thoughts of her mother’s many men kept her from it.
Still, it was hard. She’d never felt this way about anyone except Damien. As much as she hated hearing him tease her about what a great lover he was, she’d known it anyway. She wished that she could be his first. But then again, at least one of them needed to know what to do. If she didn’t know how very much he loved her she would worry. But he was teasing and she knew it.
“One month, Mia, and not one day longer,” Damien insisted.
“I have to find a hall. I have to call my mother. I have to send out invitations. I need more time. One month isn’t enough, no way.” Mia stared at Damien in amusement, thinking there was no possible way she could do as he was asking.
“We could just elope. We could get married tonight.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Why? A marriage only needs two people. We’re both here.”
“Damien, I want a wedding.”
“Okay, then take your month.” Damien groaned loudly, rolling his eyes.
“It’s impossible to have a wedding in a month.”
“I suggest that you make it be enough because I’m not waiting longer than that.” He got the calendar and pointed at a date. There, one month. Start making your calls. I don’t need a wedding. All I need is you, a justice of the peace and a nearby bed.”
“If you don’t stop that I’m going to believe that you’re marrying me for one reason only. Help me, Damien.” Mia was trembling and turned watery eyes on him. “Please help me keep my vow. I don’t have the will to resist you anymore. I’m tired of fighting. All I want is to lie next to you in bed. I want to have your hands all over my body.”
“Then why don’t you give in to those thoughts?” he grinned. “I wouldn’t mind and I wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Will you help me?” Mia insisted. “Will you turn the power down at least halfway?”
“My pops was right,” Damien moaned as he leaned back against the sofa and pulled her head onto his chest, “I am whipped. Yes, Mia, I’ll help you keep your vow. I won’t pressure you until after the wedding. I promise, but after that, baby girl, look out. And I’d advise you not to choose a place for our honeymoon that you really want to visit. I
don’t plan on letting you out of bed long enough for sightseeing.”
Mia was right. He had to stop. He would have never gone so far if his father’s words hadn’t been nagging at him. He was close to his father, almost as close as Mia was to her brother, and the thought of his father thinking he was a punk didn’t sit well with Damien. Add to that the knowledge that Mia and his father didn’t like each other. It had sparked something in him which had gone a little out of control, making him touch her in forbidden places.
“I love you,” Mia’s voice whispered soft and sweet, bringing Damien back to what was important. For a moment he’d forgotten how much Mia meant to him.
“I love you too, baby.” He hugged Mia to him. Just like that the worries about what his father thought ceased for the moment. He wanted Mia and he would do whatever it took to be with her. Even if that meant that to his father he was being punked. Damien knew that he wasn’t.
Chapter Three
Ten seconds after Damien left Mia’s apartment she was on the phone calling her mother. She had no idea what time it was in Phoenix. She didn’t care. This was one of the few times in her life that she had a number where she could actually reach her mother. As she dialed the number, Mia couldn’t help recalling the pain her mother’s nomadic life had caused both her and Keefe. But she refused to dwell on that. She was getting married to Damien and she wanted her mother to know.
“Who is this?” her mother’s sleepy, angry voice barked.
“It’s me, Mom, Mia.”
“Mia, why on earth are you calling me at this time of morning?”
Mia swallowed her hurt. Sure it was early, but shouldn’t her mother’s first comment have been to ask if there were any problems, not to indicate that she was being inconvenienced? She ignored her pain at her mother’s coldness and answered.
“Damien and I made up.”Mia was bubbling over with joy, so much so that she almost missed the silence on the other line. “Did you go to sleep on me, Mom?”
“No.”
“Is there something wrong?”
“I was sleeping.”
“I know. I guess I should have waited,” Mia said, hoping her mother would say that it wasn’t necessary, that she was just grumpy in the morning when she was first awakened, that she was happy Mia had called. Mia waited for a full minute but her mother didn’t say another word.
“Damien asked me to marry him. I wanted to tell you.”
Silence.
“I’m really sorry I woke you up. You’re right, this could have waited.”
“Thank you.”
Mia was feeling like a fool. She wanted to cry like a little girl. Keefe had warned her over and over, but she’d dared to hope that things had changed. A month ago when she’d broken up with Damien, her mother had been there for her. She’d held Mia and allowed her to cry. She’d been wise, all knowing, and had given both Keefe and her good advice. For the first time in their lives, she’d been a mother, something she’d never been before.
Mia tamped down her feelings. She shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up that things would remain that way. Her brother had warned her to be grateful that someone had put their mother in a giving mood. She blew out a breath; she would deal with this later.
“Do you want me to call you later with the details? I mean, do you want to come?”
“Of course I’ll come, Mia. Your brother would never stop yakking about it if I didn’t. Besides, with the size of that last check he wrote me, he probably thinks I owe it to you.”
There was so much vehemence in her mother’s voice, something that wasn’t normally there. Usually she had more of a pleading, whinny quality. That’s when she wants money. The thought came to her in a flash and she attempted to push it away. But it was too late. Another came on its heel. She doesn’t need you at the moment. She doesn’t need you to beg Keefe to give her money. He already had and he’d done it as he’d done most things in his life. To make Mia happy.
“Is there something wrong? You sound angry.”
“I was sleeping.”
Push it way, Mia, don’t think about it. It doesn’t matter, don’t let her know she’s hurting you. “I’ll let you get back to sleep,” Mia managed to say. “I’ll call you later.”
“Why? You woke me up. Give me the details now, then you won’t be tempted to wake me again.”
“I’m sorry,” Mia repeated, biting her lips to keep away the tears.
“You’ve said that already. Just give me the details and don’t get so dramatic. I don’t have time for this.”
That was just it. Mia didn’t really have any details. She was just happy and for some foolish reason she’d thought her mother, who hadn’t given a damn about them their entire lives, would this one time be happy for her.
A picture of the foster home she’d been forced into after her mother abandoned them came to her mind but as usual she pushed it away. She wasn’t going to revisit that. She was beyond that. She was a counselor; she would counsel herself through it. She had a master’s in psychology and in another year she would have her doctorate. She could deal with this. She could and she would.
“We’re getting married in a month. Keefe is—
“A month! Are you pregnant?” Her mother interrupted.
“No, I’m not pregnant.”
“I can’t believe you would be stupid enough to get yourself pregnant before you got a ring on your finger. He could change his mind, you know.”
“Mom, you’re not listening to me. I’m not pregnant.”
“I don’t believe you. Why the hell would you plan a wedding in a month? That’s the only thing that makes sense. You’re lying, Mia.”
“I’m not pregnant. I’m still a virgin,” Mia blurted, not meaning to, yet not wanting her mother to think she was either stupid or, God forbid, a slut.
“Damien is just anxious to get married. He said he won’t wait longer than a month.”
Loud laughter greeted Mia’s explanation and for the first time in her life she felt a spark of hatred for her mother and vowed to harden her heart as Keefe had always done. She didn’t care how many books said not to allow hate to consume her. Right this moment, hate was the only thing she could feel, because she could tell from the harsh sound of her mother’s laughter that she wouldn’t like the words that would come when the sound stopped. Later, Mia, she scolded herself. Deal with this afterward.
“All of those months you were sneaking around with him, lying to your brother, and you’re a virgin?” She laughed again. “And the infamous Damien, the dog, wants you? My God, Mia, he’s going to be so disappointed. You have no idea what to do. Your brother told me about all the women Damien’s been with. Do you really think you can make a man like that happy? You want some advice, Mia? Find a man and get some experience before you marry Damien or he’s going to kick you out on your ass so fast it won’t be funny. A virgin.” She laughed again. “In this day and age.”
Mia’s face was burning. She knew she should just hang up. She didn’t have to listen to this. It didn’t matter that it was coming from her mother. She was an adult. She didn’t have to take this. But she found herself unable to let go of the phone.
“Okay, Mia, I suppose your pompous ass brother is still going to give you away?”
That did it. No way was Mia going to remain mute and allow her mother to attack the only true parent she’d ever had. “What’s wrong with you, Mom? Why are you acting so nasty? Why are you back to attacking Keefe?” Why the change? A little over a month ago you were kissing Keefe’s behind. That’s what Mia wanted to say but didn’t. She counted to ten. Push it away. Don’t let her get to you.
“I was only making a true statement.” Her mother laughed.
“Keefe is not pompous. And of course he’s giving me away.”
“Keefe’s your brother, not your father. Even if he thinks he is. He isn’t. I ought to know. Why don’t you ask someone else?”
“Why don’t you tell me who my father is? Maybe I’ll ask
him.”
“How the hell would I know? Pick one, I gave you enough choices.”
“Keefe’s giving me away. He may be my brother but he also played the role of father for me,” Mia paused, “and he was also my mother.”
“Do you think that’s going to hurt me? You’re both adults. Do you think I’m going to beat myself up over every little thing I did wrong in my life? No, Mia, I’ll tell you, I’m not.”
“Little thing? You abandoned us. We went to foster care.”
“And you got out. It’s over, let it go. God, you’re the one who’s going to be a psychologist. Didn’t any of your teachers ever teach you that?”
Mia couldn’t believe the conversation she was having with her mother. She shook her head. It felt as if she’d just dropped down in the middle of some horror flick. Her mother had never talked to her in that manner before. Because I gave her money.
Keefe was right. He’d always been right. Their mother was a narcissistic, self-centered woman who didn’t care. In a rare moment she’d reached out a helping hand and Mia had allowed that to make her think there might yet be hope. Probably the best thing her mother had ever done for them was to ditch them.
“Listen,” Mia said, intending to end the conversation. “I’ll let you know when everything’s settled.” She wondered if she really would bother calling her mother again.
“When are you going to stop taking advantage of your brother?”
Wham! That came out of nowhere. The moment when Mia had been able to disconnect the phone vanished. “What are you talking about?”
“You. It’s time you let him go. Start now. You’re making a new life for yourself. Start with that. Pick someone else to walk you down the aisle.”
“Why? Keefe wants to…”
“How do you know that? Have you ever given him a choice? I’ll bet if you did he’d take it.”
She knew she should hang up the phone and not allow her mother to get to her, but she had to ask. “What makes you think Keefe doesn’t want to walk me down the aisle?”
“Mia, you’re either stupid or truly naive. Your brother is in love with Ashleigh. Get the picture?”